AN: This idea came to me from a combination of a couple of things…first off, why is it that whenever Booth and Brennan hook up in fanfiction are they so loud when they finally consummate the relationship, and what might the downstairs neighbor think of that? The dialogue is based off of some conversations with people I used to work with. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it.
"What on earth is that noise," my friend asked as the squeaking floorboards from the upstairs apartment continued in their rhythmic cadence. I looked up from the photo album we'd been going through to look at the ceiling.
"Oh, that's the neighbor upstairs. She's getting her freak on."
"Is it always that loud?"
"Uh-huh, though sometimes you can almost make out what they're saying." I looked back at the photo album and flipped the page as the squeaking continued. My friend looked back at me with a curious expression.
"Don't you at least want them to know that you can hear them? Maybe it'd quiet them down a little." As the words left her mouth, a loud moan followed by a muffled name forced its way to our ears. "What was that?"
"Stanley, Sidney, Sully…I haven't quite figured it out, but it's something with an S. She was dating a Sully a while back, maybe they got back together," I shrugged. My friend just shook her head.
"How can you stand it? I would have complained by now."
"Hey, all the best to them. The other night it kept up for over an hour. I was really tempted to bake them some cookies in congratulations. Anyone who could keep it up for that long deserves a treat at the end of the day."
"Over an hour?"
"Yup." Suddenly the squeaking stopped. My friend looked up at the ceiling, almost not breathing as she listened to the sudden quiet.
"Are they done?"
"Nope. They're probably just changing positions." Sure enough, as the words left my mouth, the squeaking began again. "Yup, see, changing positions."
"I don't know how you stand it. That would drive me nuts."
"I don't know…makes life kind of exciting, don't you think? I mean between that and the bodies falling…"
"Oh yeah, some poor schmoe got pushed off the balcony or something a while back. That was about a month or so before she started dating that Sully guy."
"The one she's with now?"
"I don't know, it could be, but she was never that loud with him." The air was punctuated by another muffled cry as the squeaking sped up. The muffled cries were hitting more frequently now along with almost non-sensical words. "I find it kind of exciting here."
"I'm serious. Where else can I live vicariously through someone with an exciting life?"
"Dead bodies falling and loud upstairs sex is not vicarious living."
"Suit yourself, but think about it. One day I could be interviewed if the chick does anything else crazy. Maybe she's a serial killer and just hasn't had the time to find another victim. As for the sex, I can't fault her if what she's getting is good." I looked up at the ceiling as the squeaking became frenetic. "Maybe she's a madame."
"Well, that would explain a lot really. I mean besides the loud sex, her place has been swarmed with FBI agents before, and there's always someone knocking on her door late at night."
"Or she's a drug dealer."
"Or that." With one final cry, all sound from upstairs stopped. My friend stood up and stretched.
"I'm going out on the balcony to have a smoke."
"Since when did you start smoking?"
"I do on occasion, and I have to say, if you're living vicariously through them, then maybe I should have a cigarette to continue the tradition."
AN: Raise your hands those of you who got that joke. I hope this was funny and not like disturbing, although maybe it was disturbingly funny. However, anyone who has ever had a loud upstairs neighbor can sympathize I'm sure. Let me know what y'all think.