Mary Sues appear in the Caribbean, but the characters stay in character. Jack and Will handle the uninvited guests in their own ways.

Jack's List

Holly-flower Moondancer raced down to the docks, tears streaming from her very larger, beautiful, stunningly blue eyes, which still somehow managed to sparkle, despite the fact that she was crying them out, and of course weren't at all red or puffy. Anyway, Holly-flower Moondancer came to the docks, her blond hair flowing behind her, because even through it wasn't proper, she kept it down, and crashed right in to Captain Jack Sparrow!

Looking up, her heart gave a sudden jump and pit-a-pat, at the sight of the dark, handsome, roguish face. He was no doubt a pirate and a scoundrel, but Holly-flower Moondancer trusted him at once, because she felt in her heart that he was her soul mate.

"Oh, Captain Sparrow! You must save me and take me away with you, because I've been abused, enslaved, and so terribly distressed and we are meat to be!" she cried, throwing herself upon him.

Jack almost fell over, because Holly-flower Moondancer was very tall, although of course she was also thin as a twig. Finally, he found something like balance and disentangled himself. "Ah, another Mary Sue," he said looking Holly-Flower Moondancer over and the look on his face was not pity and certainly not love-struck awe. It more like scheming, roguish glee. An expression one would expect of a scoundrel and, well, a pirate.

"Oh, Jack, my love, please take me with you! I have been so miserable, but now I know I have found my one true love!" cried Holly-flower Moondancer, falling to her delicate knees and clutching Jack's dirty hand.

Jack smiled not so pleasantly at her and then turned to beckon over his shoulder. "Mr. Gibbs!" he called, "bring the list and come down here." Then he turned back to Holly-Flower Moondancer. "What's yer name, Luv," he asked, as Gibbs came up behind him.

"I am called Holly-Flower Moondancer," answered Holly-Flower Moondancer.

"Did you get all that?" Jack asked Gibbs, who was holding a list so long the end of it was in danger of tumbling off the dock and into the dirty water 3 feet below.

"Ah, nearly," answered Gibbs, writing with a feather quill, the tip of his tongue sticking out in concentration. Then he looked down at Holly-Flower Moondancer. "Why Jack! That's quite a wench! She's nearly as pretty as that Starling Lady-Bird."

"Was that the one with the emerald eyes and silver/blond hair?" asked Jack.

"No, Starling had navy eyes and hair like ebony. She was the one what snuck into yer cabin, really quite like, when ye were drunk and…"

"Ah, yes. I remember Starling," interrupted Jack with a grimace, about 12 back weren't she."

"That'd be er," confirmed Gibbs, after a quick consultation of the list.

Holly-Flower Moondancer had no comprehension of their piratish garb, and only eyes for her Jack anyway. "Oh, My Love, are you not going to sweep me off my feet and confess your undying love and loyalty to me?" she asked in a voice like an angel.

Jack looked back down, where she was still clutching his hand, as if he had only just remembered her.

"Molly-Tower Dancer, or whatever yer name is, I feel it is only fair to warn you that, though I am quite flattered, my one and only love is the sea. But that a side, I'm afraid that I have no room on my ship fer silly wenches. However, if you can manage to appear on me ship Friday night a week from now, I'll be happy to entertain you in me cabin for the night," he said.

"Er, Captain?" said Gibbs, tapping Jack on the shoulder, "You already got an appointment that night, with, uhm," he squinted at the list, "One Rosemary Swift-Wind."

"Oh, then it'll have to be the next Saturday, Colleen," said Jack lightly, looking down, at the confused Holly-Flower Moondancer.

"Not, till, a, week, from, Saturday. Appear, at, night, on, the Black Pearl," explained Jack very slowly, hopping the Mary Sue would understand him.

Holly-Flower Moondancer's big beautiful eyes flew wide. "Oh, Jack! How could you?! We're soul mates! Meant to be!" she cried, flinging herself around his knees.

This time Jack really did fall over backwards. Quickly kicking his legs free, he scrambled away from the Mary Sue, grimacing in disgust as she clutched for his boots. Climbing back to his feet, Jack hurried toward the Pearl. Gibbs was already on the gangplank.

Holly-Flower Moondancer ran after her love. "Oh, Jack! How can you leave me? How can you do this to your one true love, your Holly-Flower?!" she called after him, with a voice more beautiful than a syren's.

Without looking back, Jack answered, "Pirate! 'Take what you can,' freedom, the sea and all that." As he quickened his pace, he beckoned to Gibbs to get rid of the overtaking danger.

Eventually, Jack and Gibbs managed to set off without Holly-Flower Moondancer, but, in her desperation, she leapt to in the water, after her love, for she would rather drown than live without him. Jack didn't even notice the Mary Sue until she climbed onto the deck.

"Oh, Jack!" she began, but before she could plead, cry or declare anything farther, he spun the wheel, causing the boon to swing around and knock her squarely into the water. As the Black Pearl sped away Jack called over the rail, "See you a week from Saturday, Dolly, Luv!"

"Do yeh really think she'll appear?" asked Gibbs, as Holly-Flower Moondancer disappeared in the distance.

"Of coarse she will, Mate! I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"Well, all the other 158 wenches did, so I suppose she will to," consented Gibbs.

"No doubt! Ever since I made the movies, I've had wenches climbing the masts to get me. Just goes to show what a little fame and dashing good looks will do for a man. If only the rum came as easily. Did you load the barrels we bought in Tortuga?

"Blast! I bloody forgot, what with…" Gibbs gestured out where Holly-Flower Moondancer had just disappeared.

"Oh bugger! Why is the rum always gone?"