A/N: So many reviews! I feel so loved! I will reemphasize, this is a piece of random crack. It will only be updated when I am fighting with my muse, and we decide to declare a truce over a lovely bottle of merlot. A million thanks to my kind reviewers, though. You are at least partially responsible for me breaking out the merlot tonight. There is no plot, there are no pairings. Just random, twisted scenes that would never, ever happen in a manga that I do not own. You've been warned!

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There was no getting around it. Shard hunting was hard work. The group of brave hunters had walked from one end of Japan to the other, looking for shards that were the size of Shippou's pinkie. Of course, the shards had the nastiest habit of getting picked up by youkai that would promptly decide that they were big and bad and should take over the world. It made the process even more difficult. But somehow, the group had managed to trudge on with nothing more then the occasional blister and earth shaking battle to break up their days. That is, until Kagome got a new pet.

"Inuyasha, we haven't stopped since breakfast. It's time to stop!" Kagome paused to shake a rock out of her shoe.

"Look, we got a late start this morning, so we've got a lot of ground to make up!" Inuyasha yelled from down the road. Usually he would have done his yelling right in her face, but there was a rather large and horny inuyoukai that was stuck to her like glue. It was just easier to yell at her from a distance.

"What's the rush? We're not even sure that this rumor is any good. All we know is that there is supposed to be a youkai north of here that's causing problems with crops. A youkai doesn't need to have a shard for that."

"It's the best lead we've got, and we need to get there before it gets away!"

"No, drop it!" Sango drove her elbow into Sesshomaru's nose with impressive accuracy. Not surprising, considering the amount of practice she had been getting. "I think we should take a stop. It's almost time for dinner, anyways."

Sesshomaru whimpered a bit and moved around to Kagome's side. In a new habit, the young lady reached up to drag her fingers through his hair. "Behave, Sess-chan. If we stop, I'll make ramen. Is that alright, Inuyasha?"

"Then what're we standing around here for?" Inuyasha turned and sniffed the air, already bounding down the road. "There's water this way."

Sango shook her head as she set out after the hanyou, followed closely by Kagome and Sesshomaru. "It's just too easy to manipulate him."

"It puts him in a better mood then the beads." Kagome smiled mischievously. "He's been in a really awful mood since Sess-chan found us."

"I know. It's going to be a long week. Especially if Inuyasha is right and Sess-chan is just going to keep getting worse."

Kagome looked back over her shoulder, smiling at the inuyoukai that was so obviously guarding them. "I think it's going to be okay. So long as we can keep him under control. It's like my friend Yuri and her dog. So long as you show them who's in charge of the pack, they'll follow you."

"And you think that's what's going on? Sess-chan thinks that you're in charge of the pack?"

"I guess so. And probably you too, after you started growling back."

Sango blushed a bit. "It just kind of happened."

"It's all about pack order." Kagome took on her best lecturing voice. "There is a leader to every pack, and there is a very clear order about who is in charge of whom. So long as Sess-chan thinks that he is lower in the pack then us, then he will do what we say."

"Really?"

"Of course. You should try it with Miroku." Kagome giggled and danced back a couple of steps to put herself out of her friend's range.

"Miroku's too dense to learn from getting hit with rocks. What makes you think growling will work any better?" Sango huffed, shifting Hiriakotsu to a more comfortable position.

"Good point. I hope Inuyasha found a hot spring. Our bath got cut off last night, and maybe Miroku will stay away now."

"Don't bet on it."

----

"This could be a problem."

Kagome and Sango stood staring at Sesshomaru, who was staring right back at them. The two girls had bathing supplies clutched in their hands and a hot spring at their back. The problem was that their new guard dog seemed to think that looking away was a very bad idea.

"Got any suggestions, Kagome?"

"I'm thinking that this is a good time for you to start wearing that bathing suit I got you. I don't think he's going away."

The slayer fidgeted, looking at her pack and then back at their new pet. "But, it's so indecent!"

"Better then being naked. I don't know about you, but I need a soak after the way Inuyasha marched us around today. Besides, Sess-chan isn't even going to notice the difference. He's already all over you."

"Good point. But keep him here." Sango ducked behind a tree, wiggling free of her kimono with all possible speed.

Kagome stepped right in front of Sess-chan and planted her hands on her hips when he started to move after her. "Wait, Sess-chan."

There was a faint whining, but the taiyoukai stayed where he was, leaning forward as though he might catch a glimpse of the other female.

"Your turn, Kagome-chan." Slowly, hesitantly, the slayer came out from her hiding place, decked out in black spandex. It was a conservative one piece, but to see her expression, you would think that she was wearing a micro bikini. She kept her kimono in front of her, blushing hotly under Sess-chan's intense stare. It was visible when she decided to take this problem head on. Her eyes narrowed and her posture straightened as she marched over to her friend. Sango took up Kagome's position and stance, staring the naughty young canine right in the eyes while Kagome disappeared to stumble and curse behind the tree. "Are you alright, Kagome-chan?"

"Fine, fine. It's hard enough to get into a swimsuit without having to do it in a forest with no light." After a few more phrases that had most definitely been learned from Inuyasha, Kagome returned to the hot spring. She was more comfortable in her white swimsuit, but she found herself crossing her arms over her body self consciously when the taiyoukai turned his attention to her. "Come on, Sango. The water isn't going to get any hotter."

It was a relief for both young women to slip into the water. For once they did not have to worry about pervert monks coming to watch them. Sess-chan would scent him in an instant, and the monk knew it. For once they were promised a nice, quiet soak. Kagome smiled across the spring to her friend, waving some of the steam away from her face. "This is worth dealing with a bathing suit, and you know it."

"Sure, sure, Kagome-chan." Sango did a small eye roll before dunking her head under the water. When she came up, she pulled her hair over her shoulder. "But it is still so . . . "

Kagome looked away from her own hair when her friend stopped talking. "So comfy? Flattering? They say black is very sliming, and with that armor of yours . . . " She let her own voice trail off as she noticed the expression on Sango's face. She had gone white, as in so white that for a second Kagome wondered if she had stopped breathing. Her eyes were enormous, almost bulging out of their sockets, and her hands had a death grip on her hair. "Sango?"

A soft whimper was the only response. Kagome whipped her head around, looking for the threat. 'How did something get past Sess-chan? Where did he go? Did something hurt Sess-chan? Wait a minute, aren't those his fancy hakama . . . ' There was a splash in the spring, and the miko whipped her head back around. Sango had not moved, but there were ripples spreading out from the middle of the spring. "Sango, was that . . . "

"Uh huh." The powerful, beautiful slayer clung to the edge of the spring with a terrified expression, staring at the water.

"Is it him in the water?"

"Uh huh."

Kagome darted across the spring, grabbing her friend by the shoulders. "Was he wearing anything?!"

"Nuh uh."

Two pairs of eyes searched the still surface of the hot spring. Night had fallen, and they could not see to the bottom of the spring, especially where it sloped away into an abyss. A bubble surfaced, and both young women startled back, but nothing appeared. Kagome could feel her breath coming in rapid pants. 'Just when you thought it was safe to soak in the hot spring. Why can't I get the theme from Jaws out of my head?!'

The water surged right in front of them, and both girls screamed before hauling back and punching the monster from the deep in unison. The mass of white fell back into the water, disappearing into the dark once again.

Sango eased away from the bank, trying to spot the mysterious creature. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know." The miko clung to her friend as they eased further into the water. "Can taiyoukai drown?"

"I guess so. It's not like he is a fish youkai or anything." Sango hesitantly poked her foot out, trying to locate him by touch since her eyes were failing her.

"Oh no. What if he drowns? Oh my god, I killed Sess-chan!"

The water rippled again. The two girls scrambled back for the bank, eyes frantic, but this time the water simply parted to allow a head to emerge. A head with a pair of annoyed red eyes and hair hanging down in heavy strands. With his pointed ears showing clearly through his soaked hair, Kagome suddenly had the impression of a wet and very unhappy Chihuahua.

Snickering to herself, Kagome eased her death grip on Sango's arm. "Are you going to behave now, Sess-chan?"

The blood red eyes narrowed, but the taiyoukai rose and stood without advancing on them. The water lapped at his hips, revealing all of his perfect form, right down to the small dips just above where his thighs met his body. The snow white hair fell over his shoulders and down his back, disappearing into the water. There was nothing here that resembled a Chihuahua of any kind. This was nothing short of masculine perfection.

"Holy hell." Kagome reached over to push Sango's chin up, snapping her mouth shut while the miko swallowed hard. Twice. "Remind me to make sure that Inuyasha never, ever kills him. Ever. And I owe him a sit for the arm."

"Sure thing." Taking a deep breath, Sango straightened up from her crouch. "Wow. I never realized that he had more of those stripes."

"I kind of like the ones on his hips."

"The ones disappearing into the water? Yeah, those are my favorites, too."

The two young women visibly shook themselves out of the very happy, very dirty places that their minds had wandered off to. Sango gathered herself back together first. "Well? What do we do with him now?"

Kagome worried her bottom lip with her teeth. "There is this one thing I always promised myself I would do if I could get Inuyasha in a hot spring with me. Sess-chan will work just as well."

----

"Hey, Kagome-chan! Sango-chan! Inuyasha's getting really mean and . . . what are you three doing?"

"Oh, hi, Shippou-chan!" Kagome looked down at her hands, Sess-chan, and Sango. It probably looked a bit weird to the kit. "Well, it's always been a little fantasy of mine, and since I had the chance, I just kind of took it."

Shippou perched on the edge of the hot spring, staring at the threesome. "But, it's Sesshomaru!"

"That doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve a little extra attention every once in a while."

"I'm starting think that Inuyasha's right, and you're kind of crazy."

"What?" Kagome splashed her hands in the water to rinse off the suds. "I can't imagine that it's easy for Sess-chan to keep this much hair looking nice, especially with only one arm, and I have always wanted a chance to do this. It feels so nice, and once it's brushed out, Sango and I are going to braid it up for him. It'll be less work for him while he's in his . . . condition."

The slayer nodded from the other side of Sess-chan, still scrubbing away at his hair and scalp while the taiyoukai rested in the water, eyes half closed with pleasure. "It is kind of fun to play with this much hair."

"I still think you're both crazy." Shippou gave the tableau before him another look. "Hey, is he wearing anything?"

"Don't be silly, Shippou-chan. Go back and tell Inuyasha that we will be there soon." Kagome set back to work on her side of Sess-chan's hair while she held her breath, waiting to see if Shippou would peacefully leave. "I do have a box of pocky if you'll do me this one favor."

"I'm on it!"

There was a poof of dust as the kit disappeared back into the woods, heading back towards camp. The miko sagged a bit, leaning on Sess-chan. "That was close."

"They're both going to have fits when they hear that Sess-chan was bathing with us." Sango dropped her half of the soft, white hair into the hot spring, carefully rinsing the shampoo away.

"Probably." Kagome moved around to the front of their pet, shaking her head. "It's not that big of a deal. We're both dressed."

"Yes, but he's not."

"Details, details." Kagome smiled and cupped some water in her hands. "Okay, Sess-chan, I need you to close your eyes so I don't get shampoo in them."

The blood red eyes were fixed on her in an unwavering stare. Specifically, the gaze was fixed on her mouth. One pale hand emerged from the water, touching her lips softly. Kagome's breath caught at the gentle touch, backed with the intense gaze. The finger started to trail slowly over her skin. Heat sprung to life as it traveled down her chin, down her throat, and paused to trace her collar bone. Soft pants filled the air between then, and it took a long moment for Kagome to realize that those pants were coming from her. 'Oh, man. I was not ready for this. Humping my leg? That's easy. It's annoying, and a little disgusting. But this?' After the brief detour at her collar bone, the finger started to trail down again, snagging on the edge of her swimsuit.

With a loud splash and flailing limbs, Kagome backed away. Sango looked up with a curious expression, her focus on the perfect hair shattered. "What's wrong, Kagome-chan?"

"I may have just discovered a little problem with our plan to keep him with us."

----

"What the hell did you do to him?"

"You know, for someone that's supposed to hate him, you seem to worry about him an awful lot." Kagome dropped her pack by the campfire.

"Of course I hate him, wench, but you're just cruel!" Inuyasha's ears went flat against his head. "I mean, come on! Sure, he's a complete bastard, but that?"

Kagome reached up to run her fingers along one of the many braids that kept Sesshomaru's hair out of the way. "It's practical."

"There are pink things in his hair! And they sparkle! He looks retarded!"

"Osuwarii!"

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A/N: I know Kagome kind of butchered her description of pack order. It's what she knows, not me.