title: call me
in the morning
pairing: Hmm. It's filed under Sasuke and Sakura because they were who I had in mind, but I suppose it could work for a few pairings…so, savor your flavor?
summary: I wanted to be your last love—but I'll settle for being your biggest regret.
notes: conversational-ish…piece. not my entry for illusioned's (SEAOTTERFLAILYFLAIL) challenge, as it may or may not be in the correct POV. Instead, consider it my practice piece. :DDD
I would dearly love some feedback on this particular piece. Tell me what worked, and what didn't.
And, a thank you for reading.
disclaimer: rawr. nope.
Look at me.
Yes, you. It's a simple enough directive, and you were top of the class. It shouldn't be that difficult.
No. No. Stop that. Don't roll your eyes. Don't scowl. Don't tell me this is…
Don't dismiss me. Please, just don't.
I'll take your sounds of frustration over your silent indifference, any day.
So please, just, let me have this, and look at me.
I want to know what I am to you.
Well, yes, maybe to you, it's stupid. And I'll admit that it no longer something I think about during my every waking moment. I'd like to think I've grown up a little since…well, I don't have to remind you. I'm sure you remember.
But even you have to admit—even if it is just to yourself because I'm sure you'll never give me the satisfaction—that I'm better than that. I'm better than who you remember.
Yeah, I said it. But you…you have yet to acknowledge it.
I'm not her. I'm not made of candy floss dreams, sugar-spun, and candy-sweet and so delicate I'll melt at the first sight of water under the bridge.
I've earned my place here. I'm somebody you should be proud to have at your side.
I don't dream of you.
I don't dream of your back, no matter how beautiful you are when you walk away from me.
Or your footsteps, the ones that ring hollow when you step into shadow.
Dramatic? Me? Maybe. But do shut up. This is my monologue, and I'm nowhere near done.
Sit down, dammit. You owe it to me to listen.
Get over—oh, if only it were that simple. We can't all be like you, my dearest heart, with your feelings stored in freezer bags to be applied liberally whenever we think we can spare the moment. Though wouldn't it be easier if I could?
And no, don't answer. That was rhetorical.
No, I don't think you're an idiot—just, could we get back to—
No, you're probably right. So unclench your fist and wipe that look off your face. You meant it—the least you could do is stand by it.
I know you'll never…I know. Just, forgive me if I can't repeat it, just yet. I will…I swear.
You've always been my…what? Oh, ha, no…not my destiny. From everything I've been told, that sort of thing has always been…er, well, mutual, I suppose is the best word. And, as you've made perfectly clear, I'm…not yours. So no, not my destiny.
I'm not as romantic as that.
I was going to say, you'll always be my weak spot. No, you're not weak, though I don't understand why you'd need my reassurance, anyway. You hear it enough at training.
But, I just…I could be as flawless as all perfection. Brighter than stars, and more beautiful than, oh I don't know—
Moonlight…yes…I—yes, more beautiful than moonlight, and yet, with you I'll...always falter. Will always be a little unsure.
I still love you.
Please, please…look at me. This is me, this is now. I am not asking for reciprocation. I'm not even asking for acceptance.
I just want your eyes on me. Just once.
I want you to look at me—not through me, damn you, and there's time enough for everything else later, I…I won't keep you much longer—there.
Now tell me. Who am I to you?
No. Don't. Don't. Don't you dare. I asked. And you answered.
Don't you dare apologize.
I won't either.
No, please, please, please…don't touch me. I…I just, I have to go. No, there's somewhere I need to…
Thank you. For answering me honestly.
But…I just, I want you to know, that…
One day, you're going to look for me, and I…won't be at your back. It won't be anything extraordinary. No lives hanging in the balance, no danger waiting in the wings. It will probably be something mundane, some everyday thing you take for granted, and you'll look for me, call my name, and I—
I won't be there.
No, this isn't a threat. Nothing like that. I'm a big girl. I can take rejection. This isn't revenge. It hasn't even happened, yet. I'm just…letting you know, I guess. I mean, yes, I…love you. And I might always.
And no, I'm not doing it to make you squirm. I guess…it's just nice that I can say it freely. But I'll stop, since it seems to be making you so uncomfortable.
You can open your eyes now, though I can't see how that would have helped to block out the sound of my voice.
But anyway, I can't—I mean, it would hardly be…
Just, I won't be there. And it's not like I plan not to be…just, that's how it's going to happen. And you'll look for me. Maybe not consciously, but you'll wonder where I've gone to, and why I'm not…just there.
And maybe…maybe you'll…
Well. I've kept you long enough. There was something you were meaning to do before I stopped you, wasn't there?
No, no. I'm just…I'm going to take a walk. It'll be nice. There's a breeze today. Best to take advantage of it. You…
Take care of yourself, yeah?
Yeah. Good night..? 8D
Do tell me what you think.