I'm still trying to finish My Own Twilight but I was having some major writer's block and this story had been coming to me all along. Anyways having been through some bad breakups even with my now husband I had a hard time getting through New Moon because I was so sad and so mad at Bella for giving up so easily on true love and letting him just leave!My sister has the same problem and still has been unable to ever reread Edward's leaving so I decided to write a new version of New Moon (sorry if you think that Bella is completely OOC but I will do my best to make it believable) It's not that I don't love Stephenie's version (which is completely necessary for her story). I just wanted to see where I could take this twist in the story. I haven't read anything similar maybe there is something out there but I haven't read it yet so I'm giving it a go. So I hope you like it. This starts off right after Edward leaves in ch 3 The End and it will be different pretty much from there so fasten your seat belts.
Chapter 1: Re-examining
For the past few days and nights it was always the same dream. It was Edward again. I would never be able to get the image of his beautiful face and those piercing eyes out of my head. I was sure I would have this dream until the day that I died. He was leaving and I was running after him. I couldn't find him but I kept running . The forest was dark and cold but I couldn't give up. I was crying, sweating and gasping for air but I knew I was running for my life. The feelings were the same, I needed him he couldn't leave me like this, he has to still love me, he can't leave me like this….
Suddenly for the first time in my dream Alice appeared and she was speaking to me but I couldn't understand her. Her mouth was moving but I couldn't hear any sound coming out of it. I was becoming increasingly agitated because she was getting in the way of me chasing Edward.
Finally she grabbed my face and shouted, "Don't believe it Bella, fight!"
I tried to explain it to her, "I can't Alice it hurts too much."
"Bella, you have to wake up and you have to remember the truth, you know he loves you! You know it, fight!"
"No, Alice he doesn't love me and he never did!"
"Please, you know that it isn't true, look at everything again look at it all again!"
I started screaming, "I can't! I can't!" Until I felt someone shaking me.
"Please Bella, wake up it's just a dream, it's just a dream!"
I sat up it was Charlie. I felt like a fool as usual.
"Dad, it's okay I'm awake I'm sorry. Go back to bed I'm okay."
"Alright try to get some sleep. If you need the pills Dr. Gerandy gave you they are right there on the table."
"Okay thanks Dad but really I'm alright go back to bed."
At this point I just wanted to be alone. For the first time the dream had changed. I hadn't just given up tonight and fallen onto the forest floor screaming and sobbing. What had Alice said in the dream? That it wasn't true that I knew he loved me? That was really weird. Was it just my mind's sick way of torturing me even more? Fight? What did that mean? Fight for what? The pain was seeping through and about to become unbearable again. I couldn't deal with this. I grabbed the pills on the table and eventually after counting everything I could think of and staring at the ceiling, I finally dozed off.
The dream didn't stop and Alice began to be a permanent fixture in my nightly nightmare. I never put much stock in dreams or nightmares but Alice seemed so real and so serious in my dream. I wondered if Alice was seeing me right now seeing what a mess I had become. How could she abandon me too? She was my best friend or at least I thought she was.
Then I remembered something, something that I had forgotten. She hadn't been here. She had gone off with Jasper maybe she would have come if she had been here, maybe she still will, maybe she can see me, maybe she will come and fix things. No, I couldn't let myself do this. What had she said? "Fight it" and "look at everything again.", what in the world did that mean? Alice's presence in my dream was bothering me. There was something there and it was causing me to have to deal with things. What day was this? How much school had I missed? Things I didn't feel ready to deal with.
I did not know what to think and for the first time in a week I got up and took a shower. The water hit my face, it was cold at first and I just kept standing there underneath the shower and thinking of him. I was thinking of how cold he was and what it had felt like to lie next to his cold body. Oh I was torturing myself every time I thought about him. It ripped my heart out to think about him and how I had believed he had loved me. Why had I believed?
I thought about how he had saved me so many times, how he had kissed me, how he had held me, how he had told me he loved me. I was trying to look at everything. What had happened to change his feelings for me? Why had he suddenly become so withdrawn the last few days before he left? Then it dawned on me…my birthday had happened …. Jasper had happened. Then I heard Edward's voice from that day in the hospital.
His voice was beautiful like a lullaby. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happy … as long as it's what's best for you."
The hot water had run out already and I just stood there shocked as the cold water pressed down on me taking my breath away as I processed what had just played out in my mind. Had Edward possibly left for my own good? Had he left still loving me? Had he tried to force me into a life without him to save me? I cursed. That was so Edward! How dare he do this to me! It all made since. That was what Alice or my own subconscious had been trying to pound through my thick skull all week in my dreams.
Edward loved me it was a beautiful but terrible thing to believe. I had to figure this out I needed to go for a drive. Fortunately Charlie was at work so I left a note and climbed into my truck. The sun was shining and after my self imposed seclusion it stung my eyes. I started to drive and I knew exactly where I needed to go. I glared at the stereo in my truck refusing to even touch it. What was I going to do once I got there? I was thinking so hard about everything that had happened I almost missed the turnoff. I had to try to figure things out but I needed to see the house.
I drove up to the quaint white house and it reminded me of myself alone, empty. I walked up to the door it was locked but I found a rock and smashed the window, unlocked it and climbed in. Most of their personal things were gone but there were a few pieces of furniture that had been left behind in their haste. I went upstairs to his room I had to see it. I went up the steps timidly I didn't want to fall, there wasn't anyone to catch me anymore. I opened the door his scent was still here and it overpowered me as I stepped into the room. My memories of it never did it justice, it truly was intoxicating. Everything was gone except the black couch. It was still there up against the wall like nothing had changed. I couldn't handle the pain that had been building and I laid on the couch and cried.
How could he have done this to me? To us? I stayed that way for a long time just breathing him in but I must have fallen asleep because I looked outside and noticed it was getting late. I stood up to go knowing that Charlie was going to be freaked out if I didn't get home soon but that is when I noticed something white sticking out from underneath the couch cushions. I grabbed it . It was a letter addressed to me but I was overwhelmed with disappointment when I noticed that it wasn't Edward's handwriting. I opened it anyway.
I f you have found this letter than that means I couldn't stop Edward and you are going to have to find a way to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. He sometimes decides to leave when he has convinced himself that he has put you in too much danger. However, up to this point I have been able to talk him out of it. You have to show him that you need him and that you can't live without him. We have to prove it to him. You will have to find us. He will forbid us to have contact with you because I have seen it happen a bunch of times (like when you first came home from the hospital but Carlisle and I were able to change his mind then) . Start with Denali somebody will be there that will point you in the right direction. Please if you love him save him from himself and please Bella, try to be safe.
I had to go I had to find him. There is no way that I was going to survive without him especially now that I knew that he still loved me. I started formulating my plan. I headed back downstairs and back to my truck. I drove back to my house and for the first time in over a week I took a real breath and calm flooded through me. Fortunately Charlie was still not home I packed everything I needed which wasn't much but I did find my passport which I would need to cross the border to get to Canada and then Alaska. As I went to leave my bedroom the toe of my shoe caught the edge of a loose floorboard and it popped open. I bent down to put the floorboard back into place when I realized that I was looking into the eyes of my angel. It was the pictures I had taken of him and the ones Charlie had taken of us. My CD was there and the plane tickets from Carlisle and Esme. They were now going to be put to good use I would get to Alaska much quicker now. He had placed all of my things in the floor! Had he wanted me to find them? Was it another way that he was trying to tell me that he still loved me?
I left a note for Charlie. I would break my parents' hearts but I would do anything for Edward. I had to find him, that was all that mattered now and I refused to think about anything else.
Don't worry I 'm driving to Mom's. I need to see her. I'll call you when I get there.
Of course I would never get there.