This is my first Gravi fic. YAY! go me but Not my first fic so critiques are welcome! I'm always trying to better my writing... But I beg of you be gentle with my poor artist's soul...(Sniffles)
...Alllrigghty then, enough with the melodramatics from the back row. Honestly. (Rolls eyes)
Without much further ado I welcome you to a tale of Love, heartbreak and forgiveness.
Dedication: To my wonderful mum, who may not ever read this story but means the world to me. She's one of the greatest people I know.
Inspiration: My sweet lady (John Denver), Tong hua (Guang liang).
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gravitation cast, they belong to the genius that is Maki Murakami. I'm just borrowing them! If they're too OOC please tell me!
Chapter 1: Mistakes
Click, click, tap, click, tap, tap, tap,
Elegant pale fingers flew across the keyboard, words appearing fluidly and languidly across the white screen of the monitor. Silence for a brief while as hands massaged the bridge of an aquiline nose. Then again the words flew, letters after letters until the hands pushed away the keyboard and amber eyes viewed the words with indifference and satirical scorn.
Crap. Absolute crap.
A tap of the keyboard and the words disappeared as quickly as they had arisen.
The grating, squeaking noise of the chair against an impeccably clean parquet floor, that shined ever so slightly, was the only sound heard in the quiet apartment. This random fact only made itself known to the tired author when he stepped into the kitchen. Amber eyes widenend, imperceptibly to those who did not know him and then narrowed again.
A look of sadness slowly overcame his features and he paused, conremplatively, staring at a spot a few feet in front of him,
The man known as Eiri stood up from his rummage in the fridge with a beer in one hand; the imported kind, not the cheap stuff, and a customary cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth.
"What now brat? I have a deadline and your whiny voice is gratng on my nerves!"
Hurt flickered in amethyst orbs, warring with anger and..disappointment?
Eiri Flinched visibly as he recalled the look in his little lover's..past lover's...eyes and it hurt him. It had hurt him then but being the stubborn jerk he was, Eiri had disregarded it as mere annoyance.
"Brat if your done wasting my time, I have work to do"
He brushed past the smaller man and was making his way to the study when Shuichi called out behind him.
"What?" Came his hoarse voice. Please let that be the years of smoking.
"I'm pregnant." This time quieter.
"You can't be. It's impossible." He made a move to walk again.
"It is. You can check at the hsopital if you want. I'm not sure how..." The younger mans voice trailed off, hesitant.
"Whos is it?" Polite question. Formal. Icy. Good keep up the reputation.
"Yours. Who do you think? Santa Claus?" Came the sarcastic reply. Unusual for the usually cheery man. Although this wasn't a usual situation...wait scratch that more unusual than most they'd had.
Thoughts whirled in his head. Pregnant...no...no...not good with kids. Was that warmth fluttering in his heart.??
"Fine whatever. Get rid of it." Ignore the stap of pain in your chest. Kids screw things up. Well screw things even more up. Shuichi did more than enoguh of that by waltzing into his life...
But, he thought reflectively... his little lover didn't...did he? It was always Eiri. It was always himself..Shuichi was...was more than he'd ever hope to find in life and like a Jerk he'd messed it up. Story of his life.
He walked out of the kitchen a little lost, through the bedroom and out onto the balcony...Fumbling with a cigarette, he lit it, trying hard not to look at the lighter in his trembling hand..why was it trembling??
"I'm keeping it." Came the quietly defiant voice.
" No your not. I don't want kids." Eiri shot back. That's it use anger as a defense. Anger and indifference.
"This isn't just your decision!" He could hear the petitie man walking up behind him and a small pale hand placed on his shoulder. "And despite what you say. I know you care more than your letting on. I know you" The wrods were soft. assured. it infuriated Eiri and scared him. Where was the childish immature brat who he could deal with.
The beer clattered to the floor, as Eiri spun round fixing an icy glare on the younger man, who met it challengingly with a slight fear in his eyes but also resolution.
"I don't care what you think you know about me. You know nothing. Do you want to know why your still here? Your a good fuck. that's it. End of story. No attachments. no strings"
This time Eiri was overwhelmed by the pain flooding amethyst orbs and instinctively knew he'd gone too far, he'd crossed a certain line.
"Then why am I still here? You say no attachments? then why after three years. Three years! Am I still here!?" The younger mans voice began to raise at the end of his sentence, eyes flashing hurt and anger in equal mixes.
"Your a good fuck" Came the annoyed growl. Since when did he growl. Where was the indifference? "And your too stubborn and stupid to recognise when I want you gone."
"You want me...gone.." It was more of a statemnt than a question."What about your child. Our child?"
"What about it? I don't want kids. You want it? Fine, then leave. I have a deadline to finish. I don't need this now."
Eiri turned and walked across the threshold to his study and shut the door.
He heard Shuichi walk up to it, his soft voice, shaking. From anger? Sadness?
"If that's what you want..then I'll leave...but do you want to know why I stayed all these years? Why I put up with all the selfish crap you throw at me every day!?" He didn't wait for an answer before stumbling on in a choking voice, "I saw the good in you. You may not see it. No-one else may see it, but I see it. It's there, buried benath pain and hurt and...and...I thought I could." He stopped, took a trembling breath and continued whilst Eiri sat there slightly stunned. "I thought I could bring that out in you a bit more, that I could somehow make you happy.
Because...becuase..." The sobs were coming freely now.." You deserve to be happy Eiri. You hear me! You deserve it. I don't care if you don't believe me but it's true and I've been realizing lately that I...that I can't make you happy, that I'm not good enough. So maybe you need to find that happiness on your own and if I have to leave for that to happen then so be it because whether it's with me or wihout me... as long as your happy then I'll be fine... So when you've found your happiness, you're welcome to visit your child whenever you wish." Sobs finally took over the wavering voice. " I love you Eiri Uesagi. Don't forget that. Don't ever doubt it. I. love. you."
Then he was gone, and Eiri was left staring at a blank computer screen, unmoving, unseeing, his lovers words runing through his head until he drifted off to an uneasy sleep.
When he'd woken up in the morning all trace of his little singer was gone, despite a frantic searching of the apartment. His friends were at a loss. Even Tohma had no clue. And so Eiri tried to belive it was for the best. That all the brat had done was hold him back. That the strawberry headed man was just a good fuck. He drowned himself in work, but found that no inspiration would come to him. It was as if it had left with the singer.
The brat was wrong, he decided angrily. He wasn't happier on his own.
And then it hit him. He wasn't happier alone..because he was happiest when he was with Shuichi. Suddenly everything clicked into place. Everything he'd said and done, everything Shuichi had done, it all came rushing back in a dizzying flood of emotions. And as a wisp of smoke lazily danced into the clear night sky of inner city tokyo; the inky blackness merging with the dim orange from the many lights, Eiri Uesagi realised he had just made the most monumental mistake of his life. He'd let his happiness walk straight out of his life because he was a fucking coward.
In the distance the faint rumbling of cars and inner city life could be plainly distinguished and as another wisp of smoke began its journey Amber eyes narrowed in determination.
And there it is. The 1st chapter.
Leave a review and tell me what you think. Did it smell of cheesey socks? Was it as gormless as a piece of stale shortbread? A literary wonder? Or even if you want to tell me you've been sitting at your computer for the last week, without bathing. All and any comments welcome. FLAMES will be fed to Spud and Flip and then used as fertiliser.Free huggles to all reviewers. Is that tempting enough for ya?