San: Wow… I'm on a roll this weekend, especially since I should be working on homework… ahh, I'll get it done! Anyways, I was heavily inspired for this upon seeing a "Six Things That Never Happened to Shiina Yuya" fic by my friend Yuya-chan (Satri). God, Ed and Winry are so fun to write, I love them. They're so flexible!

Also, I'd like to point out I had Stripe, Megan, Emely, and BlueEyedBlonde give me many, many prompts to write from. Megan is to be credited for the ideas of the first three, Stripe for the fourth and fifth, Yuya-chan for the sixth, Emely and BEB for the ninth, and myself for the seventh and eighth.

As for the readers of "In Before the Fables" I have the chapter fully written and am in the process of typing it up (lazy) D:…

Another thing, please note, Ling and Mei are not OCs, but key characters from the manga which is totally different from the Anime and EdWinry is blindingly canon and awesome, and I will give anyone that asks links to download it/read it online. Paninya appeared for an episode in the Anime, and appears many times in the manga, I luffles her.

Also, spoiler: number seven takes off from a certain scene in the manga where Riza asks Ed if he loves Winry 8D.

Anyhow, without further ado…!


Summary: Winry had never gotten so drunk... Winry had never gotten too hot in her work clothes... Winry had never learned a foreign languge, etc. Some serious, some humor, and some purely crack. Nine drabbles and ficlets for your reading pleasure. EdWinry.
Notes/Warnings: Ling and Mei are not OCs, but key characters from the manga which is totally different from the Anime and in which EdWinry is blindingly canon and awesome --and I will give anyone that asks links to download it/read it online. Also, spoilers, cursing, and mentions of sex.
Disclaimer/Credit: Do not. Own FMA, if I did, the Anime wouldn't have been so plot-holey, Edward wouldn't have been so whored around, and Ed and Winry would be making babies at the end of it. I forced Stripe, Megan, and Emely to give me many, many prompts to write from. Megan is to be credited for the ideas of the first three, Stripe for the fourth and fifth, Yuya-chan for the sixth, and Emely for the ninth.

Nine Things That Never happened to Winry Rockbell.


1 . "Winry, look who's here!"

Tools suddenly clanged against the floor, and the workshop-door slammed open with a bang. Sandal-clad feet rushed down the stairs, the body attached to them nearly flying off the railings. Winry Rockbell wordlessly rushed over to the front door and opened it with such force it nearly went flying off the hinges.

"Edward Elric, I swear, if you...!" she stopped, noticing him waving his arm: the right one.

"Hi Winry, brother just wanted to drop in and visit," chirped Al. Winry's jaw dropped.

Ed stayed there and mooched off their rich farm foods for a whopping seven days.


2. "I'm meeltiiing…."

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. However, the sweltering heat did little to rouse her from her slumped position on the couch. The sun was bright, yellow, sunny, and wreaking havoc upon the unsuspecting citizens of Resembool; torturing the quaint village with heat that could put South Amestris to shame. Winry suddenly found herself envying those near-Eskimos up North. Even in her tiny, tiny tube-top, she was sweating like a pig. The baggy coveralls had long since been ditched somewhere on the floor, and now she only stood in her underwear and the black little censor bar she called a top. Now she was contemplating taking the latter off.

Well, Pinako wasn't home, and wouldn't be for hours –not that the old woman would really mind but, Winry had some modesty-, and she doubted Den could be classified as a peeping Tom, especially considering the dog was female. Nodding to herself, Winry snaked her fingers underneath the black elastic and pulled it over her head. At that exact moment, the door opened.

"Winry, no one was at the front door so I let myself i-HOLY FUCKING HELL."

Winry stared upon in horror as blood spurted out of Ed's nose and he fell to the ground.


3. Winry Rockbell was proud of her ever-growing hair. Usually mechanics were advised not to grow theirs too long, lest any unwanted accidents take place. But Winry didn't care, her hair was precious.

Apparently, the gears in the machine thought so too. The one time she forgot to put on her bandana before work, her hair got caught. Winry screamed and cried as her shiny blonde hair was mercilessly being tugged on, while Pinako quickly ran to grab a pair of scissors.

Long story short, Ed didn't get to give his little grease monkey mechanic that silk hair ribbon from his mother for the next few years.


4. "Who is this?"

Edward blinked at the hostile look on his mechanic's face, then glanced at the taller girl beside him. "This is Rose," he answered bluntly. "Al and I ran into her again and she needed a place to stay, and you know Al… Anyways, she can share your hotel room, since I'm paying for it."

Inwardly, Winry seethed. How dare he? Outwardly however, she forced a smile at the multi-colour-haired girl's direction. As much as she wanted to wrench Edward at the moment, he was right; he was paying for the rooms. "Hello, I'm Winry." Rose smiled sweetly in return. "Rose Thomas," she offered a hand. Winry shook it tentatively, and then turned to Ed.

"Agar Tum usse pyaar karti ho, to tumhe bohat dard lagegi. Tum mere ho, samjhe?"

"Pardon?" Edward blinked, hearing the strange noises that popped out of his friend's mouth. Rose blinked as well, and Winry gave a sheepish laugh. "Oh nothing, just brushing up on some Ishvalan I learned. It's just, Rose looked Ishvalan and well… and I was just telling you thank you for bringing a guest, haha!" Ed looked at Winry as if she'd just spouted horns.

Winry offered a large smile "Come on Rose, let's show you to your room!" It was so sudden, Ed almost missed it; Rose blushed a bit as Winry grabbed her hand and dragged her. He raised a brow, but thought nothing of it.

A few weeks later, when he finally figured out why Rose would often look upon at him and Winry in disguised disdain, Ed would realize that he hadn't imagined that blush, and that it wasn't him she wanted.

And years later, when he went on to study foreign languages, Ed would learn what Winry had said was "If you love her, I will hurt you. You're mine, understand?"


5. Winry Rockbell wasn't drunk.

Or at least, that's what she kept telling everyone that pointed out that in fact, yes, she was drunk, and badly so. After all, singing 'The Song That Never Ends' at the top of her lungs off-tune, and bumping into random objects while trying to dance to it, was not something a sober person would do. Winry Rockbell was most definitely smash drunk, and in denial too.

"Come on guys, just one mooore..." she slurred, dancing with a small green shrub in her arms. Just then, Edward walked into the bar. "Have you seen Colonel bastaaa-Winry?! What happened?" he exclaimed, looking at his mechanic who was currently hugging a plant.

"Drunk," Paninya and Al deadpanned. "And she thinks you're a plant."

"Duh-don't worry, Eeed," Winry giggled. "I love you even if… even if you're now shmaller and green." She then proceeded to embrace the life out of the poor plant.

Edward blinked, feeling a blush creep onto his cheeks. Paninya and Al merely sighed and muttered a "Finally!"

That night, Ed carried a very affectionate and giggling Winry home with surprising gentle-ness. And when morning came, Winry would wake up and scream seeing Ed in the bed beside her, and Ed would suffer a wake-up call filled with curses and wrenches. At least until he frightfully pointed out the fact that they were still clothed.


6. "Al, where do babies come from?"

"What?" If Al could have blinked, he would have. She couldn't be serious, could she? He looked down at the innocent-looking blue eyes staring up at him and inwardly groaned. She certainly seemed like she was. How was it that even he knew, and she didn't?

"We-well… You see…"

"Did I hear someone call for me?" came a jubilant voice, and Alphonse turned sharply to look at Ling. The Xingese prince walked over to Winry and grabbed her hand. "I would be happy to show you, Miss Rockbell. I'll eve-" he was cut of by another male voice.

"Now, now, you might not want to catch foreign germs, Miss Rockbell," smiled Roy Mustang. "If you come with me, I'll show you how a true gentleman doe-" the cycle of being cut off continued when yet another male voice -younger and much louder this time- shrieked.

"OHHHH NO YOU DON'T, you perverted bastards!" Ed exclaimed, looking at them murderously. "You are NOT defiling her!" he growled, stomped his left foot, and pointed at them. Even with his smaller height, he looked quite menacing, and the two dark-haired males immediately backed off.

"I still don't get where babies come from," Winry stated, crossing her arms to emphasise her annoyance. "What's the big deal?" Beside her, Ed growled again and grabbed her around the shoulders protectively. Inwardly, she smirked.

"Ed, do you think you could teach me?" she looked up at him, flashing him one of her famous looks of sheer naïveté. Edward turned ten shades of red. "Wh-what?" he managed to stutter, before she grabbed his arm and led him out the room. Behind them, Al gasped. The girl was just as sneaky –if not more- as his older brother. He shook his head.

They deserved one another.

"Come on!" Winry exclaimed, the innocent façade hardly a veil anymore. "And you better give me a good demonstration!" she demanded, ignoring the protests of Ed who was currently trying to rip his hand out of her grip. His face rivalled the colour of a fire truck.

The door closed behind them, leaving two sniggering men and one suit of armour that nodded his head because he couldn't smile.


7. "You love Winry, don't you?"

Pbbbbhhhhtttttt.

Eyes wide and jaw hung, Edward stared at Riza Hawkeye -who was currently seated across from him- with a most incredulous look. The tea he'd been previously drinking now soaked the fur on Black Hayate's face, while the poor little dog yelped from the sudden attack.

"Wh-what?" Ed stammered, blushing beet-red. "N-no, she's just a friend, a-a very good friend… a mechanic, and a very important person!" he stuttered, his head shaking back and forth. "Nothing more, nothing-"

"Hello, could I have Miss Rockbell please?" Ed blinked, and then turned to look at Riza on the phone. When did she…? The older women held the phone up and spoke. "Winry, Edward would like to tell you he hates you, that he finds you annoying, and it disgusts him to eve-"

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? I LOVE WINRY!" Ed screamed at the top of his lungs, enraged that Hawkeye would even think such a thing. He glared daggers at her, till he noticed the growing smirk on her face and blinked in confusion. What the… He suddenly paled, noticing she was still holding the receiver up.

Riza grinned, whispered something into the phone, and hung up. Ed felt faint.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Rush Valley, Paninya tried to snap a frozen, and red-faced Winry -with the phone still clutched in her hand, dial tone ringing- out of her daze.


8. Winry never got to wear that snowy white wedding gown.

As a child, Winry had always dreamed of getting married, with her mother smiling proudly, and the sparkling isle filled with millions of people, as her father would walk her down upon it, while she wore the purest of white gowns. She dreamed of a traditional wedding, with garters and everything. She would always imagine her wedding that way, and predicted that it would be exactly as she foresaw.

As she got older, however, aspects of that dream diminished one by one. Her mother's smile couldn't make it, nor could her father's strong, guiding arm, as they were both killed in the battlefield when she was eight. There were no millions of people, as she doubted she even knew half that many, and she didn't get to wear that snowy white gown.

Instead, she wore an off-white one, as Al walked her down the isle to his brother, with Gracia, Pinako, Garfeil, and Riza smiling proudly at her. She couldn't bring herself to wear a pure white one, despite Riza's numerous explanations of why "no one cares". After all, as carefree and gung-ho as she was, Winry was still a little traditional by heart --something she got from her parents.

And as tradition went, only those with their virginity intact could wear pure white wedding gowns, and that was something her and Ed has gotten rid of together long before matrimony.


9. "Oh, Nelly, look at that perfume!"

Winry Rockbell, fashion designer extraordinaire squealed as she spotted a very pretty and rainbow-like bottle of smelly liquid. "This'll go great with my collection!" she told her partner. The other brown-haired girl nodded in agreement, both squealing simultaneously. "Aren't you glad you didn't take up mechanics?" Nelly cooed, almost in a hypnotic manner.

"Yes," Winry said robotically. "Machines are so sexy- I mean, for losers."

"Good girl!" the brunette patted her head before showing her a poofy white dress. "What about something like this design?" "Perfect!" Winry squealed, following by another bout of both girls squealing in unison.

"Al, I wanna tell them to shut up!"

"Brother, don't…!"

"I can hear those peacocks from the other side of the store, Alphonse! That ain't right! I hate prissy girls like that!" Ed yelled. "We're only here because your little girlfriend Mei bought a wrench from the tools section instead of lip-gloss—how do you confuse a wrench with lip-gloss?!" He yelled at the smaller dark-haired girl, who in return scowled up at him, still holding the wrench.

"Brother…"

"And that blonde bimbo there, totally matching the stereotype! I bet she even-" he was cut off by a tap on the shoulder. "What?" he spat irately, turning to face a very pissed off Winry Rockbell. The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, seeing stars.

Mei blinked, noticing the wrench gone from her hand, and now in the grasp of the blonde girl, who was seething. "You stupid-" Winry was cut off by Edward suddenly coming to his senses.

"Marry me," he breathed, staring up at her in amazement. Winry blinked, then slowly nodded, kneeling down to look at him face to face. Making-out ensued.

On the other side of the room, Nelly glowered. "Dammit, soiled again," she muttered, very unhappy about no longer having a prissy best friend who wasn't interested in smelling like machine oil. So much for repeatedly hypnotizing Winry since childhood to make sure she never got too close to the Elrics, and convincing her to leave for Central to become fashion designers together with her at a very young age. The former FullMetal Alchemist and saviour of Amestris still managed to get to her.

It was impossible to avoid one's destiny. For Winry it was wielding a wrench, and for Edward, it was getting hit by one.



San: That last one was pure crack and AU, don't try to think it through too much xD;. Also, no offence to prissy people, I love you jerks. As for number four, that was Hindi. I love that language, I'm originally from Bangladesh, a small country beside India and heavily influenced by it, so I grew up with Bollywood movies and everything. I also think that Ishval is based off of India, with the clothes, looks, and the fact that their god is called Ishvala, while one way to say god in Hindi is "Ishvar". Coincidence? Considering Arakawa's brilliance and research, I doubt it.

And also, Emely is a huge RoseWinry fan, as well as EdWinry, and that bit in number four was for her. She's making me find the pair cute as well (Though nothing could compare to EdWinry, and AlMei, mwahaha).

Anyhow, reviews are much love, and make me want to write more. (Winkwinknudgenudge) Now press that shiny button!

Constructive criticism is love as well.