Disclaimer: Red vs. Blue is owned by Rooster Teeth Productions and Hasbro owns Transformers.
Chapter One: Why are we here?
Our story begins on Blood Gulch with two Decepticons, Starscream and Frenzy, guarding their base. Starscream turns to Frenzy,
"Hey, Frenzy? You ever wonder why were here?"
"Well it's one life's great mysteries. Why are we here? Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence or was there a creator, watching everything? I don't know. It keeps me up at night."
Starscream took a moment to absorb the answer but then realized something,
"What? I mean why are out here, in this canyon?"
"Oh, yeah," exclaimed Frenzy lamely.
"What was all that stuff about a creator?" asked Starscream.
"You want to talk about it?"
"Seriously, why are we here?" asked Starscream, "As far as I can tell, it's just a boxed canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."
"Um-hm." Frenzy agreed.
"The only reason we set up a Decepticon Base over here is because they have a Autobot Base over there. And the only reason they have a Autobot Base over there is because we have a Decepticon Base over here."
"Yeah that's because were fighting each other," stated Frenzy.
"No I mean, if we pull out today and they want to come and take our base, they'll have two bases in the middle of a boxed canyon. Whoop-de-do."
"What's up with that?" asked Frenzy, "I signed up to conquer other planets. Next thing I know, Unicron blows up half of the universe and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of Autobots.
Unaware by the Decepticons, two Autobots were spying on them in the cliffs. Optimus Prime held a sniper rifle while Jazz watched on.
"What are they doing?" asked Jazz. Prime was puzzled by the question,
"I said 'What are they doing now'," repeated Jazz. Prime got frustrated,
"Primus-damnit, I am getting sick and tired of answering that question."
"You're the one with damn sniper rifle," yelled Jazz,
"I can't see shit and I not going to stand around all day and play with my-." Prime interrupted him,
"Okay they're just standing and talking. That's all they do, that's all they ever do. That's what they did last week, that's what they did five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask 'What are they doing?' I'm going to say, 'they're still just standing there and they're still just talking!" Satisfied with his answer Jazz asked another question,
"What are they talking about?" Prime chose not to answer but said,
"You know, I f&king hate you."
Starscream and Frenzy continued their own conversation,
"Talk about a waste of resources," said Frenzy, "We need to find intelligent forms of life left and fight them." Starscream agreed with his comrade,
"Hell yeah! That's why they should put us in charge." Just then a voice came from the distance,
"Decepticons, front and center on the double." It was their leader, Megatron. Frenzy and Starscream looked over to him,
"Crap," complained Frenzy.
"Yes sir," replied Starscream as they descended from the base.