I was on a Zelgadis/Hikaru Midorikawa (Zel's voice actor in japanese, in case you didn't know) high when I wrote this fanfic. I have no idea where it came from, but it seemed funny at the time! I hope someone out there thinks it's funny, and would like to apologize in advancefor its weirdness.
All the Slayers characters belong to the nice people at Software Sculptors, and I really don't know who else. The only character I made up is Odella, and I can't say I'm proud that I did.
Now, on with the story!
Zelgadis had just visited the magic library of the town he was in. As he had expected, there was no book that contained a cure. Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were busy eating a complimentary breakfast at the inn. As Zel walked, he heard faint crying. He paid it no mind, thinking it was not his concern. He was more worried about what he would find when he got back to the inn. The sobbing grew louder, and he could see where it was coming from. A woman, who looked to be in her mid-thirties, was sitting on her front step, head in her hands. When she heard his footsteps, she lifted her head. Her eyes immediately lit up and she ran over to Zel.
Oh please! My third husband just ran off and I'm all alone. Will you marry me? she pleaded.
Zel was utterly mystified.
Please, I'm desperate!
I can tell. Sorry, I think you'll have to find someone else. He tried to walk past the woman, but she wouldn't let him.
I don't ask for much! You just have to go through the ceremony, then act like a husband. You know, hold my hand when we walk together, talk to me, do the handy jobs around the house...
Marriage is a huge commitment! Again, Zel tried to seperate himself from the woman. And again, she held him. And besides, I don't even know you!
Well, my name is Odella. I enjoy ice cream, candle lit dinners, and long walks on the beach. She batted her eyes at Zel. He tried his best not to blow chunks. Oh, come on! The only reason you could have for not marrying me would be if you were already married. And I don't see a wife!
Zel hesitated. He knew he would never get through to this woman with rational thinking. And he didn't see many other options, except... Oh well, the sooner he got this over with the better.
Well, um... you see... I am married.
You are? Then where's your wife?
Uh... at the inn.
The inn?! What kind of man leaves his wife at an inn?!
Well, she's visiting with some friends. I was just running a quick errand. Odella looked at him suspiciously.
You know what?... I don't believe you!
What? Why don't you believe me?
Because I think you're just trying to get out of marrying me. Well it's not gonna work, Mister... Mister... you never told me your name.
Well then, *Zelgadis*, we are going to the inn right now, and we are going to meet your wife! Odella took a tight hold of Zel's arm and dragged him the rest of the way to the inn.
So, where is she? Odella asked impatiently.
Uh... wait right here. I'll go get her. Zelgadis cursed under his breath as he walked into the inn. As soon as he was inside, Odella ran to a window and peered in. She couldn't hear what anyone was saying, but she saw Zel walk over to a table full of empty dishes. Sitting at the table were two girls and a man. This man was blonde, handsome, and muscular. And he was probably smart. Odella liked him even more than Zelgadis, but she already had her mind set on the latter. But if he really is married... She plotted in her head.
Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were just finishing the last plate of meatballs when Zelgadis walked up. He looked at each of them, trying to decide where to start.
Um... I don't know how to say this, but... I have a bit of a problem.
What kind of problem, Zelgadis-san? Amelia asked worriedly.
Well, you see... there's this woman outside... He looked over to the window and was disturbed by the way Odella was looking at both him and Gourry. She... asked me to marry her, and I kind of told her I was already married, so now she wants to meet my wife... He glanced from Lina to Amelia, then to the floor. So if one of you could just pretend to be my wife until she goes away... He dared not look at them again.
You? Marry her?! Lina looked at the face in the window. And why is she looking at Gourry like that?
She's really desperate. Maybe she's thinking that if I don't work out, Gourry will...
It's just pretend, right? Amelia asked, her eyes sparkling. Lina was busy looking at Gourry, so Zelgadis decided that Amelia seemed like his best bet. Amelia?! Zel know he would regret this.
Amelia, I hope you're a good actress.
Odella watched Zelgadis and the others get up from the table and walk to the door. One of the girls linked arms with Zel. She looked very young. Like ten-years-old-young.
Well, this is my wife. Zel said quietly.
Nice to meet you, Miss. Amelia tried her best to be polite.
Aren't you a bit young for him? Odella asked skeptically.
No, we're only four years apart. I just look young for my age. Amelia explained quickly. Zel did the math in his head and realized that she was right. He was impressed (and to be honest frightened) that she had known that off the top of her head.
Oh, and these must be your friends. Odella changed the subject to Lina and Gourry. I don't believe we've been introduced. She looked at Zel expectantly.
This is Odella. He grumbled.
I'm Zelgadis' wife, Amelia. The women shook hands.
I'm Lina,and this is my husband, Gourry. Odella glared at Lina for a moment, then regained the smile on her face.
Zel broke the silence. Now that you believe me that I'm married, we'll be on our way.
No need to hurry! I think we should sit down and have a nice little chat!
Yeah, we can order some drinks and talk. About, like, your wedding. Without giving them time to refuse, Odella shoved them back into the inn.
Once inside, Zel ordered coffee while the rest ordered tea. Except Amelia, who didn't think she would be able to keep anything in her butterfly-full stomach. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Odella started her inquisition.
So, how long have you two been married? she asked of Zel. He pretended to be counting in his head.
Almost three years. Our anniversary will be in May. Amelia reached over and took Zel's hand in a way that only married couples do. They both blushed.
What was the wedding like? Where was the ceremony held? Odella fired off every question imaginable. The scary thing was, Amelia had an answer for each one. She told stories and recalled fond memories that had never really happened. Every once in a while she would throw a Remember that, Hon? into the story and squeeze Zel's hand or inch closer to him. He was in his own inattentive world, but was turning a deep crimson. None of the others seemed to notice either of these things; they were all so entranced by Amelia's vivid storytelling. They didn't know, but all the details were actually descriptions of the countless dreams she'd had about marrying Zel. She had planned out everything, down to the corsage on Zel's tux.
...So that's about it. You know, the guests went home, there was a huge mess... but it was all worth it. Don't you think so, Sweetie?
Zel came back to reality, but his face showed that he was dazed by the fact that woah Buddy! Amelia was in his lap, holding both his hands.
Well that sounds wonderful. You look like a perfect couple. Sorry to ruin this little get-together, but I really must be going. It was fun talking with you all! Without waiting for a reply, Odella turned and left.
What a strange woman! This seemed like an intelligent statement, coming from Gourry.
Speaking of strange women... Zel freed his hands from Amelia's grasp. She quickly got up, her face an interesting shade of red. But I must admit, you played a very convincing role. How did you come up with all that crap?
Oh, you know... I'm a princess! I'm always dreaming of marrying a prince or whatever. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic. Amelia looked away from Zel's eyes and silently cursed herself for saying that. And for sitting in Zel's lap.
The group got their things together and started towards the door of the inn, trying to forget what just happened. Suddenly, Gourry stopped in his tracks. Everyone looked at him, wondering what he could be thinking.
Wait a minute... He looked from Zel to Amelia, then back to Zel. When did you two get married?!?