Epilogue

When I was 14, I had a party while my parents were not home. I loved my best friend, Lilly. We kissed. I felt so happy, I could not contain myself. My step-brother, 'Jimmy' raped me at this party. He got me pregnant. I told my girlfriend. She got mad. Thought I cheated. Broke up with me. I went through a breakdown. She got back together with me. We had sex. I loved her. 'Jimmy' raped me in the hallway. She found us. Thought we were having sex. Broke up with me. I had a meltdown. I killed her. And 'Jimmy' and my father, and my step-mom, and my friends and brother. I am now serving a life sentence in prison. My daughter, Isabella, is beautiful. She is four years old, with long brown hair and bright blue eyes. She looks just like me. She lives in Nashville, with my Aunt Dolly and my family. They don't talk to me anymore. But they let Isabella call me sometimes, and say hi. They send pictures. She is getting big. I probably will never see her again. But that's okay. Because she is with my family. And she is safe.

I would like to say sorry.

To Daddy. I love you, Daddy. I always have. You were always here for me. You were the most important man in my life. You just disappointed me that's all. I should have told you. I remember all of those horrible dresses you gave me for my birthday. I used to hide them, and never wear them. But now, if you asked me too, I would wear them all day and all night. Even out in public. I'm sorry I did this to you, Daddy. I love you. So much. I really, really do.

To Linda. Linda you were amazing. I'm sorry I never gave you a chance. I miss my mom so much. I didn't think Daddy could ever love somebody like the way he did my mom. I was jealous, that's all. And your son hurt me. So I thought of you as a bad person. I thought it was your fault. For having him. I remember I would always decline your offerings for help. I could have used them. If you offered them now, I would accept them and I would listen. I'm so sorry I did this to you Linda.

To Lilly. I love you so much, Lilly. You were my best friend. I could tell you everything. You knew everything about me. I knew everything about you. I want you to know, I was so happy when you kissed me. I have never been more happy in my life. I remember when you dated Lucas. I hated him. The truth is, I was just jealous. Because I loved you. More than anything. And I still do. You never leave my mind. I will never ever forget your touch, or the feel of your lips, or your voice, or your smiling face. I will remember you forever. I'm sorry I did this to you. I love you.

To Oliver. Ollie, you were such a good friend! You always helped me out when I needed you the most. Always hung with me when Lilly and I fought. Brought a smile to my face everyday. You were so much fun to have around, and even though you loved Hannah Montana, I still wanted you around. You were the best friend someone could ask for. I'm sorry, Ollie. I'm so so so sorry. If it was anybody, I would keep you alive. I love you, Oliver.

To Jackson. Jackson, you were a doughnut. But I loved you. I know you were always at my side, always defending me and protecting me. You understood everything about me. You didn't hate me or call me a slut when you found out I was pregnant. You still were there for me. Thanks, Jackson. When you told me you loved, Lilly, I was mad. Because I loved her. And I didn't want anyone else to have her. Jackson, you were wonderful. I'm sorry. I really, really am.

Lastly, I'm sorry to all of the families that I hurt. I'm sorry I killed your child, sister, daughter, cousin, or best friend. I'm sorry that I killed your son, cousin, or home-dawg. I never meant for all of this to happen. I was so tormented. I went crazy. I'm sorry. I hope you are getting along much better. I hope they are resting in peace. Even though they did tease me, they never deserved to get hurt like I hurt them. I am so sorry. So very, very sorry.

Please, take this apology. Please, forgive me. I don't blame you if you can't. Because even until today, I still could never forgive my rapist, Ben Killimington. Even though he is dead, I hope he rots in hell. But, I hope your children are in paradise. I deserve to be killed. I don't blame you if you want to torture me. Please, feel obliged. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I am at a loss of words. I love you all. Even if you hate me. I love you. And I always will.

xo--

Miley Rae Stewart.