Insert Standard Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine

Note: The plot isn't mine as well. (Cries) This is a sasusaku version of the Korean hit movie of 2001 entitled "My Sassy Girl" starring the angelic Jeon Ji-Hyun and the award-winning Cha Tae-Hyun. The major plot and scenes and dialogues are from the movie, however, changes are made, by me, of course to suit and keep them referring to Sasuke and Sakura in character.

ENJOY!



My sasusaku version of

My Sassy Girl

Written by Purpleblush017

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Who would forget the occasional get-together with friends which was cloaked with a lot of alcohol and teasing and sometimes, bitter envy?

Uchiha Sasuke wouldn't.

Even if it meant hours of drunken games and hundred questions and stabs about his masculinity with people—he would poke his eyes out before he could say it out loud—he considered as… friends.

"So," a malicious grin came out of Uzumaki Naruto's face. On the his left was Hyuuga Neji, who was pretty drunk with just two shot and was now flirting with a very grossed-out Shikamaru on his side. On Naruto's right was Rock Lee who was in the middle of getting turned on with Neji's sudden display of affection towards their lazy friend of getting in the middle of it. "Sasuke-dearest," Naruto's voice slurred. "I heard you landed yourself a girlfriend."

Across the blonde man, Sasuke choked on his shot of Sake. And abruptly all eyes turned towards the defendant's direction. "Is she pretty?" came another question form Naruto's mouth. "She has to be, right?" there came that malicious grin again. "What would you do if you disappoint your Yaoi fan club members? That'll be a disaster!" Sasuke was staring to turn white. "What would your brother—the Yaoi fan club president—say if the first girlfriend you ever picked was a hotty-not?"

Neji smiled prettily, his hands not moving away from Shikamaru's you-know-what down there. "I'm secretly a Yaoi fan of yours too, Sasu-chan!" he finished with a girlish giggle.

Yes.

Who would forget the occasional get-together with friends which was cloaked with a lot of alcohol and teasing and sometimes, bitter envy?

Uchiha Sasuke solemnly wished he occasionally did.


. : Apat : .


Who the hell would call a girl puked on someone else and somehow manages to put the blame on you, acts as though you were the mastermind of everything, acts like a macho-woman who thinks she could turn down big real men with her puny height, get wasted again, act suicidal, and who imposes herself as a mother to your unborn baby—hell, you're still even a sore virgin at that—your girlfriend!?

Who would call her a girlfriend?

"Ouch!" Rock Lee groaned in pain. "It's nice that you want to play hit-Rock-Lee's-shin, Sasuke. But I think you're aiming a little to my left."

Sasuke, may it be from the courage brought on by alcohol influence or his mere ego, he would not swallow the fact. With a quick gulp at his Sake, Sasuke stood up and pointed outside the window. "See that woman who just passed by?" he headed towards the front door. "From now on, that'll be my girlfriend!" he declared before he closed the door with a loud bang.

Everyone was silent.

Until Neji broke it. "I know I'm dead drunk, but… did that woman who passed by had bright pink hair?"

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That dumb Naruto! He can not make fun of me!

Sasuke swayed, following the woman who was wearing a sun hat—which was quite weird for it was winter—and a green cardigan over her flowery sun dress. His brisk steps tried to keep up with him as they walked on the pedestrian.

"Miss!" Sasuke called out. When she seemed to be oblivious to the man calling her, he tried again. "Hey, Miss!" but to no avail.

Damn! How can that small woman walk so fast!?

He almost stumbled when he grabbed her shoulder for support. "Hey, baby." He managed to say out loud.

When the lady turned around and faced him—

Holy Shit!

—it was that suicidal self-imposed girlfriend of his!

Her green eyes widened. "Baby!?" she gritted her newly cleaned white teeth. "Who're you calling baby!?"

In a spilt second, Sasuke ran as fast as he could for his life.

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"Whoa! That was fast!" Naruto smiled excitedly and looked all over Sasuke's side from left to right, "So, where's your new girlfriend?"

Ring. Ring.

Sasuke hid under the table albeit embarrassingly and answered his cell phone. On the other line, an angry female voice greeted his ears before he could even utter a word.

"You! Where the hell are you, you low-life man! Hitting on random women on the streets! Is that what you do!?" insert nasty breathing and ear-splitting curses. "YAAAH! Show your face, Uchiha Sasuke!!"

Shikamaru who was looking outside the window caught a glimpse of a woman talking angrily at her cell phone just across the bar they were drinking at. He gave a glance at Sasuke who was still under the table and then at the woman outside. With his genius mind, he completely understood the situation. It was simply ironic, he thought—that the woman he hit on was someone he knew. And by the looks of it, he did not just know her as in 'know' her. There was something more to that.

But when Neji squeezed him again, causing him to lose his train of thoughts, he asked himself why he had such friends who were so troublesome.

Sasuke pinched his nose and spoke. "The telephone number you have dialed is not active or is outside the service area."

"What do you mean, not active!? ARGGH! You are so dead when I see you!"

He disregarded her and went on. "The telephone number you have dialed is not active or is outside the service area. PLEASE don't call again!" and then he took off his cell phone's battery. When he sat on the chair as if nothing ever happened, he took the bottle of Sake and gave his friends another round of alcohol.

Sasuke yelled at them: "Let's drink till we die!"

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Pause.

Rewind.

An Hour Ago, or so

Haruno Sakura stood impatiently outside her college department's main lobby, holding her cell phone to her ear. "What? You're drinking with your friends?" she smiled. "I wanna come too! I want to see what kind of friends you have." She flipped her long pink hair from her shoulder.

"What!? What do you mean I can't come!?" Sakura fussed causing attraction from other people and yet she couldn't care less. "You remember this day, Uchiha Sasuke!" she stomped her feet, raised her fist and glared at thin air as if the person he was talking to was just in front of her. "You better not be with women right now!" Pause. Breathe. "Or I'll cut your penis inside-out with a rusty old scalpel so slow that you wished you'd never looked at any woman other than me!"

Gasps from male passer-bys.

"Got it?" Smile. Smile. "Good boy! I'll give you a doggy treat next time!"

Clicks off phone.

Sakura stretched her arms. "I feel so stressed out! I need to buy a hat!" she said as she walked towards the outskirts of the University grounds. She looked at the cool sunshine and shivered at the cold breeze and smiled dashingly.

"I need to go buy a summer hat!" she grinned. "With a really cool sun dress!"

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Pause.

Forward.

Hit Play.

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Uchiha Sasuke was seeing doubles.

And yet he was giggling—something you don't see everyday. No, not when he's drunk. And after spending some 'quality time' with his so-called friends, he was drunk to the bones. Despite the sudden gift of being able to see twins of everything, he thought of vengeance.

Yes. If there was something Uchihas are known for, it would be their over bloated ego. Step on it whether intentionally or not, no matter how heavy or small the impact is there would always be room for a little something they call 'pay-back time'.

Flips cell phone and dialed a number.

He said, "I'm here at the last station. Pick me up. Come here in ten seconds. If you don't," he closed his eyes and felt such victory. "You're dead."

Beep.

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"Ugh…" he held his throbbing head. "Damn hangover." Sasuke stirred and managed to open his eyes. And what met his eyes was something he could never forget—Huge men with tattoos all over their body came closer to him.

One asked, "He's so pretty! Is he really a boy?"

The one who had black glasses smacked him in the head. "Moron!" he gave Sasuke who was sprawled on the floor a left to right stare. "You could try and grab him there if you want to make sure."

Another huge man who was bald and had the most tattoos giggled. "Can I grab him now!?" he jumped excitedly. "Oh, please! Please!"

The first one put his hands on his side. "No fair! I wanna do it too!"

"Ooh, can we keep him, can we? Can we!?" the others chanted. "Pretty, pretty fucking please!" a lopsided smile. "With sugar on top!"

Sasuke had never been so scared and grossed-out in his life.

When the sound of jiggling keys was heard, they all turned around and saw the police men unlocking the jail door. The man in light blue uniform opened the door and clicked his tongue. "Sorry to rain on your parade, ladies. But that hot piece of meat is already taken."

Sasuke dashed out of the jail cell. With the 'ohs' and 'ughs' heard on the background, he faced a pink-haired, green-eyed angel-in-disguise monster. And she sweetly smiled too. "Happy to see me?"

He looked away. "Che,"

She instantly grabs his collar and smacks him as hard as she could.

"What the hell, woman—!"

She started beating him up. "Don't do that again, you bastard!" Smack! "You wanna die!?" Pak! "Who the hell are you calling baby, huh!?" Slap! "Hitting on random women!" SMACK! "What kind of a man, are you, huh!?" SMACK! SLAP! "You really want to die by my hands that much, huh? HUH!?"

From the jail cell, the huge men with an overdose of tattoos were at awe with her feminist way. "Why are you beating up our pretty boy! Hand him over to us!" their hands were outstretched outside the spaces in betweens of the jail bars. "Do not lump his body, you man-hater! We'd love to be the ones banging him! Give him to us!"

Sakura glanced their way and glared. "This man," she slightly raised Sasuke, "is mine." She turned to face the prey in her hands. "We already spent two nights together, right, handsome?" she sweetly purred.

Sasuke choked in whether displeasure or pleasure, he could not say. The underlying pretense in her words was too much for him to handle. At that moment, she was too hot for his eyes and his own good.

"Oh. MY. GOD! Pretty boy is indeed a real man! Look at how big he is!"

The pink-haired menace gave them a deadly glare, "Touch him and die." With a matching mischievous smile, she added: "Do not test my girl power, bitch."

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Somewhere,

Out there,

Uchiha Itachi chuckled to himself as he watched everything on tape.