A/N: I'm glad so far many people had enjoyed this story, but what I can't really understand is why some people …cof.. cof… NycBlackout89..cof.. cof… gets mad at me for writing stupid things about the characters, I mean this page is for that, to write what you want about the characters. If I want to I'll make Emmett and Bella have sex while riding a horse or whatever, if you don't like the story THEN DON'T READ IT and go read one where Bella gets killed by the Volturi or something
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just this stupid and drunk plot.
Chapter 11: "Sex"
"Oh" And with that, we went down the hall and opened Alice's and Jasper's room.
Once we were in their bedroom Emmett went straight to Alice's huge walking closet.
"Emmett what do you think you're doing, Alice will kill us if she knows we are here!" I whisper/yelled. I don't really know why I was whisper/yelling, I think it's because my subconscious knows that we are about to do something bad or stupid or stupid AND bad.
"Shut up and help me find what I'm looking for" Emmett said while rummaging in Alice's closet
"And what are we supposed to be looking for?"
"Well, duh… isn't it, like, obvious? What on earth could we be looking for in a closet… a map for Candy Mountain? (A/N: The stupidest video ever link on my profile if you want to watch it... ) it's obvious we're here because we need some clothes"
"But Emmett" I started, ignoring his comment about candy mountain "I don't think Alice's clothes will fit me, I mean, it's not that I'm much taller than her but I am" I started rambling. 'Alice' I thought 'If you are seeing this, please ignore it and continue enjoying your wonderful trip to Canada with oh so wonderful Tanya! the gorgeous and stupid stunningly wonderful Tanya. God, I hate her…please hit her or something' Okay… now I will stop talking with an imaginary Alice as if she could hear me inside my head. I mean, if Edward can't and he has the ability to do it, why Alice would be able to? Maybe she's hiding something! Okay I'll stop talking and being weird and I'll just pay attention to Emmett. "What happens if something goes wrong? I'm scared. Alice could find out and kill us"
"Nah, I don't think so. Besides, if she gets angry then we have a great backup plan!"
"And that would be…?"
"Well, if something goes wrong then you will say something like" He started pouting and batting his eyelashes trying to imitate a flirty girl, maybe he thought it was cute or something. Not. " 'Please Alice, remember that I'm Bella that you love me and that I will play Bella Barbie with you for a month without complaining and you will buy me clothes and pl- "
"Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that if something goes wrong with Alice's closet or whatever involving her I will be the one to talk to her?" He was getting on my nerves. Bella Barbie for a MONTH!! NO WAY!
"Well if you don't want to then I'll talk to her" He stated simply
"Oh, okay" I was surprised by his sudden kindness
"I'll just tell her that you will be her Bella Barbie for a month. Easy as drinking bunnies"
"HAH! Are you kidding me? A whole month Emmett? Why would I do something like that?" So this was all about and he looks at me with that face, thinking I'm stupid, but no! I'm not! "In your dreams! Besides, I still have the blisters from last time I went shopping with her, it hurt like hell! And I'm not stupid so stop looking at me like that!
"You're not? Haha joking dearest Bella, just joking, you don't have to glare at me like that. What I don't understand is why you always act like an adult. You never have fun! I mean I'm way older than you and I still do funnier things"
"Yeah, well maybe I act like an adult, cause I'm one?"
"Well yeah you're 18 but that doesn't mean that you have to be that mature. You never have fun"
"What are you talking about? I do have lots of fun" Is he telling me that I act like a granny?
"Well, tell me one thing you do to have fun" He said smirking, where is he going with this conversation… What do I do to have fun? Let's see… Oh, I know!
"I read books! I loooove to read books" That was a pretty good answer, right?
"Pshhhh, old lady. You know what? I think I'll start calling you granny Bella. Yep, that's a pretty good nickname for you. It suits you" He just NOT called me granny! Seriously, if it wasn't because he is a vampire and his skin is marble stone I would had punched him a long time ago!
"I'm not a granny or and old person! I do other things too!"
"Yeah, right. Funny things like what"
"Well, I have fun with Edwar-"
"WHAT! YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU'VE BEEN HAVING WILD SEX WITH HIM AND YOU HVEN'T TOLD ME?!"
"WHAT! NO! we still haven't… you know sealed the deal…"
"Then you're not having fun with him. "I glared at him. I could have fun without it being sex. I'm not a perv like him" Anyways, back to our original plan. If something goes wrong then I'll buy Alice what we ruined. I have enough money to cover the expenses.
"Well, if you're sure then I don't have problems with the plan"
"Okay, now that you FINALLY agreed to have some real fun" He said while wriggling his eyebrows
"Ewww I'm not having sex with you Emmett, that's disgusting!" He's like my brother! Jesus! It's like wanting to have sex with Jacob – shudders – thank God he's gay, now I know that he'll leave me alone. Finally
"What! I'm not talking about that, you little perv! Why do you jump to that kind of conclusions. I know that now that Rose isn't here you can do whatever you want with me, but you have to understand that I'm a married man and I want to be a loyal one, but if you think that I'm too irresistible for my own good, maybe then we could give it a try. You know, Edward and Rose don't have to know this it will be our dirty little secre-"
"Okay, okay stop rambling. We both know that would never happen, ew –shudders again- it would be like doing it with Mike Newton – both shudder with scared faces at the mental images going on in their heads- . Okay, so how goes this plan of yours"
"Well, listen carefully. I won't repeat it unless you want me to tell disgusting Newton that you're madly in love with him".
A/N: that's it. I know it sucks but I'm studying for my psychology exam when I suddenly felt bad for leaving you like that without updating something in such a long time.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!! Since I'm so lazy I would like a beta so in that way I'll have a pressure and I'll write more regularly. Besides, I need someone's opinion before posting the chapters about the plot and to check my orthography. So if anyone's interested just PM me or something.