chiv-id: Hello! Here's my new series, Shoot Now! Please enjoy!
Church: So, who's the XOC? Is it me?
chiv-id: ...No, because I think Tex would be mad at me if she did. She's kind of got a protective hold over you...sort of...
Tex: No I don't!
chiv-id: Okay, fine. I will put Louise with Church.
Tex: You do, I'll kill you.
Tex: Ah, fuck me...
Church: Um, while those two are bitching:
Disclaimer: chiv-id doesn't own RvB, but she does own Louise. Go read the damn thing.
Shoot Now, Ask Questions Later
Chapter 1: The Doc's Sister Is In The House!
Louise DuFresne, called Carolina in business terms, landed a few miles away from Blood Gulch and proceeded to stare out over the cannon, her strawberry blonde hair flowing gently in the wind. Her eyes were often flashing from warm to cold, a side effect from having an AI installed in her armor and messing with her head. She shook her head, getting the hair out of her eyes as she found the purple streak dangling over them. Louise smiled, her eyes finally staying its happy baby blue as she did so. She had heard over a few intermissions from Vic that her brother was here. Her idiotic brother, who she loved to death and worshipped him ever since they were little, was fighting in a war that typically went against his ideals, being the crazy pacifist as he was.
'Big brother…' she thought with a child-like personality, 'Don't worry, your little sister will rescue you!' Louise put her helmet back on, the lilac armor gleaming in the sun before turning invisible. Unlike most freelancers of her kind, she enjoyed being different, black being too drab for her like. The custom-made armor hugged her shapely figure, unlike most girls just leaving the armor as it was and making them seem like guys. She powered up her custom Banshee, colored a lighter purple like her armor and she activated the invisibility on it as well. Louise zoomed over the canyon, veering down in a steady descent, spying on both sides. It seemed neither the blue nor the red teams were making any effort in killing each other today, so she thought it safe. She landed on an alcove, just a few feet above the ground and a perfect size for her banshee. After, she jumped down and gave a cautious look around, her mind easily slipping into her AI's persuasion. Her eyes once again became an icy cold blue as she took out her shotgun, a favorite weapon of hers.
"Frank…" she called out warily, taking care to move as slowly as possible. Despite being invisible, people could still the distorted air around her if she moved quickly enough and was in full sunlight. She learned it the hard way, a shot across the face which ended with her having a long horizontal scar stretching from cheek to cheek on her nose teaching her to move with more stealth. She sighed a bit as she looked around Blood Gulch, the god-forsaken canyon with little to nothing, a real idiotic hell hole.
"Why the hell am I here?" she asked herself before answering, "Because I want to save my big brother!" After a short argument with herself, or more between her AI-induced self and regular self, and eventually she began searching again. The AI was really starting to get on her nerves, but she forgot it as she wandered towards the Blue base. A black-armored person was talking to a light-blue-armored person, which meant that they already had a freelancer on their side. There were several people she knew with different-colored armor, such as the British prick Wyoming and poor, poor York. She wondered about York, a good friend of hers in the program, and his AI, Delta. Louise had actually liked York, a lot, but when he died, she couldn't do anything and just shrugged it off. Another friend lost…
"Ben, quit messing with my head before I take off the armor and then shoot it," she threatened, Ben's aggressive programming rubbing off on her. She had been worrying about Ben's effect on her personality, since she normally was a bundle of joy, but as of late, she was getting increasingly violent. When she realized that she had not really been torn up about losing a friend, Louise was a bit concerned.
"Like you could kill me," Ben scoffed, "I can jump to other idiots via radio." She knew he was right and sighed. Having an AI this smart and this sassy bites. Louise ran over to the Red Base, not wanting to have to deal with another freelancer.
"Well, just shut up, okay," she snapped, "I think I can hack into the radio for the Red Base." She quickly snuck up on the unsuspecting Reds standing outside, a big orange-armored man and a smaller magenta-armored one. Upon hacking in, she immediately regretted it.
"You know, I swear, you should've given me your lips so that I could be as kiss-ass as you are to Sarge," Grif told Simmons 2.0, "Seriously, even though you're a cyborg, you still kiss his ass as if you were the old Simmons."
"Hey, shut up," Simmons 2.0 said, "At least he likes me and acknowledges me and doesn't put me first in line to get killed in every escape plan. Honestly, you fucking lazy mother fucker, don't talk about me as if you're better than me, cracker."
"You're a white ass, too…and that kind of hurt…" Grif said a bit mournfully, Simmons 2.0 staying silent at the remark.
'…What the hell are these guys talking about?' she thought, staying stationary in an effort to find her brother.
"Sorry, that was insensitive of me…" Simmons 2.0 apologized, "But then again, you're just a meat shield for every plan. Why should I be apologizing to you?" Again, they started bickering and Louise sighed. She lowered her rifle.
"God damn it, this is getting ridiculous," she said, turning off the invisibility, "Would one of dumb asses tell me where I can find a medic?" They both screamed and ran into the base.
"Ah, fuck me…god damn it Ben, quit messing with my mind!" she yelled, running into the base to find them.
"We're under attack, we're under attack!" Grif yelled, infecting Donut with his fear and Donut began running around screaming, too.
"Execute the escape plan!" Sarge cried, immediately shooting at Grif.
"Shit, we're not under attack, we're not under attack!" Grif said, trying to get Sarge to stop.
"Okay…" Louise said, her right hand on her hip and her left hand balancing the shot gun on her hip, "Wow…Red Team..." They stared at her.
"…She's pink too…" Donut said.
"Hell no, I'm purple," Louise protested.
"No, I'm pretty sure you're pink, that guy's name who I forgot is purple," Donut said, "You wanna talk about feelings and colors?"
"Wait, my brother wears darker armor than me, is that who you saw?" she asked, ignoring Donut.
"Who's your brother?" asked Grif.
"God damn it, just answer me before fucking kill you, you fucktards!" she yelled at him, silence ensuing after, "Ben…stop messing with my head before I take this armor off…I…swear…TO GOD!!!"
"Oh shut the hell up, bitch, at least it got them to stop shouting…god…women…" Ben spoke through the breast plate, earning a long stare from each of the Reds at her chest, "…They're staring at your breasts."
"What the fuck?!?" she said, turning to them, "…Stop staring…" They continue staring. She repeated it. They still kept staring.
"That's it," she said, pumping her shot gun, "Eat lead fucktards…Ben, seriously, if Frank heard me talking like this…he'd tell mom…"
"Evasive action!" Sarge yelled out, everyone running away, leaving Louise to just stare on and she sighed again.
"I see that you're a great diplomatic expert…" she said somewhat dryly.
"My specialty," he told her, Louise running off to find them. Meanwhile, at the Blue Base…
"For the last time Caboose, I hate you, so stop…trying…to impress me," Church said, standing at the top of the Blue Base with Caboose. They were on watch and Caboose was trying to convince Church that he was his best friend.
"But…if I am not your best friend…is it the mean lady?" Caboose asked.
"I'm right here Caboose," Tex told him.
"Is it Tucker?" Caboose asked.
"No, Caboose, it's not Tucker and it isn't Tex. Just shut the hell up, man! Jeez…" Church sighed.
"Ooh, is it somebody from the Red Team? Because they are running towards our base," Caboose pointed out, everyone turning to see the Red Team going nuts and running towards the Blue Base.
"Gentlemen, the enemy of my enemy is my friend…but in this case, my enemy is my friend and the other enemy is my friend. Head towards the Blue Base!" Sarge cried out, confusing the hell out of everyone, including Louise. She had turned on her invisibility long ago, but it still didn't stop them from running.
"Hello Private Pastry, we have missed your buttery goodness!" Caboose cried out, Church immediately taking aim with Tex on their sniper rifles.
"What the hell's going on? You guys woke up Junior!" Tucker said, Junior currently being held in his arms, "…Why are the Reds running at us?"
"One, it's 'to', two, they've probably gone nuts and decided to end the war, and three, Caboose…I want you to go up to them and let them shoot you...it's their way of saying hi," Church said.
"Okay!" Caboose said, running off but Tex grabbed on to him.
"Church, we need people, even if they're one of the dumbest people on the planet," Tex argued, "Besides, we don't even know what's going on."
"We are under attack!" Sarge yelled out each word since he was wondering and he couldn't pull in a breath for a single sentence, "Help!"
"Ah, those retards," Church sighed, "What've they done now?" Suddenly, Louise caught Donut by the neck and she held them there, using one arm to keep his hands behind his back and one leg between his legs to prevent him from running. The Blues were a little confused as to why Donut just stopped.
"Captain Turnover," Caboose asked, "Did you see something? If you found a cowboy and a pony…I want it!"
"Tell me where my brother is, he's an idiotic medic who doesn't really know anything about health," Louise whispered while Caboose kept talking to Donut.
"Oh, you mean Doc," Donut said with an almost happy voice, "Yeah, he got possessed by O'Malley and now we're fighting each other. When he comes around, we usually just team up and beat the hell out of him until he runs away and tries to kill us again." Louise stayed silent as she contemplated the situation.
"You're telling me…Tex's AI escaped and now holds my brother hostage?" she asked, Donut nodding, his legs shaking as he felt her knee edge up a little as she thought, "…Frank…"
"Commander Cupcake," Caboose whispered, "Why are you talking to yourself?"
"…This guy isn't too smart…is he?" Louise asked, Caboose's weird voice finally catching her attention.
"No, not really," Donut shrugged. He breathed out as she let her leg fall and release him. He turned and tried looking for her, eventually turning around in circles warily before running towards the Blue Base. She stood in front of him and stopped him.
"From what you told me," Louise took off her invisibility, "O'Malley is trying to kill all of you. So if I stay here, I have a chance of seeing him."
"Uh…yeah, I guess," Donut responded. Caboose gasped as he saw her.
"There is another lady person!" he said in his whispered yell-type voice.
"Hi…I'm Louise, um, 'Doc's' little sister," she told him.
"Oh, hi, my name is Caboose," he said, still kneeling on the roof and when he tried to hold out his hand for her to shake, he fell off and on his face.
"…You okay there, big guy?" she asked.
"Yes, I do that a lot," he told her and stood up slowly, "I am Caboose!"
"Good name…" she said, "You are definitely at the end of the train there."
"Train? There is no train…is there? Is there a train?" he asked excitedly, "If there is, I want to ride the choo-choo train!"
"Caboose, is Donut out there? We need everyone inside to…talk…about…" Church began slowing his tirade as he saw Louise.
"Hi!" she said, her more sociable nature coming out.
"Uh…hi…" Church responded.
"I'm Louise and I'm Doc's little sister!" she said.
"You mean the useless medic?" Church asked, his gun lowering down to the ground.
"Yes," she answered, "From what Mister…um…Donut has told me, O'Malley uses my brother to come down here to kill you guys occasionally so I'm going to wait here, get O'Malley out of his head, and then bring my brother back home."
"Doc's sister …you know, he never told you about us…" Church thought out loud.
"Yeah…he doesn't like mentioning me because I outshine him in everything," Louise shrugged, "I finished medical school, got into a training program and an AI. I'm both a medic and a fighter...my brother…he's the pacifist idiot of the family…"
"I see…" Church said, "Well…I guess if you're not going to kill anyone…"
"Can I stay?" she beat him to the question as he pondered.
"Uh…you're a medic…right? Like, a good one?" asked Church.
"Of course," she told him.
"We need you to help take care of Junior, you know, like a nurse, baby-sitter thing…" Church said.
"Alright, I love kids!" she said, "Where is the little guy?"
"Bow-chicka honk-honk!" Junior jumped off the roof and landed in Louise's arms.
"Junior, what did I tell you about running off of buildings?" Tucker shouted, but stopped as he saw Louise's shape from the roof, "Wow…good pick, son…bow-chicka-"
"Tucker, shut up," Church yelled at him, "So…I guess you're qualified." Junior was currently delving into her breast plate, snuggling up to his new nurse.
"Great…a baby…I hate babies…" Ben grumbled, disliking the feeling of the alien baby grasping the armor.
"Oh, oh, oh, so do I," Caboose turned to Louise, "We are going to be great friends!" Louise edged away from Caboose a little, but looked to the baby. It was alien and she wasn't too clear on taking care of alien babies.
"Well…um…I guess you're kind of cute…" she said, her finger coming up and tickling the baby under the chin, "Junior, huh? I'm Louise…ow!" It bit her, but then began sucking on the finger.
"Um…who's the mother? He seems hungry…" she said, everyone looking at Tucker who backed away a bit, "I know who the father is, but who's-"
"That…was the mother…" Church said.
"Yes, Tucker got pregnant! I do not want to get pregnant!" Caboose yelled.
"Caboose, that was a one-time thing, it was an alien, and it put a parasite in him. Guys…don't…get…pregnant," Church said the last sentence slowly and emphasized each word to get it into Caboose's thick skull, "I thought we got over that when we read...the...ahem...book."
"Oh…well, I just wanted to stay I didn't want to get pregnant…because I don't…" Caboose spoke up.
"Um…then what does…the little…guy…feed…on…?" her look went down as she felt an odd light-headed feeling, "What…the fuck?" It was sucking her blood through her finger, hungry and accepting the proffered joint. After peeling off the protective black mesh cloth from the finger, he began feeding. It was pretty content, but she felt a little woozy as she couldn't pull her finger out of its mouth.
"Jesus…" she said before staggering over to Caboose. He caught her as she fell against him, the baby between them both as it continued to suck the blood out of her.
"…Is she sleeping? Nap time is not now!" Caboose said in whispered yell again, shaking her a bit, "…She is warm…and everyone is staring at me again…I love that part!"
"Junior, the nice lady agreed to baby sit you, down," Tucker pulled Junior off of her finger and Caboose continued to hold Louise, "And Caboose, take the woman into my room and then-"
"Tucker, no," Church reprimanded, "Caboose, I think you should hide her for a while. We need to calm down the Reds." Church ran back inside, but came out again.
"Donut…you included," Church called, and Donut ran in with him, Tucker going after both to get Junior back into bed.
"Um, yeah, guys? Guys? What do I do with the sleeping lady?" asked Caboose, his whispered yell unnoticed. He looked down at the girl, her finger bleeding freely and faint in his arms. Caboose looked around, and then stuck the finger in his mouth after taking off his helmet.
"Ugh…what the hell…is the baby still draining my finger?!?" she pulled herself away and jerked her finger away, holding it protectively, "And what the hell were you doing? Copying it?"
"…I didn't have any orange juice…" Caboose explained, quickly putting the helmet back on and confusing Louise.
"Why the hell would I need orange juice?" she snapped at him, patching her skin and mesh back up, "…You know what, don't answer that…" They both heard yells coming from inside the base, Sarge coming out and arguing with Church.
"You were planning this all along, you fiendish devils you!" he said, "You were plotting and scheming to destroy us with this girl!"
"No, she's looking for that retarded fucktard of a medic, the one that's with O'Malley right now," Church explained, "And she's right there." Everyone filed out of the Blue Base as they took in the sight of Louise. Tex stared at Louise, Louise staring back.
"…Allison?" Louise asked, cocking her head as her normal nature returned.
"…Carolina?" Tex asked back, coming up, "What are you doing here?"
"Remember when we were training together and I told you about my brother? And my twin sister, SC, South Carolina?" Louise inquired, Tex nodding.
"Yeah, you were in the program with your sister, two Carolinas…sorry about your sister's death…" Tex apologized.
"It's alright, she's in a better place now," Louise forgave, "Thanks for getting her killed…sorry, I still have Ben with me…"
"You mean that really sarcastic AI?" she asked.
"I'm right here, bitch!" Ben screeched, "Thanks for the compliment!"
"Sarcastic as ever," Tex said, "Well, you know about O'Malley and Wyoming?"
"Um…O'Malley, yes…Wyoming, that prick…no, but I'd love to rip that guy's head off!" she said with a smile, "That is something both me and Ben agree on for once."
"And…York…" Tex apologized again, Louise's smile dropping. Her helmet was on, but by the silence, everyone knew she was thinking about the dead freelancer and thief. She felt a tear come from her eye. Tex knew that she had liked him.
"Yeah…by the way, how's it going with your boyfriend? Are you still…uh…how can I put it…'cuckolding' him?" Louise asked, everyone going silent with awkwardness, "…Oh…wait a minute…" She turned to Church and pondered.
"Your…name…is…Church…like…Tex's…" she was supremely embarrassed now, "Hey, Caboose, you mind getting Junior back here? I wanna get knocked out by extreme blood loss. Just don't suck my finger again."
"Yes, purple lady!" he said, Tucker chasing after Caboose as he went to fulfill her wishes.
"What the hell is 'cuckolding'?" asked Grif.
"Means cheating, sleeping with other people other than your wife or husband…" Simmons said, everyone turning to look at Louise. She turned invisible and ran away, Tex going invisible and tracking her down.
"Wow…that was weird…" Donut remarked, everyone turning to look at him, "What? By the way, does anyone notice that all the scary and really dangerous people are gone form the Blue Team?" Sarge and the rest of the Reds turned slowly to look at Church, who gave a short 'shit' before backing away slowly. Meanwhile, Tex and Louise were talking.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized.
"Ah, it's all right, I dumped him a long time ago," Tex said smugly.
"Oh, well then, good for you," Louise congratulated, but then gave a sad frown, "Tell me…how did York die?"
"I don't think we should discuss that…" Tex advised, "Ok, what I'm going to say is corny, but…we have to remember people by how they lived, not how they died…right?" Louise stared for a moment before giving a cute giggle.
"You're right," she said, "That was corny!"
"Shut up, Carolina," Tex grumbled, "Besides, I want to get back before they murder my ex…again…"
"Again?" she asked.
"Yeah, we're both dead, these bodies are robots and we possessed them," Tex explained.
"…Okay…" she said, taking the same response Tex had whenever Tex was presented with a really weird situation, since they were both trained in the same program.
"C'mon," Tex called out, leading Louise back to the base. When they came back, all hell had broken loose and the Reds were chasing Church who was calling for Sheila, Tucker, Caboose, hell, anyone.
"Shit!" he cursed, running away into the Blue Base with Caboose and Tucker running out the other side along with Church, being chased by the rest of the Reds.
"Keep on soldiers! We're going to win this war!" Sarge roared with triumph, but stopped as the guys ran towards Louise and Tex. They turned tail and ran, scared of the dangerous freelancers.
"…Does this happen everyday?" Louise asked.
"Pretty much…" Tex sighed, the guys walking back with the two girls back to the base, Sister greeting them from the top of the base. It was going to be interesting with having 2 kick-ass chicks instead of one at the Blue Base…
Caboose: Are you sure you do not want orange juice?
Louise: Yes, Caboose, I am very sure that I do not...want orange juice.
chiv-id: Whelps, another chapter done!
Church: Jeez, thanks, Reds, I got dirt and grass stains everywhere when you guys were chasing me! Red sucks!
Grif: No, Blue sucks! Suck it Blue!
Tex: Stop fighting or I will kill every single one of you cockbites.
Grif and Church: Yes, ma'am.
chiv-id: Well, I've had enough, see y'all! Oh, and REVIEWS! NEED 'EM!!!