If it's Worth Saving me

Name – If it's Worth Saving me

Author – Lisi the slayer

Genre – Romance/hurt and comfort




Season 7 – Buffy finds out how deep-rooted Spike's love for her is. But is her Vampire too tortured to be repaired, and will he let her save him ? Or is Spike lost to her forever. Basically a re- write of Season Seven with an eventual alternative Chosen.

A Tortured Soul

Whimpers. Soft, scared, broken whimpers was all Buffy could hear. She was in the School basement. She knew that if there was evil in the school it would be down there. Although whimpers weren't the sounds usually associated with evil, whatever was making those noises, still shouldn't be there. Buffy made a deep exhale, she wondered what was on the other side of the door . What pathetic creature was waiting there? Alone and presumably in the dark. What would a Creature do here? Why would a Creature go here, other than it had nowhere else to go?

Buffy's slender fingers wrapped around the door knob, an odd feeling was coursing through her. Strange, it was the feeling she associated with Spike. If she thought hard enough, she could smell him. His scent loosely hanging over the place. She gripped the knob tighter as an onslaught of memories forced themselves into her consciousness.

Bathroom. Spike. Spike apologizing, telling her she should have let him die. His speech on love, and then his final act. His desperate and utterly unacceptable act to show her, no force her to love him. Him ribbing her dressing gown...

Buffy gasped, she almost fell forwards as the door opened. A pair of strong hands steadied her shoulders. Instinctively she placed her hands on the arms, the weight on her shoulders steadying her. The hands suddenly whipped away.

"You shouldn't be here. Not for you this p-place."

Buffy shot up, that deep English voice belonged to one person only.

Dark rooted waves messily framed his face, and blue eyes dazzled her. It was Spike. Buffy was too lost in awe to react violently. She looked at him in openly, her eyes widening, her face blanking. She raised a hand to his face, feeling the familiar silky skin. It was him, he wasn't a figment of her imagination.


She whispered softly.

At the sound of his name, Spike whimpered. Pain suddenly flooded his clear blue eyes and he shrank back, in seeming fear. That angered Buffy, if anyone was to shrink away it should be her! Was it not he who attacked her? Was it not she who was almost raped!

You're not all innocent Buffy, remember... " That's it ! Put on me ! Put it all on me That's my girl!"

Buffy forced those traitorous thoughts away and readying herself to assert pay back, strode into the room.

Spike raised his hands up, an act of surrender.

"P-Please, I-I, It wasn't, I didn't-"

Buffy aggressively invaded his personal space.

"What Spike ? Didn't what? Didn't try to rape me!"

Spike let out a tortured wail, huddled over, his arms wrapping around himself, trying to shield his body from the attack, but seemingly failing. Buffy looked at him, confusion written clearly on her face.

"Look at me. SPIKE LOOK AT ME !"

For once, in probably his whole time as Spike, he obeyed. Warily he raised his head and met Buffy's face. Buffy looked at him blankly for a moment, before she slapped him. The slap echoed through the room, swiftly followed by Spike's agonised cry. Buffy didn't know what happened, just looking at him had unleashed all her pent-up hurt and anger and she had acted as she always had done. She took it out on Spike.

"Yeah here it comes, something goes wrong in your life blame Spike. If you had been more honest with her in the first place you wouldn't be here, trying to make yourself feel better with a round of 'Kick The Spike'."

He had been right then, when she had confronted him about Dawn, and he was right now. 'Kick The Spike' never seemed to end, she had just taken it to the next level. It had just been too high for him.

"Y-You need to wash. Must wash, touched evil, repugnant, odious Monster. Must wash, lest you become tainted."

Buffy frowned in concentration at Spike's rumblings, which tore her from her memory; it took her while to work out what he was really saying. He was talking about himself. Buffy looked at him properly and her eyes widened.

His face seemed even more sunken in, though still looked impossibly beautiful. But then again, perhaps the sunken in look, could be blamed on the grey shadows under his blue eyes. His black shirt was dirty and ripped in several places. As Spike whimpered and moved his torso, the open shirt moved to reveal a series of deep cuts, scratches over his heart.

She slapped a hand over her wide-open mouth; her shocked eyes looked into his blue ones and saw nothing in them but mind numbing terror. Suddenly, she noticed he was shaking. Clear, glistening tears, trailed down his pale face and his shaking hand lightly traced the cheek she had struck.

"He deserved that. H-He deserved the stake, but he's not here ! Not here to take it !"

His voice turned to a pitiful wail, as he got more distressed. Buffy's anger, for the moment, was pushed away and concern began to fill her, accompanied by guilt. She took a step forward. Spike's eyes grew impossibly terrified, she stopped, but Spike issued a low whimper at her and fled into the darkness. It wasn't far from her however, she could hear his whimpers, and the sound of his fists beating softly against the brick walls of the room.

Taking a deep breath Buffy stepped forward.

"Spike ? Spike I'm not going to hurt you."

She took a few steps towards him, but then Spike spoke and she froze.

"You should."

His voice sounded the most coherent it had for their whole encounter, and that scared her more. That Spike, more into his right mind still felt the same.

"Should be punished. William has been a bad boy, William's a bad, evil boy and he should be punished. I should be."

The voice was soft, it's deeply broken note tore at her heart, and for reasons unknown to herself, she wished Spike back. Wished to see him swagger out of the darkness, his head held high, his hair slicked back slightly with no roots and his eyes sparkling. His whole form radiating arrogance. Instead, she saw as she finally reached him, a broken creature, no a broken man. He was slumped against the wall. His head cradled in his hands. His body seemed small, his incredible height seemed to have vanished. Buffy wished deeply she hadn't hit him, as she saw a faint bruise begin to colour his pale cheek. The small frame shuddered slightly and Buffy couldn't help herself.

The sight was heart-breaking, she knelt down to his level and stroked the hair on the back of his head. Spike shook his head. He raised it and his eyes were alarmingly clear and open, full of shame and self-hatred.

"Too pure, too beautiful. Not to touch the lesser, the dirty the ugly..."

Buffy felt tears prickle her eyes and she couldn't bear to hear anymore.

"No Spike. Not ugly."

Spike said nothing, a strange look on his face she couldn't place. Buffy carefully peeled back his shirt. Spike whimpered but didn't make a move to stop her. She winced as she saw the cuts up close. A tear trailed down her face, How had he got those? What had he gone through to reduce him to this broken mess?

"Tell me what happened to you?"

Spike sat up a little straighter, he cleared his throat.

"I went out and got it didn't I!"

Against her will, impatience seeped through into her voice.

"Got what ?"

Spike flinched, and Buffy hoped she hadn't destroyed his fragile confidence.

"The piece, that fit. That would make me fit, the Spark. 'Cos you didn't want."

Spike trailed off, his voice pained and was nearing to the whimpering he had done before.

"Angel, he should of warned me. Makes a big show about it but forget it. It's in me, all the time. The Spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve and I got it. They put the spark in me, and now all it does is burn."

Buffy's eyes widened, and she took a step back. Spike rose to his feet watching her. She looked deep into his tortured blue eyes. She couldn't believe what she was hearing! He had done it.

"Your soul, you got your soul back."

"Bit worse for lack of use."

Buffy stood there shocked. It was too much! All too much to take in. She favoured him a final glance and turned around, marching determinedly towards the door. His words made her pause.

"Please, stay here, if I don't talk and if I don't move then the voices can't hurt me, much. Stay here and help me be quiet."

Buffy turned slightly but didn't look at him, showing him her side profile. She looked to the floor.

" I think it's worse if I'm here."

Ignoring the quiet whines, she hurriedly closed the door. And rushing back up the stairs, slammed the basement door shut. Dawn yelled after her sister, Buffy's face had been positively white when she left the basement. It was the end of the day and curiosity filled her. She opened the basement door and trailed down the steps.

Nothing was here, nothing that should warrant such fear. She reached an old looking door, and steadying herself, she slowly pushed it open. At first, she could see nothing through the darkness, but slowly her eyes accustomed and what she saw almost made her scream.

Spike was slowly approaching her, his movements wary and doubtful. He was back! Buffy must have seen him! Anger built up in Dawn and she slammed the door shut behind her. The loud sound made Spike wail and he fell to his knees. His hands plastered over his ears.


Without knowing it, Dawn had come right in front of him, and was now attacking him with her fists. Spike let out a pained cry and his strong hands gently, but firmly latched onto her flimsy wrists. Dawn breathed heavily, her eyes boring into Spike's blue ones. She flinched at the open pain she saw in them. It made her wrists go limp, Spike let go.

Dawn's hands fell to the floor, by chance, upon his own. Spike didn't move his away but he tensed; readying himself for pain. Dawn felt some regret then, Spike had been her rock. In the dark year of Glory, Spike had been her closest friend. He had endured torture for her, looked after her. They had been close.

"D-Dawn ?"

Spike's voice was weak and hesitant, it proved the final straw. Tears threatened to fall and Dawn leapt to her feet and ran from the room. Spike rose to his feet also, it was late he could tell. Dawn would make a nice treat of many monsters of the night.

"Made a promise. To protect her. Protect the girl. Dawn."

He hurriedly ran after her.


Dawn's breaths came in uneven gasps and she fell to the floor. The cries that had built up within her finally let loose. Seeing Spike after what Xander had so coldly told her, the pain in her old best friend's eyes, she couldn't take it. Cold arms gathered her up, and despite her thoughts on what he had done, she wanted him to. She leaned into the cool touch.


"Please what darling?"

Dawn froze. It wasn't Spike's voice.

A lock of long, wavy black hair fell in front of her face. A tongue licked her pulse point.

"Please what darling? Stop? No can't do that I'm afraid. Make it painless? Well yeah I can, anything for my Morsel."

Dawn began to scream and tried to fight her way out the female Vampire's grasp. It was pointless. The female Vampire's nails simply dug deeper into her skin, causing blood to trail down her arms. Dawn felt a tongue lap it up. She heard the Vampire gasp.

"Christ ! Your no ordinary girl, are you Morsel?"

Dawn let out another desperate cry, but as she felt her long brown hair being swept back, she gave up hope. Soft, plump lips latched onto her neck, and caressed the skin. Dawn realised it was to lure the blood to the surface. Her eyes darted around her surroundings, part of her telling her she was looking for possible help, the other part telling her she was studying the last things she would ever see...

A loud growl...

Soft lips wrenched away from her neck.

A furious scream...


The female Vampire dealt a well-placed blow and freed herself from Spike, grasping Dawn's arm.


Dawn looked to Spike, and in that instant, she felt he was back. Despite his torn clothing and exposed roots he hadn't looked more like his old self than he did now. His posture was ramrod straight, his height returned to him. Arrogance now sparkled in his blue eyes and his arms were wrapped around his chest. The gesture he always did before he dealt a hit to the face.

"Maria, long time. Still a fledging are we?"

Dawn felt her tense and a growl make its way up through the Vampire's chest.

"You can't fall me Spike. There's been rumours, William isn't so bloody anymore. Been a bit out of it have we?"

As Maria taunted Spike, Dawn could see other Vampires emerging from the shadows, from the look on their faces Maria had Spike greatly outnumbered. Spike eventually noticed, and some of his arrogance seemed to fade.

"Let her go. Have it out with me, but let my Niblet go."

Maria hissed at the word 'Niblet'.


For the first time since Spike's arrival to the scene, Dawn spoke back.


Maria let out a hysterical laugh, the other Vampires quietly joined in.


Spike growled and lunged at Maria, sending Maria, Dawn and himself to the floor. He pinned Maria down, and turned to Dawn.


Dawn scrambled free of Maria, only to have one of Maria's minions grasp her. She screamed and twisted for all she was worth. Spike leapt from Maria and at the minion holding Dawn; snapping the Vampire's neck with a satisfying crack. He grasped Dawn's arm and began to run.

For a moment, Dawn thought it was ok. That everything just for once, was going to work out ok. But then, Spike stopped. He urged her onwards.

"Go home Dawn. You should be safe from here. Get to Buffy, she'll be patrolling over there soon."

Dawn gripped Spike's arm, knowing instinctively he was going back to Maria.


Spike gently prised himself from her.

"I deserve this Dawn. Now go !"

With that, Spike spun on his heels, and with a frightening growl dashed back to Maria and her cronies. Dawn carefully followed, what she saw almost made her scream.

Spike was fighting his best, but he was outnumbered. He had killed at least four, but it seemed the original six had expanded. She could barely see Spike, the Vampires were covering him now. Biting his neck, and beating his body. The only thing she could fully register as Spike, were his terrible screams. He was going to die.

Cold fear filled Dawn from head to toe. Spike had saved her. Without him she would be dead by now. He was a dearest friend, and now that death loomed over him, his past crimes seemed unimportant. She had to get Buffy.


Buffy dusted another Vamp, twirling the Stake in-between her slender fingers. This night had been beyond boring. She sat on a tombstone and waited for the next Vamp to appear. It was then she heard it.

Screams. A man's screams. From the sound of it a very pained man. She leapt up from the tombstone and sprinted in the cry's direction. Almost staking Dawn, as she appeared in front of her from nowhere.

"DAWN! What an earth! What you doing here!"

Dawn shook her head frantically; there wasn't enough time for these details. Spike was dying.


Buffy froze. She felt like someone had filled her insides with cold water. Spike. Spike who had got a soul for her, had begged her to stay with him. Who now had saved Dawn was going to die for it ?

"No, no no no."

Buffy wasn't even aware she was saying it as she pushed her way through the trees and dived into the huddle of vamps. She wrenched them off him, staking them easily, until she arrived to Maria. Maria tore her fangs from Spike's much abused throat, her lips stained ruby with his blood. She sneered at Buffy.

"Slayer, early for you isn't it ?" Maria motioned to Spike who lay motionless on the floor. Vicious bite marks covered his slender neck. His face covered in black bruises and his body equally damaged. Barely any blood seemed to leak from his wounds, and for a moment Buffy was relieved. Then she realised, it wasn't for a lack of depth, the reason blood wasn't leaking from him, it was because he didn't have the blood to lose. Could Vampires die from blood loss? Or did they just need to be filled up again?

"Aren't you going to kill him? He's Spike ! William the Bloody! Master Vampire sprawled out on the floor! Defenceless!"

Buffy gripped the stake tighter, her knuckles going white. Maria noticed, her own green eyes widened.

"It's true. The rumours are true. Your in love with Spike! You, the big all Chosen One! The Slayer is in love with Spike!"

Buffy shook her head.

"I'm not in love with Spike."

Maria raised a mocking eyebrow; she shrugged her shoulders and moved to the left of Spike's form. A clear trail now lay between Buffy and Spike.

"Kill him then. You're not in love with him? Kill him."

Buffy smiled with scorn at Maria, her grip tightening even more on the Stake.

"Why not you? Me thinking I want to kill you."

Buffy took a menacing step forward, Maria didn't move.

"Why ? Because I'm a Vampire ? Or because I almost killed your hubby?"

Maria didn't stand a chance, Buffy leapt at her, the stake cutting through the air and slamming into her heart. Maria gasped, laughter still lingering in her green eyes before she turned to dust.


Buffy whispered to Maria's ashes.

Spike, who Buffy thought was unconscious, let out a high-pitched howl. Slowly, he opened his eyes, which froze when they saw Buffy.

"Y-You saved me? You didn't - you haven't staked me?"

That final sentence broke Buffy, and tears for Spike streamed down her face. She raised a hand to Spike's head and ran her fingers through his luscious hair.

"Of course I didn't."

Hey !

Hope as many of you liked it as possible and I eagerly await your views. My grammar isn't the best so if any of you would like to my beta for this story it will be greatly appreciated ! Can't promise this length for all chapters but I'll try ! Hope as many readers liked this as possible and I'll update soon !


Lisi the slayer