Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Pairing: Casey / Olivia
Spoilers: "Night" and "Paternity"
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Mr.Wolf But he likes to leave their personal lives to us fan fic writers.
Author's Note: This is a response to the episode, "Paternity." I felt like this would have been the next scene, at least in my own SVU world.
I knew we were broken up, but that didn't mean that I had stopped loving her. So when I heard about the car accident, my heart dropped to the floor. I didn't know if I should be upset that no one called me while it was happening or if I should be grateful that they afforded me hours of worrying about whether or not she was alive. But it wasn't even one of the guys from the squad who told me. I had to hear it from my secretary after it had made its way through the courthouse rumor mill.
So when I found out, I didn't rush to the hospital or try calling anyone's cell phone. I sat in my office for hours, watching the clock as each moment ticked by. Finally around midnight, I filed away my unfinished paperwork and packed my briefcase. I put on my coat and scarf and headed out into November in New York.
But it was a fairly warm night for this time of year. I began walking, paying no attention to where I was heading or the people who passed. Images flashed through my mind of glass and steal and blood. Her blood.
The lump that formed in my throat made it nearly impossible for me to catch my breath. I had to stop and hold steadfastly to a street light to keep myself standing. I felt dizzy, as though my world was shifting out from beneath me.
It took me a few moments to regain some semblance of composure. And as I began walking again the thought occurred to me that this must have been what she felt the night that she found me unconscious on the floor of my office. I finally had an understanding of the intensity and need to protect that drove her those following weeks and months. Despite her good intentions, her protectiveness became smothering, which eventually led to our downfall.
And thinking back on all that, I was grateful that I wasn't aware immediately following the accident. Because I know I would have gone there. And I would have lost it.
I'm not as strong as she is. The last thing that all needed was a crazy ex-girlfriend crying in the way while trying to save Kathy and the baby. I would have been a hindrance, and most likely would have gotten arrested for assaulting the drunken asshole who caused the crash.
My thoughts stopped when I found myself standing outside of stationhouse. And I couldn't say that I was surprised that my feet carried me there. Because I knew she was there. After a day of such high stress and anxiety, the last place she would want to be was her apartment, where she would be left alone with her thoughts and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I decided that I needed to go in, needed to see her, just to assure myself that she was indeed alive and well. As I have so many times before, I found her sitting at her desk alone in near darkness. The only illumination was her desk lamp. Her head was in her hands.
Pausing for a moment, I just watched her. Her body was tensed more so than I had ever seen it before, her muscles ridged with strain and bottled-up emotion.
I took a step closer and she finally became aware of my presence. She lifted her head and wiped at her cheek but not before I saw the single tear that had escaped. She stood up as if embarrassed at being caught showing any sign of emotion.
Before she could move away, I was at her side and pulling her into my arms. She fought for a moment. "Casey, please let go…" But even as she said it, she allowed her body to sink into the embrace.
Her grip on me became tighter as I felt the sobs shudder through her body. Wetness seeped through the fabric of my shirt as she gasped for air.
I just held her. "I'm here, Olivia."