Muse: My muse for this story is the seriously swoony Let Me Take You There by The Plain White T's…You MUST listen to that song!
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Eclipse, I merely dabble with your fantasies, you know you love it.
I ran through the woods, happy to be alone with her, happy to have her all to myself now. This was the beginning of a new life for us. But there was something in the back of my thoughts that kept resurfacing - an undeniable feeling that something was off. I should be overjoyed; she had chosen me and I was happy, dumbfounded, and grateful, but the nagging feeling would not go away.
We broke through the trees and into our meadow. A light breeze danced across the yellow and white daisies. Bella slid from my back and walked silently to the center of the clearing, absorbed in some private thoughts. I watched her, an angel in motion, as she lay down on the grass with her hair fanned out behind her. My god, she is beautiful. The distance between us was gone in an instant, as I lay down beside her in the damp grass of our private place. Her breathing was slow and relaxed, her eyes searching the sky. What was she thinking?
One of her delicate hands lay on the ground beside me while her other lightly rested on her stomach. I reached out gently entwining my fingers with hers, resting them against her warm body. Our joined hands followed the gentle rise and fall of her breathing. It was mesmerizing. Never in one hundred years could I have imagined the love I felt now, the joy I felt here with her.
As we sat in comfortable silence, my thoughts flowed through the last few hours, and the more Bella's words repeated in my head, the more confused I became. Why the change? Everything felt abrupt and hurried. I studied her face looking for unspoken answers before deciding I needed to ask to know for certain what her reasons were.
"August thirteenth?" I knew her answer to that question before she could speak, but I hoped it would open the dialogue. I had my reply to her aging concerns ready. Carlisle and Esme were happy, age was not important. I wish she would understand that. I needed Bella to understand that it didn't matter to me. She was unnaturally calm as she surprised me yet again.
"My age is not really that important." When did that change? I looked intently into her eyes as she continued, trying to find the meaning behind her words. "Edward, I'm ready; I've chosen my life – Now I want to start living it." There was too much matter-of-factness in her tone.
Again something felt wrong. As I thought about her answers I questioned her further, this time about the guest list restraints she insisted on with Alice, I wondered if she had wanted to keep the wedding a private affair, but then she spoke about Jacob. Her eyes were uneasy; her voice searched for the right words to convey her feeling. Bella finished and stared deeply into the horizon. Something is wrong, terribly wrong. It shouldn't be like this, weddings were a happy thing, right? She hated the idea of a big wedding, why the change, why now?
I released her hand and reached across her waist and quickly pulled her on top of me, grabbing her attention away from whatever thoughts crowded her mind.
"Tell me why you are doing this, Bella. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?" And then with a sinking heart I listened as she revealed her further desire to make Charlie and Renee happy. First me, then Alice, and now her parents; where was Bella's happiness?
No, this isn't right. She doesn't want any of this. She is simply doing all of this for everyone else, for me. I won't stand by and watch her turn herself inside out just to please me. This isn't what I wanted; I wanted her to be happy. I thought for a moment, trying to come up with a way to fix what I had set in motion. And then I knew.
"Deals off." I said. My decision shocked her.
"You're backing out? No!" she gasped. The desperation in her face broke my heart further.
"I'm not backing out, Bella. I'll keep my side of the bargain. But you are off the hook. Whatever you want, no strings attached." This is how it should have been to begin with. What had I been thinking; I had pushed her to such a point that she is miserable just trying to make me happy.
"Why?" she asked, confused. I knew my sudden change of heart after months of arguing took her by surprise, but I finally understood what I was doing to her.
"Bella, I see what you are doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy." That's all I ever wanted. I could see the worry streak across her face and knew instinctively where her thoughts were headed. "Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it." I should have been taking care of it all along, instead of adding to it. "I promise she won't make you feel guilty." I won't make you feel guilty
My resistance continued to melt away beneath her warm body. I poured my failure out, hoping that she would forgive my stubbornness. Everything I had done was because of what I thought I should do; what a good person would do in my place. But I am tired of being good, I am tired of doing what some now silenced part of me felt was the "right thing". My way was the wrong way. I shifted squaring my shoulders and my resolve.
"We're doing this your way, Bella." The way we should have done it all along. "Tonight, Today. The sooner the better." The vision of Bella writhing in pain coursed though me like a shock wave; I gritted my teeth and continued to come to terms with her impending death.
"Edward, no –"she spoke again, her one demand lingering in my thoughts. I would make sure she had everything she wanted… Everything. I have wanted her for so long. Even now I hungered for Bella's touch; I hungered to be closer to her. Why was I fighting it? Its what she wants, its what I want. I want her! I placed my finger to her lips and electric current shot through my body.
"Don't worry, Bella, Love, I haven't forgotten the rest of your demands." I was alive with longing; there would be no more waiting as I embraced the hunger that I had been suppressing for so long.
And to my surprise the sensation was freeing. I willingly let go.
My hands caressed the silky strands of her hair as I kissed her lusciously soft lips. Instantly I felt myself losing control, no longer restrained by my fears, instead giving into my desires. The smell of her skin, the feel of her body was intoxicating. She grabbed my arms as her tongue traced my lower lip, pressing herself tighter against my body. The heat that radiated from her poured into me, bringing with it excitement and pleasure, as her heartbeat erratically called to me, begging for more. She wanted me as I wanted her.
I rolled over, gently pressing up against her perfect body, my leg slipping between hers in the movement. She shook her head free, gasping for breath as her chest heaved against mine. I smiled, unable to control the joy I received from her pleasure and pressed my lips, still warm from her kiss, to her ivory neck, wanting to taste every part of her.
"Stop, Edward. Wait" Her words were faint, weak from desire.
"Why?" I asked unable to comply. My head swam with passion, finally having given into to her will. She would have me, she would have everything.
"I don't want to do this now." Her shallow breathing reacting to my every touch.
"Don't you?" My hand glided along the side of her body, feeling every curve, and I could feel her body tighten with excitement. Her breath called to me, and I lost myself in her lips once more. She answered, running her hands along my chest and then there was the slightest pressure pushing me away. My lips released hers unwillingly.
"Why?" I strained against the magnetic pull of her body, against the heat that I craved. "I love you. I want you. Right now." Heat flooded Bella's face and I could no longer resist her. Whatever she wanted, it would be hers. The sudden wave of desire that coursed through me drowned all awareness of the outside world. There was only Bella. My hand knotted in her shirt as her fingers slid from my hair to my bare chest and our lips played on the edge of our appetites.
Her mumbled words against my lips took me by surprise, pulling me from the cliff I so freely fell from. "Wait, wait".
No, " Not for me," I mumbled urging her on.
"Please?" She gasped breaking away from our kiss.
UGH! This wasn't happening. Didn't she understand; didn't she see I wanted this. I wanted her! I pulled myself away from her with great effort to lay on the grass listening to her erratic breath. Concentrating on my own exaggerated breathing to distract me from the pull of her amazing…beautiful…sensual… body… Ugh!
"Tell me why not, Bella," My voice came out much harsher then I expected. "This better not be about me." It took great effort to lie there inches away from her soft supple skin. I couldn't move.
"Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right." Her words were fast, and out of breath. This was about me. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to calm my longing.
"Who's definition of right?" I asked knowing I was again the cause for her actions.
"Mine." Her tone was resolute, but I didn't believe it. Much too often I have been the cause for her unhappiness. Not this time. I rolled onto my side so that I could look at her, express to her my desire. I wanted her, after everything she has been through, I wanted to please her more then I have ever wanted anything before.
"How are you going to do this right?" I asked, listening for any trace of the possibility that her answer was based upon my earlier arguments.
She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts before she spoke.
"Responsibly. Everything in the right order…" Responsibly? These were not the words I wanted to hear right now. An answer full of reasonable guidelines and expectations were what followed, ending with a challenge that ignited my desire again. "You're not going to budge me on this," she added.
I reached out sliding my hand across her stomach, unraveling my carefully composed features, revealing instead the man beneath. "I'll bet I could." I murmured, my voice gruff from resisting her.
Bella closed her eyes briefly, and then reached up and held my hand still. "But you won't. Not knowing this is what I really need."
I clench my hand into a fist and retracted it. "You don't fight fair." She sensed her victory and declared it so, smiling and I smiled in return. She actually looked happy, pleased with herself for resisting me. "If you ever change your mind…" I offered, my thoughts trailing off.
"You'll be the first to know." Her words were full of promise and anticipation. And then the clouds released, gratefully assisting my efforts to cool my desire.
I brushed tiny water droplets from her still smoldering cheeks. "I'll get you home." I said, watching her grimace at the darkening sky. But the rain was the furthest thing from Bella's mind.
"Its just means that its time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous," she grumbled. Shock registered across my face. I didn't know what to say; I thought her plan was to wait till we were married. How was this going to work?
"It's a good thing you're bulletproof," she sighed, "I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell Charlie." I laughed reading the utter fear in her eyes… after everything she has been through.
"Highly Dangerous." I said, laughing again. My mother's ring had stayed in my pocket since the night Bella accepted my proposal. I longed to see her wear it proudly on her finger, longed to announce to the world that she was mine, and I hers. I slid the ring on her delicate finger once again and kissed her hand gently. Mine… forever.