Disclaimer: The name 'Toxic Mushrooms' is mine, and the name 'Hearing Aid', but the rest sob is JK Rowling's.
Ok, this is a Potterwatch episode on November 7th. Oh, in case you were wondering, Hearing Aid is George. And Richard Alderton is the muggleborn who says he's the son of Arkie Alderton, 'a well known broomstick designer' mentioned in DH, Chapter 13, The Muggleborn Registration Committee
"Good evening! This is River, and you're listening to Potterwatch! Thank you for tuning in today, folks! Now, I am pleased to say that our two normal contributors, Romulus and Hearing Aid, are with us today, as well as a new contributor, Royal! Hello, boys!
"Ok, 'Hearing Aid', you don't actually need a hearing aid, so you don't have to act like it."
"I've got just one bloody ear!"
"'Hearing Aid', you don't have to announce that to the whole world……"
"Alright, get on with the program."
"Ok, now we'll report the deaths that every other radio station, newspaper, and magazine have been neglecting. This week we are very sorry to report the deaths of Richard Alderton, his wife, Evangeline, and his brother, Archibald. We have also received information from the Order of the Phoenix that a group of Muggles who were having a birthday party were unscrupulously murdered by a couple of drunken Death Eaters. Let's have a moment of silence for these 11 people. Thank you. Now to Hearing Aid for some very important news!"
"Thanks River. We have recently received crucial, dangerous, and alarming news: The Death Eaters have put a Taboo on You-Know-Who's name! Anybody who says his name will probably be surrounded by Death Eaters within six seconds. Royal here was nearly caught a couple of days ago, weren't you Royal?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Selwyn's still in St. Mungo's."
"Really? Yes! That's great news!! I love hearing about Death Eaters getting injured! Right, so we can't use You-Know-Who's name. But we don't want to show him any respect by calling him You-Know-Who, do we boys?"
"Right, this is River now, so what we would suggest doing, is calling him something really stupid and insulting, like Moldy Voldy, or Mr. Poopyhead, or – or – what did your wife come up with again Romulus?"
"His pregnant wife….."
"Shut up, Hearing Aid! This is Romulus, and my wife came up with the name 'Toxic Mushrooms'."
"Yes! Perfect! Thanks Romulus, 'Toxic Mushrooms' is a perfect name for him! Right, we'll use that name for now, and we hope that you'll use it too. Right, here's Royal for the Muggle World Happenings."
"Thanks River. The Muggles don't seem to be noticing what's happening, though one lady the other day came up to me and asked me if I felt cold and depressed too. When I said yes, she asked me if I knew what was causing it, because everybody who she had asked felt depressed too. I had to change the subject quite quickly then."
"Thank you, Royal. Now we turn to Romulus for our most popular feature, 'Pals of Potter'.
"Thank you River. Harry still remains as elusive as ever, and nothing has been heard of him since August. However, in the middle of September, there seemed to be impostors impersonating Reg Cattermole of the Magical Maintenance Department, and Albert Runcorn of Magical Law Enforcement. Rumors have been going around that it was Harry and an accomplice, but they are yet to be confirmed."
"And how, Romulus, are Potter's pals doing?"
"Well, most people who were close to him are keeping their heads down and their noses to themselves. However, Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood were caught disobeying their headmaster, Severus Snape—"
"I'll avenge my ear someday—"
"Shut up, Hearing Aid! Anyway, they were disobeying Snape and he gave them 'a horrible punishment' (according to sources) so we will hope that they are all right. Now, back to River."
"Right, thank you Romulus. Now we will turn to Hearing Aid for news about 'Toxic Mushrooms.'"
"Why, thank you Le—I mean River. 'Toxic Mushrooms' is doing what he's always been doing: killing, torturing, scaring, and laughing that creepy high pitched laugh. Some people are saying that he's going to come out in the open as Minister of Magic. We can't deny these rumors, but we're 99 sure that 'Toxic Mushrooms' has worse things to be doing than sitting in London filing papers. Now, I've heard a few people saying that they're not as scared anymore. Well these people must be misinformed, because 'Toxic Mushrooms' can be scarier than Amycus Carrow when somebody suggests that he go on a diet, and that's saying something! Please people, don't lower your defenses, if anything, you should be adorning them with spikes dripping with Basilisk venom."
"Right, thank you Hearing Aid, and thank you all for listening tonight. I hope you're having as best a time as you can when 'Toxic Mushrooms' is on the loose. Next week's password is 'Phoenix.'. Thank you, and now go and have a nice relaxing dinner. Good night."
Well, did you like it? It was awfully fun to write. Here's a poll, because I'm bored:
I like the most:
e.) math (ha ha!)
Out of all those, I'd say puppies or maybe chocolate. Yay! You can tell me your answer in your review! And if you want to see a cute and funny picture, go to my profile (I love that puppy……)