Whoot! I'm updating within a decent amount of time. Go me. :D
Anywho, so I'm glad I got such good responses to the last chapter. I wrote it when I was a bit tired, so it didn't come out like I wanted it to. I was expecting harsher reviews. Yay. I still don't like it…. But then again, I'm a perfectionist, and rarely do things I do turn out in a way that makes me completely satisfied. I think I could have stuffed that chapter chock full of detail and sap. Maybe that's just me. I'm going to try and make up for that with this chapter.
Alrighty, enough ranting.
M M Forever: Lol, it's okay. I totally deserved it. I'm in a writing mood, and I've got more time on my hands, so yes, I will continue writing. :D Enjoy!
XxxAlishiyaxxx: Lol, damn straight! :P
MimixIshidax: haha, I love overbearing and weird parents. I had to make her the comic relief of sorts. She -sort- of reminds me of my dad. Sort of. :P Well, yes, she should thank him. But I figured with so much going on, she wouldn't really think about that. And I'm very glad I made your day! I hope you're feeling better!
Lol, this story has been going on for a long time. Case in point: that whole rant about waiting til marriage at the beginning. Haha, I'm no whore, but I don't really believe it's wrong if you don't. Just throwing that out there. :P
Less blather, more story!
Mrs. Ishida presents…
"You think I hate you. You think I loathe you and want you dead and hate being around you…. But…. You… I…. I need you. I need you more than anyone else. You mean more to me than anything ever has and everything ever will, and I know you probably hate hearing this, hearing that the woman you hate is in love with you, but Yama… I have been in love with you since childhood. I've always loved you, always will love you, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter what happens, I love you in every sense of the word. I don't care what you say to me, and I don't care if you laugh at me or mock me or…. Anything like that. I just want you to know. I am sick of pretending to hate you because I'm too afraid to tell you the truth, and I'm sick of yelling horrible lies at you and fighting with you all the time. It breaks my heart to have to tell you that I fucking hate you when all I really want to do is hold you and be around you. Now… I know. This is ridiculous. Say what you will. Leave if you want. This must be humiliating for you. Or humorous. I don't even know. That's it. That's all I have to say." she says, her words in a jumble, her tiny body shaking with emotion, until it takes her over. Huge tears are rolling down her cheeks. She looks so pathetic and sad, and because of that my heart yearns for me to hold and comfort her. Yet in that same moment, it's one of the moments of my life.
I am too stunned to say anything.
Mimi… loves me? Me??
She has been pretending as well?…
This must be a cruel joke. There is no way that Mimi, my beautiful, wonderful, Mimi, could ever possibly harbor a fraction of the same emotion that I have for her. Either that, or I'm dreaming. I will the words to come out, but there is so much to say, so many questions and exclamations and gratitude fighting to make their way out all at once. My heart races, and I feel as if I'm going to explode. One body can't feel this much emotion all at once. It's too much.
But I never want it to end.
If… this is in fact, true. The hope in me is trying to get out, but its being beaten down by common sense.
Why the hell would this be true?
Could it be true?
Could I really be this lucky??
"Is all that… true?" I finally manage to whisper. She chuckles harshly. Humorlessly.
"No, Yama, none of it is. I just like making long, pathetic, drawn out confessions of deep, forbidden love and bawling my eyes out in front of someone who hates me. It's loads of fun!" she laughs, still crying, and crosses her arms while turning her face away to me. My heart, which had been filling with the wonderful feeling of hope, soars.
I don't think I've ever quite felt this way. Ever. And the reason she's crying is because she thinks I don't reciprocate. Instinctually, I stay away. I am used to staying away from her when she's upset, even if I want to scoop her up in my arms and care for her. This time, is different. This time, I can hold her. Not only can I hold her, she wants me to hold her.
Mimi wants me.
If the situation weren't so serious and if she weren't so upset, I would be grinning like a maniac.
My arms reach out to her, and for the first time in over 20 years, I finally get to hold her. Really hold her. I pull her quaking body against mine, and rest my head on hers. I've been dreaming of this moment for so long; to actually be able to do it is completely surreal.
"Yamato…" she stutters, raising her head a bit. She momentarily stops weeping.
"I like Yama better…" I lean down and whisper in her ear. I noticed she had been calling me Yama tonight, which I hadn't understood… she called me that when I came over and she told me about Sora.
I flinch away from this thought.
Nothing is going to ruin this moment, especially not Sora.
Now, it's clear to me. It was her own pet name for me, I guess. I like that idea.
She looks up at me, her hazel eyes wide with surprise and confusion.
"Yama… what…." she gasps, before her look softens. And in that moment, it doesn't matter that we've been abusing each other the past 20 or so years. It doesn't matter that I look all beat up, still, from my accident, or that her hair is a mess and her makeup is smudged and her eyes read and teary. It's still, singlehandedly, the best moment of my life.
If looks could talk, I would hope that mine would say exactly what I was feeling right now. Love. Hope. Joy to the extreme. Of course, nothing could possibly convey the feelings I'm experiencing. Not even close.
My heart is pounding so loud I wouldn't be surprised if she could hear it.
"That's the second reason I came over tonight. I wanted to tell you that the past 20 odd years have been a lie. I love you, Mimi. I always have, and I wanted you to know before I thought I had to leave you alone for good." I whisper, looking her right in the eyes. They grow wider, somehow, and I realize she believes me.
Her jaw drops slightly, and it looks as if she is trying to speak but is completely unable to. Instead, her lower lip quivers slightly, a single tear rolls down her face, and her arms wrap around me. Without even breaking eye contact, we both lean in, or rather, rush in, simultaneously, and after all those years of deception and yearning, the pressure cooker of emotions that we had been bottling up completely is released. Within seconds, we're both squashed almost painfully close to each other, although I'm positive neither of us minds, and I know if I had my choice, I'd be even closer to her.
I had been wondering ever since I grasped the concept of kissing what kissing her soft, smooth lips would feel like.
I had always imagined, as hard as I tried not to, that it would be an incredible experience, for sure. I could never quite get a grasp of what her arms around me,, her warm body in my arms, her silky smooth lips on mine would feel like. All I knew was that whenever I thought about it, a mixture of intense physical and emotional desire, and crushing reality would fill me. I avoided thinking about it because the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it, and what was the point in mulling over something that you would never have.
That thought made me pull her ever closer with a surge of joy. The fact that she molded herself to be tighter against me makes my heart race further.
The grand kiss in my dreams has nothing on this. This is even better than I could even imagine. Feeling her fragile hands struggling to press me as tight as possible against her, feeling her lips searching out and moving against mine as frantically as mine were, and hearing her breathing rate rapidly fluctuate like mine was only adds to the feeling that a mental picture never could.
It seems like our embrace lasts forever, yet still not long enough. I don't think I could ever tire of kissing her.
Finally, we pull away from each other, equally out of breath and speaking volumes in intense looks, our foreheads resting on each other.
We fall into a comfortable silence. My leg is screaming at me to sit the hell down and my still healing ribs are following suit, but I don't care. I could endure the pain if it meant that this was all real and I was truly holding her in my arms.
She takes a deep breath.
"You mean to tell me…. All those years, when we were trying to protect our images and trying not to look stupid… we could have been together? Tonight would have been just another night?" she whispers, her brow furrowing. When you put it that way, we sound… moronic. All that time, wasted. Our 'feud' was so petty.
I just nod. Her eyes well up with tears again.
"What's wrong?" I ask, as she burrows her face into my chest.
She shakes her head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong… I'm just so…. Overwhelmed, and… Yama, all that time…" she says, her voice muffled and cracking. I run my fingers up gently into her hair, something I've wanted to do for ages.
Before I can answer, a sharp pain runs up my leg. Damn that hurt!
I wince, and she looks quizzically at me before realizing.
"Oh! Yama, why are you standing? Come over here and sit down!" she says, taking her arms from around me and dragging me over to the couch, my entire body protesting in both pain and the sudden coolness that ensued when she let me go. She plops me down on the couch, looking very concerned, grabs a huge blanket on a near-by chair, and proceeds to cuddle up with me again.
That's more like it.
Her arms wrapping around me, she rests her head on my chest and again looks up at me tenderly. "Could you do something for me?" she asks. I smile a little.
"Slap me?" she asks.
I raise an eyebrow.
"Anything but that." I say, looking at her strangely. I didn't expect that. I didn't think she was into that sort of thing…
She chuckles a little, her eyes still a bit moist. "I just want to make sure that I'm not about to wake up, alone in bed, and have to go on through my day thinking about this," she clarifies. I know the feeling. "I keep thinking any minute now my alarm is going to go off, you're going to disappear, and when I see you next, things will be as normal and we'll just be right back at start." she says with a frown. I don't like thinking about it either. It kills the buzz. She laughs lightly, still sniffling a little. "Yama, how did this even happen?" she asks softly. I shift her so she's closer against me.
"What? How did we come to finally admit it, or how did we manage to go 2 decades hiding it?"
"Well… I was too stubborn to say anything, at first. And then… well, after your last…. Attempt, I guess that put me in panic mode," I say slowly. I would really rather not talk about that. The memory of her limp body in my arms….
I shiver. Her brow furrows.
"So… if we both weren't so…. Stupid, I guess is the only way to describe it… this whole thing could have been avoided? That whole deal with Sora, the years and years of depression, the countless heartaches…?" she mumbles.
"Two decades. Two fucking decades," I say in agreement. "I guess I owe you an apology for being so stubborn and proud to say anything… all the pain I caused you…. I'm truly sorry, Mimi. For that, for everything I've said over the years…. Shit. All I ever wanted… all I had to do was gather the courage to say something. This whole things seems…. Ridiculous."
"If you're apologizing, I should too… you know I don't think you're a stuck up loser with an ego problem. I can't tell you how sorry I am for all that I ever said to you, and for leaving you to be with that horrible bitch," she says, looking up at me guiltily. I shake my head.
"Neither of us knew. And neither of us was going to say anything. We 're both much too stubborn… and it does make sense, I guess. It would be rather pathetic to love someone dearly who hates you."
The next few hours are filled with stories, revelations, secrets, and declarations of love that seem to have come straight out of a romance novel. Never have I felt so comfortable with someone. I never want this night to end.
Time has seemed to have stopped. And that's alright with me. I want this night to last forever. I'm still wildly afraid of waking up cold and alone rather than warm and ecstatic, here in Yama's arms, but if it's a dream, I'm going to enjoy every second of it. Hearing his voice all soft and warm rather than harsh and insulting and his heartbeat right next to my ear is one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. His rich scent enveloping me, his strong arms holding and caressing me, I couldn't be happier.
His hands are wandering all up and down my back, through my hair, on my neck and face. I don't think I've ever quite felt this close to anyone. Then again, I've never loved anyone quite like I love Yama.
Of course, there is the pesky matter that no matter how close to him I get and how tightly I hold him, I always want to be closer. I want to be as close to him as physically possible. And his hands on me aren't doing much to help that feeling at all. The feeling of his fingers tracing gentle paths on my bare skin makes me shiver and sends chills throughout my body. In response, my hands run slowly up and down his chest, feeling every line and muscle along the way.
Don't get me wrong, I'd still love him even if he were bald and 300 pounds. But the cherry on top of the cake known as Ishida Yamato is that he's attractive. Ridiculously so.
This isn't helping. I already want to be close to him. I already want to show him how I love him. I want to make love to him. Not have sex with him, as that's just a physical act. I want the real deal. I want to love him and achieve that intimacy and closeness with him. That's a given. I've wanted that for years.
Now, not only do I want to love him, this proximity his gentle touch is only fanning the flames of desire. I can feel the slow burn building up and spreading throughout me. It's now damn near impossible to not think about what it would feel like to have him pressed up on me like this, have myself wrapped around him, explore that strong body, have his hands and his lips all over me, bare skin-on-skin, with nothing but our senses around us…
I sigh. Loudly. I can't help it. My gentle touch grows a little heavier.
Damn I want him. More than I've ever wanted any man at any point in my life.
In response, he pulls me closer. My head automatically tilts upwards a bit. He looks down at me, once again captivating me with those beautiful deep blue eyes.
Oohhhhh, I want him. I want him so badly in every sense of the word that it almost hurts. A new urgency overwhelms me…
And I'll stop there…. For now.
No worries, methinks I smell an upcoming lemon.
Anyways, finals in 2 days, then home! Yay!
Hopefully I'll keep updating like I am now…. I want to finish this story!!!