A/N: Where's the final chapter as promised... here's an interesting tidbit: I wrote this yesterday and posted it today (I made plans to see a movie with my mom...) well enjoy the last chapter... oh and there's an optional epilogue at the end. Enjoy!
Chapter 5: The Final Battle
Luffy and cubs saw a horrifying site, a red star right above the manger, where an evil creature laid… nearby some hapless sap was tied up to an alter.
"Zoro what are you doing here?" asked Luffy to the hapless swordsman.
"They kidnapped me! That's what they did!" yelled Zoro, "They told me their going to be the Host for that thing!"
"Okay…" said Luffy, "This is bad… they already gave birth to it"
That's when a sleigh pulled by reindeer appeared in the sky, it was none other than Santa Claus! He landed and said "Now can someone tell me why the hell there's a red star in the sky!"
"Sorry it's my bad…" said Luffy, "I sort of let them give birth the anti-Christ…"
"You know… I'm not exactly surprised you helped them…" said Zoro stilled tied the alter.
"Me neither…" said Santa, "I mean you are a pretty big idiot!"
"Hey!" yelled Luffy.
/You know that's actually much funnier than the original/
"Well, there's only one way to get rid of Satanic Critters…" said Santa taking out a shotgun.
The critters once again created fire… but Santa jumped though it and began to shooting the critters one by one in the head.
""Luffy will you stop watching and untie me!" yelled Zoro.
"Oh right!" said Luffy who went over to untie Zoro.
And finally Santa found the final critter… Beary the Bear…
"You're going to hurt me are you Santa?" asked Beary the Bear.
And Santa shot him right though the head.
/You saw it recently… didn't you?/
Yeah, it was on last week and I managed to catch, my dad wanted to watch but he was too tired, anyways…
And with that, the critters were destroyed, however one thing remained…
"So what are we going to do about the antichrist?" asked Luffy.
"Don't worry… it can't live without a human body for long." Said Santa.
"No I changed my mind!" yelled Zoro.
"What?" asked everyone else.
"I want to the Anti-Christ inside me! This way I can beat Mihawk and become to the world's greatest swordsman." replied Zoro.
Thanks, it gets better…
"Who do you think you are? Sasuke Uchiha!" yelled an unseen voice.
Thank you, thank you… anyways.
Zoro walked up to the strange evil creature and absorbed him into his body.
"Now will become the world's greatest swordsman." Said Zoro as strange lighting began to flash.
That's when there was pain going though Zoro's body… something he had never felt before, What the hell is going on!" he yelled.
"It's too late, in a few hours the Anti-Christ's will consume his soul…" said Santa shaking his head.
"That's what he gets for trying to be like Sasuke Uchiha!" yelled the same voice.
""Will you shut up!" yelled Zoro.
"Well I'm sorry to say but I'm going to have to kill him…" said Santa aiming the gun at him.
/So… are you going to follow the South Park episode and reveal it was someone is telling a story or are you just going to continue here?/
Continue, there's going to be an optional epilogue… Anyways…
Santa was about to shoot when Luffy got an idea…
"Will alcohol kill the Anti-Christ?" asked Luffy.
"Maybe… I don't know… why?" asked Santa.
"I have an idea! But Zoro's going to get drunk like he's never got drunk before…" said Luffy with a big smile.
"You know…" said Zoro with a sweat drop, "I'm not even sure if I've ever been drunk before."
"All right cubs! Make Zoro the drinks!" cheered Luffy.
"Hurray!" cheered the cubs.
/And so, the cubs made various drinks for Zoro, many, many drinks... so many drinks, one would loose count… in fact he drank so much he actually got drunk, honest to go drunk/
"You know Luffy…" said Zoro wobbling trying to stand up strait, "You are my best, really, you are my very best friend and I love you!"
That's when he began to vomit… he vomited a lot, so much that the anti-Christ came out. Santa picked up the foul little creature and destroyed it with a sledgehammer.
"Yay! The Anti-Christ is destroyed!" cheered the cubs.
"I don't feel so good…" said Zoro who once again barfed.
"I have this special medicine that helps sober you up…" said Santa taking out pills, "Some the elves invented them, and they work like a charm."
Everyone stared at Santa wondering why he would have such a medicine…
"Look… sometimes on Christmas Eve, Santa needs a pick me up in the form of eggnog… and maybe some beers, and Appletini okay…" said Santa, "After all you would want a drunk man coming into your house at night."
There was an awkward silence… among everyone as Zoro took the pills and they realized that Santa has a drinking problem.
/You know… that would make a weird holiday special…/
The Night Santa got Drunk… it would make an excellent Christmas special… but no…
After the awkward silence was broken Santa asked Luffy, "You've been though a lot, is there anything special you want for Christmas?"
Luffy began to think, "Yes there is…" said Luffy with a smile as he looked at the cubs.
And so Luffy took Santa to where several animals had placed the kind Mountain Lion, Santa used his powers to revive the mountain lion.
"What… what happened?" asked the mountain Lion who was revived.
"Mommy!" said all three mountain lions.
The Mountain Lions went to over the mother and were happily reunited.
"Also…" said Luffy, "I want a big pile of meat, a flame thrower, a toy fire a trunk, a pony…"
Zoro sighed and began to drag Luffy and a strange sack Luffy made him carry away.
"Zoro I wasn't done yet!" whined Luffy.
"Yes you were, and besides we have to get back to Chopper's party…" said Zoro.
And so the two straw hats went back to the Thousand Sunny. Where Sanji kicked Luffy in the head.
"What was for!" yelled Luffy.
"You ate all the food!" yelled Sanji, "We don't have anything for Chopper's birthday."
"Don't worry have some food…" said Zoro lifting up the sack he was carrying.
Sanji grabbed it and saw was in inside… let's just say it was a dead carcasses of certain critters.
"Where did you get these? Asked Sanji.
"Don't ask…" said Luffy and Zoro.
"But why are they wearing clothes?" asked Sanji.
"We said don't ask!" yelled Luffy and Zoro.
And so Sanji cooked up the critters which made a happy dinner for all the Straw Hats… and everyone had a Merry Christmas…
/Except for Santa who was diagnosed with Liver Disease two weeks later/
Everyone stared at Usopp who finished his story that he told for Christmas/ Chopper's birthday, the rule was it couldn't' be about him but the story he just told about the critter they couldn't help but to gape at the story that Usopp just told them… after a minute Zoro was the one that said what was on everyone's minds.
"Usopp… how drunk are you?" he asked.
"Not much…" he said… before collapsing from being drunk.
End of Optional epilogue.A/N: Well that's it...I hope you enjoyed it... my most twisted story to date, I hope you loved and I wish you a Merry Christmas... Just beware of satanic critters...