Cleansed by Water

Tears didn't seem to stop as she held Spike's form close to her chest. He was little more than an animal. His injuries were so severe that, had Spike been a human he would have been out cold and in critical danger. However, even as a vampire he wasn't out of the woods yet. Buffy felt Spike nuzzle her shoulder, where his head rested limply. She was right outside now; Dawn would be waiting for her. It would worry Dawn to no end if she saw her in this state. Blinking back her tears, Buffy kicked open the unlocked back door. As she predicted Dawn was there waiting. Dawn was in her pink nightgown. Her long brown hair was draped out over her shoulders, her face was devoid of color and her eyes were a telling bloodshot. Dawn worsened when she saw Spike.

Dawn slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her cries. Buffy wanted to comfort her, but Spike was in no state to play second fiddle. She favored Dawn with a warm look instead, and gently eased past her into the living room and up the stairs. The bathroom door leered menacingly at her, and for a moment Buffy wanted nothing more than to drop Spike and run. That feeling passed as quickly as it had come and she promptly felt sickened with herself. She looked down at Spike, and hi blue eyes flashed at her, but they were missing something. Missing Spike, that unique glitter of life that Spike always seemed to bring with him. Carefully she opened the bathroom door; and this brought her to the next problem. Where was she going to put him? She couldn't run the bath and hold him at the same time. She glanced at the toilet but then frowned. He would simply slide off, the moment she let him go. She saw an empty space against the wall and, although not ideal, it was her only option. Gently, to avoid causing him further and unnecessary pain, she lowered him to the floor. Spike nuzzled her wrist affectionately; reminding her very startlingly of a dog. A kicked dog that, although it had its tail between its legs, never stopped showing affection to its owner. Buffy felt uncharacteristic tenderness for Spike that scared her and she quickly turned to run the bath. As soon she left him she heard a thud accompanied by a low groan. Without Buffy as a pillar he had simply fallen to the floor, he didn't have the strength to hold himself upright. Buffy pulled the tabs till as much water as possible was running and then turned to Spike. Blood. He needs blood.

The thought came from nowhere, and to her surprise, carried no emotion with it. It was a necessity, something that simply had to be done. She didn't have the luxury of deciding whether she wanted to or not. Reaching up she picked up a razor. The thought of cutting her wrist open wasn't a pleasant one, but the alternative... No she wasn't ready, that took trust. Real established trust between both parties and she didn't trust him. She also suspected that, although he claimed to love her, he didn't trust her either. She sighed as she cut her wrist. She couldn't blame him if he didn't. At the scent of blood Spike's half closed eyes flew open, hunger burning within them. It was as if being faced with the blood made him realize just how hungry he was. She sat down beside him and with her other hand she gently positioned and supported his head. Despite his obvious hunger, Spike seemed to be refusing. Buffy looked at him deeply, her wrist moving closer to his mouth. She could see more of Spike returning; the animal state beginning to end. She also saw his familiar stubbornness and defiance and realized it was now or never. The hand that held up his head lunged forward sending Spike's lips onto her bleeding wrist. As Buffy guessed, he could no longer resist its call. His face vamped out and she felt him suck hungrily at her wrist. Buffy gasped, unwelcome feelings stirred within her, and they weren't in the regions of pain. Buffy also realized she was in full control this way, she decided when he drank enough; she alone would decide when his life source was taken away. Her vision took on a sudden blur and she knew he could take no more. She yanked her wrist free, expecting to see the cut but it was healing. Spike had stopped feeding before then. He had sealed her wound. She observed him critically, she knew instantly that he hadn't had anything like the amount he needed. But nothing could be done for now. At the sound of water she ran to the bathtub and hurriedly turned it off. She breathed a sigh of relief; a while longer and the water would have split over. But her relief quickly passed. Then came the obvious next step; removing his clothing. She glanced at Spike, though to be fair, he didn't really have any clothes to remove. His shirt could barely be called a shirt and his trousers were so tight that Buffy realized, with regret, she would have no option but to practically cut them from him. Her eyes moved from his body and then caught his eyes.

He wasn't like an animal anymore, but he wasn't fully aware, he felt like a semi-conscious human. Seeing everything but not registering it. He glanced at the bathtub, looked down at himself, then looked expectedly at Buffy. His face was child-like in the expression that marred it. The innocence a child wore when it was waiting to be undressed by a parent. It was fairly disturbing, to say the least, to see it on Spike's usually confident face. But then Buffy thought, it was better he was this way than rebellious. Trying to appear as soothing as possible, Buffy gently pulled the shredded shirt from Spike's back. It took every inch of her self control to stop herself crying. The image was nothing less than horrendous. She turned around and gently got a pair of scissors, Spike's eyes narrowed. Buffy paused for a moment; she tried to determine what Spike's displeasure to the scissors was; whether he feared attack or whether he was not willing to part with his trousers. Buffy found she couldn't tell, and she resumed but one word broke her. "Please..." It was a strangled sound, but Buffy heard it loud and clear. He thought she was going to hurt him. She fought against the onset of tears that gathered in her eyes, at seeing such a proud man reduced to a begging, pleading mess. She felt him begin to tremble and she realized she hadn't got rid of the scissors. She dropped them, and looked Spike straight into the eyes." I'm not going to hurt you Spike. You need to get these off. Do you understand?" She kept her voice soft and was hugely relieved when most of the fear left his gaze. He nodded in answer to her question. Buffy smiled at him encouragingly. "Can you get out of them without the scissors?" A look of determination came into Spike's eyes and he nodded strongly. Buffy bit back her groan, she was almost completely certain that this was Spike's attitude talking and that he was only going to tire himself out further. But as she looked into his suddenly quite alive eyes she knew she had no real choice.

It had taken patience, but it had worked. Spike's trousers were still intact. Spike lay naked on the floor, his face still quite blank and Buffy wondered how much of his situation had really sunk in. She felt her cheeks redden, she hadn't even touched him, but the thought of holding a completely naked Spike in her arms and gently laying him down into the bathtub made her blush heatedly. She desperately wished he had the energy himself, but Buffy knew he had just about enough to keep himself afloat. Buffy silently thanked the universe that vampires couldn't drown. Quickly, she scooped him up and raised him off the ground. Spike seemed uninterested in his plight, completely at ease with her carrying his exposed body. His rubbed his cheek against her warm one and purred as she lowered him into wet warmth. Blood and mud began to leave Spike's body; gently she took a sponge with shower gel, and gently began to clean him. Her touch was gentle, but Spike still whimpered. Buffy decided to wait a while, to let Spike relax. For now, she put the sponge down. Spike smiled in gratitude, but then a pained look came into his face and his eyes sought hers instantly "Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you?" Buffy was caught off guard and she blinked at him confused. Spike simply repeated himself, "Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you?" Buffy looked at him a while longer, then it came to her. He was referring to their disastrous relationship. The damaging, almost prostitution, she had started for herself and Spike. Flesh meant body. He was asking her if he was a body to her. If all she was interested in was his body. A conversation suddenly came back to her, not long after they had finished sex under his carpet.

"Do you even like me?"

"Sometimes."

"But you like what I do to you."

"Flesh then. Not a spark, oh God – oh well flesh it is then." That brought her out of her reverie. She shook her head, her eyes blazing. "No Spike, not flesh. Not flesh, there's a spark." Tears slid down Spike's face and he smiled weakly at her, Buffy could see that it was a great burden off his shoulders. She looked at the once clear water; it was muddy now. She took the sponge and began to scrub gently. Tears escaping at Spike's quiet whimpers.

Hey ! Thanks to my great beta for correcting the grammar errors !please review and thanks for reading !

Lisi the slayer