Here is another silly little fic from yours truly. I heard the "Smooth Criminal" remake on the radio. I'm not a big Michael Jackson fan but the remake made me chuckle. Also it got those gears in my head moving. Yes, a horrifying thought but there you have it.



"Unsmooth Criminal"


B-ko's lackies decended on the lift into B-ko's lab where she designed and built her murderous machines. The sound of B-ko singing floated up from below. The four girls glanced at each other in surprise.

"It smashed through the window
a mecha built to kill A-ko.
It put holes in her apartment
and left mudstains on the carpet.
She banged her head on the table
you know the broad is unstable.
She will be dead soon
My genius will seal her doom.

A-ko are you ok?
Please tell me you're not ok.....

You've been hit by,
You've been struck by...
a smooth criminal."

"Who knew she was into Michael Jackson," Asa said.

"At least her singing voice is a lot better than Napolipolita's," Mari commented.

"Yeesh, talk about a voice that could shatter glass," Ine said.

"Glass?" Ume snorted. "How about reinforced concrete?"

B-ko looked up at her lackies as they reached the floor. "Ah, you're all just in time to see the unveiling of my masterpiece."

Asa looked at B-ko's newest giant mecha. "Actually it wasn't veiled to begin with."

"I was speaking figuratively," B-ko snapped. "What I meant was that you are just in time to see the moment of A-ko's demise."

"What do you call this one?" Ume asked.

"Behold, you will be first to witness the power of my finest creation, the Invincible A-ko Crusher: Type Alpha."

"It's certainly huge," Ine said as she inspected the mecha in question.

"It's more than merely huge, it will be the mecha that finally destroys that cretinous red-headed freak."

All four of her employees looked at her skeptically, they had heard this little speech before plenty of times.

B-ko looked at the four them with her arms crossed and tapping her foot. "You doubt me do you?!" she snarled. "Well, I'll show you!"

B-ko stomped over to the mecha, opened a panel on one of the mecha's huge legs. She grabbed a huge lever. "With the flip of this switch the world will tremble at the power of the child of my genius. Or at least A-ko will..... not for not long though because she'll be dead soon. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

B-ko then grasped the lever and yanked it on it. However, the lever refused to budge. Again she tried to throw the switch. Again it refused to move. "Damn thing! Mari!"

"Huh?"

"Give me a hand you idiot!" B-ko yelled. "Grab the lever and give it a good yank."

"Okay," Mari squeeked and grabbed the lever and tried to throw it to the "on" position. She grunted as she she strained to move the switch. Unfortunately it refused to move. She gritted her teeth as she redoubled her effort. An ominous groan came from the mecha.

"NO, STOP MARI!" B-ko shouted as the mecha began to totter.

Mari ignored B-ko and strained even more as she tried to move the lever. The mecha creaked as it slowly began to sway. Mari began to sweat profusely as the veins in her forhead bulged with her tremendous effort.

The other three lackeys went into swift and decisive action. They took to thier heels. Ume stopped long enough to grab B-ko by the collar and dragged her along.

"No! My mecha! I have to save it!"

"Forget about it!" Ine yelled. "If we're lucky we might live through this."

By this time the mecha was rapidly falling on it's back. The girls barely made it out when the mecha slammed into the floor of the workshop. As the torso and head of the mecha smashed into the floor the legs kicked up like a pair of catapults.

Mari was flung through the roof, making a distinctive hole in size and shape. The other girls watched in awe as she flew over the Daitokuji Compound.



Hikaru Daitokuji was in his office engaging in his favorite pastime of bullying General Monty Zuma. "Now General, let's be reasonable.."

"Be reasonable?" Zuma sputtered. "You want me to leak highly classified alien tech to you! How is that reasonable?"

"It's quite reasonable in light of the twenty million yen "gift" you got last month," Daitokuji snapped.

"Yes, but, but...."

"Pipe down, I think I hear sommething," Hikaru said.

It sounded like something whistling through the air. Daitokuji cupped his hand behind his ear in an effort find the source of the sound. He looked out the window just in time to see Mari's huge bulk hurtling through the air just before she smashed through said window like a 400 pound seagull.

Mari, Daitokuji and the remains of his desk tumbled willy nilly across the length of Hikaru's office. They came to rest with Daitokuji buried in the toothpick like shards of his desk with Mari sitting atop both him and what was left of his desk.

"Oooohhhhhh, I think I broke him," Mari squeeked as she grabbed a piece of the desk and used it to pick her teeth.





"I'm so sorry to see you stuck in the hospital," B-ko told her father over the vid-phone link. "It's such a shame that you won't be home for weeks. Still, at least you're alive."

Hikaru coughed for a minute. "You'll have to keep things under control while I'm away. Manage the DFG and whatnot."

"Oh, don't worry, Father, everything will work out fine."

"I'm sure it will, now if you don't mind, I'm feeling tired..."

"Of course, Father," B-ko said. "I wish you a speedy recovery."

Hikaru cut the link without saying farewell to his daughter.

"Oh yes, Father, I do so hope you get well soon," B-ko said sneering, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Her employees looked at each other. "I'm getting a bad feeling about this," Ine said.

"While the cats away the mice will play," Asa said in a sing song voice.

"Exactly, Asa," B-ko said with an evil smile. "My father will be recuperating for quite a while. Now is my chance to finally kill that miserable A-ko Magami."

"How do you mean?" Ume asked.

"With my father out of the way for the forseeable future I will be able to build the world's finest mecha. Now will be the time of my destiny."

"More mecha?" Ine asked. "But you've already tried..."

"Silence!" B-ko snapped. "Those were just toys. My father's constant meddling prevented me from exerting my full genius. I will build the 8th Wonder of the World. Something that will make the Queen Margerita seem like a hand puppet."

Ume's eyes grew huge behind her glasses. "I think that Ine should have the honor of piloting this new mecha of yours, Miss B-ko."

"Huh?" Ine spluttered. "Everyone knows you're the more qualified pilot, Ume. You should have the pleasure."

"More qualified!?" Ume said incredously. "What about that complete cock-up I made of the Max 5000?"

"Not your fault," Ine replied. "The design was faulty."

"SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!!" B-ko screamed. "Just because of your smart ass comments you will BOTH pilot it when I get it completed.

"Now look what you did," Ine complained.

"What do you mean by that?" Ume asked. "After all, you're the one who...."

She was cut off by B-ko slugging her in the mouth.