Challenges: Castle Gloria's Canon challenge
Fan fic 100 prompt: 059 - Food
Pyramid Dares Set 2, Level 8 - Chocolate
Notes: From the beginning of "Seven Days In September" in which the Major followed his orders to the letter.

Piece Of Cake
Anything for a mission.

There were times the Major wondered if his superiors watched too many spy films, what with the elaborate instructions he was sometimes given to collect information. And, unfortunately, this happened to be one of those times he thought as he entered the café in London. It looked ordinary enough, he had thought at the time. Not the type of place where one would expect to be receiving an important document. He had already humiliated himself in a shop picking up the doll that was now in the gift wrapped package that he carefully placed beside him. Was this the signal to whoever would be contacting him?

The waitress came up to him and he ordered a cup of cocoa and a piece of chocolate cake, just as he had been instructed by Mr. L of the SIS. To his horror, the items actually came. The most enormous, sickly sweet looking piece of chocolate cake, with thick, dark icing and an equally enormous rose on top.

The Major stared down at the offending confection, placing his folded handkerchief to his mouth to block the smell of sugar and chocolate. He wondered, to his added horror, if he was actually expected to consume this monstrosity. He took a knife and carefully cut the cake into neat squares, hoping against hope that a secret communication was hidden inside.

When Mr. L called the cafe with his further instructions, it was all the Major could do to not express his opinion on the cocoa and cake when the SIS man stated that they were his favorite. The fact that Mr. L reminded him to bring the doll only reinforced its importance in the Major's mind. It had to be important somehow.


The taxi ride to the rendezvous was horrific. It was all the Major could do to keep the disgusting piece of goo from coming up again. He found himself wondering what kind of person could crave anything so sickly sweet…only to conclude that it was beyond his comprehension. In all probability Mr. L, like his Chief, put ten sugars in his coffee. Later, when he actually saw the man, he decided it must be double that amount.

Then the Major discovered that Mr. L only wanted him to consume the odious cake because he wanted to "share" his favorite desert. And, to add insult to injury, the only importance the doll held was that it was a birthday present for the man's grand-daughter.

The incredulous officer could not stop himself from saying that it appeared that Iron Klaus had been relegated to the position of errand boy by NATO Intelligence and SIS.

It was then that the Major realized that Charles Lawrence wasn't the only throwback in SIS as his superior began waxing poetic about the touching story of Iron Klaus buying a doll for the SIS's Mr. L's grand-daughter. "A humanistic, gentle soul hidden under the hard profile of the iron man who fights in the front line of the espionage world…"

The only thing this did to the speechless Major was cause the chocolate cake to threaten to back up from his stomach. It also verified his opinion that all Englishmen were fucking idiots.

Just a little more patience, the Major had thought gratefully. I'm going back to Bonn tonight! Home to Bonn!

Six days later, when he finally stepped off a plane at the Köln-Bonn Airport, he realized that he should have known better.