9th June 2010
Kakashi woke to horridly stark light, although it was the shifting body next to him that had roused him from one of the deepest sleeps he'd ever known. Disorientation hit hard and fast. His head throbbed, his sinuses were blazing, and the room stunk of alcohol enough to make his stomach roll in a threatening manner.
How the hell had he ended up in this situation of what felt like a hangover from hell with a nice topping of flu? His mind sluggishly crawled over the memories of yesterday… of that god awful birthday party he'd attempted to wriggle out of, and the bar he'd subsequently planted himself in. At least the one thing he remembered (although he rather wished he didn't) was that yesterday had been his thirty-fourth. Pretty much everything else was a jumbled mess, like a strange dream that was getting harder and harder to recall by the second.
So where did Sakura come into it? He was sure that Sakura had been there at the bar too, nagging him about being an antisocial bastard or saying something about weight-lifting badgers.
Holy mother, how much had he drunk last night?
While Kakashi cradled his aching head, the body beside him shifted with a sleepy sigh – soft and feminine – as his bedmate began to rouse. Suddenly Kakashi was too terrified to look. There had to be a mistake. Surely he wouldn't have…? Maybe Sakura had gone home and he'd hooked up with another woman later in the evening?
But one glimpse of ruffled pink hair as the girl sat up told him that he had screwed up royally this time. She stretched and yawned, her shoulder cracking impressively, and then her heel bumped his leg and she paused. Turning slowly, she fixed bleary eyes on him. "Um… morning…" she croaked. "What are you doing in my bed?"
"This is my bed," he pointed out. "This is my apartment."
She looked around the room, confused, until suddenly she appeared to remember where she was and what she was doing there. "Oh, right," she whispered. "Jeez, this is embarrassing."
She sat up, with the duvet clasped to her chest and he realized she was just as naked at he was, and it hit Kakashi like a punch in the gut. "Sakura… did we…?"
"Um," she said again, scratching her hand. "You don't remember?"
"What the hell happened?" he whispered.
"Are you sure you want to know?" she asked, "You said yourself last night you wanted to forget."
"Just tell me."
"Alright, you asked for it…"
What the Hell Happened
When Sakura found Kakashi at the bar, he was already enormously drunk. So drunk that when she marched up behind him and gave his shoulder an angry push, he nearly slid right off his stool.
"Oh. Hey, Sakura," he said with a distinctly blurred slur. His eyes were dilated, his collar was flying, and the paper crown that had replaced his hitai-ate had slid to what would have been considered a rakish angle had it not been a paper crown. He wore a vague kind of guilty look, probably because he knew he'd been caught, and also a slightly annoyed look… again, for the same reason.
"I can't believe you left!" she cried, punching his shoulder again for good measure. "You didn't even stay to blow out your candles."
"Thank god," he slurred dimly. "The last thing I want to see right now is thirty-fo… is… that many candles. And I can't go back now. I have double vision… so the next last thing I want to see is sixty eight candles. Two Sakuras is bad enough."
Sakura planted her hands on her hips. "I thought you liked birthdays."
"Other people's." He brought his glass of generic brand alcohol to his lips, though it took a few misses in the process. "My birthdays… not good."
Sakura was stumped, not knowing what to do. "So you're just going to spend your birthday alone in a bar?" she asked incredulously. "Why don't you be sociable and acknowledge that there are people who care about you and were willing to throw you a party? The least you could do is bother to show up."
"I can appreciate them all very much from this stool," he replied. "And if I went back, people would only discover what a drunk asshole I am on my birthdays and so never speak to me again. It is better for me – and by extension: the world – if I were to come to terms with my age alone."
"Oh, shut up. You're not that old."
"Says the child of eighteen."
"Twenty," Sakura corrected. "I'm twenty."
"How nice for you. Now if you don't mind, you may run along back to the party and tell everyone to stop worrying and that I am just momentarily deposed with a matter of business."
"I'll tell them you're in a bar getting stinking drunk," Sakura said unsympathetically.
"No, tell them I'm saving puppies or something awesome like that," he said. "Be kind. It's my birthday."
Sakura gave him a slightly pitying look. "No one should be alone on their birthday."
"I'm not alone. There's plenty of people here to make sure I don't top myself."
"That's not what I meant." Sakura sighed and slipped onto the stool beside his. "Well, if you're adamant about being here and not there, I guess I might as well keep you company."
Kakashi looked at her with severe dislike. "No. Go away. The whole point of being here is to get away from cheerful bastards like you."
"I'm not trying to cheer you up, I just want to keep you company." She signaled to one of the bar maids. "Sweet martini, please. Thanks. Look, I'm not going to sing you songs or make you wear silly hats-"
"Don't touch my hat."
"Alright, alright. Keep the damn hat. I'm just going to sit here and drink my drink and then I'll walk you home."
"I don't need you to-"
"Don't even kid me that you can see more than three feet."
Kakashi gave a non-committal grunt and for the next few minutes they more or less sat in complete silence, punctuated only by a new drink order or Kakashi occasionally swearing softly to himself. Sakura was on her second martini with her face propped dismally in her palms when he finally consented to speak. "Every year done is a year closer to your death," he said. "Did you know that?"
"And every day done is a day closer to your death," she rebuked. "There's no point getting depressed about it."
"You will too when you're as old as I am and you realize that most of the friends you ever had are already dead."
"Oh, for…" Sakura hastily bit off her words. It was going to be one of those birthdays. "Why don't you just cheer up and be thankful for the ones still alive?"
"I'd cheer up if you took your shirt off," he said stolidly.
And he was going to be one of those drunks too, huh? Sakura skewed him a suspicious glance. "Would it really cheer you up?"
"Would you take your shirt off?" he didn't quite believe her either.
"If it would make you cheer up."
"Yes, it would, actually."
"Shame, I don't believe you." She laughed at his disappointed sigh and began stirring her drink. "You're kinda pervy when you're drunk, you know"
He thought, and he thought hard. "I'm always pervy," he said slowly. "I just hide it better."
"Like you hide your face?" she asked, letting her eyes wander over his profile with pleasure. She didn't often see his face, so it was always something to appreciate. While he wasn't conventionally handsome, and in fact at first glance some might think he was plain, his personality was ingrained in his every feature. When you realised that, typical beauty seemed empty and boring by comparison.
"Sure. I hide all sorts of things. Just wait till I take off my girdle."
Sakura choked on her drink and couldn't seem to decide between laughing and coughing. She slapped Kakashi's arm. "Don't do that," she scolded between giggles and wheezes.
"I'm sorry," he said solemnly. "I'll never make another joke ever again."
But this only made her giggle harder.
Sakura had no idea what had become of the party they'd both ditched. No doubt they had just continued on without the birthday boy or else gone home, because no one had come to find them yet. Kakashi was so completely unconcerned that Sakura was sure, after his fifth bottle, he'd forgotten there had even been a party. She ribbed him gently over his decreasing ability to hold himself upright until he eventually misplaced an elbow and was sent head-first into the bar. Judging from how Sakura nearly fell over backwards for laughing too hard, she began to realize that she was possibly getting just as drunk.
"I can do magic, you know," Kakashi slurred.
"No you can't," Sakura slurred back.
"Yes I can."
"Pro… prove it then."
"I bet you I could turn this pint glass upside down and not spill a drop," he said.
"What should we bet?"
"You have to pay my tabs if I lose."
That sounded like a perfectly reasonable bet to Sakura's woozy brain. "Alright. You're on."
He took his half-drunken glass and slapped a cork coaster over the top. Rather predictably, when he turned it upside down, beer went cascading over the bar and both their laps. Sakura cackled with abandonment while Kakashi tried to figure out where it had all gone wrong.
"Magic!" Sakura shrieked. "Pure magic!"
"Now you have to pay for all our drinks," Kakashi said a little smugly.
"Haha – wait, what?" Sakura gasped. "You tricked me, you bastard – pay for your own damn drinks!"
But by then the bartender had had enough of both of them. He'd been scowling at them for most of the evening, especially at Sakura who had a very loud drunken laugh, and mopping up after them was his limit. "You're both wasted and you're disturbing the other customers. I'm going to have to ask you both to leave," he said forcefully.
Sakura looked in awe at Kakashi. "Sensei, we're being kicked out."
"That we are, Sakura."
"Should we riot?"
"No, no. There's another bar down the road."
Sakura wound up paying the tab completely anyway, as it turned out that Kakashi had forgotten to bring any kind of currency, no matter how deeply Sakura wriggled her hand in his pockets. They helped each other stagger out onto the street, but to their dismay, the next bar they stumbled along to was closed.
"Wow, it must be really late," Sakura said, trying to read her watch until she realized it was a bracelet.
"Could you stop spinning us around so much?" Kakashi grumbled.
"I'm not spinning us around. You're drunk, you fool."
"Oh," he said. "maybe we should go home then? Before we collapse?"
It was anyone's guess which apartment they aimed for first. Most of the way they sang a bawdy version of Happy Birthday through the deserted streets until people began leaning out of their windows to tell them off, which had them both shushing each other amid shameless giggles.
"You're such a noisy drunk!" Sakura said loudly.
They fell over a couple of times, although more often than not it was Kakashi, since he was by far the most unsteady of the two. Sakura had to haul him up the stairs of his own complex by his arm, which was difficult, because her own legs had a tendency to give up every few steps. By the time she got him to the top, he was flat on the floor and she had to drag his sorry carcass along the outside walkway while trying to figure out which door was Kakashi's apartment.
"Not that one."
"I don't think so."
"Mmm… could be?"
That was good enough for Sakura. She rummaged around Kakashi's pockets again, much to his amusement, but all she wound up doing was tickling him. "Where's your key?" she giggled.
"I hid it," he declared. "I hid it so well, even I wouldn't be able to find it."
"Genius Hatake Kakashi," Sakura snickered.
"Climb in through the window and unlock the door."
"You do it. It's your flat."
"The window's not big enough to fit my voluptuous curves. But you're like a stick with a head on top, so I'm sure you could do it."
"You're so suave when you're wasted," she purred, but began pushing open his window.
Ninja grace was somewhat diminished by alcohol, Sakura discovered, as she tumbled into an unceremonious heap on the floor and then commenced to trip over every chair and table leg in the dark kitchen as she blundered her way around in search for the door. When she found it and unlocked it, she threw it open with a triumphant cry. "Ta-daa!"
But Kakashi was gone. Sakura took a step outside to look around for him, only to find his back end sticking out of the window she'd just crawled through. He was clearly stuck.
"What did you go and do that for?" she asked his backside.
"You made it look so easy," he sighed.
"Do I push or pull?"
"No, no, just leave me here. I'm sure someone will be along in the morning to help me."
"Don't be silly!" she cried with a giggle and grabbed his belt to begin hauling him backwards. It turned out he wasn't that stuck, as he came loose fairly easily and staggered slightly until Sakura hauled his arm over her shoulder.
"Man, you're strong," he said admiringly. "Strong… like a badger."
She led him through the door, which was difficult since it wasn't exactly wide enough for two people. "Are badgers strong?" she asked.
"They could be if they worked out more," he admitted. "Lazy bastards."
"Right. Where's your bedroom?"
Sakura took the most likely door, and then the second most likely door when the first proved to be a closet, and then gently dragged Kakashi over towards his single-sized bed. He groaned as she let him flop down onto the rumpled covers and whispered into his pillow that he'd never be vertical again.
Sakura rolled him onto his back and pushed his fair hair away from his face to see him better. "Did you have a good birthday?" she asked.
"Yeah, it was alright, I guess," he said with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. In fact he looked downright unhappy. Sakura tried to manipulate his cheeks into forcing a smile, but that didn't seem to be working either.
"Would a birthday kiss cheer you up?"
She decided to kiss him anyway, though she very quickly pulled back. "Ew! You taste like beer."
"No shame in that," he said, stretching. "A very traditional drink brewed by ancients… and drunk probably to help them forget they were ancient too. Hey, what are you doing?"
"I'm taking your shoes off," she explained with a cheeky smile as she worked to get his boots loose. She knew at least that he wouldn't be pleased to wake up tomorrow to muddy sheets, so she could at least do him this favor.
"If I didn't know any better, I would have said you were trying to strip me in order to have your way with me," he said suspiciously. "It would be just like you to take advantage of a drunken old man."
"Maybe I should?" Sakura teased and laughingly began to unbuckle his belt. Even Kakashi giggled as he pathetically tried to evade her surprisingly nimble fingers. He rolled over, but Sakura just climbed onto the bed to straddle his ankles and keep tugging until they were both shaking with silent laughter, hardly able to breathe, and somehow Kakashi's pants were tangled around his knees.
"How'd you like that then?" Sakura crowed triumphantly, giving Kakashi's naked backside a sound slap.
"This is a form of rape!" he choked between laughs.
Sakura wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "You wish," she gasped. "It's your own fault for not wearing underwear – NO – don't you dare roll over!"
But he spared her poor eyes by dragging the edge of the sheet over his lap as he twisted. "It's your own fault for stripping me," he reminded. "Don't want to see a naked man, don't wrestle his pants off."
"You were asking for it," she teased. "But you can't go to bed like this! Here, let's get your jacket off."
He didn't bother to resist much this time round and an amused, slightly dreamy smile played on his lips as Sakura unzipped his green jacket, threw it haphazardly on the floor and then began to work both his shirt and vest up over his head. But while he may not have been resisting, he wasn't helping much either, and Sakura nearly broke down in another fit of giggles when her attempts to lever his clothes over his head failed and left his head and arms tangled up in them.
"Actually this could be an improvement," Sakura said, locating his nose through two layers of clothing to give it a tweak. "I prefer you like this."
"I shall have to dress like this more often," his muffled voice replied, as he vainly tried to figure out what exactly had happened and why he couldn't move his arms.
Sakura tickled her fingers over his ribs for her own amusement, though she found herself quickly captivated by the human form beneath her. His muscles were defined and lean, and he was such an achingly perfect specimen of masculinity that for a moment she was breathless. Why had she only noticed just now? Perhaps because he was so much older… his physique had a harder edge compared to the men her own age, but he was still attractive. Perhaps even more so, if that wasn't the beer-goggles talking.
Never mind that he was lost inside his own shirt, Sakura had never seen such splendid abdominal muscles, or felt such inexplicable attraction to line of course hair leading down his naval to his barely covered groin. In the moonlight he looked magnificent. Every muscle and every angle was outlined for her eyes alone, and Sakura couldn't help but run her hands across the expanse of his torso with a little more appreciation.
Kakashi paused in his epic battle for freedom. "Hey, Sakura…" he slurred in a confused tone, "what are you doing?"
She shrugged even though he couldn't see. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I'm just doing what I want to."
Bending down, she dragged her tongue boldly over one of his nipples. Sakura didn't know quite why she did it, it was just that she was drunk and so was he and she felt somewhat entitled. Kakashi gave a slightly drunken laugh that was half a hiccup. "You're so drunk," he sniggered.
"You're drunkest," she shot back, and helped pry the shirt from over his head once and for all. He look a little disorientated for a moment. Sakura had never seen anyone quite so devastatingly handsome.
His face was very close, and this seemed to be because Sakura was now pretty much lying along him. He was completely naked save for the tangled pants around his ankles, but none of this seemed to alarm Sakura. In fact it was rather fun. But what would be even more fun would be to kiss him again.
And so she did, pressing her lips against his in a coaxing ploy. He still tasted of beer, but she could get used to that, if he would just respond. She ran her tongue over his lip, nipped at his chin and sighed into his ear, but the only indication that he was even alive was the hand that lightly touched her back. It wasn't an encouraging hand either – it was the kind that seemed about to tap her on the shoulder to tell her to get off.
She sat up, dismayed at his lack of participation, and was even more put out to find that the smile she'd so carefully nurtured into existence all evening had vanished. "Why do you have to look so serious?" she asked, pressing her hands against his cheeks like she might a forlorn puppy. "I don't know how to cheer you up, Kakashi."
"You could take your top off?" he suggested nonchalantly.
Sakura bit her lip and gave him a shrewd look. "Alright… but you can't tell anyone, or I'll be cross."
At his nod, she took the hem of her green fashion top in her hands – the one she'd especially picked out for his birthday party – and dragged it over her head, revealing the slightly padded cream and red bra beneath. She hadn't agreed to take off this bra, but it seemed only fair seeing as how he was naked, and soon she had slipped it off too and tossed it the same way as her green top and all of Kakashi's clothes.
She knew that normally she was quite self-conscious about her breasts. They weren't big – certainly nowhere near as big as Ino's – and taking off the padded bra might have served as a bitter disappointment for Kakashi. But Sakura felt confident. She felt sexy. Kakashi stared, and stared, and stared, and then he sighed. "This is the best birthday. Ever."
Sakura squeaked and giggled as Kakashi upturned her and somehow she ended up on the narrow bed beside him, only pretending to fend off the lecherous hands which wandered over her with great liberty. His mouth found hers to silence her playful protests, and though it was as clumsy and inept as only a drunken kiss could be, it made Sakura's toes curl and her head spin. Though the latter could have been due to the alcohol. She felt like she was floating along in a mindless haze where everything felt indistinct and distant, even Kakashi's calloused fingers stroking her back and hips felt like they were touching someone else.
Then suddenly he laughed and tried to lean back. "No, I'm drunk. I shouldn't…"
Sakura pulled him back quickly. "Yes, you should. You want me, don't you?"
He seemed uncertain. "Sure…"
"Kakashi," she whispered, as her lips attacked a spot below his ear. "Do you realize we're both naked in bed together?"
"You're not very naked," he pointed out, tugging on the belt of her skirt. Sakura looked down in surprise. From the waist down she was still very much dressed in her mid-calf summer skirt and stockings, though one of her red pumps had slipped off her feet and was now half buried in the sheets. "Should I take them off?" she asked.
"If you like," Kakashi said indifferently, because either way his hand was already crawling up the back of her thigh to evaluate the underwear situation. His fingers traced the conservative hems of her briefs (since all kunoichi knew that you didn't wear risqué panties with a skirt at a party full of mischievous ninja) and then pinched one of her soft cheeks hard enough to make her squeak and flex towards him.
He kissed her again, occupying and distracting her from the fact that he was slipping her panties down to her knees. Sakura helped him. She kicked them off, along with her remaining shoe, and eagerly lifted her knee to cradle his hips with blatant encouragement. This was it. Excitement and giddiness rolled through her. Kakashi was urging her onto her back and moving over her to align their hips. It was all so completely mad, but Sakura wanted nothing more than for him to be inside her, moving against her.
However, something wasn't right. Kakashi paused, looking down at himself in confusion.
Sakura shifted restlessly. "What's wrong?" she whispered.
"I don't know…" he muttered, still looking puzzled. "Sakura, keep touching me."
She didn't need to be told; her hands were already stroking over his shoulders and running through his hair. They kissed again as she scraped her nails lightly down his broad, strong back, and she gasped slightly when his hips ground against hers. Yet something was still wrong, and Sakura could feel it too now.
Kakashi was having a hard time keeping it up.
While he reached down between them, trying to motivate the star of the next act, Sakura worried her lip between her teeth. "Is it me?" she whispered, mortified.
He snorted and shook his head. Then he gasped. "Wait, I think I've got it."
Sakura's hand gripped his arm tightly as she felt the sudden hot prod of his erection at her entrance. And it was really only then that she realized she wasn't particularly ready either, and despite Kakashi's sudden surge in libido, there was no way he was going anywhere.
"Sakura, you have to loosen up," he told her through gritted teeth.
"Wait, I'm not ready," she gasped. He could push all he liked, but it wasn't going to help. She willed herself to relax and shifted her hips to find a better angle, though it still stung like hell as the first inch of his thick member penetrated her, provoking a soft cry of pain.
And through it all, the star was struggling with his performance, probably suffering the greatest set-back in his career so far. Kakashi's erection began to wane, then seemed to give up entirely, and no amount of cajoling could bring it back. Sakura had to press a hand over her mouth to keep from giggling, but when she met Kakashi's eyes she couldn't help but burst out into sniggers.
"It's not that funny," he said, even though he was grinning too.
"Yes, it is," she gasped, holding her belly as laughs shook her entire frame. "This is a disaster! You can't keep it up, I can't fit you in, we might as well go to the living room and play card games."
"Urgh…" Kakashi flopped onto his back with an arm strewn across his eyes. "God, I hope I've forgotten all this in the morning."
"You wish," she snickered and lay her head down on his other arm like it was a pillow. She wanted to say more, but she was inexplicably tired from failing to have sex, and she was pretty sure that Kakashi was already dead to the world. He really was completely sloshed. He had been the moment she'd found him, and so Sakura couldn't help but feel a momentary pang of sober concern that this counted as taking advantage of him. After all, she wasn't nearly as drunk as him, but at least enough to be able to shrug off the concern and fall fast asleep after only a few minutes lying next to his warm, solid body.
Kakashi stared at Sakura who calmly sipped her coffee. "That's it?"
"What did you think happened?" she asked innocently.
"Well, I obviously thought we'd…" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "But this is much worse."
Sakura patted the top of his head consolingly. "There there," she soothed. "We can always try again."
He looked up and met Sakura's gaze over the steam of her coffee mug.