Lacewood's fault. XD Written before the Soul Society arc ended, so pretty much AU.
Disclaimer: Bleach is © Kubo Tite, Viz, Studio Pierrot, Shueisha, etc. This is a nonprofit fanwork.
He approached them warily as though they were some new species of dangerous animal and would suddenly lunge at him if he moved too quickly.
The girls spread their lunches out on the grass and watched him a bit impatiently.
Finally, he eased down into the open space they had left for him in their circle.
Of course, they started in on him immediately. "Renji-kun, we wanted to ask you . . . how do you feel about Kurosaki-kun?"
He stared at them. "Kurosaki? What the hell are you asking me about Kurosaki for?"
"Well, the two of you are always together and it's kind of-"
"Gay." Some were more blunt than others.
"WHAT?!! DO YOU WANT ME TO KICK YOUR ASS?!!" Renji shrieked, rising to his feet.
"OH! WANNA GO AT IT?!" Tatsuki said, rolling up her sleeves.
"Down, children!" one of the calmer members of the group said, shoving them both down. "Tatsuki, leave him alone for a little while."
Tatsuki muttered but did as she was told. After all, she DID want to know the truth. Ichigo was her friend.
"Here, Renji-kun. Eat a sandwich." In an aside to her friends, the girl whispered, "I hear food tames the disposition of the savage beast."
Renji eyed the sandwich suspiciously then shoved the whole thing into his mouth. The girls winced in unison. Orihime smiled happily and said, "Want to try one of my banana, pickle, and barbeque sauce ones?"
"NO!" the girls shouted with a well-honed instinct of self-preservation, stopping Renji's outstretched hand.
Renji eyed them, swallowed the last of his first sandwich, then pushed through their hands and grabbed the sandwich Orihime was offering.
They exchanged looks. Some were obviously not long for this world. "So, uh, back on topic, Renji. You and Kurosaki. Do you . . . like him? You know. LIKE."
He nearly choked on the second sandwich. "I HATE HIS GUTS!"
"But you're always together."
Renji had the eyes of an animal backed into a corner. "It's a man's friendship!"
The girls could scent the kill. Tatsuki said loudly, "Didn't you just say you hate his guts?! I think you need to get your story straight."
"A man's friendship CONSISTS OF HATING EACH OTHER'S GUTS!"
"Wow," Orihime said taking a bite out of her other sandwich. "Kurosaki really IS gay. And here I was hoping it could be two on one. But now it seems more like one on one and then another one."
"Orihime, YOU CAN BE ONE ON ONE WITH ME!!!!!!"
"BACK OFF, YOU PERVERTED BITCH!"
"I AM NOT GAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!" Renji screamed.
"Ah. There goes our quiet lunch break."