I wrote this as a companion to the first few chapters of August Thirteenth. It's their wedding night from Bella's POV. Although it was also Edward's first time with a woman, I believe that Bella had been thinking about it much longer than him, and therefore the anticipation for her was much more.
Feel Like a Woman
Mrs. Edward Cullen. Mrs. Isabella Cullen. Bella Marie Cullen. Bella Cullen.
I was standing in the enormous granite covered bathroom of our honeymoon suite in Seattle. Honeymoon suite. I took in a deep breath at that phrase, trying to settle my extremely nervous stomach. My eyes were shifting back and forth from my own reflection in the wall-sized mirror, to the wedding band on my left ring finger. Did I look different now that I was…married? I kept studying my face to try and find a discernible difference.
I looked down at my wedding gown still on me. It was indescribably beautiful, Alice knew me better than myself. It was the slightest shade of off-white, off the shoulder with loose billowy sleeves of vintage lace, and a wide silk ribbons around the waist, much more detailed than modern wedding dresses. It was…perfect. She put my hair in thick, loose waves that cascaded down my back, pulled back slightly around my face, leaving some delicate tendrils. I had small dots of baby's breath woven into the waves, very light, and natural makeup.
Hard to believe that less than a year ago if someone would have offered me death, I would have had to think very seriously about my decision? I knew I would never do that to Charlie and Renee. But I would have had a tough time turning the offer down. Life ceased to exist with him gone. Now…now…we were married. I thought I would still have a hard time with that word, but instead, it made me smile, look forward to each and every new day, as Edward's wife. By his side for eternity, in every sense of the word. How silly of me to be more nervous about marrying him than being changed into a vampire. Charlie and Renee really did a number on my views of that institution.
I knew that the knots in my stomach weren't going to go away any time soon, so I might as well get ready. I unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor. I'll hang it up later. I turned to my bag and pulled out the nightgown that Alice had insisted she buy me for tonight. I'm not much for lingerie, but this was truly beautiful, elegant. Almost full-length silk, but with a long slit up my right thigh, lace along the edges, spaghetti straps and a slightly dipped neckline. Just enough. And the color…Alice suggested a deep shade of blue since it is his favorite on me…but I decided on this, a delicate shade of warm ivory with tone on tone lace. The creaminess of the color contrasted with the cool pink in my cheeks, making my skin glow. I slipped it over my head, instantly feeling a tad more confident, like a woman. It hugged me in all the right places, but not so revealing that I felt self-conscious. I almost looked curvy wearing this, almost.
As I assessed myself in the mirror, I decided it was time for a pep talk. I was more nervous and anxious than I think I had ever been in my life. Edward and I were about to "try". Up until this point we had barely gotten past second base, now we're jumping way ahead. I noticed my hands were shaking.
"Bella, you can do this, you want this. He chose you. He married you. You just need to stay calm, cool and collected," I whispered to myself then replied, "ha, easier said than done." If Edward just breathed in my direction I got flustered, or worse fainted. No, I have to stay in control of my, urges, or he is going to stop and call it off. After all, my demand was that we tried, even if we weren't successful. He is very apprehensive about hurting me, getting wrapped up in the moment, but I know him better than that. He has more control than he thinks. Even if his mind got away from him, he still could never physically harm me.
"You have to stay calm and don't be a klutz. Don't be that girl that falls off the bed and has to be taken to the hospital with broken bones on her wedding night." I pleaded to my reflection.
I took in a couple of deep breaths and reached for the door handle. I couldn't move. Part of me was so anxious, needed him in indescribable ways, to touch him, to make him feel wonderful things; the other part was scared to death. Scared that I wouldn't be any good, scared it would hurt. I decided to only think about the first part of me, the part that needed him, his touch, his kiss, his everything.
I swung the door to the bathroom open and paused in the doorway. The sight of Edward, still in his tuxedo, relaxed in the hotel room chair, examining his wedding band, almost took the breath out of me. He was too beautiful. It was too much. My mind screamed at me to turn around and hide back in the bathroom. But before I could retreat, Edward's saw me, his eyes at first wide with what I would consider surprise for my attire, then immediately, there was a flicker in them, a change, getting darker with an apparent burning, longing. It seemed as though I could feel the lust roll off of him, cross the room, and hit me. I took in a gasp of air and let it filled me with determination.
"Do you like it?" I could feel the wavering of my voice. "Alice picked it out, she said I couldn't wear my sweats to bed on our wedding night." I felt a sly smile come across my face. The look on Edward's face told me he needed this as much as I did, the longing for the physical connection, to be everything that a husband and wife should be. At that moment, I was so happy that he bribed me into waiting until we were married.
Edward took in a ragged breath, "You are beautiful." I felt my face flush at his loving words.
That was all I needed to push the butterflies away. My stomach was filled instead with a different kind of knot, a tight ball of desire. I needed him now. I crossed the room and held out my hand to pull him to me, out eyes never severing their connection. The sexual tension was palatable. I just needed to keep in control once I started touching him. "We're going to take this nice and slow," I said with at much confidence as I could muster, as much for myself as for him.
He was still full clothed; I needed to remedy that. I reached up and started undoing the buttons on his shirt, taking care to move slowly, absorbing every inch of his pristine, muscled shoulders, white as snow. If I didn't concentrate very hard I would have ripped it off of him. He didn't stop me like so many times before. There was a burning desire in his eyes, a smoldering fire. I needed to stay in control or I would lose it. Then he put his cool, strong hands on my face and I involuntarily gasped. For a moment, my mind left me. Keep it together Bella!
"Bella, I…" he whispered, was he backing out? Oh no, my body needed him; it had waited far to long for this.
"Shhh…" I was not going to let him talk himself out of it in the name of keeping me safe. There's no going back. He didn't make another sound.
He obeyed willingly when I pushed against his perfectly sculpted chest directing him to lie on the bed. Okay, now his pants. This is a big step. I didn't think the nerves and electricity running through my body could get any more taunt. There was a building heat in my core. I pulled his pants to the floor and I physically saw that he wanted me as urgently as I wanted, needed him, my nerves faded away. All of the sudden I was confident in my ability to please him, to be worthy of being called his wife. I let my newly found certainty shine through as I gave him an approving look.
Edward was gazing at me with eyes I had never seen before. They were like hot coals, flickering with their intensity. His waves of desire pulling me to him. His eyes trickled down my figure, reminding me that I was still wearing my nightgown. I eagerly reached up and pulled the straps off of my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, exposing all of me, but not feeling exposed in the least. His eyes focusing on every curve of my figure, pausing at my breasts. I had never thought of them as anything special, but apparently they were to his liking, because a sly grin spread across his lips.
I had never wanted anything more in my eighteen short years of existence as I wanted tobe with Edward, to feel every inch of his glorious body. I reached my hands to his thighs up to his torso, electricity seeming to pass through me with every passing moment of contact, guiding my legs onto the bed, on either side of him. He reached for me placing his hands on my hips, guiding me to him. In that moment, I did have a slight pause for fear of the pain.
Many years ago, when Renee thought I was of an appropriate age, we had the talk. Renee, being Renee, was more open and graphic than most mothers my age. She babbled on for quite a long time about being responsible and waiting until I was in love, preferably married, all of the typical parent ideas. At the time, I was so far from imagining having sex with someone, that I barely paid attention. But I do recall her telling me how my first time will most likely be less romantic than I envisioned. Fumbling, awkward and not entirely comfortable. Although my body was ready in every way, I still braced myself, feeling a look of determination on my face.
Edward guided my slender hips over him. The knot in my insides was wound unbearably tight; I thought I might burst from the inside out with the anticipation. As he slid inside me, there was a quick, sharp stab, only lasting a split second. We paused, I felt myself relax, settle into him, we fit perfectly together. I then rocked my hips, and the movement was indescribable. The first thrust was still slightly uncomfortable, too tight. By the third, my insides felt like they never had before, like I never dreamed they would. They burned with desire, my breath became quicker, and I felt like there was a humming between my legs. I saw the pleasure in his eyes. I arched my back, pulling him deeper in me.
His hands moved to the small of my back and with one quick, controlled movement, he was over me. My legs wrapped tight around his steel torso, locking behind him at his perfect rear. His one hand reached to cup my breast. I involuntarily let out a small moan. Every breath I took was filled with him, his sweet delicious scent. We moved in a slow, deliberate rhythm, I couldn't get him deep enough inside me. The heat inside me was starting to simmer over, reach its peak. I was no longer in control of my movements. I pulled him closer on top of me, feeling his weight, though I'm sure he was still fully supporting himself. Each slow thrust sending me spirally deeper into pure ecstasy. Our lips connected, but only lightly, grazing over one another's. That was one area we had agreed to be very controlled, since his venom-coated teeth could not come in contact with any part of my mouth.
Edward buried his face in my hair, moaning my name into my ear, pushing me further and further. I felt my nails digging into his rock hard skin, clawing at him in desperation, feeling like I was almost to my peak, not sure how much tighter my insides could wind, my breath was a ragged pants. Then I felt an energy burst from inside, making me shutter all over, spreading warmth all through me. I heard a voice cry out, not realizing until moments later that it was my own, releasing my peak of pleasure. There was wave upon wave of ecstasy washing over me. Edward thrusted again and I felt a shutter of energy pass between us, there was both agony and pure bliss in his eyes. We paused there, his eyes closed, face taunt, then I felt his body relax on top of mine as his hand reached up to stroke my face, his face next to mine as we both struggled to control our breathing.
I felt my body fall into the most relaxed state. I was awake, but not entirely aware as I felt the warmth still radiating inside me. Edward brought his mouth to mine, lightly grazing my lips with his and whispered into my mouth, "I love you Bella Cullen". He rolled off me to my side, pulling me close to him, stroking my bare back with his cool fingers, humming my lullaby. I nestling into his shoulder, where I intended to stay for eternity.