Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the SW uni, and what few possessions I do own, you cant have! If you try to get them, I'll put scarab beetles down your pants!
Takes place approximately 11 years before TPM. Obi is around 14.
Summary: A cute little fic that I thought of one day while going to work. It's only meant to entertain and hopefully give you a laugh.
great big smooshie hugs to all reviewers
* ** * * * *** ** * *
"Obi-Wan, hurry up, we're going to be late." Qui-Gon called into his padawans room.
"Just a few more minutes master." Obi-Wan answered from the other side of the refresher door.
Qui-Gon shook his head and placed Obi-Wans clean clothes on a pile on the corner of his bed. He was about to turn away when something caught his eye. A small corner of some sorts was poking out from under the mattress of Obi-Wan's bed.
Qui-Gon felt his heart lurch into his throat as he gently tugged on the exposed corner. Though he gave and respected his padawans privacy, there were still some things out in the galaxy that was still too 'grown up' for his teenage charge, and hiding them from his master was a big error in conduct.
The corner pulled out a couple of inches and showed it was a booklet. Qui-Gon frowned, wondering why his padawan would hide a book, then he pulled the rest of it out from its hiding place.
Qui-Gon's face instantly flushed a deep red. He stared down at the book, covered with exposed human bodies, some of them engaged in activities that even the Jedi Master couldn't fathom.
Hearing the water turn off, the Jedi master quickly tucked the magazine under his robe, hoping that maybe he would be able to talk to Obi-Wan about what was going on with the pictures.
Qui-Gon sighed, "They never taught this at the temple. How in the name of the Sith am I going to explain this without acting like a complete idiot?"
Obi-Wan called from the other side of the refresher door, "I'm just about done master."
"Its ok padawan. Something has come up and we will be slightly delayed."
Obi-Wan opened the door, water dripping off his head and dampening his ruffled clothes. "Are we in trouble again?" The teen asked candidly as he pulled a towel onto his head and began to dry his spiky hair.
"No padawan, we aren't in trouble." Qui-Gon assured. "But I think you and I need to have a talk."
"Talk? About what master?" Obi-Wan asked through the vigorous working of the towel over his head.
"Obi-Wan, is there something you want to ask me? Anything that you have questions about?"
Obi-Wan finished drying his head and threw his towel back into his refresher and shrugged, "Nothing comes to mind Master."
Qui-Gon had hoped it would go easy, now he had a feeling that his padawan would be difficult, even during this 'talk'. "Think hard Obi-Wan. Is there ANYTHING that puzzles you? Anything you are curious about? Anything you want to discuss with me?"
Obi-Wan thought for a moment and then looked kinda sheepishly at his master, "Well, there is one thing that has been bothering and I didn't want to be the one that brought it up."
Qui-Gon gulped quietly and tried to control his shaking hands. "What is it?" //oh please force, let this go smoothly!//
"Master, is it me, or does your hair never really move anywhere? I mean mines short so it naturally doesn't flail about, but yours seems to be permanently glued to your head."
Qui-Gon faltered then regained his composure. "What? What in the world are you talking about padawan?"
"Your hair. It doesn't move. That's just not natural master. Do you have a weave?"
Qui-Gon frowned, then pulled out the magazines hidden under his robe. "I was talking about these. I found them under your mattress and I was wondering if you wanted to talk."
Obi-Wan glanced down at the covers, his eyes grew wide and his throat constricted. "Oh no. You searched my room?" He turned an accusatory glance at his master.
"I didn't search your room. They were sticking out and I just pulled them out to take a look at them." Qui-Gon clarified. "Now, as to their content, I'm absolutely in shock to find these in your room, especially ones this graphic. I've never even heard of 'ZERO 'G' KNOCKERS'… and…" The master read the other cover, trying to keep himself composed and say the more politically correct version of the label. "And 'GALACTIC 'CROTCHES''. Care to explain all this to me?"
Obi-Wan sat down by his master on the edge of the bed and said in a low even tone, "I think you're old enough to know what goes on between two people behind closed doors."
Qui-Gon frowned then gave his padawan a light punch to the arm. "You know what I mean, you smart mouthed padawan! What I meant was, explain WHY they are in YOUR room."
Obi-Wan giggled at his masters bright red face and shrugged, "I was curious. That's all. I didn't think you would approve, so I ordered them secretly from the galactic holonet."
"You're right. I DON'T approve. However, I understand your reasons for being curious and that sometimes you have to learn some things out for yourself. But, I don't approve of you hiding them. You should have come to me with your questions. I would have gladly explained everything as best I could."
"OH please master!" Obi-Wan scrunched his face at the elder. "YOU talking about sex? That's just NASTY!"
Qui-Gon looked shocked, then furious at his apprentice, "What do you mean by NASTY? I have you to know that I have plenty of experience with women, including Adi Gallia!"
"Oh master! I could have lived my entire life without knowing that!" Obi-Wan's face contorted even more.
Qui-Gon sigh, knowing he said too much. He glanced back his apprentice, "Is there any questions you have? That DOESN'T include my personal life?"
Obi-Wan thought for a moment and shrugged, "The pictures were pretty self explanatory."
"Obi-Wan, you DO realize that not everyone can do those positions, right? Not everyone is that…" The master cleared his throat as he glanced at the cover of one of the magazines. "Not everyone is that limber."
"I know that master. Don't worry, I don't have any preconceived notions." Obi-Wan grinned.
"Good. Now, is there any part in here that you have questions about? Anything in here you want me to explain? I am here if you need any explainations."
"I don't think so master. I understand everything perfectly." Obi-Wan grinned mischievously.
"Why does that worry me?" Qui-Gon groaned and cast his eyes upwards. He took several deep breaths, then turned his attention back to his padawan. "Obi-Wan, though I know you have already read through these, and looked at the pictures, I don't feel comfortable with you having them. So I will keep them in my room until I feel you are old enough to understand the consequences of these actions."
"But master, I need those!" Obi-Wan protested.
"What?" Qui-Gon nearly fell off the bed. "What do you mean you need them?"
"Master, have you even LOOKED through the pages?" Obi-Wan asked with a gleam in his eye.
"Huh? No! I mean, I don't need to, I can just imagine what is in them." Qui-Gon stuttered and cleared his throat again.
Obi-Wan burst out laughing, grabbing a magazine and began to leap through the pages. "Master, I think you might find page 14 of special interest."
"What?! Obi-Wan, stop that! Close that immediately! I…." Qui-Gon looked startled, then grabbed the magazine back from his apprentice and carefully looked over the page. He looked from the pages to his padawan, then back again. "Schematics?"
Obi-Wan grinned then bowed his head, "I knew you wouldn't like me keeping those kinds of magazines around here, so after I looked through them, I took out the middle part, only keeping the first couple of pages and I put them over a schematic book. That way I could just give the illusion that I had those kinds of things, so my friends wouldn't tease me for being a 'goody-goody'."
Qui-Gon breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Oh, thank the force!" He frowned and looked questioningly at his apprentice, "Your friends tease you about having these magazines?"
Obi-Wan blushed and hung his head, "Garen and Reeft have some of them and started teasing me cause I didn't have any. So I got a couple of them, tried to find what was so appealing about them, then just put a few pages over my manuals to make it look like I have some you don't know about. I found those pictures and stories disgusting and there is no way I want to keep those around. I'd rather read my manuals and keep myself focused on my training."
Qui-Gon kept his face passive, but inwardly he wanted to scream at Obi-Wan's two friends and then thank the force that his apprentice was so honest and good natured. "That was a very grown up thing to do, Obi-Wan. I'm proud of you. But I still think these pictures are too adult for you. Force, they are even too adult for me!"
Obi-Wan grinned. "Its ok master. If there is anything you need ME to explain to you, I'll be happy to. I just need my manuals, I don't care what you do with those covers."
Qui-Gon smacked Obi-Wan jokingly, "You little cheeky apprentice! I will return your manuals, but these covers will remain in my room until I feel you are old enough."
Obi-Wan smiled and shook his head, "Fine by me. Shall we go now master?"
"Straighten your clothes and I'll meet you in the common room to leave." Qui-Gon said as he rose and exited Obi-Wan's room, carrying the magazine covers.
Qui-Gon went into his room, closed the door and leaned against it heavily, sighing dramatically. "Thank You!" he whispered softly to whatever deity may be listening.
Using the force to locate Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon went over to his dresser and pulled out the bottom drawer. He pulled back his old training clothes and tucked the folded magazine covers in beside his small collection of romance novels and other literature. He grinned as he put his old socks over the incriminating evidence and laughed to himself. "Obi-Wan has a lot to learn about hiding things."
Obi-Wan grinned in his room as he sensed his masters presence through their bond. He carefully looked down at his manuals resting on his nightstand. He opened the pages and leapt through the first few, then glanced at the erotic content centered in the book, then closed the innocent looking covers. Obi-Wan fought back his smirk as he left his room, "He has a lot to learn about sneaking around."