The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0
Okay, so I'm a little behind…make that really behind.
After a very long hiatus, Lia is trying to tie up some loose ends that she is only just realizing are loose. That means she has to run around and drag everybody out of the little closets that they were locked in. It took a good two hours to figure out where Matt went, as he'd been temporarily replaced as Head Muse by one Quatre Raberba Winner. Things are still looking pretty Gundam-y as of now.
"Welcome to a really, really, really belated episode of The Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. The Tamers officially ended their season quite some time ago, but between finals and camp and driving…yes, Lia is driving. God help us all. Anyway, I just forgot to write a report. So I'm doing that now. First character that can escape from their closet gets to do the recap!"
Of course, being the only intelligent member of the Batpig team…and more or less the only intelligent digimon…Wizardmon happened to release himself first. It helps to have a stick of dynamite or two handy.
"I'm only doing this because I have to, not because I want to," he informed her. "Somehow…we missed that whole episode…Jeri is freed from her prison inside the Chaos, and the battle continues. Children all over the world cheer on our intrepid heroes, who fight mostly as bio-merges for the last dozen episodes. Takato and Guilmon are aided by the Arc, known as Grani, who serves as somewhat of a horse. And the Monster Makers, along with Shibumi, Yamaki and Hypnos, come up with a plan to destroy the D-Reaper. They send Terriermon…well, the bio-merge of he and Henry, into a vortex connecting the Real and Digital worlds and have him spin counter to the spin of the D-Reaper at a high velocity, which generates enough power to completely obliterate the Chaos, thus saving both worlds. Impmon's kids, Ai and Mako, are granted their very own D-Power, making them official Tamers. Suzie Wong, Kazu, Kenta and Jeri get to help out the important main characters. Ryo Akiyama gets to call Rika 'pumpkin.' And all the digimon have to return to the Digital World or be deleted, saddening partners and Tamers alike. But Takato discovers that the portal to the Digital World that was in Guilmon's hideout hasn't closed. And that was the end."
"Thank you, Wizardmon. I appreciate it. Now, since I started this whole mess of episodic bashings, I come out of Tamers actually liking it a bit more. I find Henry cute; Ryo was about as Matt as I could get…Ryo was definitely the bishounen, hands down. And I absolutely love Calumon. If I enjoyed nothing else, it was Calumon. Well! New season coming up in the fall, and to officially spoil it…YES, THIS IS SPOILING! But not enough to ruin it all for you…the first technically gifted Digidestined to appear can handle this! Izzy, Ken…Yolei…anyone?"
Spitting out a mouthful of mothballs, our favorite Ken Ichijouji makes his way towards the desk, a few cobwebs still stuck in his hair.
"All right, well, hello everyone. Yeah, so Lia probably already mentioned months ago that the new season, Digimon Frontier, is going to not be connected to our seasons or the Tamers, they are an entity all of their own. Lia also probably mentioned that they sort of turn into digimon, though we're not quite sure of all the logistics for that one. And I know you know Disney now owns the rights to Digimon and all its components, so the new season will air on one of the Disney-owned subsidiary stations…it's been rumored that it will be UPN, but we aren't certain. But what you may not know is that one, there's more gratuitous digivolving nudity, and two, the dub names. Now bear in mind, these are probably not finalized. Wormmon, the chart, if you please…"
Wormmon scuttles out with a large piece of posterboard on one of Lia's easels, which he tosses into a corner.
"Names," Ken continued, "will be shown in their original form followed by dub form. Thank you."Takuya Kanbara…Takuya Kouji Minamoto…Koji
Tai took one glance at the color-coordinated chart and frowned. "Zoe? No offense to Izumi, but I keep thinking that little orange Muppet puppet from Sesame Street."
"Don't we all?" Lia sighed. "All right, well, since we still have nothing much to do, and we're on summer kickback mode, Mimi has done a little research for us…I know, I know, Mimi doing research is somewhat of an oxymoron. Anyway, Mimi will now give her report on what's worth watching while we're waiting for the fall kickoff. Meems?"
"Thank you, Lia. I spent a couple of weekends going through all the kids' networks checking out the summer programs, and I have to say I'm really disappointed. FOX has resorted to reheating Woody Woodpecker and the only new episodes of anything that are still airing are Galidor, Power Rangers, and Mon Colle Knights. Um, yeah. Personally, I happen to like Mon Colle Knights on occasion, mostly because most of my friends from here have voice acting jobs on it. Kids WB has nothing new that I know of…Zeta Project and possibly Pokémon, but that's it. Unless you really missed a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh or want to catch up on your X-Men: Evolution, don't even waste your time. Now onto my co-anchor Palmon for the new ABC Family weekend report. Palmon?"
Said plant downed a shot glass of Miracle Grow and nodded. "Right. Um, this too is really kind of sad. ABC Family airs Spiderman a few too many times. Like six. In one day. Literally. And despite putting them on commercials, I have yet to see the Fantastic Four anywhere. Beyblade? All I have to say about this one is oh dear. I'm not even sure this is really anime, kind of like that Totally Spies, American made anime knockoff stuff? To be completely honest, the only thing really worth getting up for is Shinzo. Mimi and I like watching sweet Yakumo…who we're pretty sure is voiced by Jun…and her friends the Hyper-Interrans make their way towards the fabled city of Shinzo. There's action, adventure, humor, and Mushra, the absolutely bishounen-est bishounen you can get these days. Shame he wears a helmet, though. As for the rest of the main characters, we like Sago, but not his helmet either…or his eyes, he has funny eyes. And unless he stays all cool-looking for the rest of the series run, Kutal can just blow up. And we think Mushra has Michael's voice for most of it, which is a little depressing. Back to you, Lia."
"Mm, I like Mushra too. Anyway, that should wrap things up. For the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. I'll see everyone back here in September for the new season, hopefully. Otherwise, I'll be stalking the Gundam Wing section here at ff.net and you can catch me at my web comic Lysandria, which I hope to write some original works here for as well. To get to my web comic, it's in my profile, go there. And if anyone reading this knows how to html the pages, I'd appreciate the help. I can't figure out how to make the comic page stop defaulting to 'ugly.' Oh well. Email me if you can, read it anyways if you can't. Later, y'all."
Um…did anyone ever find Matt? Or is he still MIA?
Takenouchi: I'm not sure. Can you give us twenty minutes?
Orimoto: Zoe, what a joke. Isabel would've been cooler.
Shibayama: I just hope we don't sound like Team-O Supremo.
Then I would lose all faith in humanity.