Summary: Users of the death note cannot go to heaven or hell and when Raito dies he realizes that this fate is worse then death. In order to redeem himself, Raito must save one life for every life he took as Kira...with Ryuzaki's help. But how do you save a life?

Warning: Slash, AU, not really sure where the story is going so possible violence and disturbing content. also i apologize if i accidently spell raito as ratio at any point.

Disclaimer: not mine.

1 day before Raito Yagami finds the Death Note

He didn't know what possessed him, really he didn't.

For some strange reason he found himself standing in front of a small, windowless shop with a wooden sign on the door that read Fortuneteller. The shop was completely undistinguishable save for that sign.

The teen reread the sign.

"Yeah, right." Raito Yagami huffed. He didn't believe in this fortune shit. He was in charge of his own destiny and there were no higher powers controlling him. And if there were...well it was to illogical and disturbing to explore that thought. Raito Yagami believed in logic above all else--if it didn't make sense it wasn't worth thinking about.

But he stood rooted in front of that shop. He could've walked away if he'd wanted too. But he wanted to go inside, he wanted to see if this was for real, he wanted help.

So he very carefully grabbed the door handle and pulled.

A ringing sound drew his eyes to the top of the door where a little bell hung.

And gingerly he took a step inside.

It was dark. The shop had looked much smaller from the outside, inside it seemed to occupy more space then was possible. The only light came from a floor lamp in the far corner of the room. The lamp was dim and emitted a faint yellow glow. It was situated beside an old wooden table where a woman sat. She was playing what looked like solitare with a deck of cards. Raito stood in front of the door and said wearily, "Hello, are you open?"

"Well I'm here, aren't I?"

The teen's eyebrows rose, he'd been expecting an older, mystic woman with a scratchy voice and an air of purpose akin to his grandma. Instead the woman seated at the table had a young, strong voice with a hint of steel in it. She couldn't be more then fourty. She wasn't even wearing anything particuliarly strange, just jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. Raito began to introduce himself, "I'm--"

"Yagami Ratio, I know, are you going to sit down or not?"

He blinked, how did she know his name? He took a small step closer and noticed incense burning from holders on the walls. The floor was bare and wooden. There were no beads or crystal balls or other mystic items. It was just a room with a table and this brusque woman playing solitare. Except it did have a strange, sweet smell. It reminded Ratio of ginger.

The teen came to the end of the shop and sat down at the table. The woman continued her game of solitare without so much as a glance at him. She had heavy lidded dark eyes with long glossy lashes. Her face was pale and unremarkable. Smooth, brown hair tumbled around her shoulders, catching the soft light and shimmering.

The only sound was their breathing and the soft slap of each card hitting the table.

She finished and for the first time looked up to meet Ratio's eyes. Her eyes were striking. Their color was plain, but there was a depth to them, a sparkle that could entice the devil himself. "You're japanese?"

He nodded.

"Funny coloring you've got. I've never seen a kid with...what color are your eyes--gold?" She leaned closer and actually grasped Raito's chin with her hand.

The teen held still, fighting the urge to jerk his head from her grasp. "I thought they were light brown."

"They are, but they look gold in this light." She leaned back and let the teen go. "You could pass for western."

"Uh...Thank you?"

"You're welcome."

They sat in silence. Finally Raito said, "Aren't you gonna tell me my fortune?"

She laughed and gathered up the playing cards on the table. "You, kiddo? Your marked." She opened a drawer in the desk and put away the playing cards and pulled out a different deck. They looked like Tarot cards. "Anyone in my business can see that."

"What does that mean?" Raito snapped. "Marked for what?"

She looked up from her cards with cold eyes, "You're frightened--don't be. You ought to become accustomed to supernatural forces, they will follow you."

"I'm not frightened," said Raito in a sullen tone. "It's just not logical."

She began to lay the cards in rows and then she said, "That logic is going to get you into trouble." There was a long silence before she continued. "You're going to do very well on your practice entrance exams. You're a smart kid--too smart." She looked up at him again, "That's going to get you into trouble too. You think you know everything, you think that logic makes you infallible." She laid another card down a smiled, "Don't worry, you're not the only one."

"This isn't making sense."

"It will." She said simply. "Tell me why you came in here."

"Curiosity," Raito shrugged.

"No. You saw one man put a gun to another man's head and demand all his money, correct?" She said quietly.

Raito's eyes widened violently, he shoved the chair away from the table and lurched to his feet. "How did you know that!" He insisted.

She looked up at him was calm eyes. Raito took a deep breath and sat back down. "I said before, get used to the supernatural, kiddo. What you saw was wrong, it made you feel horrible. It reminded you that this world is a rotten place."

"I see my father come home every day--"

"Chief Yagami."

Raito shot her a dirty look and continued, "Every day he comes home and more criminals are caught and every day they go to court and every day they get off with a slap on the wrist. Criminals, evil men, are being released from prison. The system is flawed and good people are suffering because of it. This world is a mess."

"And you believe criminals are evil."

"Why else would they do what they do?" Raito asked, completely assured. "It's evil and they need to be punished--forced to never commit an atrocity again."

"Evil is such a simple word." She said gently. She continued to lay cards on the table and then she smiled softly, "You are very moral, Raito Yagami. You have a strong sense of right and wrong, you believe in good and evil, you are an idealist, and you are very fragile, Raito Yagami. Your idea of justice will be your downfall."

"What's wrong with my sense of justice!" Raito insisted.

"You see good or evil, there are no extenuating circumstances to you. As I told you, this will lead to your downfall. Your sense of justice is so strict that it can easily be warped. Very soon it will be and you will change." She sounded sad.

The teen blinked and leaned back in his chair. "None of that sounds very good."

"You can choose to believe me or not, but whatever you choose will come back to save or destroy you. I tell you, in all honesty, Raito Yagami, that if you disregard me then you will die."


"Not physically, I cannot tell you when your body will die. But if you choose to disregard me then the Raito Yagami who is seated before me will die and a very different man will replace him."

She lay the last card in place and traced the patterns with her fingers. She looked up at him. "If you choose to disregard this then leave. Treat this visit as an interesting story to tell your friends and joke about. But if you choose to stay then I have more to tell you."

"What will I hear if I stay?"

"Words that will haunt you to your grave."

Raito frowned, "Doesn't sound like anything I want to hear."

"Do you believe in love?" She said suddenly.

"Don't you already know?"

She offered a crooked smile, "I'd rather hear from you."

"No, it doesn't make sense. Love is just...brain chemistry. It's caused by a hormonal imbalance." Raito looked at her, "What does love have to do with what your going to tell me?"

"If you don't hear these words, you will never find love...can you live with that?"

The teen shifted nervously and said defensively . "My family loves me."

"I don't mean that others won't love you. They will. But when you change, you won't love them. You will be very lonely without love."

"Will I feel lonely?" Raito asked.

"No. And that's even sadder. At least someone who feels lonesome has some hope of finding love. You will be to far gone to even remember what it feels like to be lonely."

A moment of silence passed.

"Tell me."

She smiled, "I hoped you'd say that."

"You didn't know?" Raito asked.

She shook her head, "I can only tell you the choice, I can't decide which one you'll make. Now listen closely. Users of the Death Note cannot go to heaven or hell. They are doomed to suffer, you especially, Raito Yagami. You will hurt someone important to you, someone who is...precious to you. And you will face a choice--"

"What choice?"

She offered him a crooked smile, "You will know when you face it. But, if you make the right choice you will find yourself between heaven and hell."

"Will I be alone?"

"No. Listen, you must remember these words, if all goes well you will be judged and when you are given a chance to speak say this," She paused and coughed as though her throat was dry.

"What do I say?"

She sighed heavily and shifted nervously. Then she looked eyes with Light and said in a regretful voice, "I am worthy of a second chance." But her eyes told him something else, but Raito couldn't decipher it.

"I am worthy of a second chance?" Raito repeated.

She shook her head, "Speak those words only if they are the truth. You must speak the truth, Raito Yagami. Speak the truth above all else. That's all I can tell you, kiddo."

The teen sighed, "I think you're serious."

"I am." She smiled, "You know in your heart that I am. And it scares you."

"You'd be scared too if someone just told you all that shit." He snarled. Then he shifted nervously and asked in an oddly fragile voice, "So I'll hurt someone precious to me and then I'll face a choice. I take it that the correct choice won't be obvious?"

"It'll be obvious, but," She paused, searching for a word, "challenging."

Raito nodded, "how much do I owe you?"

She smiled, "Come see me tomorrow. We'll discuss it then."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Alright then...what time?"

"You'll know."

Raito carefully got up and pushed the chair in. "Okay." He said quietly. Without another word he turned and left the shop.

She watched him go and then turned back to the cards and murmured "Poor kid."