Its so hard to breathe. Ever since I lost sight of my precious one, everything seems to be so hard. Breathing has been a chore, living for the sake of existence. Wolfram. You have been the center of my universe, I have never known any other world but yours…ours. I have forgotten my earth because of you. To me, my world revolves only around you. I maybe king and you maybe my queen, but I could never bring you back, no matter how much power I have, no matter how much magic I use, I am not God, I can never bring you back.
Conrad watched the boy. It has been months since his brother has gone, but to their demon king, Wolfram is still very much part of the kingdom. Everyone has been walking on eggshells because they are so afraid to face the demon king's wrath.
"Your majesty, how about a game of catch? It's a nice day out for a little game." Conrad said, coaxing his highness to get some fresh air instead of staying inside his bedroom and mope over Wolfram's picture again.
"Maybe later, Conrad. I got something to do first." He said, not even glancing over his god father.
Conrad didn't leave, knowing that Yuri wouldn't even notice if he is there or not. He watched him plug the DVD player again that he brought from his earth and watched the royal wedding that they did on earth and their vacation on earth for their honeymoon.
The said queen came alive all over again, the royal couple bickering and arguing about little stuff even on their wedding day. But everyone can see how much they care and love each other. Yuri was lost in his little world, watching his precious one moving and talking in the big screen. Laughing and snickering over their antics, Conrad was the one assigned to tape everything, Gwendal didn't want to touch the contraption and Gunter is always out of focus and has a fascination for feet and close ups.
Conrad stood by the door, waiting. It would come any minute now. The wedding vows. It was the most touching scene in the entire tape, this is where they made their promises to each other. Yuri's mom was crying the whole time and Gunter was also in tears. They repeated the ceremony back in the kingdom, demon kingdom style and the intensity is the same and so is everyone's reaction, all the ladies cried, even Cecil cried. Then Yuri fell silent, and then the tears came, pouring rapidly down the royal face. And Conrad's heart ached. He felt as empty as his king, not only because of his feelings for him but because of the lost of his own brother. He went to him, like he had done so many times for the past months. He enclosed him in his arms, his tears mingling with his, his whimpers chorused with the king.
"It's alright, Yuri, I'm here." He whispered, like he done, too, over and over again. "I would never leave you, I would always be with you, I would be even willing to sacrifice my life for you all over again."
"Conrad, just hold me. Hold me for a little while." Yuri pleaded, sinking into his arms like a little child.
And his knight did what he had asked, encircling him tighter into his embrace, kissing the royal head until he knew he would fall asleep from exhaustion from crying all day.
It was just like any other battles they have over the Big Cimaron, but this time the Cimaron king went home with his prize, the demon kingdom's royalty. Its all about power and greed. Its all about ruling the world. Yuri didn't want any of that. He had wished so hard that he wasn't sucked into this world, he had hoped that the people here wouldn't mean as much as the people he have on earth. But they did. Especially the person he never thought he would grow closer to, the constant pest who keeps making his life miserable and keeps reminding him how stupid and soft he is, Wolfram.
Yuri curved into a ball. Until now he couldn't believe it. It's not even possible that he can still feel anything. He thought that he has no heart left, that it had broken into million pieces ever since that day. That day, Wolfram went away. And his queen will never come back.
Wolfram keep on insisting it was just a flesh wound, he was in bed the entire time not just because he was sea sick, but he looked so pale than he already is. The thing that Yuri couldn't understand was, Gisela couldn't close the wound. She had tried and tried until they reached the demon kingdom. But Big Cimaron had found an ultimate weapon, a sword they had bestowed the greedy king, and this is what he used to cut down the best swordsman next to Conrad Weller, Wolfram, the queen himself. The greedy king escaped with few men left, they had lost and went home empty handed but Gwendal and the rest knew that the boxes was not their target but to kill the demon king with that ultimate sword, but Wolfram laid down his life to protect his beloved husband.
Yuri summoned all the sages and mages in the entire kingdom and their neighboring kingdom for help to heal his queen from this unknown catastrophe that had befallen on the demon kingdom. Weaker and weaker he become, he lost his eyesight first, then the use of his limbs and one day…he didn't wake up again. Yuri was devastated even to the point of wiping the entire Big Cimaron kingdom to eradicate that destructive weapon that had killed his love. Conrad and the rest brought their king to earth to prevent a big disaster and destruction.
Yuri carried Wolfram with him, his ashes in a box that he had in pack and he carried it with him every where he go. He had lost his smile. His sunshine. His moon. His queen…his better half. Yuri had also lost his will to move on. It would never be the same again, not without Wolfram. His Wolfram.
It was a long while before he went back to the demon kingdom. It hurts too much. He even moved to a different room so he could try to sleep but they always put him to sleep or he would tire himself to sleep from too much crying before he can last the entire night. He had never loved anyone this way. Never cared for anyone this way. Wolfram always blamed him for being such a softy but he knew then that his queen was saying it out of affection, that every sarcastic words lies the love and fondness he had for the demon king. And Yuri treasured that. He knew how much they had meant to each other. He is in denial now. He never realized that he would be able to move on without the center of his universe. It had hurt so much. Its like his heart was ripped away from his body, his arm cut off, his breathe snuffed out of him. He is like an empty shell moving and functioning like a programmed droid who has their instructions and would just do the entire routine of living because that is how he was programmed to do.
For Yuri happiness is frightening…because the darkness is not so far away to wipe it all away with its gloom.
"Let me touch your face, Yuri. I want to remember how you look like." Wolfram said, when he lost his sight. And gently with warm hands, he would trace every lines and curves of his beloved husband's face. "You look soft and wimpy even if I can't see you, I could tell you're a weakling."
Yuri chuckled despite of his bleary eyes, he was holding back his tears, he didn't want to cry and make Wolfram upset and he would get mad at Yuri and stretch his un-healing wound. "You're only saying that." He replied, smiling, although he thought his face would crack from the pressure.
There are times I wished I was dead. There are moments I wished I didn't exist. That I have never known this world. You. How could I go back to being myself now? Tell me how could I live without you? You are my heart and my soul, I exist because I was made to love you. Now what is my purpose of living when the one I'm living for is gone? Have you ever thought of that when you laid your life for me? Have you ever thought of the consequences of your action? You call me stupid, so who do you think is more stupid now, Wolfram? There is this ache in my chest, I can't breathe right anymore. Do you know that you are my air? I can only breathe because you are the very air that passes through my lungs. Now without you, I couldn't find a substitute so I can breathe. I'm finding it difficult to breathe on my own.
It is no one's fault, Conrad had said. He understood my pain, for he had lost someone as precious as you are to me. He told me it is your duty. You maybe my queen, my better half. But you were my protector on top of all of that, you are bound to me, not only as my wife but if I am the fortress of the demon kingdom, you are my shield, the gate that holds the keep safe. You would ward off anyone who would try to invade the fortress, you would guard and protect it. That was your vow as my queen.
I turned to the man standing close to me, "I understand now, Conrad, what you were trying to say to me."
He smiled, "I know you would, Yuri." He said.
Anisina had made a locket for Wolfram's ashes. I held the chain in front of him.
"You have given me Julia's pendant so it would protect me and hold me closer to you." I said, and looked up to his face, both of us close to tears.
"I'm entrusting you with my charm, Conrad. Inside this locket is Wolfram. You have sworn to protect me, and I'm asking you to protect this locket and guard it safe, when I go before you, I want you to bury this with me. Maybe then in the next life we would be together again." The demon king said.
Conrad made a noise at the back of his throat, with shaking hands he reached for the locket, tears rolling down his face. "I would abide by your command, my king."
And they both cried, holding each other. "Thank you, Conrad."
Yuri looked up at the sky, the moons, "Wolfram is already in the sky, watching over us. He would probably be yelling and screaming because he can't kick us both for embracing each other."
They both laugh. "It doesn't hurt that much anymore, Conrad." Yuri said, with a smile, touching his chest.
Conrad reached out and rubbed his chest lightly, "I would help you ease the pain somehow, Yuri."
Yuri smiled, he felt the burden had been lifted somehow, after he gave the locket to Conrad. Now he had someone else to help him breathe right again. "Thank you, Conrad."
The darkness that has been covering my vision has cleared, I can see Conrad's face, his kind face and gentle smile. And in the faint distance, I could hear Wolfram. Telling me it's alright. That Conrad would protect me now, from now on. I smiled at the sky, and the two moons.
"Let's play catch, Conrad." The demon king said, running to get his mitts. Conrad smiled, keeping the locket around his neck and under his shirt and run after his king.
I am the demon king, the rock, the fortress of my kingdom. I hold my people to me, to serve them as their king. Wolfram is my queen, the heavy gates that protects the castle from outside harm. When we had vowed to be partners, we have become one, fortress and gate, ready and willing and able to serve the kingdom and the people. I had come this far because of Wolfram, because of his love I have found my strength. Looking at the vast kingdom, the sky, the moons, I felt that I'm at the center of the universe. My universe, for here, every little thing held his memory. I would treasure each and every one of them, because it would be his memory that I would hold close to me, like I'm holding Wolfram, my Wolfram. He had given me his life, so I will live it well. So it would be our life that I had lived to the fullest.