Disclaimer- I do not own any characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
'I must be a complete imbecile for coming to this conclusion,' Thought the leader as he walked through a stone corridor to the main meeting place.
Entering the rock cavern, he saw the seven other missing-nin standing around talking. Itachi was silent as ever and Kisame was casually talking with Zetsu. Yet, Deidara and Tobi were arguing over a random subject. The leader reached up to straighten the collar of his cloak.
"Deidara, Tobi, stop the minute. You're supposed to be responsible, disciplined ninja."
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked forward, paying attention.
"People, I know you were called here on a late notice, but I doubt you had anything constructive to do. I've been thinking, we've captured all of the Bijuu except for that damned Nine-Tailed Fox. So, in recognition of your 'tried' attempts, we will be going on a week long trip."
The ninja stared incomprehensively at their leader. They were all shocked.
"A vacation?" asked Deidara.
"But where?" Kisame was still confused.
"I managed to forcefully rent a beach front resort. It has a spa, indoor Olympic-sized pool, a 24/7 food bar, an inclusive trip to an offshore island, and all day access to the beach. You will be able to use jet skis and surf boards that are provided. Oh, did I mention that it's free?"
Everyone was amazed. Their leader was usually serious and emotionless. The only thing he cared about was capturing the tailed beasts.
"When do we leave?" Tobi sounded enthusiastic, as he usually was one not to think things through completely.
"Well first, you all need to pack. Go to your houses, or wherever you live, and get your things. Be back here by noon tomorrow and be ready to leave immediately."
"How will we get there?" asked Hidan, "Do we get to kill anyone?" He dragged his scythe through the air, nearly missing one of Zetsu's plant-like appendages.
"We are going to get there like normal ninja. Traveling. And no killing. We must remain anonymous."
The leader looked at everyone, only seeing Hidan's disappointed face.
"I have nothing else to explain. Be here by noon and no later. You are dismissed."
The ninja left, small puffs of smoke dissipating from where they stood.
"This was a bad idea." Thought the leader aloud as images of what could go wrong flooded his mind.
Digging through his closet, Itachi found a large carry-on luggage bag. He sat it on his bed and opened a drawer to look for clothes. He pulled out several pairs of traditional Uchiha wear. This included a long, black yukata and obi.
Itachi kept silent the whole time, folding each piece of attire and neatly setting them in the bag. Once he had all the clothes needed, Itachi walked over to a small table in the corner of his room and picked up a bottle of eye drops and pain killers. These were mainly for headaches he got when Deidara and Tobi fought. As for the eye drops, the sharingan could make his eyes a little dry if used too much in one day. He stuffed these things into a side pocket and closed the whole bag. Itachi set it by the door, ready for tomorrow. He walked back over to the bed and lay down, wanting to sleep well before setting off.
"This is great. The beach is perfect at this time of year."
Kisame opened a duffel bag and began throwing in the kinds of clothes only a shark could wear. He packed in two rolls of tape for rapping the Samehada. Kisame walked out of his room and down a short hallway to a library. There were a lot of books covering the shelves. He had become an avid reader, especially because he had to entertain himself when Itachi was being excruciatingly boring. His favorite books had come to be The Little Mermaid and, surprisingly, Icha Icha Paradise. Kisame also loved watching Finding Nemo because it reminded him of when he first left home to join Akatsuki. Kisame grabbed the next volume of Icha Icha and walked back to his room, throwing it into a zippered pouch. Going to hid dresser, he opened a drawer and took out the one item of clothing sure to get everyone's attention. Finally, the last thing he took was his beloved, stuffed Flounder, from The Little Mermaid. After checking to see if he forgot anything, Kisame fell asleep on his bed and dreamt of the sea.
"Tobi's a good boy. Tobi finally gets some recognition."
Tobi happily scooted around his room getting clothes together and anything that he might want to impress Zetsu with. Tobi packed his bag and turned on the television. To his delight, Sesame Street was on. He just managed to catch Big Bird saying, "This episode had been brought to you by the letter T."
"T for Tobi!" He yelled happily, finishing the show.
Tobi got tired fairly fast, dosing off on the bed muttering, "Tobi's a good boy, Tobi's a good boy."
"Damn, almost out of clay."
Deidara packed the rest of his clay into a bag and put it away. He mashed his garments into his travel bag, closing it and throwing it by the door. Deidara sighed, lying on his couch (which was really a sofa bed). He stayed still, looking at the pictures hanging on his wall. They were done by artists not heard of much, such as Picasso and Van Gogh. One piece of work had come to be his favorite. The Scream, by Edvard Munch. Deidara thought it symbolized his victims perfectly.
"Art truly is a bang."
Deidara smiled wickedly before falling asleep.
"I'm back!" Zetsu called into the house. He walked into a sunroom located off the right of his bedroom. There were nearly thirty different species of plants, all basking under heating lamps. Zetsu cared for his plants as though they were his kin. He had no real friends, either, except for Kisame who understood him as the two were far from being human. He also had a favorite movie entitled, Little Shop of Horrors.
"I'll be gone for a week, but don't worry. I've hired a local gardener to take care of you while I'm gone."
Of course there was no response from the plants, but Zetsu didn't seem to care. Turning around and going back to his room, Zetsu began to pack everything. His bag included clothes, several bottles of special vitamin and mineral water (vital for his growth as a plant), and twenty viles of edible plant food.
"That should do it."
Zetsu laid on his bed and fell asleep. Tobi could be very tiring at times.
"I can't believe killing is forbidden. What the hell am I going to do if someone pisses me off? I won't stand by and say, 'You really hurt my feelings and you owe me an apology.' Bullshit! I'm not a freaking softie!
Hidan spent the next ten minutes ranting to himself. During this time, he took a special holster he designed out of the closet and turned to a large rack of sharp, serrated blades. Some hadn't even been cleaned, with dry blood still crusted on the metal. The holster he made allowed him to carry five blades at once with easy access. It was slung over the shoulders so all one would have to do is reach back and take their pick.
Hidan took the sharpest blade first, his favorite, the three bladed scythe. It had recently been cleaned and sharpened. The four other weapons were a spear, sickle, machete, and a very powerful, dangerous sword called the Black Death. He finished putting them in the holster and sat down to watch Court TV on television. He couldn't sleep out of rage.
Sasori entered his room, his wooden limbs creaking as he crossed the threshold. Littering the floor were hundreds of different puppet parts. Some had been taken from the bodies of his victims. Others were original.
Not having many clothes to change into, mainly because of his body, Sasori packed a small bag of extra replacement parts in case he was damaged at all.
Since puppets don't sleep well, Sasori laid on his bed, deathly still, staring at nothing in particular.
Back in the lounge, the leader was getting things finalized. All of the Akatsuki were resting now.
This trip was sure to be a complete disaster.
I really hope you enjoy this. This chapter may seem boring, but I promise that it gets better. You'll be laughing your head off hopefully. It's random, stupid, and funny. Look forward to a lot more chapters.
Please review. It will help keep me inspired(even though I have the whole thing written out).