It has arrived, our very first Crackfic!! This came to us in one of our little spazz rants. It started with a random "Why Sasuke really hates Itachi" rant by none other than Vampiress, and then the suggestion of making an icon, by FlowerChild.
Sasuke: We all know the reason I hate him it's because -gets mouth covered by authors-
Us: Shh Sasuke no spoilers for the crack fic. Anyway we have a special guest star today!
Fourth Hokage: Hello readers! I'm honored to be in the fic.
Us: Hokage-sama why don't you do the disclaimer and talk about spoilers.
Fourth: It'll be my pleasure. VampiressChildofthe91Flowers does not own the Naruto Characters. Nor do they own one of the phrases used in the brilliant Naruto the Abridged Series, by MasakoX and Vegeta3985. As for spoilers, you only get to find out my first name, and the first name of my lovely wife as seen in chapter 367 of the Naruto Manga, which they also do not own.
Us: -big smiles- Enjoy the crackfic!!
-Vampiress, FlowerChild, and the Fourth Hokage do nice guy pose-
It was a beautiful day at Orochimaru's secret base. Kabuto was skipping gayly through a field of flowers while the snake sannin was busy cleaning his many 'toys (A/N: -cough cough-).' Sasuke was walking aimlessly, bored in Orochimaru's absence. Something in the distance caught his eye. "Itachi." He growled, stalking his was towards his prey. "Sasuke-kun . . . did you get taller?" Itachi asked in a happy-go-lucky voice. "Cut the crap Itachi, it's time to die!" The younger Uchiha exclaimed, taking a fighting stance.
"Why do you hate me so Sasuke-kun?" He paused. "Is it because I killed our clan." Sasuke glared. "No god dammit Itachi, how many times do I have to say this?! It's because you left me. We had hot Smex, and you left me! For a fish-guy!" Sasuke pointed to the abyss. The smoke cleared to show a confused Kisame. "What?" The Uchiha brothers promptly ignored him. "I don't care that you killed Mom and Dad or the clan. You didn't even bring me, but FISH BOY!?!"
"Wait Sasuke I can explain!" Itachi pleaded.
"No Itachi, you want fish boy, you'll get fish boy."
A fish materialized into Sasuke's outstretched hand. "Who's the fish boy now!?" He beat his elder brother with the over sized fish. "Who's the Fish boy now!" He ceased the beating, only to commence in raping Itachi with said fish.
"Ahhh!" Itachi awoke in a cold sweat. "Itachi-kun, what's wrong, are you alright." Kisame said from his spot next to him on the bed. "Yeah Kisame baby, it was just a nightmare. I got raped by a fish, and Sasuke was mad that we were together."
"It's alright Itachi-chan, he just doesn't understand what we have. He's just jealous, and he always will be. After all, who doesn't want me?"
Itachi bit his lip, but remained silent. After a few moments he began to speak again. "You're right Kisame, he's just jealous of our special relationship." He pursed his lips. "After all, he doesn't get to have me every night anymore." The two began to make out fiercely. Attacking each others mouths as their hands roamed each others bodies. Itachi moved to Kisame's shirt. . .
"HOLY SHIT!" Sasuke screamed, finding himself in someone's arms. "It's okay Sasuke-kun, it was just a nightmare." A hushed voice stated. After his twitching fit, Sasuke pried his eyes open to look at his savior. All he could see was blinding yellow light. "Naruto-kun?" He mumbled, hope evident in his unusually sweet voice. The person tightened their grip on him. "Shhh, don't worry Sasuke-kun, I've got you." He tried to clear his vision, hoping to find the blonde of his dreams holding him.
Bright pink hair became visible, a large forehead taking up his vision. "SAKURA!" He screamed in terror. The girl tilted her head to the side. "Well of course Sasuke-kun who else would it be, Naruto-baka?" The dark-haired teen closed his eyes as he rocked back and forth. "It's just a dream, it's just a dream, Naruto-kun will wake me up."
"But Sasuke-kun it's not a dream"
On the other side of Konaha a blonde teen sneezed. "Hmm, my Hokage-senses are tingling, somebody needs my help." He paused and scratched his chin. "As future Hokage, it's my duty to help-" Hinata poked her head through the door. "Naruto-kun." She purred seductively. "Will you help me with my Kimono, the obi's stuck." He blushed bright red. "It's m-m-my duty to h-help a damsel in distress!"
So without another thought he followed Hinata happily through the door.
An alarm clock sounded, waking none other than the Fourth Hokage. "That was a strange dream." Minato (A/N: Spoiler number 1) said. "Why was Itachi-kun there, and who was that blue guy?" He paused and scratched in his chin. "Who's Sasuke and Sakura, what weird names." A smile graced his features. "That blond guy though, devilishly handsome. What was his name, Naruto? When I have my son, I'll name him Naruto, in honor of that handsome young man in my dream. But that dark-haired girl, yum. What a looker."
A shrill voice called from the hallway. "Minato if you're thinking about other women again, I swear to Kami I'll beat you!" Minato trembled slightly. "Don't worry Kushina (A/N: Second and last spoiler) you're the only girl for me!" An ANBU burst through the door. "Hokage-sama! The Kyuubi is attacking!" He sighed. "Damn, alright boys, instead of doing the logical thing and killing the demon, let's seal it inside of an annoying naked baby!" "Such a genius Hokage-sama, you're the boss." Across the village, Kakashi randomly slapped his forehead in annoyance.
As a special closing for our first oneshot we would like to introduce, the King of all Demons, THE KYUUBI NO KITSUNE!!
Kyuubi: "Foolish mortals, why have you summoned me here?"
Us: "Kyuubi-chan how are you?"
Kyuubi: "-CHAN? HOW DARE YOU CALL ME CHAN! I AM THE ALMIGHTY KYUUBI NO KITSUNE, YOU SHALL BOW BEFORE ME!
Us: "Uhhm, yeah." - They quickly seal Kyuubi back within Naruto- "That's our show, expect many more in the future!"
Naruto: "What happened?
Us: "Eheh" .;;