Oh my God. Let me start on what a royal pain Christmas cards are. Royal. Pain. Okay, well now that that's over with, this may or may not become a series of oneshots depending on how busy I am in the next few days. I'm working on a war fic for Cold-Foxx, so it may not be updated in a while. Well, here goes! This chapter is dedicated to my brother, who made a funny FMA Christmas picture! (I'll send links if anyone wants them.)


"I can't believe this," grumbled Ed grumpily, crossing his arms as he tried to slow his pace.

"Come on, brother!" Al said, running up ahead of him. "We haven't sent these in forever, and besides, it'll be fun!" Al was happy about the whole thing. Ever since their mother had died, they had never really celebrated Christmas. But now they had an opportunity, and Al was determined to take advantage of it.

"Whatever," said Ed, who clearly thought the whole thing was merely troublesome. It was still the end of November, for crying out loud! Al pushed open a big oak door, revealing an even larger office.

"Oh, Ed! You're here!" said Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes happily. Ed noticed that there was a camera set up on a tripod, and he gulped. He only knew how famous Maes and his camera were around the station…

"Run," mouthed Master Sergeant Kain Fuery, behind Maes's back, as he busily set up a white background by one of the large windows in Colonel Roy Mustang's office.

Roy was sitting at his desk, pressing his fingers against his forehead as if he were suffering from a major migraine. Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was standing by his desk, giving Ed the wide, sympathetic eyes. Lieutenant Jean Havoc was also standing, but looking very, very irritated, as if he were missing a date for this.

Maes stood up and abruptly clapped his hands. "All right, everyone! Let's all pose for this picture!" he said happily. He and Al were the only ones that seemed excited for the photo shoot. Al was already standing at the background. Even though he was a seven foot suit of armor, his voice was smiling.

"Come on, Ed! Come stand by me!" he called out to his brother.

"I actually think that you should stand in the back to the side, Al," began Maes, critically surveying Al. "Ed should probably stand at the front, so he'll be easier to see…"


"That's not what he said, Ed," said Riza stepping aside to help with the situation. "Besides, we're all older than you, not four years old." Ed took a deep, shaking breath, his fists still tightly clenched and stood in the background.

"All right, everybody! Please step in the picture," said Maes, pressing a few buttons on his precious camera. Everybody began to step in at once, a few blocking Ed. "Let Ed be at the front!" commanded Maes, and Ed looked like he was ready to explode. Luckily, Riza managed to hold him back through the worst of it.

"Okay, now…" Maes began, stepping in and beginning to shove people around to change their placement. "Havoc, you stand here…right…" He gave Havoc a push, placing him near the back. "That's right, you stand by Al…"

"If we hurry up we can make a break for it," muttered Warrant Officer Vato Falman to Roy as he stepped over so he could stand by Havoc.

"Okay, now put your arms around each other, you know, like you guys are happy together," said Maes. It caused a heavy reaction from both Al and Havoc…they both gave Maes the most disgusted looks.

"Not like that! Relationships these days…" said Maes, even though the happy atmosphere floating around him didn't even faze.

"All right, Roy, that's good," said Maes, surveying the picture. He rubbed his chin in thought for a few seconds, then grabbed both Roy's hands and placed them on Ed's shoulders.

"GERMS!" yelled Ed, before falling to the ground. Maes and Roy rolled their eyes as Maes hoisted Ed off the ground by the armpits.

"Come on, Fullmetal, try to act your age, not your height," said Roy, smirking. That toed the line even further.

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!!!" he yelled, almost pulling Maes's arms off. Luckily, Maes still had the arm strength to place Ed back in his original position, though his shoulders were twitching were Roy was forced to touch them.

"Okay, everybody!" said Maes loudly in his happiest voice. "Get ready for the picture!" He quickly pressed a button on the camera, making a small light blink, the light flashing accelerating with every second. Maes quickly jumped in the picture next to Riza, and there was a huge flash as the camera took its first picture.

"MY EYES!" yelled Fuery, rubbing his eye under the glasses before smartly deciding to remove them.

The second picture took, and Ed began to walk away slowly. "Wait!" Maes yelled. "One more, Edward."

Ed groaned and got back in the frame, forcing a smile. The flash blinded them all yet again. "One more," said Maes patiently. "Come on, act like you all like each other!"

The picture took again. "One more." Yet another flash blinded them. "Just one more." Yet another picture was taken. "Last one."

"WILL YOU STOP THE STUPID THING AND LET US GET ON WITH OUR LIVES?!" yelled Ed before another flash enveloped him.

"That was it!" proclaimed Maes, before joyously leaping to the camera. "These are all so good; I'm going to have a hard time picking just one to send!" Havoc smacked his hand to his forehead in agony.

"Okay, well at least that over with," said Ed. He turned, started forward, and SMACK! Hit the wall and fell to the floor for the second time that day.

"Sorry, sir," Al apologized to Roy. "He must be a little blinded from that."

"No problem," said Roy, smirking. "And tell him he should seriously drink his milk…he could've broken one of his little bones very easily without the calcium."

Ed's eyes shot open, but Al managed to take him before the damage was done.


Well, that was a little odd. XD But I liked the turnout nonetheless. Well, review please! And remember, there may not be updates on this for a while or it may be one chapter, but don't lose faith! (too much Trauma Center)