Hm. So, just so you all know, I am not an avid reader of Naruto. I've read the first three or so volumes of the manga, and seen a couple episodes of the anime. Which is why you might notice that the last names of the characters I mention might be spelled wrong. I apologize in advance. I've had this idea since the first time I read the series, and the delirium that comes after finishing a ten-page research paper induced me to finally write it out. Enjoy, maybe. Feedback would be nice.

Disclaimer: I own a copy of some of the books, but not the copyright and/or franchise.

It was a bright, sunny afternoon in Konoho—Konohom—Konowakalaka—you know, that leafy place.

It was a low-lighting cheap steamy kind of day in a little ramen bar in the aforementioned leafy place.

Around a table in this little bar were huddled three twelve-year-olds.

"Quiet!" hissed Sasuke Uchiha. Sakura Haruno swooned and Naruto Uzumake scowled.

The table became quiet.

"I heard," said Sasuke solemnly, "that Kakashi-sensei gives his students a test on the first day of training, and if you fail it he sends you back to the academy."

"I heard," said Sakura breathlessly, "that Kakashi-sensei values teamwork."

Naruto leapt on the table and inhaled a bowl of ramen. "Kakashi-sensei reads PORN!" he howled as his brain caught up with the fact that steaming hot ramen had just soared down his throat.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and generally acted three times his age.

"So I have a very reliable piece of intelligence that reveals the nature of the test. Kakashi-sensei will have two bells on his person. If you get a bell, you pass. So…me and Sakura will grab the bells. Naruto—"

Naruto was dancing around on the table and gulping ice water.

"Naruto, you can just figure something out."


When Kakashi Hatake drifted onto the training field, late as usual, he felt a certain amount of inner glee. He was gonna fail these kids, and he was gonna fail these kids hard.

"Alrighty then," he said in a pleasantly deep tenor, "here's the deal. I've got two shiny little bells here. If you get a bell, you pass. That means that one of you is going home for good today. I suggest you come at me like you want to kill me. So…yeah. Start already."

Sasuke nodded to Sakura, and the two of them disappeared. A short second later Naruto disappeared as well.

Kakashi shrugged unimpressed and reached for his happy happy love book. BUT, at that moment, he felt a slight wind and heard a little tinkling noise—he twisted, but not fast enough—before him stood Sasuke and Sakura, little brats that they were, each with a bell in their hand.

"Well," thought Kakashi, "this sucks." It was salvable, though. For his pride, at least.

"Well," he drawled cheerfully, "that's great for the two of you, but it looks like little carrot-top over there is out of luck." He turned to face Naruto, who had reappeared behind him. "You fa—"

Kakashi froze.

It's an amazing experience, watching a man's face crash. I'm talking about that beautiful look that slams down onto a man's face as he learns that he's lost his job, his wife has died, and Monday Night Football has been cancelled indefinitely to make way for children's programming.

This exact look thundered down Kakashi's face like an avalanche. He was shocked speechless.

Naruto was standing about ten feet away from him, a smug grin on his face and Kakashi's little pink book of love in his hand.

"Now," Kakashi babbled nervously, "there's no need to be hasty. Just put the book down…"

Naruto slowly opened the book and gripped it in a manner that conveyed his desire to rip it in two.

Kakashi broke out in a nervous sweat. "NO! No. Just—just put it down. Please!" he gasped in a strained voice as Naruto slowly made to start ripping. "Don't hurt my baby!"

A feral smile crossed Naruto's face. He continued the agonizingly slow ripping motion.

"You all pass! You pass the entire course! You'll be top-ranked in the entire stupid village, just give me my book baaaaaaaack!"

Naruto grinned even wider. "Let's see you fill out that paperwork. Then we'll see about getting you your book back."

"Whatever you want!" sobbed Kakashi brokenly.

As his now miserable sensei and smug teammates went in front of him, Naruto grinned eagerly. He was one step closer to the position of hokage.