Hero Headquarters

By: Shakespeare's Lemonade & Sylar Bartowski

Rating: K+

Genre: Humor/ General

Summary: Bob makes the heroes spend a month in the Petrelli mansion with several rules. Chaos ensues.

Characters: Peter, Nathan, Claire, Matt, Molly, Mohinder, West, Nicki, Micah, Hiro, Ando, Noah, Sylar, Adam, Caitlin, Ricky, Mr. Muggles, Maury, Angela, Claude, Monica, & Bob.

A/N: Elucidate means explain, incredulous means disbelieving, and miffed means annoyed. Just incase you were wondering. Sylar Bartowski is my little sister who co-wrote this. She doesn't have an account yet.

Chapter One


The Rules

Once upon a time, there was a man named Bob. He had a very large office, occupied by several irritated, super powered humans. Upon entering afore said office one fine winter morning, Bob found these humans and immediately took to explaining their new situation.

"I would ask you all to sit down," he said, "but there is not enough room, so I'll try to elucidate as rapidly as is humanly possible."

"Oh, just get on with it," Adam said. Bob glared at him. Molly whispered to Matt,

"What does 'elucidate' mean?"

"I don't know, Molly," he replied.

"Can we hurry this up," Sylar complained, "so I can go back to killing you all?"

"There will be no killing permitted here," Bob droned, "That brings us back to your living arrangements."

"Living arrangements?" Nathan repeated, inquisitively.

"Yes, everyone will be living at your house for the next month."

"What?!" several undisclosed persons said, incredulously.

"I'm not opening my home to all these weirdoes." Nathan finished, gesturing about the room.

"Hey, I am not a 'weirdo'," Mohinder said, miffed.

"Was I talking to you?"

"Your broad statement implied that everyone was a 'weirdo'."

"I would never call everyone in the room a weirdo, there's too many of you. I was talking about people like him," Nathan pointed at Sylar, "No offence intended."

"None taken," Sylar said, deviously.

"Gentlemen, if we may continue?" Bob said, in mock civility. "Thank you, now you will all be staying at the Petrelli mansion for the next month. As such is the case there are several rules by which to abide. First, no one is allowed to leave the house except the prearranged errand-runners, those are, Caitlin, Ricky, Ando, Noah, and Mohinder. Second, no one is allowed to kill or harm any other inmate… uh… houseguest or themselves. Third, everyone must complete his or her appointed tasks. I'll give you a list of those later. Fourth, no using abilities to another's disadvantage. Fifth, there will be no television, or computer use in any form. Sixth, there will be no use of the telephone unless absolutely necessary. Seventh, no one is allowed to save the world." Claire raised her hand, "Is there a question?"

"Yes," she said, "What are we supposed to do?"

"Ah, now we come to the point," Bob seemed excited about this, "You must all learn to get along or tolerate one another, if you are to save the world."

"But I don't want to save the world," Sylar protested.

"You don't have a choice in the matter. You are all going to save the world and you are going to like it."

"Fine," Sylar conceded, crossing his arms.

"Now then, for your chores."

"Chores," Micah whined, "why do we have to have chores?" Nicki poked his arm.

"Be quiet, and listen," she whispered.

"Yes, you all have chores," Bob continued, "West is responsible for breakfast every morning at six am. There will be no complaining about the schedule. Everyone fends for themselves at lunch. There will be plenty of food provided. Mohinder will be making dinner. I hope you all like Indian food." Micah made a face.

"It's ok," Molly whispered to him, "He's way better at cooking than Matt."

"The dishes," Bob went on, "will be cleaned by Claire, Nicki, and Monica, alternatively. Everyone will do their own for lunch. Angela is responsible for cleaning the house. Sylar will be taking out any and all garbage about the house. Those who can fly, heal themselves, or both will be hanging the Christmas lights. Matt will be the therapist and Maury will be his assistant. Molly and Micah will be responsible for setting the table and helping their parents. And finally, Hiro and Adam will be the defenders of the house. That includes keeping people out and keeping people in. You may need Peter's help with Claude. Oh, and Claude is responsible for cutting fire wood."

"What do we need fire wood for?" Claude asked, appearing in front of Bob.

"The Petrelli mansion has fire place's, obviously. Also it may keep you busy." Bob glanced around the room. "If you succeed in getting along, I'll bring you all Christmas presents from Malibu."

"Malibu?!" All of the heroes shouted.

"And you're not taking any of us with you?" Adam asked, feigning disappointment.

"That's ok," Sylar said, "I don't like Malibu. I'd rather stay here and kill you all."

"No killing," Bob said, "It's the second rule, and if you do I'll turn you into gold." He looked at a piece of paper on the desk. "Now for the sleeping arrangements," He handed them all a chart and braced himself for the comments to follow. Adam was most annoyed that he had to share a room with Hiro and Ando. Mohinder and Sylar were equally perturbed. Even more so when Claude materialized between them and said,

"Looks like we'll be rooming together mates. Won't this be fun?" Sylar tried to remove Claude's scalp to no avail. Matt resigned himself to sharing a room with his father, but Noah was not ecstatic about living with two mind readers. Claire, Monica, and Molly were planning a party in their room, but that idea was immediately squashed by Matt and Noah. Nathan had no problem with three girls having a party in their room. He reasoned that it was his house and he was the nice dad. Noah promptly whacked him on the head after that comment. West and Micah started planning to set traps outside of their room to keep the girls and any other unpleasant out. Peter and Ricky were satisfied with their arrangements. However, they were unsure about sharing a room with Nathan, which added to the hilarity of the circumstances. Angela was probably the most pleased with her arrangements, since she had her own room, and Caitlin and Nicki seemed friendly enough to tolerate one another for a month. Bob had one last comment.

"Your stay will begin tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. It will last until New Years day. If anyone disobeys the rules, they will be turned into gold promptly and permanently. Any questions?"

"Yes, one," Noah said, "What about Mr. Muggles? If he gets turned into gold my wife will kill me."

"The dog may be an exception. He will be walked by the errand runners. Will that be all? Good, see you next year!" With that, Bob exited the room, leaving the heroes to contemplate their predicament.

I hope you liked it and will review. Next chapter: "Moving In: In Which Life Becomes More Chaotic Than Anyone Could Have Anticipated."