Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Nor Do I own the song "What Sarah Said", Dead Cab for Cutie does. I just happened to borrow the lyrics for my fic. I highly suggest you listen to the song while reading. Read and Enjoy!
Walking down the street she steeled herself for what her job might bring tonight. It was her shift in a few hours and she'd been avoiding thinking about going in, about the patients—a certain patient. Sighing, she shook those thoughts away. He wasn't her patient; she shouldn't be worrying about him. Walking into the double doors, she entered the lobby and stopped.
Sakura looked over the waiting room; there was hardly anyone in there. Of course being ninjas you didn't have time to wait around, there were only a few children and wives sitting in the plastic seats looking downcast and dismayed. A song came to her then, as she avoided the people's eyes.
And it came to me then that every plan/ Is a tiny prayer to father time/As I stared at my shoes in the ICU/ That reeked of piss and 409.
She took a deep breath and inhaled the smells of the hospital, the cold sterile smell of bleach and 409. The song was a bit too close to home as she moved from the waiting room to check on her patients.
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself/That I've already taken too much today.
Sakura picked up the clipboard when she entered the intensive care unit of the hospital. She had six patients for the night, just the right amount to keep her actively busy at night so she wouldn't enter the one room down the hall and on the left. Taking a deep breath, she moved away from the nurse's station when she heard a door opened.
As each descending peak on the LCD/ Took you a little farther away from me/Away from me.
It was from his room, she watched as the doctor came out with a defeated face, a discouraging face. Sakura turned and retreated down the hall. She was not going to cry, not again. She hadn't realized she had been running till she stopped at the vending machine and held her head against it.
Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines/In a place where we only say goodbye/It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend.
She knew it was going to be hard, but that still hadn't prepared her for all of it. Even Tsunade suggested that she take a vacation from all the death and morbid ness of the hospital. Seeing people who you knew and grew up with come in injured beyond repair, then suddenly die while you were fighting for their life to live—it hurt. All the memories came surfacing and sometimes you realized that you hadn't even known them all that well.
On a faulty camera in our minds/ And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose.
Especially, those who were closest to you. Like the person in room 205, the one she vehemently didn't want to take care of and overloaded herself with other patients so she wouldn't be tempted to check in on him.
Than to have never lain beside at all/And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground/As the TV entertained itself.
Looking up, she saw another waiting room; it was the same as downstairs. Barely empty, only a mother and daughter sitting close together. Her eyes were drawn to a father sitting by himself, his hair was ruffled and face had a five o'clock shadow like he hadn't been sleeping well or bothered about his appearance. She knew who he was; he was room 205's father. There was no denying the looks, they were almost identical.
'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room/Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news/And then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lift their heads.
Sakura watched as the woman in white entered the room and the three people lifted their heads, bracing themselves for bad news. The mother and daughter went unnoticed by the nurse as she walked up to room 205's father. Sakura closed her eyes hoping to stem the tears that she could feel forming and listened closely to what was being said. She could only catch bits and pieces of it, but even then it didn't look good.
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said/That love is watching someone die.
Sakura stilled as the song filled through the back of her mind. She griped the vending machine with shacking hands before quickly walking down the hall. She found herself in front of room 205. The door seemed huge, as she stared at it with her hand placed on the door knob.
Twisting the knob, she opened the door; the room was dark except for a small bedside light. There were flowers set about the room from fellow ninjas and friends. Sakura closed the door and walked over to the side of the bed. He didn't look bad—he looked alive. She knew it was a trick, once she let herself fall for that kind of thinking and then he'd take a turn for the worse and die. So many of her friends form the academy had died, some she barely even knew, just that they were in her graduating class.
Standing at the side of the bed, she watched his face. It was peaceful, like there was no pain…just sleeping. His hair wasn't pulled back as it normal was, leaving the black strands to fall around his face. He was wearing a hospital gown, and she knew had he been awake he'd have been disgruntled at wearing it. She smiled weakly at the thought, but that didn't stop the watering of her eyes.
So who's gonna watch you die? So who's gonna watch you die.
The lyric struck her there. "Who's gonna watch me die?" she asked quietly. If everyone went out on missions and died, she'd be left behind. She hadn't gone on a mission in a few years; she was too precious at the hospital. But how many people had she known already come and died, leaving her behind.
She let out a low anguished cry and fell to her knees, burying her head into the bed. "I don't want to be alone," she cried as her throat tightened, griping the sheets in her clenched hands. "I don't want to watch you die….Shikamaru."
"How troublesome," came the deep rumbled reply of a man who'd just woken up. A strong hand rest on her head trying to give her some level of comfort.
Sakura turned her head to look at him, the tears were still flowing out and she had bitten her lip to keep the cries in. Her shoulders heaved, as his fingers laced through her short pink hair and pushed the strands behind her ear. She watched him half frightened that this wasn't real, that she'd only imagined it because of the stress.
"I won't leave you alone," he whispered. "I can't promise to watch you die, I'll do everything I can to save you first but I'll be there."
That broke her out of her stupefied slump. She slowly stood to her feet, his hand falling away. "Your nurse said that you might not wake up," she said softly and reached out to touch his face. To confirm that it wasn't a trick.
"I woke up," he replied with a surge of his shoulders, letting her hand come in contact with his cheek. He turned his head and kissed her palm. "Get back to work, I'll rest up and when I'm out of here…..I'll be at your apartment."
Sakura was able to smile for once in weeks that he'd been in a comma. Not even thinking, she flung herself into his arms.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, holding him tightly. "I was scared." He didn't say anything but wrapped his arms around her.
She'll be okay, he thought kissing her forehead.