A/N: Just a bit of early Christmas cheer. If you are a RemusxTonks shipper, it is advisable you don't read any further. Because Remus Lupin loves Sirius Black. Deal with it.
Tonks was In A State Of Great Excitement.
In quite a state of Complete And Befuddled Delirium, that positively oozed out of her system, as she bobbed up and down on her heels peering over Kingsley Shacklebolt's shoulders, which she had always maintained were too large and broad to be strictly allowed. As it were, she let his guff breeze pleasantly over her, something vague about the delay in legalization of House-Elf bank accounts at Gringotts, because she had something far, far, far more interesting to observe.
Namely, Remus Lupin.
There, she thought, and she felt so light-headed, she could very well have lifted off from the floor and floated up to the ceiling right then – there he stood, blissfully, adorably, entirely oblivious, sipping coffee from a mug, and there, right above him – mistletoe!
This, she considered mid-bob, was definitely her day. A fantastic Christmas lunch from Mrs. Weasley, and what better way to round it up than with a hearty snog, and Remus so willingly standing spot under mistletoe, watching Fred and George juggle empty Butterbeer bottles, with a small smile on his face?
Tonks licked her lips.
And she made her move.
"…so, mainly because Crouch voted against it at the International Warlocks' Summit in '79, there hasn't really been much – Tonks?"
"Save it, Bolt, I've a canine to corner."
She shoved him out of the way, leaving him to uselessly call, "but now Fudge seems not so averse to it, you know!" after her, and walked purposefully up to Remus and joined him under the mistletoe. "Wotcher, Remus!"
"Oh, hello, Tonks."
"Coffee?" she said brightly, pointing at his mug: even Ginny had tried Firewhiskey that afternoon, though Molly of course was in the dark.
"I stayed up late last night with Sirius and we had too much of Firewhiskey," said Remus lightly, with a tiny smile.
"Right." Tonks grinned and put her hands in her pockets, watching as Remus took another sip. Then, seeing her chance, she looked up and uttered a little scream. "Mistletoe!"
Remus looked up. "Mistletoe it is," he said with a polite smile.
Tonks' face turned as pink as her hair and she began twitching quite violently. "Oh my god, that means we have to – but it's ok if you don't want to …" She gesticulated nervously, looking as though it definitely wasn't. "I'll obviously understand if it's a little –"
"Of course not," said Remus courteously. "It's tradition."
"Really?" squealed Tonks.
Tonks reached up an eager hand and pulling his face down to her level, pressed their lips together. She saw Remus' hand rise, out of the corner of her eye – a bubble of excitement arose within her, her insides almost shriveling up in expectation – would it slide sensuously up her thigh? She silently blessed all the Auror training sessions she had had to go through, her thighs were better toned than ever. But no, it rose higher – she wondered, and a horde of butterflies were let loose in her stomach at the thought – was he going to grab her behind? Uh-uh, another miss, his hand rose still higher. Then, unlikely though it may seem – would quiet grey Remus Lupin succumb to the lusts of the flesh (hers, she reminded herself with a touch of pride) and, possibly, press her tits? She swelled up her chest, perking up her breasts … but no, his hand rose higher and higher. Now, she decided, there was only one option left – cup her face and desperately return the snog. He rested his hand, though, just then …
On her shoulder.
Damn, thought Tonks involuntarily, what a let-down. The next moment, she gave herself a mental shake – what are you doing, girl, you're kissing Remus! Remus is kissing you! This is not the time!
She pressed her lips against his mouth for a final flourish, remembering an article she had secretly read in some girlie magazine (though she would never admit in public to having stacks of Glitterati stacked away at her house, of course) about leaving the person you kiss craving for more after the first time, and slowly drew away.
The dining room erupted in cheers.
"GO Tonks!" yelled Ginny, quite thrilled, giving the thumbs-up to her grinning idol.
Fred and George wolf-whistled; Mrs. Weasley, to Harry's very great alarm, buried her face in his shoulder and began to shake uncontrollably, the tears spilling onto his shirt. "Oh, it's so lovely," she sobbed, her voice thick, "Dear, dear Tonks, and dear, dear Remus!"
Tonks looked up at Remus with a satisfied purr. She was pretty sure she had done a good job and Remus was dying for more – the number of boys at school who had told her she had a way with kissing … Ooooh, she thought, and pleasurable little spasms coursed through her – she could almost see the hot, secret affair in the offing … stolen kisses in dark kitchens, discreet touches during Order meetings …
Remus was smiling benignly at her, the coffee-cup still in his hand, not in the least embarrassed, or shy … almost, Tonks found herself thinking a little resentfully, as though nothing had happened.
But that couldn't be … could it?
No – no, of course not.
Damn that coffee cup.
"Dora, my dear, you have a lot to learn."
Tonks started, and spun around in the direction from which the amused voice had drawled out. It was Sirius – he was laughing, a cigarette dangling between his fingers, looking oddly, as always, as if he were lounging – although there was nothing remotely lounge-against-able within at least five feet.
Tonks tensed at once. "I dunno what you mean," she muttered.
Sirius grinned. "You really haven't done this sort of thing much before, have you?"
"What d'you mean!" Tonks cried, offended. She readied herself to deliver a full list of all the boys she had ever kissed, starting right from titchy first-year Eric Dimmerson, whom she had bullied into snogging her in a broom cupboard in third year, after most of her friends had already had their first kiss, then all the way through Hogwarts and later … that should shut him up.
But Sirius went on, "Now, now, little cousin, don't worry – happens to everyone. You see, he's a werewolf."
"I've noticed," said Tonks, narrowing her eyes.
"He's a werewolf," Sirius said, still in that annoying elder-brother tone, "And werewolves mate for life."
"I know," said Tonks impatiently – what, was Sirius stupid enough to think there could possibly be any other potential mate for Remus but herself?
"Werewolves looking for a mate," said Sirius seriously, "like their first kiss to be ... Oy, Moony, you're not supposed to be listening whilst I give my kid sister advice!" He waggled a finger at him. Remus, who was suddenly looking quite hysterical, let out a shrill whimper.
"You seem to know a lot about this," said Tonks stiffly, trying her hardest to think what lady werewolf Sirius could have stumbled across and conceived such a devastating passion for, as to be so conversant with stuff like this.
"Werewolves which already have a mate, though," Sirius went on cheerfully, "generally don't like kissing people other than their partners."
"But what about what you were saying?" said Tonks, finding Sirius' last comment very irrelevant and therefore choosing to ignore it. "About the first kiss?"
"I could show you if you like," Sirius said suddenly. "Here, I think I will." He began walking slowly nearer.
Tonks braced herself. This would be hot, she considered; Sirius, she felt sure, was a mind-blowing kisser, and with that smouldering look in his eyes … Maybe she could forget for a while that he was her cousin. Kissing two of the most gorgeous men she knew within minutes of each other – she couldn't help marvelling at her luck. Shooting a half-glance towards Remus, she saw that he was suddenly looking very anxious indeed, shaking his head, his forehead creased, eyes helplessly saying 'No, no!' … she felt like giggling. Remus was jealous, she thought happily, of course he would be – Sirius was going to kiss her! Well, she would make it up nicely to him later.
Sirius was pretty close now. Tonks closed her eyes, waiting for the touch of his lips on hers …
Which never came.
When the wait became long enough to be suspicious, she snapped her eyes open. Her mouth fell open. She blinked. And blinked again.
Sirius was barely inches away from Remus; Remus was desperately shaking his head now, a panicked look in his eyes … Sirius laughed, and passed a hand around his waist and pressed their lips together.
The coffee cup smashed to the floor and broke into a thousand pieces. Remus' hands flew up, cupping Sirius' face, and he was kissing back, Tonks saw with horror, kissing him back, 'quiet grey Remus' now something of the past and the kiss was ... god, it was electric. There was simply no other word for it.
As they kissed, Sirius' arm, which was wrapped around Remus' waist, began to rise slowly, and as it did, it raised the fabric of Remus' shirt, crumpling it up, revealing the waistband of his boxers, that appeared to be…
Everyone in the room blinked.
"Pink," said Ginny faintly.
"Pink," said Fred and George together, grinning and surveying quiet grey Professor Lupin in a whole new light.
Mrs. Weasley looked away with a flustered expression on her face, as Sirius' hand wandered intimately up Remus' back. At length, fortunately, good sense prevailed and they drew apart, breathing heavily.
"Blimey," mumbled Ron, in awe.
"C-congratulations?" ventured Harry.
"I KNEW it!" shrieked Hermione, pointing a quivering finger at them, and Remus shifted slightly in Sirius' arms to regard her. "I knew it all along – you and him … since I caught you two playing footsie during an Order meeting while I was spying through the keyhole, and I found a scrap of paper in which you had been writing notes to each other that same day, mushy to downright dirty, under the kitchen table, and ooooh, I covered up for you, and now you …! That was hot, though," she finished lamely.
Flashing her a quick apologetic smile, Remus turned back to Sirius, his hands gripping Sirius' shoulders, shaking them slightly. "Sirius, why did you do that?" he muttered through clenched teeth. "You know how I get every time you start … and anyway, I thought we'd talked about this ... ?"
Sirius grinned and rumpled up Remus' hair. "She wasn't doing it right, and you looked so thoroughly in need of a good, sound, kiss, Sirius-style," he said softly. "So I thought I'd come in and do my bit. You know you should stop looking so severely kissable if you want me to keep any of my promises."
Remus looked grimly up at him. Bringing his face up close next to Sirius', he whispered, in a voice still audible across the silent room, "I think, then, a bit of punishment is in order." Sirius swallowed as Remus drew away from him. As they met the shocked look on everyone's faces, he discreetly curled his little finger around Remus'.
"'Lay off my werewolf' pretty loud and clear, eh?" muttered Hermione, noticing the subtle move.
"Well," said Remus, avoiding eye-contact as he swiftly steered Sirius to the door, "I guess … we'll see you around."
Tonks stared at them as they left, the beginnings of Remus' pink boxers still peeking out over his trousers, wondering what werewolf punishment was in store for Sirius and somehow not pitying him at all.
Lot to learn? Certainly seemed so.