Disclaimer: I don't know own anything of Hana Kimi as badly as I may wish for it. Some wishes just don't come true.
Warning: This will be explicit yaoi (male on male) story. There will be several lemons, limes, and so on. If this is not your thing I suggest you back out now. Also these guys do have some potty mouths because most men do. For the sake of not getting kicked off it will be censured here. For uncensored versions look on or under the SN of Iarejedi on mediaminer or aff. Believe me it'll be worth it. There are spoilers for all chapters of Hana Kimi that have been released in the USA if you have not read that far. If you don't want spoilers stay away! These guys do have foul mouths and there will be angst because Umeda practically begs for it.
A/N:Yes, the name of the story is taken from the song by Robert Palmer. It just fits everything about this story. This story is just for Umeda because he's fun to write and explore as a character. He has so much depth and range that makes him fun to play with. I can not promise I will update regularly but I will do my best. I have a life too. :P I will not promise that this story will be very long either which may end up being a great thing. So anyways, if all the people not into yaoi have left...dive right in!
Bad Case of Loving You
It had become routine now to meet Ryoichi at this bar at least once or twice every few months if their schedules allowed it. It wasn't an amazing place to meet by any means but it was their time. Or at least that was how Umeda had always seen it. He came time and again– despite knowing it was futile to hope– he thought that maybe this time Ryoichi would look at him in the way he had longed for. It was an endless cycle of built up hope and then disappointment every time. Yet no matter how many times he was disappointed by Ryoichi, Umeda could not stop himself from coming. He could not let go of that stupid bit of hope. He continued to cling to it because he was in love with Ryoichi. He had been for years. And years of the same routine were hard to break away from. Like a bad habit, it was hard to kick the desire to be loved by Ryoichi in the teeth no matter how hard he tried.
So yes, he was back in that bar beside Ryoichi that night. They sat in their customary spots, sharing cigarettes and knocking back drinks in their usual fashion. Umeda was pretending to be content with that. Ryoichi remained in his oblivious state of Umeda's struggle as always. Or so Umeda had thought. Things felt a little different tonight. Ryoichi had a slight edge to him this time. He seemed to be worried about something. Still when Ryoichi broke the lull in the conversation, Umeda had never expected to be this way.
Umeda glanced over at his friend's beautiful profile. "Yeah?"
"You remember that kiss we shared in high school?" Ryoichi looked over at him seriously.
He knew his eyes must have grown about twice their size. Ryoichi had avoided this subject for years like it was plague. Why would he bring it up now? Of course, Umeda would never forget that kiss. Ryoichi was crazy if he thought he could. The feel of it was like a ghost on his lips. A haunter of his dreams. It had felt like it lasted forever but at the same time was to short. He remembered how he wilted under the onslaught of it. His legs had turned to rubber and Ryoichi had followed him down, only letting go when Umeda thought he was going to hit the floor. No one forgets a kiss like that.
"Yeah, I remember that kiss," was all he said. His stomach felt like it was in knots. Where was he going with this? Did he dare hope?
Ryoichi stared down at the shot of whiskey in his hand. "Why don't we ever talk about it?"
"I thought you never wanted to. I mean you obviously don't feel–," Umeda cut off abruptly. He shook his head at himself.
Umeda looked away, focusing his eyes on his cigarette. He had almost blurted out the truth he had been carrying with him all these years. All because Ryoichi had mentioned a kiss from 10 years ago.
"You're lying sucks, Umeda."
Umeda gritted his teeth. "Why does it matter?" He wasn't going to spill his feelings to this man if he was never going to return them. He'd rather bury them. Maybe they would disappear someday. But if he said the words out loud then Ryuichi would know. They would never be able to go back to the way they are now. There would always be that ugly truth hanging between them. He couldn't risk it. He couldn't risk losing Ryuichi even if all he ever got was a few minutes every once in a while of the other man's time.
"I thought it meant something more than just a kiss to you," Ryuichi said quietly.
Umeda's stomach clenched tighter. His fingers squeezed tighter on his cigarette until he'd unwittingly crushed it. He tried to force his body to stop shaking but he couldn't. He felt like he was being torn apart. Of course it did! He wanted to yell. "It was just a kiss to you," he turned the words back on his friend.
"I wasn't talking about what it meant to me. I want to know what it meant to you," Ryoichi shot back, looking slightly annoyed.
"I thought that much was obvious," Umeda shot back sarcastically, picking up his shot of whiskey and knocking it back.
Ryoichi scowled. "If it was I never would have said anything."
"What do you want me to say? You want me to admit that I'm in love with you? That I have been for years and never said anything because you pretended like that kiss never happened? You want me to admit that no matter who I go out with or who I fuck I can never get you out of my mind? Is that it? Because fine, it's all true." Umeda snapped angrily, slamming his shot glass down on the bar. "Are you satisfied now?" He took a deep shaky breath before whispering hoarsely. "God dammit." He jumped to his feet and hurried out of the bar.
He felt like a stupid high schooler again. Dammit! Why had he said it!? It had been his secret for all these years. These feelings had been his silent hope and his foolish desire. And he had thrown them out there in the open for Ryoichi to see the ugly naked truth. There was no taking them back. There was no ignoring what had been said. The damage was done.
He jumped when a strong hand clasped his arm from behind. He didn't need to look back to know who's it was. He tried angrily to shake it loose. He didn't want to look back at the other man and see the rejection in his eyes. His struggle ended abruptly when Ryoichi jerked him roughly around and forced his back up against a wall.
"Damn you!" Umeda cursed. "Let go of me."
"Shut up!" Ryoichi growled. "Just shut up!"
Umeda stared at him in complete shock. He had the overwhelming sensation of deja vu. It was like they were re-enacting that moment before Umeda had first kissed the other man all those years ago, only the roles were backwards. It was not Ryoichi pressed flat to a wall but Umeda. He felt his heart begin to race as his body realized just how close the other man was. God, he couldn't stand it. He wanted to get away. He couldn't take this.
"Just shut up," Ryoichi repeated again fiercely.
Then suddenly his lips were crushed against Umeda's. The shock of it was so sudden that Umeda couldn't move. He was completely frozen in place. He felt his legs go limp just like that time Ryoichi had surprised him like this before. The intensity and the heat of the other man's lips on his was almost more than he could take. Desperate need and lust ignited in him as Ryoichi's mouth shifted to change angles over his mouth.
His hands came up with sudden speed to grip Ryoichi's jacket labels and drag him up tight against him. Ryoichi's fingers flexed against his arm where he still held on when Umeda began to kiss back with matching intensity. His kisses were sloppier and more frantic with the crush of his repressed emotions. When the other man's tongue outlined the bottom of his lip he almost fell down the wall. Only this time Ryoichi caught him and held him up, pressing him out flat against the wall. He whined embarrassingly in his throat when Ryuichi's tongue slipped into his mouth to twine perfectly with his own.
God, he waited so long for this. He'd wanted so long for this. He felt like one of those silly girls in those stupid love movies, but he couldn't help it. His whole body was trembling with the force of his longing. Ryoichi's hands on his skin, the amazing feel of his tongue in his mouth, and the press of his body so wonderfully hot against him was everything he'd dreamed and wanted.
But then he tasted the strong flavor of alcohol on Ryoichi's tongue. He froze. Everything in him screamed for him to ignore it and continue, but his heart felt like it had stopped. He jerked his head back so fast he felt it smack off the wall behind him. He hissed in pain as his long time love stared at him in complete shock.
"What the hell, Hokuto?" Ryoichi growled.
Umeda felt sick to his stomach as reality began to slowly feed back in. "You don't want me. You just want sex. That's all this is about, right?"
"What the fuck, man? I thought you wanted this?" his friend snapped.
"You're drunk and all you want is sex. You don't give shit if it's me or not," Umeda shot back feeling the anger start to rise.
Ryoichi blinked in shock. "That's not it. Dude, stop fucking thinking and just go with it."
"Stop thinking about how I'm just being used? Or that I've waited half my life for this...for you? And now the only fucking reason you're doing this at all is because you've had enough whiskey back there to dull your fucking mind," Umeda shoved him off roughly.
"I'm not drunk, Hokuto! Stop acting like a fucking girl. I'm doing this because I want to," Ryoichi grabbed him before he could get away.
"Acting like a girl? Maybe I'd believe the whole not being drunk thing if I couldn't taste it strong enough to nearly choke me. So fuck you. I'm not gonna be your fucking toy," Umeda said as calmly as he could manage. He wasn't going to lose his cool and end up sounding like a stupid idiot. This guy pissed him off so bad. Why the fuck did he love him? Why couldn't he just forget about him?
Ryoichi gripped his arm a little tighter as he struggled to get loose. "Listen. Will you fucking listen to me!"
Umeda stilled, part of him wanting to stay and listen. The other half was telling him to cut his loses and run.
"I wasn't kissing you because I was drunk. I wanted to. I came here because I wanted you. I want you, Hokuto. Get it?" Ryoichi grated out slowly. Like each word hurt to push past his lips. Speaking up front was not this man's style. He hated being exposed like that.
The words and the struggle his friend had to make to say them spoke bounds to Umeda. Yet he still hesitated. Was this just a one time thing? Did Ryoichi actually give a shit about him? God, he wanted so bad to believe this man finally really wanted him, and not just for a night, but really wanted him. His whole body trembled at thought. He was afraid to believe. He'd been let down so many times.
"Hokuto," Ryoichi said his name softly. "I mean it."
Umeda swallowed hard. "Why now? And for how long?"
"I want you," was all the other man said.
Right then that was all Umeda wanted to hear. Everything seemed to blur after that. The taxi ride back to his place, the feel of Ryoichi against his side, and the endless wait to finally get to the door of his apartment. Oh God, by then Umeda didn't want to fight his desire anymore. He didn't want to think anymore. Not that he was going to since Ryoichi had forbidden it the moment they'd past the threshold of the door. He allowed Ryoichi to manipulate him through the hall into the living room in a way he would never allow anyone else too. He never submitted willingly to anyone. But for Ryoichi, he would do anything if only for a touch from him. In the deepest part of his soul he wanted to be dominated and owned. He would not allow it by anyone but Ryoichi. He didn't care that Ryoichi smirked at him when he nearly collapsed the second the fortune teller touched his hard length through his pants.
"You wanna be my bitch, Hokuto?" Ryoichi breathed in his ear.
Umeda trembled as that soft breath sent tingles down his spin straight to his groin. "Please," was all he could manage to gasp. He knew he sounded desperate and probably pathetic but he wanted Ryoichi so bad. Please, he wanted to beg until his voice gave out. Please, fuck me, break me, and make me yours. He couldn't say those words out loud. He didn't need to judging by the knowing look on the fortune teller's face.
He moaned brokenly when Ryoichi's lips crashed down on his in a fierce kiss with the same wild passion he'd shown at the bar. He didn't notice how the fortune teller had been steadily backing him into the bedroom and towards the bed until the backs of his knees hit the mattress. He tumbled over suddenly, startled from the vertigo and the loss of supporting hands. Ryoichi's warm hands were on his chest again a moment later, shoving him further up the mattress. His shirt was pulled off him in less than a second and his pants were yanked roughly away. His was warring between anger at this kind of treatment while the other was enjoying every moment of it. He brushed the anger aside. He didn't care what Ryoichi did as long as he could have him. He'd take the fortune teller anyway he could get him.
He reached up with equal force to pull Ryoichi on top of him. He grinned in triumph as the fortune teller crashed down onto him before Ryoichi's lips were back on his. His mouth nipped and sucked at Umeda's lips in a purely sensual manner. Umeda didn't think he could string to words together if he wanted to from the sheer force of arousal coursing through him. He arched his hips up into Ryoici's seeking any kind of relieving friction he could get. He growled when Ryoichi wedged his thigh between Umeda's legs. The move effectively raised Ryoichi up higher than the doctor's questing hips could reach. Umeda growled under his breath in frustration. Umeda felt the fortune teller chuckle against his neck at his reaction. Excited shivers raced down his spin making his cock twitch as Ryoichi moved his mouth lower to nip at the doctor's throat.
He growled low in his throat again. He had waited a long time for this kind of attention from Ryoichi, but he didn't think he could stand much more of this teasing. He wanted to be fucked until he couldn't walk. He needed it. In the back of his mind he knew this passion was to hot to last. It was like a flash fire that would burn itself out much to quickly. And he feared Ryoichi would come to his senses and it would all be over in an instant. He was desperate to be with this man while he had the chance. Those fears and insecurities were what drove him to behave with such unbridled passion and uncharacteristic lack of control.
His whole body arched and shuddered when one of Ryoichi's hands finally settled on his throbbing cock.
"Relax," Ryoichi soothed with a smirk.
Umeda wanted to hit him. "Just hurry up, dammit!"
"It's nice to know you want me that badly," the other man chuckled, giving him a smouldering look that made Umeda believe he could actually feel the heat in that gaze.
"If you don't do something soon I may just kick you out," Umeda threatened sharply. It was a useless gesture and he knew it.
Ryoichi knew it too. "Try if you can."
Umeda snarled in frustration. "Would you just do something already?"
That was all the invitation Ryoichi needed and seconds later Umeda was lost in pleasure, but he didn't care. It was just as wild, passionate, and amazing as Umeda had ever hoped for. He wrapped himself up in Ryoichi but more so in that feeling of bliss. He cried out sharp and breathlessly when the fortune teller sank into him. He tried to memorize the feel of Ryoichi inside him. He let everything else drift away as Ryoichi thrust into him over and over, hard enough to make his bed rattle. He didn't resist. He just allowed himself to fall into the motion and return it with everything he had in him. He gave himself away entirely to the fortune teller's body, not letting himself even doubt it would all be in vain. When he came it was more intense and powerful than anything he'd ever felt. It was even more incredible to feel Ryoichi coming right along with him. But in the end it was over far to fast.
He lay on his back staring at the ceiling, enjoying the lingering sensation of orgasm drifting through his system. He let his head fall sideways, following Ryoichi's motions as he got up to fish out a pack of smokes from his discarded pants. He watched in semi-interest as the fortune teller lighted two and handed one over. Umeda took a deep, long drag on the cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs for an extra long second before breathing it out in a sigh. He glanced over to frown at Ryoichi, who remained seated at the edge of the bed. He felt the sick feeling of dread suddenly curl in his stomach. His fingers clenched around the cigarette he held. Something bad was about to happen. He could feel it.
He wasn't disappointed.
"I'm getting married," Ryoichi said, taking a drag from his cigarette.
The cat had finally been let out of the bag. The happy dream Umeda had been surrounding himself with blew apart. It was like an atomic bomb had just been dropped in his chest and shattered his heart to less than dust. He didn't know how to react. He didn't know what to think. His brain had completely failed him on what to say for the first time in years. All he could do was stare at Ryoichi's smooth back and watch that hand fiddle with his smoking cigarette. The only word he could come up with to say from his intelligent, highly educated mind was, "what?"
"I'm engaged to be married," Ryoichi reiterated.
The words still didn't seem to want to be understood in Umeda's mind. "Why? To who?" He felt like an idiot. Here he was sitting in his own bed, butt naked, cigarette burning to ash in his fingers and unable to string together more than two words at a time. He was to stunned by this news to get angry yet. What the hell had he even bothered to hope this was more than a lay?
"Because I love her that's why," Ryoichi said in his usual blunt manner, making Umeda feel more of a fool. "Her name is Nakamura Haruna. She was our high school student council president. We're moving to Tokyo."
"Then what the hell was this?" Umeda gestured between them briefly. He was beginning to feel the sparks of betrayal and rage course through his body.
Ryoichi glanced back at him before admitting. "I dunno."
"Bullshit," Umeda snapped.
"There were a lot of reasons. I needed to let you go. Maybe I thought this would help us both break away. Or figure out if this was something I wanted more. It's complicated," Ryoichi tried to explain, but he'd always been bad an expressing himself.
Umeda felt like someone was slowly choking him. He couldn't speak again for a long moment. So many feelings and thoughts were rushing through his mind in a tsunami wave of chaos that threatened to drown him. He didn't know how to deal with it all. He was completely blown away by the utter selfishness Ryoichi had displayed. The fortune teller had done all this with him purely for himself. He hadn't been thinking about Umeda or how much it would hurt him. Ryoichi had just done what he wanted, leaving Umeda used and then shunted aside once again. And somewhere in the back of Umeda's mind he had been expecting this. He had known it would happen, but he couldn't have stopped it no matter how badly he'd wanted to.
"Fuck," was all he could say. "Fuck."
Ryoichi turned to look at him finally. He finally showed a hint of remorse for what he'd done. He reached out to touch Umeda but the doctor flinched away. Umeda felt suddenly exposed and vulnerable. He felt like Ryoichi had stabbed him in the heart just to test out the sharpness of the knife he wielded. He wondered if the remnants of his heart was bleeding all over his bed. It sure as hell felt like it. He actually had to look down to double check that he wasn't. His normal reaction to yell, scream, and over react like the fag he was seemed to have been temporarily disabled. His brain felt numb and his body felt like a lead weight.
"Hokuto, I'm sorry–."
"Don't," he clipped out. Those words had struck the right nerve. Fury burned through him as he looked up to glare at the man he loved. "Don't. Because you aren't. You never are."
Ryoichi pulled his hand back and scowled. "That's–."
"You aren't," Umeda clenched his fists. "I waited for years for you. I kept hoping you'd love me because you never really told me no. Fuck, you had me so wrapped around you...You kept me chasing you for years, you son of a bitch!"
"Don't! Shut the hell up! I don't wanna hear you try to make up excuses. You fucked me! For what? Your own selfish desires! Then you tell me you're getting married! It's like a bad shojo manga. You completely blow my mind!" Umeda practically shouted.
Ryoichi looked like his own temper was beginning to rise. "Would you let me explain!?"
"No! Get your clothes and get out! I don't wanna see you or hear from you again! So fuck you and congratulations on your engagement," Umeda snarled, before killing his cigarette in the ashtray and stalking to the bathroom. He slammed the door shut with a crash. He leaned back against, listening to Ryoichi gather his things. He didn't expect the fortune teller to come to the door and try to apologize again. Maybe he could have forgiven Ryoichi if he had. It was perhaps the first time he was not disappointed when it didn't happen. He distantly heard footsteps head down the hall and then the front door slammed shut.
It wasn't until the sound faded that he fell to pieces. He didn't cry. He refused to cry. He just sank to the floor, dropped his head in his hands and sat there trembling. He felt sick to his stomach as everything that happened began to sink in. He wanted to scream in rage and sob in overwhelming heartache. He wouldn't let himself do either. He felt weak and stupid. He didn't think he'd ever be able to get up again. He should have known better, he kept telling himself. He curled up against the door and didn't move again for a very long time.