Hey there, peoplez! Okay, so this is a one-shot I randomly though of. It took me about four days to write and many, times of editing. My friend edwardslove4ever helped me to edit this and make it as perfect as possible. Many kudos to her! Well, read on and enjoy my fanfic of random-ness!
P.S. This one-shot is 14 pgs. long on Microsoft Word and 6,224 words long...I have now forewarned you of its length. BEWARE! lol
Disclaimer: Never ever will I be able to own anything of Stephenie Meyer's...even if I changed my name and everything...tears...j/k
BTY: Please,as you read this, keep in mind that I intended for Emmett, Jasper, and Edward to be oblivious. I know, technically, they most likely wouldn't be as oblivious as I made them out to be, but please keep an open mind.
War of the Straws and Sandwiches
For the last three weeks now I've been toying with this idea—redecorating Bella's room as a little 'I love you and you deserve everything' gift—and finally decided to act upon it as of, hmm…well, nine hours ago. As soon as I dropped Bella off at her house after school, I rushed to Seattle and went to the nearest mall, grabbing anything I knew Bella would love to have in her room. I ended up spending a whopping seven hundred dollars, but who said Bella was going to find out?
Right now, Emmett, Jasper, and I are on our way to Bella's house with my Volvo completely packed with the new furnishings for her room. The plan, since we are vampires and can be as silent as the night, is to keep all our movements hushed and not make any ruckus as we empty and refill Bella's room—as she sleeps.Emmett's POV
Okay, so Edward asks me immediately after he gets home if I'm up to helping him redo Bella's room. My first reaction is to say, "Why the Hell not? Let's do this!" However, knowing that the comment won't be appreciated, I hold my tongue and settle with a calm, "Sure, I'll help out."
So, a few hours after Edward recruits me for the redecorating, I find myself stuffed in the back of his tiny Volvo with some lamp-like thing going up my ass and thinking, If we don't get there soon, I am going to break this "lamp" and Bella will have to just go lamp-less. Luckily, for the lamp, Bella, and I, we pull up in front of her house as I finish this thought and impatiently yank the backdoor open. Freedom, at last!Jasper's POV
Alice and I had a night planned to just be with each other: talk, hangout, be together, whatever you liked to call it, we wanted to have a night of just that. Whether or not it led to "other" things was not our concern. However, if, say, it did lead to these "other" things, I definitely won't be complaining, but it wasn't the point of the night. Finally, after much planning, we decided it had to be tonight, and I couldn't agree more. On the inside I was secretly jumping about screaming with joy…but you wouldn't have been able to tell from my outside—I was an image of composure.
Well, Edward gets home some time after school let out—and the only way I knew it was him is because he always has a sort of 'I'm in love' aura, and it can be sensed several miles away when outside—and inquires whether or not I would like to help him redecorate Bella's room as a surprise. Now, I'm very fond of Bella and am quite a civil vampire, but I was not going to give up this night to do anything else other than what Alice and I had planned.
"I'm sorry, but I can't." I let him know gently, but he just smiled.
"Jasper, I think you might want to come help me." His smile grew more prominent.
What the Hell is he thinking? Confidence and assurance exuded from him in huge waves now. I had absolutely no idea why he felt that way, especially since I just told him no.
"Jasper, Alice won't like what your thinking, especially when I tell her." That's why he is smiling and believes I'll go with him—he knows my own personal plans for tonight. I secretly had planned to intentionally lead my and Alice's night to the "other" things, but my strategy was to keep it as unknown as possible—even from those who could mind read. Unfortunately, I slipped. (NOTE: my goal was also to keep it from Alice too, but that took a little more concentration. I had to "change" my mind every few minutes to keep Alice out of the loop and confused as to what I was planning to do)
He took me by surprise when he said this. I thought he was above using blackmail, but I have been sadly mistaken.
"Fine, count me in." I mentally kicked myself for loosing my cool momentarily, then got an idea. "However, Edward, you get to break it to Alice."
He gave me another grin, this time baring teeth—his most favorite intimidation factor I've come to realize. "Touché, Jasper. Touché." He said this turning around, I'm guessing to talk to Alice. But, for all I knew, she'd already found out in a vision. She is not going to be happy.
So, several hours later, I find myself in Edward's Volvo on the way to Bella's house continually reassuring myself, How I got myself into this mess is still questionable and most likely will never be determined. However, as I am a civil vampire and am fond of Bella, not to mention Edward did ask politely for my help, I agreed to this ridiculous plan. However, what I should've been thinking is, Edward is going to pay…Alice and I will do something…(thinks of ways to punish him) …castrating him sounds very appealing, but messy…But no, I am worrying about telling myself that it isn't my fault and that it is Edward who ruined my and Alice's night.
Now, though I'm not really at liberty to discuss this, I have only one issue with this surprise for Bella: all the trouble—buying new furnishings, taking everything out of her room, then putting in a bunch of new stuff—will most likely go to waste with Bella demanding Edward to take it all back. I may not be thrilled helping to pull this project through, but I do hate wasting my time, and that will be exactly what this is if she ends up not keeping the damn stuff. She better like it.Edward's POV
"Emmett, could you start bringing stuff down from her room and set it over there"—indicating an area of the yard with my forefinger—"and put it all in neat piles." With a quick nod, Emmett got to work. Immediately I saw two stacks appear in the area of yard I pointed out to him. So far, this is going well.
Jasper then approached me with a calm, "What would you like me to do?" How long at most will this take, Edward? I knew he didn't want to be here, since he originally had other plans with Alice and willingly put them on hold for me, but he should've kept his thoughts PG and away from me.
"At most an hour if we don't get everything out of her room in the next six minutes. And, if you want to, you can help Emmett and speed up the process."
"I think that's what I'll do." He didn't look as disappointed about his night being changed like he did earlier, but still it lingered. He evidently still had hope that the night would not end fruitless, especially with his thought, Anything to get this over with and back to Alice.
With them working to get Bella's current furnishings out into the yard, I began the easy work of unloading the Volvo and setting everything just outside the house's front door. Less than two minutes later, everything was unloaded and I was sorting through it, checking and rechecking to be sure every necessity was there: new curtains, bed set, floor length mirror, desk, lamp, etc. To see how far in progress they had gotten I looked over to the piles Emmett started and got to thinking, Hmm…I should probably look through those for anything worth keeping. Of course, I ended up missing the fact that the piles had grown only slightly larger since Emmett had started and Jasper joined him.Jasper's POV
I might have been with Alice right now, talking about things we have done and plan to do, sitting together and reading a book, or possibly even holding each other tight and savoring the other's presence, but no. I had to be here. At Bella's house.
Yes, I realize now I should've kept a better control on my thoughts, but one can only control their thoughts so much. It's a fault; I won't lie. But though my lack of oppressing my thoughts took me away from one enjoyment, I was determined to find another.
By now I'd already taken down a few armloads of Bella's books and such when I decided to look around a bit. I'd never really been inside her house and wanted to see what kinds of things she and Charlie kept. Most of the stuff I saw though wasn't very interesting: a plain living room with a standard TV set, couch, chair, etc; a small kitchen with a rather sad attempt of painting the walls yellow; one bathroom with a rather dull interior; and Charlie's room with just a bed, dresser, small closet, and wooden chair. Yes, I could really see where Bella got her sense of simplicity.
Though most of their stuff was uninteresting, there was a set of pictures hanging on one wall in the living room that really caught my attention. From what I was able to tell, they were Bella's annual school photos, showing her progress into adulthood.
I studied each starting with the one I presumed she had taken in kindergarten going to the one from last year. After about a moment of looking at all of them, I had to admit they were pretty bad and that she definitely hadn't been the beauty she is now. As a young girl she had been slightly small with a thicket of wild hair, slowly growing out of it year by year. It wasn't until about the eighth grade her hair fully tamed and she grew to normal size. Though this was one thing that prevented her from decent pictures, she also had a history of making faces. She either blinked, looked or turned in the wrong direction, or, my favorite, wiped her nose with her sleeve as the picture was being taken. She is definitely not a photogenic person…
After finding such entertainment, I had to stay for a short minute. I savored the few moments of amusement I got from her past school pictures, then reluctantly got back to work. Getting an armload of miscellaneous stuff from her desk and heading outside, I thought, What Edward really needs to get her is an organizer…her rooms a mess.Emmett's POV
Pretty soon I noticed lazy Mr. Hale decided to take a little break from the job, and I definitely wasn't too happy about that. I understand he wasn't thrilled about having to be here for longer than ten minutes, since him and Alice apparently had this BIG night planned, but it doesn't mean he can slack on something after he commits to it.
So, being the role model kind of guy I am, I try to do double the load so I can get the slacker's share of work done too. Grabbing about a third more each time I went and got more of Bella's stuff, I slowly picked up the pace and tried to make up the time Jasper spent looking at pictures. I wasn't so successful, having to spend more time picking up stuff that fell out of my arms; thus, taking longer.
I had just returned from taking out the last remnants of junk lying on her desk and noticed the only things remaining to take out were a bedside table, a pile of various items, and a small empty bookshelf. Knowing that Jasper would soon be back up—since he decided to get back to work only a couple minutes ago—to take more stuff down, I tackled the bedside table and left the pile and bookshelf for him to take down out of the kindness of my heart.
I opened the one drawer on the bedside table and found a box and a medium size bag. Each held an abundance of inanimate things that I couldn't even tell you what they were, even if my life depended on it. In the box, there were individually wrapped little cylindrical things that had a little string coming out one end, and in the bag there were individually wrapped square-ish things that squished when pressed.
What the Hell? was the only thing popping up in my mind.Edward's POV
I finally noticed that the pile of Bella's old stuff was not growing as fast as it should have been and I wanted to know why. They should've been done already.
I left what I was doing and went inside to get them working. As I passed the kitchen, Jasper appeared with an armload of Bella's clothing—I'm not getting rid of those though, just reorganizing them during the process of redecorating—on the way out to the front yard. Because of the size of the pile in his arms, he was unable to see me as I sneaked around him and went up the stairs. Well, one of them is working. How about the other?
Slinking down the hall to Bella's bedroom, I found the door halfway shut. Hmm… Quietly, I used the palm of my hand and pushed the door. With a creak, it swung open to reveal Emmett toying around with something, I presume, of Bella's.
"What are you doing?" I demanded. Emmett made a little jumping motion; he apparently was too absorbed in whatever it is he is toying with to hear the door groan as it open.
He fumbled what he was holding and said, "I was just cleaning out her bedside table and found these." He then lifted his hands to reveal two objects. In his left hand he held a mini-toilet paper roll thing that had a little cord dangling from one end and what looked like a cotton ball sticking out of the other end; in his right there was a little white square thing that resembled a very small couch cushion.
"Emmett, what are those?" I'd never seen anything in my life like them before, and I've seen a lot in my time. Not even Alice or Rosalie owned anything like these.
"I'm not sure. On the box this came out of"—lifts cylindrical thing up—"it said 'Tampax,' and on the bag this came out of"—lifts mini-cushion thing up—"it said 'Ultra thins.'" He then proceeded to talk while messing with the items. "I just call them straws and sandwiches."
"Straws," I said pointing to the mini-paper roll thing, then averting my aim to indicate the small white square, "and sandwiches?" I had to admit, the names fit the unknown items, but they were strange and out there kind of names.
"Yup." He looked down again at his hands and set the "sandwich" one down. Focusing only on the "straw", he turned it this way and that way, examining it. Carefully moving it from hand to hand, he put his thumb against the end with the string and held it like a syringe. He then began to lift it up towards his face, his intent as to what he was doing unclear.
"Don't—," I exclaimed as I rushed forward and tried to wrench the object from his hand.
The actions, completely unexpected by Emmett, made him involuntarily push his thumb against the end of the straw violently, sending the cotton ball looking thing catapulting through the air and hitting the opposite wall with a muffled thump.
We stood there for a moment or two in shock, trying to absorb what just happened. Emmett, more able to attune to unexpected changes in his environment, came to from his astonishment first.
"I know what they are," he said as he stared at the straw. He stated it plainly, as if the answer had been right in front of us the entire time. Turning to look at me, he waited for me to respond to what he said.
"What do you think they could possibly be?" I have absolutely, positively no idea what the straw could actually be, and yet Emmett thinks he does? Something has gone wrong with this world.
Reaching for another straw and positioning it the same way he did with the previous one, his eyes gleamed. With out warning, he shot the straw at me, hitting me square in the forehead. "They're weapons," he stated, smiling at his own brilliance.
Lunging for the box of straws, I said, "I'd say." Reading my purpose through my movements, he raced me to the box. Unfortunately for him, I'm more agile.
"Ha!" I cried, using vampire abilities to be unheard by human ears. I dug my hand into the box producing several straws. Arranging a straw in my hand like Emmett did, I began to fire my ammunition
Quickly leaping out of the way, Emmett hid himself on the other side of Bella's bed, using it to block the straws fired at him. "You'll never get me with one of those!"
Trying not to hit Bella with any straws, I fired three more then stopped to count my remaining supply. Fifteen…I'm low… Searching for the bag of sandwiches, I found where they had been sitting on the bedside table empty.
"Oh, Edward!" Emmett taunted me by holding the bag of sandwiches just above the edge of Bella's bed. "Looking for these?" He then pulled them from sight.
I need to get those and find out their use as weaponry!
Pulling the box towards me, I grabbed a sandwich and tore the wrapping off, revealing a square that unfolded into a long rectangular thing. On the bottom of it, there was a piece of paper that, when removed, revealed a sticky coating. Figuring these to be used for many different tasks, I set to work making a few things from them: a mask and several sticky "grenades."
The mask—made from just cutting two holes into the sandwich and using the sticky side to stick it to my face—turned out pretty good, except for the fact the adhesive made my face feel odd. The grenades, though not planned as well as the mask, turned out even better; by rolling the sandwich so the adhesive was on the outside, I secured one end to the sticky stuff on the other, thus creating a somewhat round sticky grenade.
To test out my new artillery, I readied myself with a grenade and stuck my head up only far enough so that the mask I wore was all that you could see.Edward's POV
I waited for Emmett to appear so I could shoot what remaining ammunition I had ready to fire. Fervently looking around the outline of the bed for a sign of him, I saw something rise up over the edge. From what I could tell it was Emmett with something stuck onto his face.
"Emmett, what is that on your face?" If I weren't mistaken, I'd think that it was one of the sandwiches, but my eyes could be deceiving me.
"Your maker," he replied, jumping up and pelting a white ball thing at me. As soon as it made contact with me it stayed in place, adhered to my shoulder. I realized that it was a sandwich—much like the mask on his face—rolled up with the adhesive on the outside.
"Really, Emmett? Was that necessary?" I tried to feign that this entire play fight was ridiculous while un-sticking the grenade from my shoulder, trying to salvage it to use it again. Seeing as he ducked yet again behind the bed, I got on my hands and knees to hide somewhat from him. I wonder if I could throw this at him from under the bed…
I scooted myself over to the bed and lifted the hem of the blanket, looking into the pitch-black void. I could sneak underneath the bed and try to ambush him… Situating my body so I could slide underneath the bed, with grenade ready to fire, I began pulling myself through.Emmett's POV
Edward, thinking he is the genius he is most definitely not, decides to try and get to me by going underneath the bed. Uh-uh, you are most certainly not getting me—especially by going underneath the bed.
Being as silent as possible, I stood up from my crouch position and tiptoed around Bella's bed. Once I got to the side Edward was on, I made a mad dash for the door.Edward's POV
The little sneak! Trying to get past me! No way was he going to get away that easily.
"Get back here, coward!" And with that, I flung the grenade at him from my spot partially underneath Bella's bed.
Three things happened at once: Emmett ducked, trying to avoid my grenade; Jasper opened Bella's bedroom door with an expression of horror; and my grenade flew right over Emmett's head and planted itself directly in between Jasper's eyes, staying obediently—except on the wrong person.
Emmett busted out laughing as I rushed to get up from where I was and Jasper yanked the makeshift grenade from his face. I admit, I grinned a little at the comical aspect of the scene, but other than that I was completely serious.
Jasper passed the grenade from hand to hand as he examined it, his expression unreadable. "What is this, and what were you two doing?" he asked with a blank tone, looking up at both of us.
"Well, you see, we—" I was cut short by Emmett interrupting.
"It's pretty simple." He smiled a toothy grin. "I was just kicking Edward's ass in a play fight using straws and sandwiches as weapons." He continued to grin as if the information he supplied would provide him with some sort of treat.
"Mh-hm…" Jasper hummed. His mind was blank, but I knew it was reeling like a hamster wheel. He looked down at the grenade again and said, "What, pray tell, are straws and sandwiches?"Jasper's POV
Arranging the pile of stuff I carried out into neat stacks, I stood up looking for Edward. I searched the entire front yard with my eyes, but he was nowhere. Thinking that I must've missed him with my eyes, I walked all around outside the house hunting for him. Where the Hell is he? I was beginning to get a little worried and began widening my area of investigation, going so far as a mile into the woods behind the house.
I backtracked to the house to see if Emmett knew where Edward was and met an array of emotions flitting out of the Swan residence. What the? I knew Emmett had still been in Bella's room when I came back down, but I could sense Edward there now with him.
I walked into the house, determined to find out what was going on. I walked past the kitchen, through the living room, and up the stairs in a matter of seconds. Sauntering down the hall to Bella's room, I heard Edward and Emmett's muffled voices. Arrogance, confidence, annoyance, and giddiness seemed to seep from the room.
"Oh, Edward," I heard Emmett saying, obviously taunting Edward with something. I waited for Edward to reply to the tease, but none came.
Half a minute or so later, I heard Edward say in an incredulous tone, "Emmett, what is that on your face?'
"Your maker," Emmett replied in a darkish manner. Then I heard a bunch of rustling, which I assumed to be Edward and Emmett horsing around.
"Really, Emmett? Was that necessary?" Edward asked acting as if whatever they were doing was ridiculous. After that, nothing could be heard from inside the room except for Bella's even breathing as she slept.
Curiosity was killing me, but I had to be patient if I wanted to startle them in the middle of whatever they were doing. What could possibly be going on in there?
Suddenly, I heard Edward cry, "Get back here, coward!" Once again, I heard rustling—but now closer to the door—and decided that now was the best time to interrupt them.
I pushed the door open really fast and met a somewhat shocking sight. Edward lay partially underneath Bella's bed, only his legs sticking out, and Emmett was just beginning to crouch down with—what the Hell is that on his face? Out of nowhere this white thing flew at me, hitting me directly between the eyes. Instead of it falling right after it hit me, it stayed in place as if glued there. I stood there paralyzed for a second, then was able to move again.
Reaching up, I pulled the object between my eyes off with a bit of force. I could tell from my peripheral vision that Edward was smirking and Emmett was momentarily on the floor laughing. Passing the grenade from my left hand to my right, then back again several times, I examined the little ball of stickiness.
Concealing all emotion, I asked, "What is this, and what were you two doing?" On the inside I was wreathing with annoyance. They've been up here playing the entire time while I was worried about Edward, searching for him quite a bit, and when I do find him he flings a white object at me that adheres to my face instantly? Yeah, not too happy right now about all this.
"Well, you see, we—" Edward began.
"It's pretty simple," Emmett supplied, cutting Edward's sentence short and smiling about it. "I was just kicking Edward's ass in a play fight using straws and sandwiches as weapons." He still held that grin on his face and looked as if he expected a reward. Straws and sandwiches?
"Mh-hm…" I hummed in response, looking down at the makeshift weapon I held in my hands. I then asked, "What, pray tell, are straws and sandwiches?"Emmett's POV
Edward just totally thumped Jasper in the head with the rolled up sandwich and all Jasper can do is ask measly questions? What a bummer.
"What you're holding," I said as I pointed to his hands, "is a sandwich." Picking up a never been used straw from the floor, I lifted it up so Jasper could see and said, "And this is a straw."
Jasper gently took it from my hands and held it in the opposite hand of the sandwich. "These are your weapons?" He sounded suspicious and somewhat disbelieving.
"Yes," Edward answered him.
Jasper messed with the straw curiously and asked, "How does this one work?" Did he just ask what I think he just asked?
"You hold it like a hypodermic needle and push on the end hard," Edward responded. Jasper moved his hand imitating holding a syringe; however, he put his thumb against the side with the cotton ball like thing. "No, your thumb goes on the opposite end," Edward corrected him. Jasper then fixed the way he was holding it to the correct manner.
"Like this?" He looked up at Edward and I questioningly.
I beat Edward to answering him this time and gave a quick, "Yup, and the other one is even easier." I then produced a sandwich from my pocket and demonstrated while talking. "First, you unwrap and unfold it. Next, you take the backing off it to expose the sticky stuff. Then you roll it like this and stick this end to that end, and voilà! A makeshift grenade." He just stared at me for a moment or two before looking back down at the two items.
"Interesting," was his only response. Then, without warning, he shot the straw at me. I jumped back a foot or so but didn't avoid the shot. It hit me in my left shoulder and made a little plop when it fell to the ground.Jasper's POV
Serves him right. He shouldn't have assumed that I wouldn't take action after he told me such information. "Hmm… They work real well. I'm guessing I interrupted a very entertaining game?"
"Yeah," Emmett mumbled. "I was winning too." He was disappointed, not only his vibes hunched over with dissatisfaction but his body also seemed to shrink a few inches.
"Well, don't let me stop the fun. Let's fight!" I imitated a voice of authority as I said this. "Are those what is left of the straws and sandwiches?" The only way we were going to be able to play is if we each had a good, even amount of weaponry. However, with what they each held, there were roughly seven straws left and eleven sandwiches.
"This is all that was in the drawer, but there may be more," Emmett said hopefully.
Edward decided to finally join in the conversation again with a, "Let's look for more." And with that he set to searching the remaining stuff in Bella's room, coming up empty-handed.
"I'll go look downstairs," Emmett said as he left the room, leaving Edward and I alone. I waited until I no longer heard his footsteps to talk to Edward.
"How about this: we find more of these things, join forces, and gang up on him. How does that sound?" I stared intently at him, awaiting a reply.
For a moment or two he thought, scrunching his eyebrows up. Finally, he met my gaze and said, "Sounds good to me. I'll search the bathroom and Charlie's room. And you?"
"I'll go check out the laundry room and see what I can find. Meet back here in two minutes." With a nod, Edward went to Charlie's room and began searching for more straws and sandwiches. I then went downstairs, avoiding Emmett's detection, and went to the laundry room.Edward's POV
Sneaking into Charlie's room, I began searching for more straws and sandwiches. I looked through his closet, dresser, and underneath his bed, but none were there. I then went to the bathroom. Since time was against me and I had about forty-five seconds to get back to Bella's room, I did a clean sweep of all the cabinets and drawers.
Upon looking in the small cabinet beneath the sink, I found two very promising things. I pulled them from beneath the sink and nearly whooped in delight. A box of straws and a bag of sandwiches had been found, and with my finds I headed back to Bella's room. As I was just about to walk through the doorway, someone snatched the box of straws from my hands.Emmett's POV
I had watched the entire thing unfold before my eyes. Just as I finished searching the downstairs I saw out of the corner of my eye Jasper sneak into the laundry room. From his posture I could tell that him and Edward had planned something, but what exactly I did not know.
Stealing up the stairs, I hid quietly in a little corner. As I stood waiting I saw Edward quickly run to the bathroom. What are they planning? Edward rummaged around a bit in the bathroom then sort of jumped up in glee.
He found more! Rushing back to Bella's room, Edward began to go through the door. However, in one quick movement, I snatched the straws from his arms.
"Emmett!" He was angry, I could tell.
"I knew you two were up to something, but ganging up on me was far from my mind!" I hid the box behind my back and got a good number of straws ready to fire.
"Emmett, we were doing no such thing!" Edward attempted to convince me, but I knew the truth. They conspired to join forces and attack me as allies. The cowards. Apparently that can't fend for themselves.
By now Edward had backed into Bella's room and stared dumbfounded at me. Ha, really caught him off guard didn't I! I then pulled one hand out in front of me and revealed my arsenal ready to be fired.Jasper's POV
I had just gotten up the stairs when I saw Emmett cornering Edward in Bella's room—with a good amount of straws ready at hand! Immediately I took action and smacked the hand he was raising toward Edward. The straws he had been holding showered the floor with light thumps.
"Oh, this war is so on!" Emmett said grabbing more straws. Right away he shot five at me, hitting each time. "You guys are so going down." His mask started coming off so he quickly slapped it into place.
Edward, who Emmett now had his back to, quickly pulled out several sandwiches and began making grenades. He then pelted Emmett with them as I got Emmett into a headlock.
"Hit him, hit him!" I cried, struggling with Emmett's mass and muscle. Emmett then slid his foot behind my leg and pushed my foot aside, causing me to fall and take him down with me. We landed with a bang onto the floor.
"I am," Edward said, now seizing the straws from Emmett's hands. Emmett then grabbed Edward and pulled him down onto the floor with us. Thus, we began wrestling to keep a hold on the straws and sandwiches.
Back and forth the straws and sandwiches went, from me to Edward to Emmett, then back to Edward. Over and over again one of us would holler, "I've got them!" to just end with them being taken away. By now, we had rolled all over Bella's floor and now fought near the bedroom door. I had already stuck straws up Emmett's nose and he in return slapped a sandwich onto Edward's face. Edward then raised a straw at ready and fired it in Emmett's direction, sadly missing.Bella's POV
Out of the blue something tapped me on the head and woke me up. I had just been dreaming of lying in Edward's arms in our meadow, but the thump of something on my forehead broke through the layers of sleep and brought me to consciousness. What the Hell?
I sat up half asleep in bed and looked about the room. At first I didn't see anything unusual, but then I look towards my door. There was a sort of blurry void where soft groans and grunts were coming from.
"Hello?" I called quietly, not sure what to expect. The moment the words left my lips the blurry void disappeared and three forms materialized in its place. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward lay on the floor staring up at me in terror with little white things lying all around them. I reached for my lamp and flipped the switch on.
Well, this plan is screwed.Emmett's POV
Dear God, make it so when she beats the shit out of me I feel no pain! Please!Bella's POV
The sight that met my eyes was horrific and I nearly had a cardiac arrest because of it. My room, devoid of all my things, had rolled up pads sticking to things all over and tampons littering the floor. I then turned my gaze to Emmett, Jasper, and Edward, finding a sight startling enough to give someone a heart attack: Edward had a pad stuck to the side of his face and several tampons in his hands. Jasper was in a similar predicament with a couple pads stuck to his back and a tampon sitting in his hair. Emmett, however, was the worst; he had a pad with two eyeholes on his face like a mask, a rolled up pad in his hand ready to be thrown, and tampons stuck up both nostrils.
I began hyperventilating hysterically and stopped breathing momentarily. The last thing I remember before passing out was Edward rushing over to me.
The Next Day…
"I still can't believe you three!" I yelled at Emmett, Jasper, and Edward as they sat on the couch in the Cullen's living room. "Using my pads and tampons as weapons, trying to redecorate my room without permission, the nerve!"
Emmett and Jasper then proceeded to point their fingers at Edward and say, "It's his fault." That just made me even angrier.
"I don't care who the Hell's fault it is! You guys wasted all my tampons and pads!" I started to hyperventilate again. "Not to mention how you left my stuff outside as it started to rain while you guys were too busy with your 'Mock War.'"
Alice then walked down the stairs, interrupting my little rant. "Sit down, Bella, before you pass out again." Obediently I followed her instructions, but only because I didn't want to faint again.
She then averted her gaze to the boys and glared them down. "And you three should be ashamed. Her stuff is ruined and you used up all of something you had no right to use, yet all you guys do is point fingers at each other. Pathetic." She came and sat down next to me on the other couch and began soothingly rubbing my back.
For about fifteen minutes or so we sat in silence when Emmett finally decided to ask, "So, what are these 'pads' and 'tampons' used for anyway?" I was so startled and instantly saw dots across my vision. I began slumping down and leaning heavily against Alice.
"You idiot," Alice said and it was the last thing I remember hearing.
Well, I hoped you enjoyed. And please, please, please leave a review! They are appreciated mucho! Oh, and if you find any grammatical errors whatsoever, please let me know. I'm trying to perfect this one-shot.
Oh, and I just had this brilliant idea. (No, I'm not continuing this as a story...I see no way that I can.) I'm going to post a really long author's note in the last chapter of how I came up with these ingenious names for tampons and pads. It is hilarious and I'd love to chare it with you all!
Hope you liked it mucho! Any1there4me