Rated: T for chocolate related raunchy innuendo like, woah.

A/N:Aw, man. Nobody will ever know how hard it was to make some of these sentences not sound dirty- it was insane. This fic was supposed to be really clean and sweet- of course, people who know me will scoff loudly at this claim- but my mind just fell so far into the gutter it could not be saved. As a result, this fic took a stroll down silly perversion lane.

There's actually another version of this that could easily fanangle itself a light 'M' due to tactless overuse of the word orgasm. This is the edited version of that, basically.

DISCLAIMER: Uh, nope. I still don't own.

Edward was weary as he trudged up to the stairs to his room. He had been off on the hunt with Carlisle and Rosalie for the weekend and was forced to leave Bella alone with Alice, Esme, Jasper and Emmett the entire weekend- something he loathed to do, but in the weeks before the wedding, her safety was top priority.

He sighed and reached his door, knocking softly. Bella answered with a muffled 'come in' moments after, and he entered without hesitation.

When he stepped into the room, the first thing he saw was her sitting crosslegged on the bed, wearing one of his oversized shirts that rode up her thigh in a completely mind boggling and sinful way. Between her legs sat a large pot of what looked like chocolate sauce and a copy of The Catcher in the Rye, some jagged voiced Indie singer crooned angstily in the background.

Bella didn't even look up from the time worn pages as she dipped one finger up to the knuckle in the sweet liquid and bent her head to lick it off without dripping any on her book. Her eyes eventually drifted to where he stood dumbfounded in the doorway and grinned.

"Hi, Edwa." She said around her index finger, taking it out with a quiet pop. "I didn't think you were coming back tonight."

It took Edward a moment to answer, as upon seeing her licking chocolate off her finger his brain had simultaneously imploded and exploded. He gathered up the few leftover pieces of shrapnel previously known as coherent thought and spoke.

"It took a shorter time than we expected. You can go home to Charlie now, if you want." Bella looked thoughtful for a moment, but in the end shook her head.

"Nah. I think I'll stay here for the night. Your bed is all nice and comfy. C'mon, sit down with me." She patted the space beside her, licking more chocolate from her pinky.

He nodded dumbly, walking over and sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest. "Where did you get that chocolate?"

"Esme made some for desert. Apparently she thinks that she's cooking for the entirety of Vietnam or something- I took it all upstairs. Didn't want to disappoint her."

"Is it good?"

"I would use a phrase Angela says a lot -' orgasmic' I think, but, then again, I wouldn't exactly know." She shrugged nonchalantly "It's good." She brought the pot up to her mouth and took a deep sip, leaving traces of chocolate all over her lips.

Before Bella could reach to wipe it off, Edward had tipped her chin up and kissed her. The liquid sweetness on her mouth tasted like dipping the bed sheets in mud and then licking them clean (to him at least) and he was, for once, relived when they pulled back.

"I thought you didn't like human food." She mumbled, eyes still closed.

"I don't. I just...I remembered how much I liked chocolate when I was younger. We lived by a candy shop, you know. I shoplifted there once with my friend Leo Harper, and sometimes my dad would bring fudge home for me if I had been really good that week. I can't...I can't remember how it tasted anymore." He looked troubled "Bella, if you- if I turn you, you're going to forget how chocolate tastes, too. Eventually. You eat it and it tastes like dirt and that, that is how it's going to taste to you for an eternity. No more chocolate."

There was a brief silence in which Bella looked contemplatively at the pot in front of her. "No more chocolate." She nodded her head slowly "Chocolate, or spending an eternity with you. Tough decision. I'll really have to think about that one." She rolled her eyes "I love chocolate, Edward, but I love you more."


"Yeah, but only a little bit. Seriously, it's a very close call."

"I can imagine. It's done so many things I've haven't."


"Yes. People call it orgasmicfor a reason, y'know." Bella gave him a playful shove.

"You're gross." He laughed delightedly and kissed her, nearly knocking the pot out from between her legs.

"Bella, it's not just chocolate." Edward said once they pulled back. She sighed exasperatedly "It's everything. What about the stuff you've never tried before?"

"You've got a point- damn! My future plans of sitting on a curb binging on Ho Hos and hard liquor have been foiled."

It was his turn to roll his eyes "What happened to serious forty-five year old Bella?"

"She drown in the pot about an hour back. There was a funeral, it was very emotional. Aunt Shirley had one to many dacorys and did a rousing rendition of Tiny Dancer."

"It's nice to see this side of you once and a while."

"I'll be back to normal before you know it, and then I'll kick you in the shin for that orgasm comment."

"I only speak the truth." There was a moment of amused silence before Bella gave him the pot of chocolate and began to walk towards the door "Where are you going?"

"Your comment enlightened me. I'm off to purchase Ho Ho's and liquor with some kind of dubious name like Inebriated Hobo orWino's Select. I'm sure Emmett will be happy to make me a fake ID or something."

She smiled crookedly and pranced out of the room, leaving Edward to groan and fall back onto the bed.