"How long are we going to wait for him to come back?" I asked looking hopefully at Edward.
He just looked down at his watch and sighed.
"He should have been back by now, unless he killed something else."
"Edward! Emmett didn't kill anything, they were all just freakish accidents!" I protested. Edward turned his head slightly and looked at me from the corner of his eye as if to say "Yeah, things constantly die when he's around, must be a coincidence. Lets go see what he can do."
I didn't like it, somebody had to go after him and make sure he was okay. This was just plain stupid leaving him out there to fend for himself. What if he decides to do something dangerous?
Suddenly a shriek rang through the forest, "I am a hermit! Leave me be, I will kill you!" There was a little sob at the end.
"Crap Edward, we have to go find him." The look on Carlisle's face told me that he agreed.
I had come to one conclusion: I would become an outcast, a hermit. Maybe I wouldn't kill anyone that way…or maybe I would just kill unseen bacteria. Yes, I could live with it if I didn't see it. I would live in a cave…like…like…like…like…like…damnit! Who lives in a cave?!?!?! Whatever, I would live in a cave and I would eat… dirt because I do not want to kill plants. Those leaves are alive, I've seen them under microscopes and dang do those little buggers party. Anyway… I would live in a cave… and change my name to… Chief lone not-wolf. And my theme song would be… (Emmett begins singing)…(Off Key)…(Shield your ears!)
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever doTwo can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number oneNo is the saddest experience you'll ever knowYes is the saddest experience you'll ever knowcause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever knowone is the loneliest number even worst then twoyeahits just no good anymore since you went awaynow I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterdayone is the loneliest numberone is the loneliest numberone is the loneliest numbersince you went awaysince you went away(one is the loneliest number since you've gone away)one is the loneliest numberone is the loneliest numberone is the loneliest numbersince you've gone awayIts just no good anymore since you went awaynow I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterdayone is the loneliest numberone is the loneliest numberone is the loneliest numbersince you went awaysince you went away
(Emmett has had his eyes closed the whole time he was singing this, the following occurs when he has finished serenading the forest.)
I had finished me beautiful theme song that was way better than spider man's when it hit me… an acorn hit me. I cried out in pain.
"Thank you God! I deserve this punishment! Smite me…not too hard…"
I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded…by squirrels. They were scary, demon looking squirrels with dark black eyes and this weird, frightening smile…. I said smite me, I meant with lightening. Couldn't you have a little bit of mercy?!?!? Squirrels? Why demonic squirrels?!?!?!
"Emmett," they sang in unison… "Emmett."
"No! Back you evil rats...bunnies….S-Q-U-I-R-R-E-L-S! Squirrels!" I screamed horrified by their elmo-ish voices. "Leave me be! I do not wish to harm you! Please do not wish to harm me!"
The squirrels just stared as if they were planning which part of me to claim. I had always imagined death as a happy event… no maybe that was my birthday party… anyway, being eaten by possessed squirrels was not on my list of fun things to do.
"I am a hermit! I will leave you in peace! Leave me be, I will kill you!"
The squirrels came in a rush and I began running for my life. "Back you evil creatures, go eat someone else! What is this the squirrel family thanksgiving? Don't you want to eat something juicy and warm?" I shrieked, "EAT MORE WEREWOLF! EAT MORE WEREWOLF! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED EAT MORE WEREWOLF!"
They stopped and stared at me as if suddenly enlightened. I had just successfully communicated with the rodents.
A very large squirrel suddenly squeaked, "To La Push!" And they where gone and I believe my death curse followed them.
When Bella, Edward and the others finally found me nobody dropped dead. They did however ask me why I was screaming. They didn't get that answer until Jacob Black showed up looking tattered and carrying a small piece of paper with the words EET MOR WERWOLV scrawled across it.
"The squirrels told me… What?!?!?! No, I do not talk to squirrels. I thought the squirrels told me that a very large pale man who sang like Britney Spears inspired their werewolf hunt."
There is more, but I'll save that for another day.
There you are, the end of Emmetts death phase, hope you liked it. If you did review and go to the poll on my profile and vote for it!