A/N: I am sorry things have been so hectic that I have not been able to update. I hope you like this one. .
Cole knew that he was being a little harsh with Starr, but he just felt like being alone. He had spent his first night in John's apartment, and it all seemed to really work out. But, today he has to pack up his apartment, and he needed to really be alone for this. He hated shutting Starr out, but there were days where he just needed to feel his grief for his mother. He stepped into the apartment, and he could honestly feel the cold. It reminded him of the cold, empty place in his heart where his mother used to be. He walked over to the desk and saw a picture that his father had taken the last year that they were all together of he and his mom. When he walked through the house, he could still feel her essence everywhere. All of a sudden, he was compounded with the loss, and he crawled into a corner of the couch and broke down in sobs. He felt his body retching with gut-wrenching sobs. He was remembering everything about his mother, and the more he remembered, the worse he felt. He realized that no matter how hard he tried, he could not do this alone. He needed Starr here with him.
Starr was upstairs at La Boulaie complaining to Langston when her cell phone rang. "Hey, Cole."
He tried to speak normal through the tears. "Starr, I need you. CAN you come over to the apartment? I am tired of handling this all alone. I need you."
"I will be right there, Cole." Starr grabbed her purse, and bribed Dorian's driver to take her there right now."
She arrived at Cole's apartment, and he let her in. She could see that the whole apartment was in shambles. "What happened, Cole?"
"Everywhere I looked, I thought about my mom. How do I do this, Starr? How do I stop missing my mom?"
Starr's heart was breaking for Cole. She really wanted to help him, but she did not know what to say. She just put her arms around him while he cried. "Cole, it will get better. I know you hurt."
""I feel like my heart is going to stop. You are the only reason why I have not ended it all."
Oh my God, Cole. Don't say that. Your mom would want you to be strong, and move on."
"Starr, my mom doesn't want anything, anymore. " He screamed. "She is dead. There is nothing she can say. We couldn't even bury her." Cole went and sat in the corner. Starr went over to him. He punched the wall. "It's not fair, Starr. I want my mom." He curled up in a fetal position and cried so hard until he collapsed with exhaustion.
Starr just watched him sleep. She knew that he probably had not slept since this whole thing happened. She could not imagine what he was going through. She thought about how selfish she had been and how rude she was to everyone when he was missing. She was only that way because she was so scared for Cole, but she had no clue that he was watching his mother die after being possibly tortured for weeks. She lay down in the corner and just hugged him.
Cole jumped awake. Starr was startled but asked him, "Are you okay?"
He replied in a monotone voice. "The same nightmare that I wake up to another nightmare everyday of my life. You are the only thing that I look forward to anymore. Why do you love me? You have to constantly reassure the pathetic shell that I have become."
Starr looked at him. "Cole, you listen to me. You are not pathetic. You are broken-hearted. You will get over this."
"Get over it? How the hell am I supposed to get over losing my mom? She was good, loving, and the best mom in the world. This is not like getting over a cold." Cole ran over and knocked over a table. He heard Starr jump.
He went over to her, and she jerked away from him in fear. "Starr, I am so sorry. I am an idiot. I didn't mean to make you remember the steroid thing."
"Cole, I am sorry. It is not that I think that you would ever do anything to hurt me. I love you, Cole. I just got a little freaked out, that is all."
"Starr, come here. I love you so much. You are absolutely incredible. I am just going through something that I really can not find a way to shake."
"Cole, when I said that you will find a way to get over it, what I meant was you will find a way to function through your life. But, you will never stop missing your mom, no matter what."
Starr hugs him tightly. "So, even if I find a way to deal to with it, and can go on with life, that does not mean that I will forget her, right?"
"Cole, you will never forget your mother. She will always hold such a special place in your heart."
"Starr, thank you so much. I don't know what I would have done if you would not have been here, today. If anything, I feel ready to start living again."
"I am glad, baby. Anytime you need to just have a meltdown, I am always here for you."
"I know, Starr. I think that you may be the one person who can help me."
"I don't see what I can do, other than love you."
"Don't you see? That is exactly what you can do. You love me no matter how much I am losing it."
Starr ran her fingers through his hair. "Cole, you are not losing it."
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "That is sweet, Starr. I promise you that I will get back to what you love."
"Cole, don't you get it? You are what I love." Starr gave Cole a sweet kiss that she hoped would make him feel better. While kissing, they stood up. He picked her up and carried her to his old room, and laid her down on the bed. He began to silently undress her as she removed his shirt. He reached in what was left in his drawer, and pulled out a condom. He softly made love to Starr. Afterwards, they lie next to each other, compete intertwined.
"Starr, what kind of freak am I? One minute, I am devastated over my mother's loss and the next I am in bed with my girlfriend."
Starr kissed his chest. "Cole, I think that it is called comfort. We needed each other. There is nothing wrong with that. I love making love to you."
"I love it and you. I just don't want you to think that I am using you so I can feel something."
"Cole, you love me. Did it make you feel any better?"
He leaned up on one arm. "It made me feel that I do have something to live for. I was in a desperate place, Starr."
"Are you better now?"
"I realized that my life is not over. I just need to find a way to move on, and that way is you."
When they finally got out of bed, Cole realized that he had to finish packing up. After they packed up everything, Cole grabbed his picture of him, his mother, and his father. Though the apartment he would be living in with John was small, he needed to be able to see his mother's face when he woke up. It is what could help him move on. His memories and Starr would be the two things that would help him deal with the Aftermath of losing his mother.
To Be Continued…
I know that I did not answer the questions that I said would be in the next one. But, I thought this would make a new chapter. Hopefully, I can update early next week, as I have the week off next week.