I mainly want to say... I don't own Olivia... or any other characters affiliated with Law & Order: SVU. Thanks for all the support. I hope you'll enjoy this.
And Yes, you probably realized it was coming. Once again let me say, especially in this instance, I had to.
I'd been lost in thought, but I feel a smile coming over me, when I see Elliot finally come out of that hospital room and walking towards me.
I ask him, "How's the baby?"
He smiles back at me with a breath and shrugging relieved heave of his shoulders.
I hear the words I've been wanting to when he says the baby's, "fine."
The baby's turbulent birth and the events leading up to it replay in my mind;
I'm still not sure how I managed to do what I did, I just did it. I had to.
I couldn't begin to imagine what it would have done to Elliot if he had lost them.
That was enough, in and of it-self, to keep me pushing past my own pain and make me work even harder.
I still can't fully explain why I feel so compelled to protect him, his interests. Maybe it's out of habit. To keep him from pain, I'd do anything.
I'm not a particularly selfish creature, never really have been… maybe it's just the woman in me…. But knowing Elliot has pushed me further
beyond even my own comfort zone. I can honestly say that I've never put someone's needs before my own as much as I do his.
It's a part of me I've come to accept, I've gotten used to it. I don't know if he has or if he appreciates it.
Most of all I want him happy, truly happy.
No matter what that means. No matter what it means for me.
My smile is still in place, as I feel him brush past me…
I turn to follow him. He turns back around sharply, he's facing me.
Before I fully comprehend what's happened, I sense his arms move and enclose around my back. He's holding me….
Rational thought fails me; his grasp is firm but somehow gently reassuring. I realize he's conveying so much with this… He's thanking me; he's telling me
it will all be okay, he's telling me he's here with me right now. He's also somewhat apologetic and regretful, I want to tell him that I'm fine and it shouldn't
have been him, he couldn't have done anything to prevent what had happened… but words escape me.
So, I just hug him back. Hopefully, he'll understand what I'm saying too.
I shouldn't worry about that, we're usually so in sync with one another.
His breath tingles at my hair. His touch is electric along my spine. My heart starts to involuntarily race. I want to help it, like some part of me thinks I shouldn't,
but I can't stop myself… I melt into his embrace. I feel myself sinking, I'm not sure I could stand if he wasn't holding me up. I close my eyes, savoring our closeness.
It amazes me still, how a simple gesture from him makes me feel so much.
No other man has ever made me feel the way he does. It scares me too, the power he holds over me; like I'm under some irresistible spell he's cast,
and I want to stay bound. The thought of never seeing him again, never being with or there for him was unbearable. Nothing like a near death experience,
to make it all hit home. He means the world, everything to me. I'd thought those words a cliche til they rang true for me.
If I wasn't aware of it before, I know it beyond any reasonable doubt now… He's my partner, my best friend, my soul mate… 'I love this man.'
Those words; that emotion comes to me, flooding every other sense making me numb to anything else while I'm holding him; holding me.
No matter how much, how hard I've tried to deny it, especially to myself, I can't.
I don't possess that kind of strength in me anymore; not after what I've been through.
If he thinks me strong, he'd be surprised how weak I really am, how much he weakens me, my resolve.
Perhaps my resolve wasn't that strong either to begin with.
I can only think to myself, 'El, stay. Please don't let me go. Not yet. Not ever.'
As if in response to my silent plea, his grip around me tightens. My heart increases its already rapid beating; I'm finding it ever more difficult to breathe.
Does he possibly know how much I want this? How much I need him right now?
I long for times like this; however fleeting…
It makes it all worth while; this is why I hang on.
Though he may at times have 'anger-management issues,' on the same token,
he possesses a tenderness I've never known in anyone else.
People have questioned why I put up with him, if they only knew.
In the back of my mind, I know I should be considering Kathy, the kids, the new baby… but what could this one moment in time hurt?
I'm just borrowing him, I silently promise myself and them I'll give him back, I always do … too soon he'll go back to the life he was living,
taking on the roles of the devoted husband and father. Ironic, how much I love his commitment to what matters to him, yet it rips at me.
I often wonder if I matter too? I think he's showing me the answer to the question I never dare ask. I do matter.
For now, he's mine and I'm his. There's no fighting it.
When we're like this together… We belong to one other.
It doesn't have to be right or wrong. But if I had to choose one to go with in this moment, I'd know my answer. How could something so right ever be wrong?
I think he knows it too somehow. It's a truth; no person or thing could take away from us right now. Unstoppable like a crash, terrible analogy considering,
but fitting nonetheless. That's how I feel right now, like I've been crashed into a second time today. We crashed into each other. He blindsided me, and all
I could do as time slowed was watch and let it happen… In my state of mind, I can't even try to decide which kind of crash was more dangerous.