Enemy Action

Sam wandered into Daniel's office in search of him. The office was a cluttered mass of organized chaos as always. She saw no order to the stacks books and artifacts, however Daniel had to have a system because anytime she asked for anything he knew right where it was.


"Go away."

"Um...okay, you do know that we've got a mission to get to in about fifteen minutes?"

"No way. I'm not going."

"Care to talk about it?"

"No." Daniel huffed. "I'm just going to stay right here."

"Um...for how long?"


"Forever?" Sam repeated.


"Under your desk?" Sam questioned skeptically.

"It's safe."

"Safe from what?"




"Daniel, what are you talking about?"

"Sam, have you noticed the turn my luck has taken lately?" Daniel asked as he peeked out at her from behind the large wooden desk.

"It's no worse than normal, is it?"

"Sam, in the past year I have been shot, pierced, broken nearly every major bone, paralyzed, drown, strung up, invaded by memory sucking Nanites, forced to drink blood, sold, electrocuted, interrogated, infected, infested, tattooed, left out in the rain, been out of my mind, out of my body, inappropriately accosted by a large fox, turned into a fox, had my citizenship revoked, dragged around various placed by Gabriel, tortured by: Ba'al, Tefnut, Naga, Area 51, Jack..."

"General O'Neill has been torturing you?"

"On a daily basis."


"I'm serious, Sam, someone is out to get me. They must be." Daniel said firmly as he ducked back under the desk. "You know what they say: 'once is chance, twice is conscience, three times is enemy action'! Well I am waaaaay beyond enemy action at this point."

"Daniel, you can't honestly believe all of those things are connected."

"I do believe it. The way I figure it is either one or more of the Ascended Ancients is toying with me, or else someone somewhere out there gets a serious thrill out of seeing me suffer."

"No one enjoys seeing you suffer, Daniel." Sam sighed.

"You don't know that."

"Daniel, come out from under there, this is ridicul..."



"I don't believe it..." Daniel grumbled from under the desk. "I just got a splinter. It's probably going to get infected with some bizarre flesh eating bacteria."

Sam furrowed her brow and then slowly stepped out of Daniel's office. She made her way to the Gateroom where Teal'c was waiting for her in full gear. This was just a simple recon mission to look for a Naquadah deposit. There was no sign of life or even a past civilization on the planet so there really was no need of Daniel on this one.

Jack came into the Gateroom as the first Chevron was locking. He looked Sam and Teal'c over and then down at his watch. Looking over at the door he waited until the Event Horizon established before interrogating Sam.

"Carter, where's Daniel?"

"Under his desk, Sir."

"Under it? Why?"

"It's probably for the best."


Someone sent me a short story where Daniel was complaining about Fanfic writers 'whumping' on him and it made me realize that I am more guilty of this crime than most. So it gave me the idea for this one shot. All of the things that Daniel was complaining about are things that I have done to him during my year or so of Fanficing. Giggle. I hear 'Poor Daniel' a LOT.