My computer crashed.It's been so long I haven't even been able to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year, but here it is, at the beginning of February nonetheless!
Enjoy, it's just a quick chapter until I get back up on my feet and figure out where the hell I'm going to go with the rest of this story.
Violent Delights.Chapter 9
I woke up to the sunshine, memories of the night before flooded into my mind. I smiled and stretched, opening my eyes to see Edwards glorious face looking back at me.
'Good morning beautiful, sleep well?' His silky voice asked.
'The best.' I replied sleepily.
I sat up and Edward pulled me into his arms. I sat there smiling. I couldn't help it.
All of a sudden my body tensed, I felt sick and a flood of misery washed over me. Today would be the last time I would see Renee. At least until I could get blood thirst under control so she wasn't at risk when I become a vampire. However, who knew how long that would take, and if it would even be in her lifetime.
'Are you okay Bella?' His brow knitted together with a mixture of concern and confusion.
I took a deep breath, I didn't want to upset him and ruin the mood. I especially didn't want to go through another heated discussion on whether I should become a vampire or not.
'Yeah, I'm fine.' My voice broke at the last syllable.
He turn my body round to look at me, his eyes were troubled. Was there a hint of some sort of regret in them?
'Is this about last night? I thought you wanted that? We wanted…'
I cut him off, covering his mouth with my hand.
'No, it's not that. It's… It's that it just hit me that I have to say goodbye to Renee today. I mean, I've already said bye to Charlie. Though it was easier with him, it was at the wedding, so after he left the wedding and everything took my mind off it. But I've got to do this today, and it's looming over me.'
He sighed and pulled me closer to him.
'There is another option Bella, you know that…' He trailed off.
I rolled my eyes and huffed. 'Edward you know I'm doing this. My mind has been made and I don't know how I could get over the thought of not being with you forever.'
I took my hand and place it on his cheek. He smiled and brought it down to his lips and kissed my palm.
'Okay, Okay. I can't complain.'
'Who's in?' I asked, suddenly very aware of the lack of clothes I was wearing.
'No one yet, its about 12 just now. Carlisle said they would be back from hunting around one.
I nodded, not really concentrating as I began going over the story that I was leading Renee and Charlie to believe. Edward and me were leaving later tonight for a flight straight to Paris. We would then go on a round the world trip until it was time for our first term in university. Little did they know for the first couple of days I would be going through excruciating pain and the rest of the time testing my will power. The lies I would have to tell to keep them from being suspicious from my absence over the next couple of years would, I'm sure, never leave my thoughts, knowing the pain I would cause them.
Edward let me sit and stare into spare for what felt like hours going over everything in my head. Surprisingly it was only about half an hour as he broke my silence suggesting that I should get ready, as everyone would be arriving soon.
I rolled my eyes and laughed as Edward politely stepped out the room letting me get dressed.
I was, for once, glad of Emmett's persistent teasing, it was managing to keep my mind off Renee, who would be arriving anytime soon. Everytime Edward left me alone to go do something Emmett would nudge me and raise his eyebrows. After, I would ignore him, which would then lead to him leaning over and whispering some obscene comment or question that he would find hilarious. With each statement my blush turned deeper. I always thought it was so strange they were so open about their sex lives. Then again, vampires that have been with each other for decades and have super sensitive ears, it's not surprising.
It was nearing seven o'clock and I was beginning to get restless. Everyone could tell and were doing their own thing as I sat on then couch staring at nothing with Edward rubbing circles into the back of my hand. I knew I had to stay strong when Renee arrived, I couldn't let her last memories of me be unhappy. I wanted to act as if I was excited about my new life and university and Edward, but it was so hard to stay positive when I knew the things I would be telling her were lies.
The doorbell rang, shocking me out of my stressful daydream. My stomach was in knots as I heard Esme greet Renee and Phil at the door. Edward helped me stand up. I warily made my way over to the hall, psyching myself up for what was to come. I breathed slowly, trying to calm myself, trying not to get upset. I could feel Edward staring at me, frowning, no doubt trying to see what was going on in my head.
We turned into the hall, Edwards arm practically supporting me. His face instantly lit up and he hugged Renee and shook Phil's hand, the perfect host. I smiled up at him, for a moment, I forgot the task ahead of me. I quickly snapped out of it and went to hug Phil and Renee.
The next half hour, to say the least, was awkward. I couldn't help but feel Renee was acting different around me, as if because I was now married I was a full-time adult. I could see she had pride in her eyes. One thing was for sure, I was glad she approved of Edward; she would at least know I was safe with him during my unexplained absence that was to come.
Renee and I walked into the kitchen, leaving the rest of the family in the lounge. I leaned against the counter, not really sure what to say or how to start. I had never fully processed exactly what I was going to say to Renee, what my last words were or how I was going to keep strong. Renee beamed at me from the kitchen table. I smiled back sheepishly, suddenly feeling six years old. She stood up and came over to hug me, she pull back and looked at me.
"Look at you, you're a proper women now. I still see you getting taller every time I see you, it seems so impossible that you were once so small." She sighed, staring intently into my eyes, stroking my arms. I could tell that even though she was looking at me, her eyes were somewhere else, somewhere far away, her past, and my past. They had a hint of nostalgic to them.
I laughed, not harshly, softly; it was the only thing I could do to keep my spirits up. I knew that if I got too upset Edward would here and try to comfort me. As much as I liked the sound of that, I wanted to spend my last moments with my mother alone.
"I'm still clumsy Bella!" I assured her.
She joined in, in my laugher, nodding, "You've got that right."
It was silent for a moment, and I could feel the connection I had with Renee when I lived with her growing strong again.
She hugged me again, nodding her head as she did so, as if she was re-assuring herself of something.
"You alright mum?" I whispered, not wanting her to feel the sadness in my voice at the thought if causing her any pain.
She drew back again, looking at me with pride. "Oh this is silly! I'm going to see you at Christmas, I don't know why I'm getting so upset, I've spent longer not seeing you. I think its because you're beginning your new life, and I suppose I'm just worried. Mothers, eh?" she nudged my arm, she was smiling but her eyes were full of sorrow now.
I horrified, what was I doing? A flood of remorse hit me. Stay strong Bella, I willed myself. It will only make this worse for you and her if you break down now.
"Look on the bright side, I've got Edward now to drive me to the hospital all the time." I tried to joke.
She appeared to relax now; I think she was okay if I seemed to happy about the situation.
"When do you need to leave?" I questioned. She looked at her watch and sighed.
"We should start to head in about 15 minutes, taking into consideration the journey to the airports and getting through customs."
I swallowed deeply and nodded, I was getting better at keeping my emotions under control and keeping a straight face, must be something I picked up from Edward.
We spent the next ten minutes talking about my future, and the course I was meant to be taking. She brought up some memories from the past that made tears form in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away before she could see. Renee seemed okay now, not realised how significant this little chat was to me and would eventually be to her.
We both rose up from the kitchen table we were sitting at and Renee gave me one last hug.
She looked sternly into my eyes. "You will visit won't you?" Her eyes sad, worried that her only child was about to begin its new life and forget about her. It caught me off-guard and I stammered before sorting myself out.
I let a smile break out on my face. "Of course mom, who else is going to be there to keep you from going wild when Phil is away?" I teased. She laughed and took my hand walking out back into the lounge, she seemed re-assured.
Conveniently, Phil was saying goodbye to everyone aswell. I smirked at Emmett casually winked at me. I looked to Edward; no doubt he had heard every word in the kitchen, along with the rest of the Cullens. He looked surprised yet concerned. Surprised probably that I was able to handle myself so well and concerned as he was probably expecting a breakdown at any moment. I smiled at him, trying to reassure him aswell. Phil came towards Renee and me.
"You ready to go?" He asked my mom.
"Yup, just need to say goodbye to everyone first"
As Renee was saying by I gave my farewell to Phil, making him promise to continue to look after Renee.
Edward was at my side, keeping his distance however as Renee gave me one last hug before going out the door.
"Love you, mom" I said as she turned to walk out.
"Love you too Bella. Don't be a stranger okay?" she smiled.
"I won't." I promised. A promise I knew I couldn't keep.
The door closed and I sighed, Edward's hand curved around my waist and he kissed my forehead.
"You did well." He guaranteed me.
"I know, I know" I sighed again and made my way up to Edward's, well our¸ bedroom.
Edward followed. For the rest of the night I lay on Edward, hugging his marble frame as he played with my hair and stared at my lovingly. I blushed everytime I took a quick glance and realised he was still looking at me.
"You took everything so well, so calmly," he stated at one point. I made a slight sound of agreement, trying not to think about it.
"I understand," he whispered into my hair. "You'll be strong, I know you will." He whispered.
Time dragged on, and I knew what was coming. It had been decided that I would be changed today. I wanted recent memories of the events of the past couple of days. I wanted them to never leave my mind. Carlisle had suggested we do it at night. With the huge amounts of morphine I was going to be given, Carlisle suggested that if I was tired aswell, I might, if I was lucky pass out from all the excruciating pain. It seemed highly unlikely, but there was no damage in trying to make it more…comfortable for me.
I lay in the newly bought bed in the spare room. I knew it sounded stupid, but I didn't want to be changed anywhere else. If I was changed in me and Edwards room I was scared I would grow to hate it and it would constantly remind me of a time where I was caused pain.
Alice insisted on a huge goodbye before I was turned into a vampire.
"Come on, I've never been so fond of a human before! I was to remember what it's like to hug someone all warm and soft" She replied when I laughed at her. Nonetheless I hugged her, and everyone else in the family, feeling proud that I would finally be able to be part of their family without causing them any strain through their will power.
It was strange, the realisation of the pain to come hadn't properly set in yet I felt strangely calm, I didn't know if that was jaspers doing or my own.
Everyone left the room so I could have my final moments with Edward. I didn't want him to leave me during my transformation, but I also didn't want him to see me in this state.
I raised my hand and cupped his cheek.
"Edward." I looked solemnly into his face. I could see he was scared and that he was worried. He knew this was coming, but I don't think the realisation of it had hit him either. Perhaps he thought I might chicken out at the last minute. "Edward…Edward, look at me." He brought his beautiful golden eyes up and locked them with mine, I sighed at his beauty. "I need you to promise me one thing." I continued
"What?" His voice was strained; I could tell he was nervous.
"Promise me that, whatever I say, whatever I do, you remember that I love you with all my being and that this is what I want. I know the pain I'm going to go through, I may not know the extent of it perhaps, but I know it's coming, and I want you to remember that even though you'll be the one to bite me, that this is not your fault, the pain is not your fault. This is what I want, and I know it sounds so stupid, but the thought of you sitting next to me, worried and feeling guilty and terrible, has a more horrible affect on me than the idea of the pain that is to come. So please, for me, don't blame yourself, just support my wishes and know that I'm doing this for us, so we can be together forever." I looked deeply into his eyes, wanting him to understand, needing him to understand.
He stared back, concentrating on my face. He sighed, "Okay, okay I promise. You're so peculiar sometimes Bella, but God I love you. I want you to know that I will be by your side through every moment of your transformation. No, no I want to," he assured me after seeing my grimace. "I want to be able to support you throughout it, besides, I don't think I would e able to live with myself if I just left you in pain."
I nodded; I wasn't going to argue with him. "If it gets too much for you though, or you need to hunt, please go. Don't torture yourself."
He was already shaking his head before I finished. "I'm staying with you Bella, no one or no thing is changing that"
I nodded, I wouldn't win this, I knew that even if my screams were causing him physical pain or that he desperately needed to hunt he wouldn't leave my side, that was just Edward for you.
At this point there was a quite knock on the door and Carlisle entered.
"Sorry to interrupt, but I'm all ready now."
My stomach turned and I look to Edward and nodded, "Okay, I'm ready." I half whispered.
Edward sighed, and stood up. I positioned myself onto my back and Edward lifted up my wrist and leaned over toward my face.
"Okay, we don't know if it will make a difference, but Edward is going to bite your neck and your wrist. If it makes a difference in time then brilliant, if not, there is nothing we can do." Carlisle looked sympathetic to me.
Just then everyone else entered to room. They wished me good luck. I laughed at their words. I knew I would have no good luck for the next three days, I knew they would be agonising.
"Okay, whenever you're ready." Carlisle stated.
I took one last look at Edward before squeezing my eyes shut. He looked so beautifully even although is expression was pained. I nodded my head and whispered "Do it now."
I felt Edward draw up towards my neck. Before he done anything, he kissed me on the lips, his cold lips making me jump. "I love you Bella. I'm sorry."
I took a deep breath as I felt his lips against my warm throat, blood pumping at full speed throughout my body. I felt his mouth open and gasped as he quickly bit into my flesh. The pain began heating up; overpowering every single emotion I've ever felt in my life. It was then joined by another scalding pain at my wrists. My last coherent thought was 'don't scream,' but as the pain rose and my neck and hand began to burn uncontrollable, there was nothing else I wanted to do. The pain has surpassed the burning sensation I felt when James had bit me. Compared to this, James' bite was a like slap on the hand. As I felt the pain overcome me, I wished to loose consciousness but I didn't. I lost track of everything. Every memory was a blur, every feeling was distant and nothing else mattered anymore except the fact that my veins were bursting with heat. I screamed and I screamed, not caring anymore. Although I couldn't control my body or voice or anything, I could feel that I was thrashing about on the bed, covered in my own sweat.
The only good thing, I found, was that the pain overpowered everything else that there was no sense or time or reason. It was just as if I was there, going through this pain and that was it. Every now and then I would feel a mild shoot of what felt like cold water enter my veins, I assumed it was the morphine trying to do it's job, but I was certain it wouldn't be able to work at these temperatures.
Morphine was the only thing I could remember from the start of this encounter, everything was…there, but unfocused. It was like a lost memory I tried to retrieve. All I knew was that the morphine was my saviour and even though it did hardly anything to me, I craved it like a drug.
My only other comfort was the cool stone like object that kept a grasp of my hand. It kept me in place and sometimes, when my screaming died down slightly, I would hear a comforting tune that was vaguely familiar and some one whispering that everything would be alright.
Sometimes I was annoyed at the voice and shouted mixed up words at it, that I was sure made no sense. Why was it lying to me? Nothing was alright, the pain never died down; it never became exhausted, like me. I was unable to rest, even though I could feel my drowsiness, the searing pain never took a break, and it wouldn't let me either.
Other times I was thankful for the voice. It kept me calm to a certain level and the coolness of its skin was unbearably temping, yet I could never bring myself to be closer to it as I couldn't stop thrashing.
I didn't know where I was, what day it was, what had happened to me or why I was here. But eventually, the pain began to die down. My thoughts were so jumbled up that I thought I was finally going to heaven. With more and more time the pain became weaker, still working its way through my veins, but I could hardly feel the fires movement anymore, I was too used to it.
The pain was almost distance when I began to hear voices.
"Bella?" A familiar silky voice said with uncertainly.
Bella…. That word triggered memories and I suddenly remembered everything. The pain had subsided and I could finally focus on my thoughts. Forks, Charlie, Renee, love, emotion, feeling, vampires, weddings, Edward. Beautiful, beautiful Edward. I was finally what I have ever wanted to be since meeting Edward. I was now his equal, his wife and I was now pride to stand at his side.
I opened my eyes weakly. "Edward?" I said, almost inaudible, reaching out infront of me.
Is it sick I enjoyed writing the end of this chapter?
Hope you enjoyed it, please review, it really does give me a boost to get the new chapter get up faster.