A/N: This is something that happened after the events in my ficlet, Every Man's Fantasy. If you find the story here incomplete, try reading that first to get the backstory and perhaps this would make more sense.

Reviews are very welcomed :)




Tessai bowed respectfully as the slim shinigami rapped on the counter.

"I want to see Urahara." Rukia's face was unreadable. She was dressed in a green and pink sundress, the thin straps showing off a tan her gigai got on a road trip two days ago.

Tessai wanted to ask what it was about, but Rukia just cocked her head at the inner sanctum. Bowing again, the muscular man slipped behind the door to get his boss.


"Kuchiki-san!" Urahara called out cheerfully. "What brings you to my humble establishment?"

"I have a score to settle with you, moron!" Rukia spat, her arms folded across her chest. "You dosed Renji and made him... made him..."

"The target of lust bunnies du jour? But that was five days ago! You can't be affected still."

"That's not the point. How can you just pop him a pill and turn him into your experiment?"

Urahara laughed innocently behind his fan. "It was all for a good cause, Kuchiki-san. He got the better end of the deal after all. I heard the hottest hotties in Seireitei put their moves on him – including the very hunky Shuuhei and also-"

"-my brother. And Ichigo. And my captain, almost. You sick, perverted... you don't have any more of those pills do you?" she asked, hands now planted on her hips.

Urahara mused privately that the Kuchiki girl had a certain flair for dramatics. He tipped his hat. "No, I destroyed every last one of them."

"Promise?" Her large eyes narrowed as she stepped closer. "No more lust-maddening episodes?"

"I swear it, Kuchiki-san-"

"Call me Rukia." Her lip curled with annoyed amusement. "After all you've put me through, I think I know you pretty damn well to call you Kisuke too."

"Erm, yeah, sure." Urahara was a little thrown. But then she was the aggressive type, so this was nothing special. Was it?

"Right. Just so we're clear..." She stalked right up to him, her face upturned to glare into his shadowed eyes. "Kisuke Urahara, if you ever, ever use Renji as your guinea pig again, I would... want to kiss you. What brand of aftershave do you use?"


"You smell real nice... kind of summery," she sniffed his shirt, then his neck. Urahara froze: what was happening here? Her small hands flattened on his chest and he had to pull away. She pouted. "I was complimenting you, Kisuke."

"Thanks... I think," he said, now backing away further. She advanced, her lips parting. He banged against the wall of his little room and she was on him, arms twining about his neck.

Rukia purred, "Am I that scary that you have to run away, hmm?"

"No you're not – whoa ho ho!" Her lips had fastened onto his neck, and she was biting; then her tongue licked at the spot before licking all the way to his stubbled chin, to the edge of his mouth. His dropped his fan and took hold of her slim shoulders. "Rukia, what are you trying to – mmmph!"

She was kissing him hungrily, fiercely. Her tongue invaded his and, in that one glorious moment, Urahara forgot he was trying to push her off himself. He dropped his sword stick as well, the thump of Benihime on the tatami barely registering in his mind.

"Oh, Kisuke, you taste as good as you smell," Rukia sighed. She was rubbing her body against him, and little arcs of fire raced though his veins. "I want you to taste me too. I feel as though... as though I'm on fire. Can you feel that fire beneath your skin, Kisuke?"

"Oh yeah." He burned his lips against her skin, and when she moaned his name aloud he nearly wanted to strip her there and then.

Rukia whimpered when he shifted his grip and moved his head. "I want to kiss you, Kisuke, I want you to keep feeling me in you until I can feel you in me."

"Really?" he breathed. "That can be arranged."

"Shhh... no more talk. Use your tongue more... profitably." She slammed her mouth on his and drove rational thought away.

She was a good kisser, if a little more aggressive than he was used to. She was the one who initiated, her tongue exploring the warmth of his own, her teeth pulling and nipping at his lower lip, her one hand sliding through his hair and one hand slipping over his chest. He felt her moan as she rubbed herself against him, and he was definitely responding involuntarily. His loins flooded with fire, and he ached to have this strangely seductive girl-woman now moaning into his mouth.

His own hands now slipped to her waist and circled it, then in one heave he had her gripping him with her legs. He now pinned her to the wall. His hat was probably somewhere on the floor being trampled, but he didn't care. He had dozens of hats, but there was only one Kuchiki Rukia pressing into him, her tongue still claiming his mouth, her fingers tangled into his hair, her left hand grazing his nipples. He groaned throatily when she tweaked it, wanting more...

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Wha – Abarai-san!" Urahara dropped Rukia immediately. Flustered, the shopkeeper fumbled for his usual accessories. To his dismay he saw Abarai Renji's foot stomped on his Benihime. "Eh hehehehe... How, uh, surprising to see you here, Abarai-san!"

"I'd say so." The lieutenant was in shinigami form already, his gigai striking poses in the corner. "Rukia, come here now."

"But Renji, Kisuke smells great," she complained. "I want to keep on... smelling him."

"No. No more smelling. Come here." Renji growled and Rukia went reluctantly to the redhead's side. Renji resumed glaring death rays at Urahara. "And what the hell did you think you were doing? If you say you were doing my girl, you're a dead man."

"I was... um..." The usually glib shopkeeper was at a loss for words. "It's a misunderstanding. We were just talking..."

"You were groping and kissing my girl. That's not a misunderstanding. That was molest."

"In my own defense she was definitely kissing back-"

"-and I suppose you'll tell me she came on to you." Renji's eyes narrowed. "And I suppose you'll say you didn't dose yourself with that strange concoction you had experimented on me."

"Well she – did come on to me... and I – didn't!"

"I'm done talking. I came back to help train Sado, and I find you making moves on my girl. Howl, Zabimaru."

"Wait wait wait... it really is all a mistake!"

"Mistake this."

The whip-blade smashed through the walls and into the shop itself, shattering the dusty displays and scattering provisions all over. Tessai leaped over and blocked Ururu and Jinta from Renji's blade, and Urahara cowered flat.

Renji drew his sword back and sheathed it. "Try anything funny and I'll tear you up next time, ex-captain or no. Come on, Rukia. It's time you got back to the Kurosaki house."

"But Renji..."

"But me no buts. Move it."

As the two left, Rukia threw Urahara a final, innocent, knowing smile.


Urahara slumped in his chair, one of the few things that was not destroyed by the red-haired lieutenant's attack. A dark-skinned woman sauntered in.

"She set me up," grumbled Urahara. "I can't believe I fell for it. She detroyed half my stock! And the storefront? I have no insurance, y'know."

"You looked like you enjoyed the set-up, Kisuke." Yoruichi kicked a can away. "Plus I think you deserved whatever payback you got. Wasn't it Abarai who did the demolish and destroy?"

"It was your idea to have that bet!"

"You were the one who carried it out. Sucker."

"You're evil," Urahara said as Yoruichi idly tore down a fraction of the wall with a finger.

She grinned at him, her white teeth gleaming. "I'm a black cat. I'm supposed to be evil." She sauntered out again with a wave. "Enjoy your cleanup, U-ra-ha-ra-san!"

He groaned again, and plopped his chin on his hands.


Abarai Renji strolled beside Rukia, his fingers neatening her disheveled hair. "So that was your idea of payback? Gotta say, I really didn't enjoy it."

"Didn't expect you too. But since when was I 'your girl'?" Rukia asked, her eyes fixed ahead.

Renji smirked. "You're not?"

"Nope." She slipped her arm through his. "Since all I can taste is Urahara, I'd say I'm his girl."

"That is a situation that is easily remedied," Renji's arm tightened around Rukia. "I can't believe he fell for your act though."

"I'm an accomplished actress, Renji."

"As good as your drawings. Just promise me that was your last performance."

"For him or for you?"

"Duh." He ruffled her hair again. "Don't be stupid."