Author's Note: Totally inspired by one of vejiraziel's pictures posted on the LiveJournal prowlxjazz community. Originally intended to be a one-shot, but kind of grew as Prowl demanded revenge.
- Jealousy, Part 1 : Plushie -
"Wait, so you're saying Prowl actually has his own fanclub?" Sideswipe asked the human girl, who'd introduced herself as Liz, in disbelief, and she nodded solemnly. "But...I thought you said most of the Autobots besides Bumblebee, Sunny and I didn't have a big enough following to rate their own fanclubs?"
"Prowl's one of the other few." Liz replied cheerfully.
"Why?" Sideswipe asked in confusion. "I mean, he's...well, he's Prowl. No sense of humour, more logic chips than should be allowed, and more boring than watching paint dry. He sits in his quarters and reads about chess strategies on his time off, for Primus' sake."
"I'm not exactly sure, myself - I'm not a member." Liz replied honestly, then straightened and peered over the heads of the surrounding people, all there for the annual Autobot fanclub meeting (which was the only fanclub meeting Prime authorized any of the Autobots to actually go to, to avoid any unfortunate incidents with Decepticons). She looked around for several minutes before apparently spotting who she was looking for, and began waving furiously. "Sasha! Over here!" Sideswipe followed Liz's gaze curiously and found a blond girl heading in their direction. "Sasha's a member of Prowl's fanclub, she should be able to explain to you."
"I'm not sure I want to know, actually." Sideswipe mused, though it was too late now, he knew. Like the curious cat, however, he couldn't help but want to know - or want to share. "Oi, Sunstreaker! Get over here!" he called out to his twin, and the yellow Autobot looked up with irritation from where he was chatting with some of the twins' fanclub, but came as asked, arriving at about the same time as Sasha.
"What is it, Sides?" Sunstreaker asked, sounding annoyed.
"Sasha here...is a member of Prowl's fanclub." Sideswipe pronounced delicately. Sunstreaker just looked at Sideswipe blankly for a moment, as if to say 'that's it?' Mentally, Sideswipe counted to three, and right on cue, Sunstreaker jerked in surprise, and stared down at the human.
"Prowl has a fanclub?" he blurted out.
"Oh yes, it's actually the fourth largest." Sasha replied proudly, then grabbed something on her chest and directed it upward for them to see. "We even have buttons." Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both stared at the button - it was a photograph of Prowl's upper body, his usual flat expression in place, with the words 'OFFICIAL PROWL FAN' written underneath in red.
"Sideswipe doesn't seem to understand what you all see in Prowl, so I figured you'd be best to explain." Liz explained helpfully to Sasha.
"Of course, I'd be happy to." Sasha replied with a smile, and Sunstreaker shot Sideswipe an alarmed look, obviously wondering just what the red warrior had gotten him into. "It's really a lot of things, and it's different for each person, but there are some basic things that are common to everyone, same as with you two and your fanclubs." The twins shared a horrified look as Sasha settled into a lecturing tone, and their horror only grew as the girl described how Prowl attracted many of those going into law enforcement, thanks to his alt mode, and others who just liked men in uniform (never mind that the design of a police car wasn't actually a uniform), and some admired his mental abilities. For the protection of his own mental state, Sideswipe shut off his audios when she started going on about people with repressed emotions being more passionate in bed - it wasn't even worth telling her that A) Prowl was emphatically not available, and B) not of a compatible species. On and on Sasha went, ignoring Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's horrified expressions, until finally Liz, amused, cut her off, and with a shared mental sigh of relief, the twins turned their audios back on.
"Sorry, I guess all of us in the club are just a little passionate when it comes to our chosen 'Bot." Sasha had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "We usually have to defend ourselves to a lot of people."
"Uh - yes, I imagine you would." Sideswipe said carefully. Neither he nor Sunstreaker wanted to touch the 'passionate' comment.
"Of course, it doesn't help that most of us have never actually met him. We see him on TV, read about him, hear about him from other Autobots, but that's about it." Sasha said, they smiled a little wryly. "Sort of makes our liking him a little absurd, but, well, we humans aren't exactly logical. Even if Prowl is."
"This is true." Sideswipe agreed a little more emphatically than he'd intended.
"We've been thinking of sending him something to let him know the club exists, though." Sasha continued conversationally. "One of the other girls, Tara, was talking about making a human-sized plushie of him to send, along with a letter or a card or something. We weren't quite sure if he'd appreciate it, though - do you think he would?" Sideswipe glanced over at Sunstreaker, who absolved himself of answering the question with a jerk of his head. Uncertain, Sideswipe turned back to Sasha and considered - he doubted Prowl would find much use for a plushie of himself, to be honest. But, on the other hand, the look on Prowl's face when he got it would probably be quite hilarious.
"You'd be surprised." Sideswipe offered. "His office has been gaining decorations lately - he might consider it a nice addition." Alright, so the decorations were mostly put there by Jazz, and only barely tolerated by Prowl, but the thought of getting sent to Prowl's office for getting into trouble again and finding a human-sized Prowl plushie sitting on the corner of the desk or something was strangely appealing to Sideswipe's sense of humour.
"You really think he'd like it?" Sasha asked, suddenly beaming up at Sideswipe, and the red warrior's optics widened slightly in alarm, wondering where Prowl liking the plushie had come into it.
"Ah, well, he'll appreciate the thought if nothing else." Sideswipe back-pedaled quickly.
"Tara will be so glad to hear - she's been holding off because she figured it was just creepy to make it for herself, but it'd also be kind of a challenge, and her creative side is just itching to try it, so -" Sideswipe grimaced internally as Sasha was set off again. Sunstreaker gave Sideswipe a mild glare, clearly saying 'now look what you did!' Fortunately, Liz was still there to rescue them, and Sasha was soon quieted, saying goodbye before heading off to find this Tara girl. The twins thanked Liz profusely, but she laughed it off, saying that she'd had experience in 'rescuing' people from the 'Prowl fanatics'. They thanked her anyways, and then continued on with their meeting and talking with the various members of the fan club. Both Autobots now took special notice of the buttons the humans wore, and found an alarming number of the 'OFFICIAL PROWL FAN' ones.
::I wonder how Jazz will react to Prowl having a fanclub.:: Sunstreaker mused later, after the meeting was over, and he and Sideswipe were heading back to the Ark.
::Probably not too well.:: Sideswipe replied. ::Remember how jealous he got when Prowl was talking with those femmes before we left Cybertron?::
::Yeah, Ironhide had to stick Jazz in the brig until launch time.:: Sunstreaker said with a snicker.
::And Prowl ended up having to apologize to the femme for Jazz's behavior, since he wouldn't.:: Sideswipe said with a smirk.
::Makes me hope that Jazz never comes across someone wearing one of those buttons.:: Sunstreaker added. Sideswipe agreed, and the two continued in silence for a moment before something suddenly occurred to Sideswipe, and he swore, almost swerving off the road. ::Don't you know how to drive, you slagging idiot?:: Sunstreaker growled, having to swerve himself to avoid hitting his twin. ::What's the matter with you?::
::I was thinking of the look on Prowl's face when I told that girl he might not mind a plushie of himself. I didn't even think about Jazz.:: Sideswipe said carefully as he straightened himself out. There was a pause from Sunstreaker.
::Well, at least seeing Jazz flip out should be entertaining.:: Sunstreaker mused after a few moments, and Sideswipe had to snicker in agreement.
Not knowing how long it would take the humans to make the plushie, let alone how long it would take it to get to the Ark via the human postal service, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe took to volunteering for mail duty, earning themselves odd looks and odder comments. After all, going to the fanclub meeting had been part of a punishment, even if the twins had ended up enjoying it. Despite their efforts, however, it was Ironhide who was delivering the mail the day the plushie came. The twins almost missed seeing the delivery, but fortunately, Red Alert's rants about even Prowl now getting packages from unauthorized sources was loud enough for them to hear through his office door as they walked past. So, for once, they headed towards Prowl's office with gleeful looks on their faces, and peeked in through the open door to find Prowl just beginning to unwrap the package. Even better, Jazz had apparently been visiting when Ironhide had showed up, and the saboteur was already looking a little twitchy. Ironhide had also stuck around, seemingly from curiosity about what was in the package, though he kept glancing at Jazz with amusement.
"What..." Prowl trailed off, his confusion evident, as he finally got into the box and saw the contents.
"What is it?" Jazz asked, trying to peer into the box, but unable to see past the flaps.
"It's...ah..." Prowl frowned, seemingly unable to come up with a description, and instead, lifted the item out of the box. Sure enough, as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe had expected, it was a large plushie of Prowl, made big enough that it looked about the same size in Prowl's hand as a normal plushie looked in a human hand. Jazz and Ironhide both stared at the plushie for a few moments, and then Ironhide laughed.
"Seems like yah got some fans, Prowl." he said with amusement.
"Apparently?" Prowl sounded completely bewildered, staring at the plushie in his hand, and then his optics caught on something else inside the box. He reached in with his free hand and pulled out a large-ish piece of paper with writing on it. His confusion seemed to grow as he read it.
"What's it say?" Jazz asked casually.
"It's apparently from my fanclub." Prowl replied absently, frowning as he continued to read - or perhaps re-read it.
"Your what?" Jazz asked, and Prowl wasn't the only one to hear the dangerous tone in the saboteur's voice.
"Jazz, it's just a fanclub." Prowl said, looking up from the letter to eye his bonded.
"Of course it is." Jazz said with a clearly fake smile, then reached for the letter. Prowl jerked it out of the saboteur's reach, eyeing him suspiciously.
"Jazz..." he said warningly.
"I just want to see what it says." Jazz said innocently.
"I don't think so." Prowl said, subspacing the letter. Jazz's smile dropped into a frown. "You can have this, though." Prowl handed Jazz the plushie, and the confused look returned for a moment, "What exactly I'm supposed to do with a plushie of myself, I don't know."
"Aw, they probably jus' wanted to show yah their appreciation." Ironhide said with a grin.
"Their very...detailed...appreciation..." Jazz said, already closely inspecting the plushie, and Prowl gave the saboteur an odd look.
"Jazz," he said, and the saboteur looked up with an inquisitive 'hm?' "They're human."
"I'm bonded to you."
"I am unlikely to meet any of them, ever."
"Uh-huh. Hey, want me to get rid of the box for you?" Jazz asked. Prowl frowned, optics sliding over to the box. It seemed that Jazz realized the moment Prowl figured out why the saboteur wanted to box, as the tactician abruptly snatched it away and slipped it into his subspace, even as Jazz made a grab for it. Prowl arched an optic ridge at the now pouting Jazz.
"Don't you have a fanclub, as well?" Prowl said pointedly, then turned to say something to Ironhide, only to spot Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. "You two!" Prowl scowled. "I should have known."
"Us what?" Sideswipe asked innocently. "We were just passing by and saw the plushie."
"You were also the two I sent to the annual Autobot fanclub meeting." Prowl said, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, thanks for that. It was rather creepy, especially with all the members of your fanclub running around." Sunstreaker said with some annoyance, and Jazz visibly tensed.
"Did you know they have buttons?" Sideswipe couldn't help but add with a smirk.
"Enough!" Prowl said with a scowl, also having noticed Jazz's tenseness, and pointed out the door. "Get out of my office."
"Can we have a look at the plushie before we go?" Sideswipe asked with a grin.
"Not in my office. Out!" Prowl replied, scowl deepening.
"Awww..." Sideswipe said with mock disappointment, then he and Sunstreaker quickly turned and fled when Prowl made a move in their direction. They weren't even at the end of the hallway by the time Jazz caught up with them.
"So, Sunny, Sides..." Jazz said casually, the effect totally ruined by the death grip he had on the plushie in his hand.
"Yes Jazz?" Sideswipe asked innocently.
"You wouldn't happen to know how to get in touch with Prowl's fanclub, wouldja?" Jazz asked with a disarming grin.
"Pictures and alibis." Sideswipe replied promptly.
"Yeah yeah, I never heard it from you, this conversation didn't happen, the pictures will be waiting in your quarters a few days from now." Jazz said impatiently. "Names. Addresses. Now."
"Of course, Jazz." Sideswipe with a broad grin.
On a quiet residential street in a small town in Oregon, a blond-haired girl named Tara was walking home, listening to her walkman. when a car cut her off as she crossed a street. She swore appropriately, only to pause when she realized not only that the black and white Porsche was not moving, but that there seemed to be a giant plushie in the driver's seat. Tara blinked as she recognized the plushie, and opened her mouth to say something, when suddenly the driver's door opened, and the whole car shifted in her direction, sending the plushie tumbling onto the pavement. Then the driver's door slammed shut and the Porsche sped off with a squeal of its tires.
Frowning, Tara stared after it, then cautiously approached the plushie. It was exactly as she remembered making it, save for the addition of a sign around the neck, stating: 'MINE. NOT YOURS. BACK OFF.' Tara grinned with no little amusement as she read it, glancing after the Porsche.
"Somebody has jealousy issues." she said dryly, then hit 'play' on her walkman again and picked up the plushie, continuing on her way home. As she went, she idly wondered if, once she showed the returned plushie and sign to them, the members of Autobot Jazz's fanclub would finally admit that he was taken and stop drooling over him.
- FINIS -