He looked back over the last decade or so of his life, wondering just when it had happened.
He knew for certain it wasn't love at first sight, hell it wasn't even lust at first sight, the way she walked into the room, and challenged him in front of his old team meant he was immediately disposed to dislike her, even if she hadn't had a chip on her shoulder the size of Mt Rushmore… which she had. Added to which he honestly thought he was incapable of feeling love, for anyone at that time, and for quite a bit after too.
He had been tempted to take up that arm wrestling challenge and break her damn wrist, that was how much she had annoyed him. He hated being forced into anything, and the fact that suddenly congress had lost their minds and allowed females on the front lines made him worried, as well as angry.
No matter how much she had a pair of silver bars on her uniform, he could NOT see her as a combatant! And so he would be babysitting her for the whole of the damn mission! Something that could jeopardise the lives of the whole damn team, just because some idiot in DC, who hadn't been closer to the front lines than CNN at 1800, wanted to treat women 'fairly'.
No it was definitely not that first meeting.
The first time he had looked at her with anything other than impatience or distain was when he threw out a random 'Carter' when they arrived on Chulak, and she had immediately sized the place up and summed the whole defence up in a single statement, "We could set up a line of claymores along that ridge at ten meter intervals." She had said, already reaching for the det cord. He remembered a feeling of… not so much being impressed by her knowledge, as… liking the way she thought.
He had felt a slight twitch of interest as the woman had placed the explosives around the bowl they were camped in. He told himself he was checking on her, making sure she knew what she was doing… the truth was, he really just loved blowing things up, and the thought of a woman being the one laying the charges interested him… he was probably sick and twisted, but somehow he thought it was hot! He got a thrill from detonating the charges in the faces of the advancing Jaffa, yeah he knew it was wrong, but he just loved blowing things up!
He had been royally pissed when the woman had gone missing from the tent on the Mongul planet, especially when her weapons were found left behind… no MAN he knew would have stripped themselves of all their defences, and he had planned on tearing her a new one when he caught up with her, so long as she was OK that was.
He had watched as she kicked the crap out of the chief of the tribe, from doubting she could stand up to him, to the pride he felt as she spared his life and saved the girl, he realised that there was something about this woman… something unlike anything he had ever come across before. And it interested him… but it still wasn't the time he was trying to find.
She had attacked him in the locker room… that was probably the first time lust had appeared. He didn't like aggressive women, he liked women to be WOMEN, not men with breasts, but the way she pressed against his body and threw him down on the bench so she could straddle him, was damn hot!
He had felt more than a twitch as she had ground against his groin, her hot centre pressing against his erection.
It had taken a hell of a lot of willpower to drag her down to the infirmary, especially as he hadn't had any since the night he had fucked that hooker, just after Charlie had died… and that had been more a cry of pain than a release.
He had just had to go out and find company the day the SGC was finally cleared, that was the first time he realised she was as damaged as he was. He had spotted her in a bar as he had looked for someone to take home, she was drinking shorts, he couldn't tell which, and he had been so damn tempted to go up to her and offer to sink his dick into her. But he didn't know how she would react, and before he moved another man approached her. The man was tall, lean, older than her by some margin, and Jack felt a bolt of envy for a split second as a hand wandered down to her leather mini skirt.
They spoke for a while and then they left together. He watched as she climbed into the mans car, leaving her own in the car park. He felt a twinge of concern, but hell, she was a big girl and she could look after herself. He had found company himself shortly after. 'Mandy' was blonde, tall slim and in a way reminded him of both Sarah and Sam, he had fucked her in the car park, not even bothering to take off a single item of clothing… needing the physical release inside a woman, rather than in his hand, more than he needed company.
She said nothing as he finished and removed the condom, throwing it into the bin close by, and it was only as she walked away from him he realised he had once more shouted his wifes name as he came… shit he had to stop it, he no longer lusted after Sarah, it was more a reflex than anything… and unless he intended to pay for sex for the rest of his life he had better curb it… or he would piss every woman in a 90 mile radius off so much his dick may never see action again.
The next day on base he acted as if he had never seen her the night before. He hadn't seen her in a tight skirt and low top… he hadn't seen her get into the mans car, and he definitely didn't know that she had picked the man up just for sex. Nope, Jack O'Neill knew nothing about his 2IC outside work!
He found his eyes wandering to her though as they sat through yet another briefing. Not easy as she was sat next to him, but as he turned in his chair to look at Daniel his leg brushed hers. She jerked back, his first response was anger. Why the hell had she moved so suddenly? It wasn't as if he was going to attack her!
Then his ears picked up her shortened breath as she seemed to concentrate on the folder on the table, his peripheral vision caught the rise and fall of her chest as she tried to take deep calming breaths, slowly he lowered his hands to cover his groin, wondering if he was reading the situation wrong… but he wasn't… her breathing sped up without contact this time… fuck! She was turned on! By HIM!
His body responded, after all she was a good looking woman, and what man in his right mind could fail to be turned on by the obvious arousal of someone like her?
His mind flew off, he could almost see her writhing under him as he sunk his dick into her, his groin ached as he could almost feel the wet tightness of her surrounding him… fuck he needed to go visit the locker room soon, unless that upgrade in quarters had come through. He could so use a private bathroom!
That night again he had seen her pick up a man. He had thrown his plans for the evening as she left the bar with the man, going home instead and settling for a tape of the Simpsons.
What the fucking hell had she seen in that crazy Mofo? He was short, ugly and thought he was God! For fucks sake if that was a taste of what turned her on he wanted off the list!
He had watched her closely, ever since General Hammond had mentioned their past history. He had heard rumours of Hansen when he was working in Europe. The man had always been just that bit closer to the edge than everyone else… Jack had managed to avoid working with him on several ops, and counted himself lucky. A hell of a lot of men had died on ops where Hansen had been involved, though he was never blamed or charged. There was a reason why he was still a Captain at his age though.
She had fixed the machine, and admitted after that she had had the opportunity to shoot him as she did so. Jack wasn't sure he could blame her for not killing the man, after all he doubted he could have shot Sarah, admitted she wasn't a crazy bastard, but even if she was he couldn't have done it.
He saw Sarah again soon after that, and somehow he was shocked. He had been married to the woman for almost 15 years, they had been split for less than a year, and somehow in that time his memory of her had changed, warped, drifted.
As he approached her in the hospital he realised he didn't know the woman facing him, and he knew she didn't know him!
He knew she hadn't changed, but he kept looking at her as if expecting features she didn't have to appear. It wasn't until he looked up and saw his 2IC over his wifes shoulder that he realised. He had been substituting certain attributes of the one woman onto the memory of the other.
He was using it as a way of avoiding admitting something deeply buried. He knew himself well enough to know what he was doing and why, he just avoided bringing it to the front of his mind and he could happily continue, because there was no way in hell that he felt that way about his second. No fucking way!
He couldn't meet her eyes after he returned to the SGC, Daniel had told him all about how she had worked on the nanites, and that she had also actually been the one to find him asleep on top the young woman who had fed him the cake.
He wouldn't have minded, but Kynthia wasn't even his damn type! He liked blondes, tall ones, and the small brunette, though pretty, had not really attracted him any more than any other.
He had remembered getting into bed with her, and finding out she was a virgin, something that had shocked him. But by that time he was too far gone to care, he just wanted release… and if he couldn't even admit it to himself it didn't mean that he didn't subconsciously realise the vision of the fair haired, blue eyed woman under him was just wishful thinking. And the fact that he had called 'Sam' as he came… nope, denial was his middle name!
Nope, no way was he picturing Carter as he had thrust into the willing body below. Nope, nada, not! So why the hell couldn't he look her in the eye?
He accessed her personnel file after he returned. Finding her address. Daniel made sure he knew that none of the team had left the base while he was away, so as soon as he was cleared he headed for the surface, and drove around to her house.
As he pulled into the street he saw her, she was in skin tight leathers, a damn S&M dream! Her legs seemed to go right to her armpits as the tight black animal skin moved with her, her firm, tight rear was so damn visible under the bottom of the jacket, he wanted to sink into her. He was sure he could make her lose it and scream!
She mounted a bike… fuck that was hot! The way she moved her legs apart over the machine made him glad he was driving a truck… he would have been in considerable pain if it had been him on the bike.
He followed her as she sped out of the springs, heading towards Denver. She pulled into a seedy looking bar, the presence of almost a hundred bikes and not a single car in the car park stating what sort of place it was.
He pulled his own leather from the back of the vehicle and parked around the side and went into the smoke and sweat filled atmosphere.
She was on the dance floor, God alone knew where her jacket had gone, but he didn't care! Her 'top' was little more than a bra, and she pushed herself into the pulse of the music coming from the speakers.
A man grabbed her arm, she looked at him and shook her head. He let her go and moved back into the crowd, to the hoots and hollers of his friends.
Jack ordered a beer and watched the dance floor. A redhead that was close to Carter was grabbed by a man, she nodded and they left towards the back of the room. So it was like a meat market, though the woman had a choice, the dance floor was a display, designed to attract a man.
Jack emptied his bottle as another man approached Carter. This one she nodded to and he pulled her out from the dance and towards the back of the joint.
"I hope she likes it rough!" Jack heard a man shout at his friends close by as the couple pushed their way through the crowd "Cos Bill there only knows one way of fucking a woman" the men laughed, Jack pushed his way through the crowd, desperate to get to her before something happened.
He felt his temper rise, what the hell was she playing at, going off with a man she had only just met? His logical brain refused to acknowledge all the times he had persuaded a woman to part her legs on as short an acquaintanceship.
He heard a thud from the room beyond the toilets. The corridor was very narrow, he had to push past a man coming out of the nearer room, he was still tucking himself in as Jack pushed him aside, a glare soon silenced the mans verbal objections as Jack reached the place he was after.
He opened the door with a slam, and there on the floor, was the man he had feared was going to hurt his woman. Her booted foot was on his throat, his arm twisted painfully in her grip.
She had looked up sharply as he entered, probably expecting him to be back up for the man, but she relaxed and grinned, a feral looking grin, as she recognised the intruder.
"Come to 'rescue' me have you sir?" she asked, twisting the mans arm and causing him to grunt in pain.
"Thought about it Carter" he said… he could do nonchalance.
"Well, don't think I need any" she said, stepping away from the man, he rolled onto his back, nursing his arm as she stepped forwards and kicked him right in the balls. Jack winced.
The man cried out and folded into a foetal position. Jack stood away from the door and gestured to the escape route. "On your way before I let her castrate you" he said, the man staggered to his feet and stumbled out of the small room.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, no 'sir' this time he noticed.
"I was on my way to your house when I saw you pull out" he said, moving toward her, she stepped back a pace. "I followed you here, you know you really shouldn't pick up strange men just for a fuck" she looked at him as if she had never had such a thought, and had never heard such language. She took another step back.
"You're a fine candidate to talk" she said "just how long did you know the last woman you had before you were inside her? 5 minutes? 10?" he took another couple of steps forwards, the small side table along the wall meant she had no clear way past him now.
"We aren't talking about me" he said, her breathing was rapid and the swell of her breasts as she tried to get enough oxygen made him more than notice the tiny top she was wearing. Damn he was hard.
"We aren't talking about me either, I got nothing to say" she said, trying to move past him. He put his arm out to bar her way and she came to a halt millimetres from touching him. Her jaw clenched and he could she was getting mad. "Mind moving that arm?" she said her voice tightly controlled.
He brought it forward, his wrist and the inside of his elbow both touching her breast as he pushed her slightly backwards, into the wall. He followed his limb, his body pressing against the woman and forcing her legs apart by thrusting one of his between hers.
She gasped, her pupils dilated and her breath got even more rapid. "Don't play game SIR" she said, he grabbed her jaw and forced her to look at him.
"No games Carter" he said. He lowered his head and took her mouth with his. He felt if he didn't do something soon his damn dick would explode, it was that hard.
He was surprised when she melted into the kiss. He had expected her to be hard, demanding, everything that the leather gear and the broca virus had led him to believe that she was, but she wasn't!
She was soft, she moaned softly when his tongue pushed into her mouth and she tasted sweet, wholesome… like coffee and cream.
He had planned on making her a deal, that they would come to each other when they needed sex, an exclusive, secret, deal that would satisfy them both without the risk of STDs, the check ups at the base made sure they were both clean. But the way she reacted changed everything!
That was it! He thought as he pushed into his wife below him, almost 10 years later, that was the moment he fell in love with her, the second she surrendered herself to him and made him realise that she already loved him!
He wondered how many people after 10 years of being together still got the same thrill as the first time? Sex with Carter, that first time had been amazing, but making love to her less than a few hours later once they got back to his place, was a whole other level of experience.
She opened her glorious eyes, the blue reminded him of the ocean, just the other side of the wall, a lot of Atlantis was blue, and he had noticed the very first time he had visited after she had been given command how much the colour had made her eyes more piercing.
She smiled at him and reached up to pull his head down to her mouth, he thrust his tongue into her with the same rhythm as he pushed his dick into her, he felt her start to shake, the rings of muscles that he was penetrating started contracting and he felt his overwhelming love for her as she screamed into his shoulder and he let go his control and flooded her.
He collapsed to one side, pulling her to him.
"So?" she asked, his brain had melted, why did she always ask him things when they were making love? Or just after when he was still a pile of goo? What was the question? … oh yes, that was it.
"When did I first realise I loved you?" he said, pretending to think "about five minutes after we met" Ok so he knew it wasn't strictly fact… but he surely got something for the romance of the statement, she would probably kill him if he told her the truth!