The Lost Priest: Shorts

Chapter 1

Time Warp Twins

(A/N It's finally here. With some help from my friend Vicantis the shorts are now finally up. These are short stories that will NEVER appear in the actual Lost Priest. These are just for fun and are totally random. These are purely for laughs. So please enjoy.)




Walter sat in front of a large computer along with few other people with their own computers. They were given permission to look over some the forgotten files that were pretty much abandoned after the Armageddon in hopes of finding a way to defeat Millennium. However, some of the passwords weren't on the list that the Albion government provided for them, but Abel had that part covered. He wrote down some of the passwords he remembered from when it was a commander.

Walter was looking over the new list and started typing one in at a time to see what password works his collection of files. He made sure to mark what password opened what files. However, there was one file he could not open. The title was "Private-Keep Out." None of the passwords that Albion or Abel listed could open it. He stared at for a while, trying to think if he missed one on the list when he felt someone walk up behind him.

"Having trouble," Alucard said, looking down at Walter.

"It seems we still don't have all the passwords," Walter sighed, taking off his monocle to clean it. "I've tried every password I have and nothing seems to work. Oddly enough a lot of files I have were created for or even created by Abel."

"Here's a clue if I were Abel and created a file that says 'Private-Keep Out' I don't think I'd be handing out the password," Alucard chuckled. "And since it is 'Private' it most likely meant he created that password himself to keep others out."

"And now that you've put it that way, perhaps it would be best if I just skipped over it," Walter said, getting ready to go to the next file.

"Aren't you the least bit curious as to what the Crusnik has in there," Alucard said, pulling the keyboard over to him. "Now if I were Abel—"

"He'd shoot you pointblank," Walter said but Alucard rolled his eyes.

"Let's try Lilith first," Alucard said, typing the word and hit enter. "Wow, denied. Surprising enough. Maybe his own name. Nope. Got any ideas?"

"Yeah, keep your nose out," Walter said. "Besides we don't know much about him as a child."

"What the priest doesn't know won't hurt us," the nosferatu grinned. "His favorite color is blue. That's not it either. It's not his brother or sister's name."

"If you're starting off with simple passwords let me give some advice," Walter said, taking the keyboard back. "Sometimes the password is so obvious it's really hard. In fact it can even be right in front of our faces."

Walter typed in an eight letter word and hit enter, and the file opened without any problems. Alucard laughed. Of course that would be something Abel would think of. The best place to hide something would be in plain sight. The password was "password" and it was written in bright bold red letters. Alucard had to laugh at that.

"What made you think of that," Alucard mused as Walter opened a My Video folder.

"I learned that a while ago. Integra wanted me to make her a password for her personal computer and I tried to think of something really hard but simple to remember," Walter said, scrolling down all the videos. "No one would think of putting password for their password normally so…"

"Hold on. Go back a little," Alucard said as Walter scrolled up. "Right there. The one titled 'so wrong' let's see what that is."

Walter shrugged and clicked on the file and a video popped in a new window. At first all that was visible was the camera moving through the halls. Then the person holding the camera turned it around to show herself.

"Hi, everyone Lilith here. For the last two days Cain and Abel have been hiding in an old meeting room," she said, still moving down the hall with camera on her. "I walked by there about 10 minutes ago and heard music playing just behind the door. I peaked in and saw something that'll go down in history. I can only hope and pray they're still doing it when I get there. This is great and I have to get this on video."

The camera then turned back around as she neared a closed door.

"If you listen very carefully you can hear their voices. I'm going to have to be very quiet and see what all they're up to," the door slowly opened just enough to get the lens of camera through the crack.

Inside the camera picked up Abel and Cain about 12 years old arguing at each other.

"One more time, c'mon," Abel said, trying to pull is brother off the floor.

"Nien, nien, I've had enough," Cain moaned as he laid flat on the floor with Abel pulling on his arm. "Did ya ever vonder vhy zey fall at ze end of ze song? It takes a lot of energy."

"You're just being lazy," Abel grumbled. "Just more time. I swear! I won't bother you again."

"Fine but zis is ze last time," Cain said, getting up and walked over to his small laptop. "I never should have downloaded zis soundtrack."

"Yes, they're going to do it again," Lilith whispered. "This is going to so funny and I'm getting all of it on video!"

Alucard and Walter just stared bug-eyed at the screen, watching the two pre-teens take a jump to left, then a step the right, putting their hands on their hips, bring their knees in tight, and doing the pelvic thrust. To top it off they were even singing along! No wonder why this was under "Private-Keep Out." Oh, man, if they ever wanted to blackmail one of them this would be the video.

"Walter, make a copy," Alucard laughed, patting the butler on the shoulder. "I know quite a few people who would like to see this! 'Let's do the Time Warp again.' This is priceless."

(Later that night)

Cain and Abel were working on a set of computer files in a room by themselves when they heard a knock on the door. Abel got up and answered it to reveal Alucard with a camera.

"What is it," Cain snorted, turning around to see who it was. "We're busy. Don't you have someone else to bother?"

"Nice to see you too," Alucard grinned as Cain grunted.

"What do you need," Abel spoke in much friendlier tone.

"Well, I was wondering if I could get a picture of you two actually working together," Alucard said, holding a camera. "I mean this may be a onetime thing. I'm sure you would like to keep a copy."

"No (thank you)," they both said in unison but only Abel said the thank you.

"Just one quick picture that's all," Alucard said, turning on the camera and setting it on a tripod. "It won't take a minute, I swear."

"Fine, just get it over with," Cain growled, standing up and stood beside Abel. "How's this?"

"Not quite. You're not in frame, Cain," Alucard said. "Can you two just jump to left for me."

The two did so as Alucard looked down at the screen on the camera and shook his head.

"Take a slight step to the right," Alucard spoke as stepped to the right. "That's good. Right there. Now, put your hands on your hips."

They started to do so but pause just before their hands even touched their waists. Their eyes were wide open. There was something very wrong here. Jump left, step right, and hands on hips? He couldn't have seen that, could he? It was supposed to be deleted centuries ago. Alucard knew they caught on to him by the look on their faces.

"And bring your knees in ti-hi-hi-ight, but it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane! Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaain! Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaain," Alucard sang, grabbing the camera and disappeared into thin air.

He left the Crusnik twins standing there in shock, with their mouths hung up, slumped over, and thier eyes the size of saucers. He did find it after all. But how?

"I thought I told you to delete that video," Cain bit out at Abel.

"Me? I told you to delete the video," Abel barked back.

"It was under your stuff and didn't know the password so, I told you get rid of it," Cain protested.

"I told you the password was 'password,'" Abel hissed. "How hard could that be?"

"Who uses 'password' for a password is a total idiot," Cain yelled fiercely at his brother. "You hear me an idiot!"

"I got the idea from you, you idiot," Abel snapped, getting right in Cain's face! "You were the one who told me to do that in the first!"

Cain just stared at Abel and mentally hit himself. He even used 'password' for his own passwords. That's great he could called himself an idiot and told Abel to do the same with his passwords and he didn't even think to use "password." That was a damn good password.

Alucard handed Walter the camera. It was a video camera not a still camera. He had recorded the brothers doing half of the Time Warp at least. Walter removed the footage from the camera and put into an editing program and added the new footage to the end of Abel and Cain's first Time Warp video. Walter rendered it out and made a copy on a disc and handed it to Alucard.

"Can you make some more copies," Alucard asked, looking at the shinny disc in his gloved hands.

"As many as you need," Walter said with a chuckle. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Every minute of it," Alucard said, vanishing again.

(The following day)

The following day Cain and Abel walked into the council room with some papers and a few discs on what they found on Millennium. They paused in the door as they saw everyone standing in a straight line with particular grins spread across their faces. The line ranging from Catherina, Asta, Integra, Seras, Ion, Esther, Mirka, Hugue, Anderson, Alucard, Walter, and even Tres. They had a bad feeling about this. Alucard didn't show them the video, did he? The pits of their stomach turned icy cold.

"Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaain! Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaain!" the group chorused in unison kicking their legs and waving their arms.

"It's just a jump to the left," August said from a corner not far from them.

"And a step to the ri-hi-hi-hi-hi-ight," the group sang swaying their arms across and tapping their feet to the right before finally taking the actual step.

"Put your hands on your hips," Maxwell spoke from other side of the room.

"And bring your knees in ti-hi-hi-ight, but it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane! Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaain! Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaain!" the group finished the last of the steps and collapsed to the floor.

Only to have Cain and Abel follow right after face first, out cold, from embarrassment and shock.

"Should we tell them we made over 50 copies," Walter whispered to Alucard.

"Oh, they'll find soon enough," Alucard said. "Did you record all this, Augusta?"

"Every minute of it. I'll make sure to have someone do a better editing job but this will turn out to be a very good video," Augusta laughed. Lilith, if only you could see this now! Hahahaha! That was great!

(A/N Well, that was the first chapter. If you didn't know the Time Warp dance and song came from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Great movie and a cult classic. Well, review if you can please!)

Millie M. Banshee