THANK YOU, THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of your reviews, favorites, ideas, and support. I wouldn't have been able to get this far (nor would I have as many ideas, I would have run out ages ago) without you all.

Special shoutouts to the following users who submitted ideas to this edition of 50 Ways to Get Ryou to Rip Your Head Off: (in no particular order)

PaixZakuro22, Blessed Relief, rockchick3000, Mew Somomo, MewCuxie12, Sk8erGrl Chan, Kitty Kat K.O., Mysterious Non-User, Thoughtless7, Misha12, Keiran Pudding, ninja-freak13, kisshu-is-mine, MewCherryMew, and several others (I'm sorry if any names were forgotten! Consider yourselves to redeem a few oneshot from myself if I forgot you!)

This, my friends, is THE original '50 Ways to Get Ryou to Rip Your Head Off'. EXCEPT NO COPIES, IMATATORS, OR IMPOSTERS. :3

Thank you!


Note: We are NOT responsible for any injuries you sustain from performing these acts. Ryou's pretty easy to anger, so be warned now.


26. Whenever he comes into a ten-foot radius, starting singing 'The Circle of Life' and other Disney songs at the top of your lungs.

27. Follow him around with a large stick, and continue to whack him with it at five-second intervals. When he turns to look at you, pretend you are using it was a walking stick. When you come to the conclusion that he'll beat you if you poke him for much longer, whack him as hard as you can and run.

28. Whenever he's distracted tie his shoelaces together.

29. Make fun of his shirt with the straps that come out on the sides by calling the straps 'bra straps'.

30. Follow him making obscure magical girl manga and anime references, and ask him if he recognizes them, since he is so well acquainted with the Mews.

31. When he falls asleep, draw on his face with permanent marker. Replace any nearby soap supplies with ink or honey.

32. If he questions you, respond to every question "Because!" or "Why?"

33. Find a Chimera Anima and make it your pet. Set it loose in Ryou's basement laboratory. Listen for screams of fury.

34. Send Ichigo on vacation for a day and lay catnip out in the girls' locker room. WARNING: Follow this particular instruction could get four highly trained super heroines chasing after you as well. Proceed with caution.

35. Force Ichigo to let Ryou kiss her. After they're done, have Ichigo pull away and say, "Aww, too bad Masaya kisses better." (Note: blackmailing material may be needed to convince Ichigo to agree to this plan.)

36. Get Pudding to ask Lettuce how she feels about Ryou. Shove them in a room with Ryou tied to a chair and force him to watch Lettuce squealing and blushing while Pudding does those random freaky cartwheels.

37. Put Keiichiro into Ryou's bed while he's asleep so that he wakes up next to him.

38. Dress him up as one of the Sailor Starlights (bikini top, hot pants, leather gloves/boots and a pony tail) and make him wait tables in the outfit.

39. Pay Kish (from Ryou's bank account, of course) to try and take him on a romantic date.

40. Ask him "If you're such a genius then what's the answer to this question?" When he asks "What question?" say, "THIS question!" Repeat until he tries to kill you. Then run.

41. When in a public place, come up from behind Ryou and yell, "YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH A MAN? AGAIN?!" and kick him in his 'Happy Place'.

42. Tell him that Masaya also likes Lettuce; when he founds it's a lie, run for your life.

43. Ask him if he created the café to simply have a constant harem of girls around him.

44. When he's drinking...something or other, tell him that the lab's on fire. When he rushes off in a panic, switch his drink will something containing lots of sugar. Then when he comes back complaining, just shrug saying you're sorry, it was a mistake and then watch as he drinks your sugar-concoction. Wait until he is really high then tell him he has to make a video of him pretending to be a fairy. MAKE SURE YOU BRING YOUR CAMERA - and a fairy dress or two... The next morning when he has calmed down, ask him if he wants to watch a movie with you (Note: if he says no, whine until he changes his mind) then show him the video of himself. CAUTION: to pull this off you must be a REALLY fast runner.

45. Go golfing in the park, and shoot directly for the café's windows.

46. Gather a crowd of his fangirls and tell them it is 'Steal-A-Piece-Of-Ryou's-Clothing Day'.

47. Ask him why his cat name is after a girl's singing part. Call him a 'woman singer' whenever he's in conversation with others.

48. Record all of the successfully completed steps.

49. Post the results online with footage from number 48.

50. LIVE.


"GET OFF OF THE ROOF, GOD DANG IT! AND TAKE DOWN THAT STUPID NAZI FLAG WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!" Ryou screams at the roof. Hysterical giggling is his only answer.

"Hey, mommy!" cried a little kid, while pointing at the yelling Ryou. "Mommy, why does that man have a moustache and glasses drawn on his face? And why is his hair look like a clown's?"

The mother shushed the child. "Stay away from him, honey. His freakishness might be contagious!"

"Ryou-nii-chan, na no da! I didn't know it was your time of the month, na no da!" Pudding chirped happily as she skipped out of the café door. "And can I have my uniform back, na no da?"

"Did you see this?" Ichigo asked, waving a newspaper out of the café's door. "There was a strange blonde haired man spotted at the top of the Eiffel Tower screaming something about 'Kisshu!' Almost like he knew that perverted alien, huh?"

A line of silly string shoots down from the top of the café and the tune of 'It's a Small World' is clearly heard coming from the same direction.

Ryou lets out a scream of anger, sending the mother and her child running in fear.


Hope you enjoyed it! Remember, except no copies, imitations, or stealers of this story. This is the one and only original!

Next up: '50 Ways to Get Pai to Rip Your Head Off'! And ideas from those wonderful brains of yours? Send 'em in!

Thanks for stickin' with this story and sending in your ideas. It's greatly appreciated!