Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, that belongs solely to J.K. Rowling. Nor do I own the characters used in this story.

Takes place during the summer before fifth year. Told from two perspectives, you can figure them out, I'm sure. Reviews are appreciated, but if you flame me just because you're having a bad day, don't expect me to listen. Gracias!

Chapter 1: I Hate Him

I hate him because of how he makes me feel…like I'm falling and I can't stop. I sense the ground coming up, but amazingly…I don't care.

I hate him because of the situation we are in. This age difference…it is impractical. Nothing good will come of it. The sneaking around, the stolen moments…it makes every day so much more difficult! He is my best friend's godfather…what would Harry do if he found out?

I hate him because of how he acts around me…even in front of the others, he can make me feel faint with a single glance. I, who has never, ever, been lost for words, become a bumbling idiot around him.

I hate him because of how he makes me act. At dinner, he always sits too close…I swear he is going to get us caught. I have to pretend to be completely normal while he brushes my hand with his, or touches my shoulder when speaking to me. All I want to do is break down and let him have his way with me. I see that mischievous glint in his eyes…he is torturing me on purpose. When we do get that rare moment alone, he always leaves me feeling dizzy, giddy…and people ask me what is wrong! How do I explain t to them?

'Well, Mrs. Weasley, my secret lover, Sirius, just caught me in the second-floor broom closet and snogged the daylights out of me.'

Yes, that would go over well.

I hate him because he can explain things away so easily. He has come up with brilliant cover stories to explain why he was holding me (yesterday, "She nearly slipped down the stairs), or why he brushed my hand on several occasions. It is so simple for him!

I hate that I fall apart so easily around him. I hate sneaking around. Most of all, I hate leaving him at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning.

I hate how the others underestimate him. He can do just as much from Number 12 as they can! He happens to be a brilliant strategist. They keep him so much in the dark, and it kills him. He hates being cooped up here…surely he could go on the occasional mission!

I hate hearing him wake up in the middle of the night. It kills me, to not know what is haunting him so. I have a feeling it has something to do with Azkaban, among other things, but he won't tell me! All he does is let me comfort him, and then holds me until I fall asleep.

God, as much as I hate the man, I love him more.